Example of how most men value looks over intelligence

[violingirl]

Having been in and argued in the NY Courts, the attention she got seems to be a case of a bunch of lawyers seeking to get a client, not a date.

 

I've never seen a man, any man, suceessfully pull a woman out of a herd of other men and get a date. I have however seen a lawyer get a client out of such a cattle call.

 

I think the men you are seeking are the oens who are seeking the combination of looks, intelligence, character, etc., that you represent.

 

Some men will like what she represents, some will like what you represent. The same men will not seek the two of you for any long term thing.

 

Are you an attorney? I wonder if I've ever seen you around in court.

 

I don't think that those guys were trying to retain her as a client. I doubt that they would be making comments about how "hot" she is if that were the case.

 

I hope that there are some men out there who are looking for a woman like me. I'll believe it when I see it. It's just so depressing, because it's been so long since I've been in a relationship.

 

I wish that I'd had the guts to approach that cute attorney today. It just wasn't the right time to do so, as I was trying to concentrate on what I had to do professionally. I was listening in on his conversation, and he seemed quite intelligent.

[servedcold]

Eh, people are generally shallow. I've been privy to some brutal conversations among groups of female friends rating guys based on their earning/inheriting potential that would literally raise the hair on your head.

 

My ex hated the fact that she couldn't control me with her looks, but that I was taken with her intellect and wit, the looks were easy for her, being bright and witty enough to keep me interested took more work...

[cristalgold]

She had actually signed a stipulation (written agreement settling the case) in the middle of trial in 2005 (she had an attorney then) in which she agreed to vacate and surrender possession of the apartment in January 2007 and withdrew all of her defenses and claims in the case, among other things. Of course, she didn't vacate the apartment. Since the beginning of the year, she has been trying to set aside the stipulation, on grounds that she didn't have the mental capacity to enter into the stipulation in 2005 (not true and there is no proof of that). She also raised some other irrelevant stuff that is too convoluted to go into here.

.

 

She can't be that dumb. She found a way to stay an extra 9 months. LOL.

 

I get what you're saying, but in her defense she wasn't trained to be a lawyer. You never know. She may be extremely smart at something else. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

 

 

Are you feeling insignificant because your colleagues expressed so much interest in her?

[jettison]

Are you an attorney? I wonder if I've ever seen you around in court.

 

I don't think that those guys were trying to retain her as a client. I doubt that they would be making comments about how "hot" she is if that were the case.

 

I hope that there are some men out there who are looking for a woman like me. I'll believe it when I see it. It's just so depressing, because it's been so long since I've been in a relationship.

 

I wish that I'd had the guts to approach that cute attorney today. It just wasn't the right time to do so, as I was trying to concentrate on what I had to do professionally. I was listening in on his conversation, and he seemed quite intelligent.

 

So, you wanted the attention of the "cute" attorney heh? So, it's the "cute one" that caught your attention? The cute one that had your ear to the point where you wanted to listen in on his conversation? Are you not sensing any irony here? You're doing exactly what you're accusing men of doing. Same standards for you.

[Beec]

I litigate, but I doubt we have been in Court together. My cases are usually in the federal courts.

 

Don't get too desparate for a relationship, that will work against you.

 

The real question is where are you going and what are you doing to meet men. I don't think Centre St. is a hot spot.

[itsallgrand]

The problem seems to me that you are chasing or caring what an ATTORNEY thinks. hahaha.

 

Seriously. There aren't jokes about that profession for nothing. If I were to use that as an accurate cross section of reality, damn, I'd be in the nut house.

[Batya33]

I have several friends and family members who are attorneys. There are jokes about the profession because attorneys are often in the limelight and are inaccurately perceived as being hired guns. Since there are a few bad apples just like there are in any profession or field, they are more often targeted because of the nature of one particular type of attorney (litigators who go to court and court proceedings are public/often make the news).

 

One of my attorney friends has been working around the clock, for free, to help a child not to have to go live with her abusive father. Without her license she would be unable to help the child. Many more examples like that.

[melrich]

It just goes to show that most men who are my equals professionally only care about looks, not intelligence.

 

I don't think that is what it says.

[annie24]

Maybe she got more ogling today, but if these men had a choice between hiring you or her, who do you think they would choose? (assuming she is a ditz and you are a competent lawyer.)

[violingirl]

So, you wanted the attention of the "cute" attorney heh? So, it's the "cute one" that caught your attention? The cute one that had your ear to the point where you wanted to listen in on his conversation? Are you not sensing any irony here? You're doing exactly what you're accusing men of doing. Same standards for you.

 

It's a bit different. He was a bit overweight, about 5'8", had grey hair and did not have classically handsome features - definitely not the hunky, Brad Pitt type (which has actually never appealed to me). But he was definitely my type and seemed cute to me.

[jettison]

It's a bit different. He was a bit overweight, about 5'8", had grey hair and did not have classically handsome features - definitely not the hunky, Brad Pitt type (which has actually never appealed to me). But he was definitely my type and seemed cute to me.

 

Fair enough. So, what if your type was the "classically handsome" type... would we have a case? ;-)

 

No one is capable of changing their biology without some pretty extravagant meddling. We're all just elements in a sea of enthalpic organic compounds. Why question it? If you're attracted to someone, no matter the basis, you just are. It's nothing to fret about. I'm quite sure that you know countless incredibly intelligent men that you aren't even remotely attracted to. And beyond that, you probably know some classically attractive men who are also quite intelligent, and you STILL don't want to bang them. Our immediately indentifiable lust chemicals can't be changed just by thinking it through. You are or you aren't.

[violingirl]

Maybe she got more ogling today, but if these men had a choice between hiring you or her, who do you think they would choose? (assuming she is a ditz and you are a competent lawyer.)

 

I'm sure they would hire me over her (I have confidence in my abilities as an attorney), but I doubt that they would date/have a relationship with me over her.

 

I already have a job. I want a man in my life, too.

[annie24]

What are they supposed to say? "Check out the LSAT scores on THAT woman!!!" Some guys just want arm candy, but that isn't you, so who cares about them? Spend time doing things where you will meet men more in line with your way of thinking and where they can get to know you naturally. Remember, not all men want a size 0.

 

Do you think your appearance needs improving? (btw, i have no idea what you look like.)

[fnlyfrei]

I think there are many different kinds of intelligence, and levels. Perhaps a woman who wears a size zero, cakes on makeup and uses her sexuality to her advantage...or tries to....is just utilizing what she has. Some women have never been taught that above their hairline is a brain worth working...which I guess as fellow females, we should feel compassionate about. I had a boyfriend who told me if his daughters were cute, they didn't need much else. .. brains didn't really matter...I wanted to rip his face off ! So many little girls are praised more for being "cute" and no one seems to care if they are good at math or science. In the school I work in, it is sometimes cultural. I hope more people are raising their daughters to be thinking human beings instead of barbie dolls waiting for Ken to ride up on his plastic horse and carry her to the malibu castle. This poor woman probably had lots of barbies as a child. No malibu castle for her NOW though....eh?

[violingirl]

What are they supposed to say? "Check out the LSAT scores on THAT woman!!!" Some guys just want arm candy, but that isn't you, so who cares about them? Spend time doing things where you will meet men more in line with your way of thinking and where they can get to know you naturally. Remember, not all men want a size 0.

 

Do you think your appearance needs improving? (btw, i have no idea what you look like.)

 

I suppose that they could say, "She has a great head on her shoulders. She really kicked butt in that argument. I admire that. She's seems like someone I'd like to get to know." But that's not going to happen.

 

About my appearance - I am certainly not beautiful, nor do I really consider myself really pretty. I've never had guys lining up to date me or hanging all over me (I wish). In 32 years, I've only had one serious, long-term relationship that ended very badly (see my prior posts), plus a few shorter ones - not by my own choice - so I've never experienced being the "center of attention" or the "desired one."

 

Yes, I admit that I am jealous of women who do attract that kind of attention and who have no problem finding a relationship. It's just been really difficult for me, especially in the past 2 1/2 years. I haven't been able to find another relationship, no matter what I've done. I feel like I'm invisible to men.

[RayKay]

Yes, I admit that I am jealous of women who do attract that kind of attention and who have no problem finding a relationship

 

Think of it this way...if a man is only interested in you because of your looks, is that really the man you want to be with anyway?

 

Sometimes all that attention is not what it is cracked up to be....(and more so when others seem to think you are ONLY about looks!).

 

You are young honey, believe me I know plenty of people whom did not meet the ones they married or that were right for them until they were into their 30's or 40's and beyond.

 

Sometimes the key is to try a little less hard

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Exactly. Look at Anna Nicole Smith...she had beauty but not much in the way of brains...so she got taken advantage of by men who were captivated by her beauty...like the woman she was trying to emulate (Marilyn Monroe)...both miserably unhappy and died young. Then there is Princess Diana...she certainly got used by men for her beauty (and connections). I doubt very much if Dodi Fayed was in love with her (I believe he was a playboy). Girls need to be encouraged to have brains so that they don't have to rely on men to "take care of them".

[annie24]

You could make some simple changes and become better looking and improve your self-confidence. Go to the makeup counter and have them do a free makeover on you, give you some makeup application tips. Have a personal shopper help you find some great professional looks that make you look good also. Hit the gym more often, slim down. Grow your hair long and paint your nails. Doing things like this can get you more looks from men. Like jettison (i think it was) who said, we are wired to look at pretty shiny things, whether cars or jewlery or people.

[fnlyfrei]

I picture you in a plain business-type woman's attorney suit with your hair up in a bun and glasses, briefcase and a pile of papers in your arm...unsmiling.

You need to take some belly-dancing classes from annie, let down your hair and sex it up girl ! Just 'cause you are smart doesn't mean you can't be "hot"....I think in the spirit of Olivia Newton John in "Grease" after her transformation..that's all you need. A new attitude.

[violingirl]

I picture you in a plain business-type woman's attorney suit with your hair up in a bun and glasses, briefcase and a pile of papers in your arm...unsmiling.

You need to take some belly-dancing classes from annie, let down your hair and sex it up girl ! Just 'cause you are smart doesn't mean you can't be "hot"....I think in the spirit of Olivia Newton John in "Grease" after her transformation..that's all you need. A new attitude.

 

I'm not THAT bad, but I'll never be beautiful. No bun or glasses here, but suits are suits. I should lose some weight, but my hours are so long that I don't have much time to exercise (only twice a week these days, and I do a lot of walking on my commute).

 

I have no idea how to get a new attitude. Considering how lousy my non-existent romantic life has been for over 2 1/2 years, I have no hope or optimism left. It's been sucked dry.

[annie24]

Some suits are nicer than other suits, and pair them with high heels, and a nicely cut blouse underneath that you can see when you take off your jacket. there must be time somewhere to get more exercise, and you can focus on eating better to slim down. really, makeup and the right haircut can do A LOT.

[fnlyfrei]

I'm not THAT bad, but I'll never be beautiful. No bun or glasses here, but suits are suits. I should lose some weight, but my hours are so long that I don't have much time to exercise (only twice a week these days, and I do a lot of walking on my commute).

 

I have no idea how to get a new attitude. Considering how lousy my non-existent romantic life has been for over 2 1/2 years, I have no hope or optimism left. It's been sucked dry.

 

Okay, in that statement....what about that attitude would attract a man? Cept maybe that you work really hard and do not seem to take much time out of your job to enjoy yourself. I have gained weight myself...and I know I need to MAKE and TAKE time out of my busy life to work out. Nothing will change until you do something. Wish you lived here. We could be work out buddies.

You could be beautiful. I know you could. Unless perhaps you have a huge goiter or a hump on your back...beautiful isn't all the outside...it's the happiness and confidence with yourself..that comes from the inside. Go to the body for life website...very inspiring. link removed

[Beec]

violingirl,

 

OK, so maybe you should lose few pounds and get some exercise. frankly, time is not a real excuse. What time do you get into the office? 9:00? I am up and working our many days by 6:30 to make time. Make it.

 

Second, rent yourself some old movies. Movies with female stars that were sexy and did not have it all hanging out all over the place. Watch how those women move, their walks, the posture, the looks they give. And read up on link removed, maybe something like this: link removed. When I know women who cannot get men, I usually see women who have bady body langauge, and it usually says stay away from me. it does not say, hey come on over and say hello, I am friendly.

[annie24]

I suppose that they could say, "She has a great head on her shoulders. She really kicked butt in that argument. I admire that. She's seems like someone I'd like to get to know." But that's not going to happen.

 

do you ever say to yourself, "He did a really great job on that TPS report. I want to go on a date with him!" or do you ever want to date a man just because he has a good job? Likely not. You notice someone you find attractive first, even if he is not a "brad pitt" type, maybe he has something you find cute or interesting (like you mentioned that other guy). then you spend a little time with him and see that he is funny or interesting or smart. Not saying that looks are important and personality is not, just saying that there needs to be a "hook" of sorts. Maybe a man heard you argue your case and he was impressed, in the way that he might offer you a job one day, but not in the way that he was moved to ask you out on a date.

[JadedStar]

I personally find it silly when just because a professional like an attorney is a woman she is labeled as "intimidating" when if a man acts exactly the same way he is just behaving normally. I am a professional, always worked with a lot of men in the same profession, always dated highly intelligent/successful men and I know that I've never intimidated someone who would be right for me - meaning yes I might intimidate someone who is painfully insecure but that person would not be a good match for me as a friend or a date. In that case the person is intimidated not "because" of me but because he (or she) is scared of his own shadow.

 

 

I agree.

 

And I have mixed feelings about this post. I am wondering - what is the bigger wrong here, someone getting attention solely for her looks, or putting another human down and calling them stupid?

 

Is it only intelligent people who deserve the attention? Isn't saying something like that also as narrow minded as what you are saying these male attorneys were doing?

 

Everyone likes to look at attractive people and things. Fact of life. I think that intelligence is also about knowing what we can change and what we can't, and making the most of what falls into that latter category.