Example of how most men value looks over intelligence

[Batya33]

Cimmie, I understand that you generalize from your experiences and that I have had very different experiences. I can relate to having grown up in a dysfunctional famly - one of the best experiences was being able to forgive my father as I got older.

[Taomagicdragon]

I went through something similar. My father sexually abused me for years as a child, he'd force me into that state of vulnerabilty, take advantage of me, then dehumanize me afterwards. With my girlfriend, she had to work a bit to get me to allow any intimacy, and it still sometimes hard for me but progress is being made (I still am against sex, however, as jsut broachign the topic with her puts me in a bad place of hurt). Her and I rely and support eachother 100% and whether we're talking about politics to our own made up lovey-dovey language to Keats and Byron, we enjoy and are stimulated mentally and emotionally together.

 

Just remember, whatever men are capable of, so are women, be it good or bad.

[Cimmie]

The difference is hormonal and physiological. The fact that men have penises and that penises are essentially weapons (don't actually mean to sound like a member of S.C.U.M. here ;-)) makes a substantial difference. Men do more damage.

 

My argument is perhaps that society (and some of us women) expect too much of men, against all the evidence. Maybe expecting less of them would do us all a big favour.

 

Violingirl: commitment fears, emotional cowardice - this sounds so familiar to me. I am wondering if there are any men who are NOT like this. My ex was incapable of commitment. He wanted to be married to his mother, essentially. And for all i know, he now is.

 

My great-grandmother (who married a violent alcoholic who abused her and her three children) had a great saying about men: 'the best of them are only middling'.

[Batya33]

Others would say that the woman's feminine counterpart can "engulf" and that if you're evaluating "damage" a woman has the power to give birth over a man's "veto" and change his life forever not always for the good.

 

But that's if I were to do that kind of comparison - I don't - just supplying another perspective.

[JadedStar]

Cimmie, I understand that you generalize from your experiences and that I have had very different experiences. I can relate to having grown up in a dysfunctional famly - one of the best experiences was being able to forgive my father as I got older.

 

Same as me.

 

I forgave both of my parents when i got older. I didn't see the value in being bitter about the past. They were young and made a lot of mistakes. I could walk around bitter and blame my issues on them, instead i chose to work on my issues and forgive them.

 

I am glad i chose that route because today i really care about them both. I thought i really hated them for years. Sometimes we just grow up smarter than our parents. I hope my kids grow up to be smarter than me too.

 

So I agree with you and one of my best experiences was forgiving my parents too. Its funny how releasing bitterness really takes a weight off your shoulders. To this day i try not too hold anger to long against anybody.

 

I always say when we are 20 we can blame our parents. when we are are beyond 30 we have to take our own blame for issues as there are resources available to help ourselves.

[Cimmie]

Got parents? You'll never lack a scapegoat, he he. I guess that's why I'm ok at this point with the idea of never having children myself.

 

I agree about personal responsiblity. You have to own your own screwed-upness.

 

What fun life is! Wheeee!

[summerpeach]

Cimmie, you made this thread very interested. Thanks for some great posts.

You're a smart cookie