lonelynshy

Umm...why would a guy want a sour and corrupt girl? I don't blame you for asking though. I have seen some girls who detest 'sweet and innocent' guys and prefer 'bad guys'.

So you mean that you value virginity in a guy? Just to clarify,when I said that girls don't appreciate virginity,I referred to both their own and their (future) partner's status. Here's how I think. Being a virgin, I can only be with a virgin. If I was a non-virgin,I can be with both virgins or non virgins. Since there are very few virgin women over 20,my odds of finding a suitable partner are very very low. I have a better chance of winning the lottery.

I have seen a lot of girls saying that their dream guy should be unselfish, kind, trustworthy,honest, friendly, intelligent,,etc. You know,all the cliched stuff. And I would say the same about what I expect in girls. But I would sincerely like to know if these girls also practise what they preach. If they get an understanding,accomodative guy,do they take advantage of him and boss over him? Or do they jointly take control? If he is honest,do they take that as a ticket to cheat on him knowing that he won't do the same and may be forgiving? Perhaps my view is jaundiced because all these things happened to me in my first (and last) relationship I had. I hope all girls are not like that. I also detest girls who play the abuse card if a guy stands up to them,argues with them or defends his rights. Scenario: Girl cheats on Guy A and has a fling with Guy B. Guy A gets hurt and then angry and confronts her. She regrets what she did but also resents having to carry the guilt,thereforeeee she bursts into tears and accuses Guy A of emotionally harassing her and not forgiving her. This is soooooooo common and the girl usually gets away with it as the sole winner. And here's something that many guys won't agree with me on. I LIKE possessive girls (as long as it isn't extreme). I am slightly possessive too and maybe that is why I am attracted to girls of the same type.

Hey Outlaw,I can relate. A lot of people(girls) think I'm not good-looking either. Nobody has called me downright "ugly" but they don't really think I'm average either. Even though my facial features are OK, my short skinny build ruins it all.

OK,I have a lot of posts to catch up on PAdreamer (would you mind if I called you by some other name???) and all other girls here,do you think a guy looks dorky and geeky if he wears braces? You know,the mouth hardware. I thought things were going bad enough for me as it is and now my family persuaded me to get braces and now I have zero chance of attracting any girls. Yeah,maybe I'll have a nice smile in the next century but I don't care about that! It's the early 20's that are most important for dating,right? If I miss out now,I'll be permanently left behind in the race. Actually there's nothing I can do about anything now but I just wanted to vent.

I don't know what was going on over there but I'm glad there's a new one started and I hope everyone who contributed to it would please join in here well I don't know what else there is for me to say but hang in there all you nice guys and nice girls and hopefully i may strike gold (y'know what i mean) this coming year at university and i'll let you all know if i do. and if i don't...well i'll be sure to let you all know in that case too!

Hello,I have a query regarding "being yourself". A lot of you probably remember my comments on me wanting a virgin because I would not be comfortable with a girl who is not. Would you think I do myself proud by sticking to my morals or am I just being fastidious? (BTW,I am NOT putting down anyone who is not a virgin,girl or guy. It's just that it's my personal preference in a relationship,at least my first real relationship). That then brings up another doubt in me-should I just lose it once and for all to widen the field? Does that mean I'm now 'joining em' because I can't 'beat em'? I mean,there are some beliefs I have that put me in a tiny minority and one of my guy friends told me I was doomed to be a lonely bachelor for life unless I changed my ideas. But I simply can't. Thank you frail,PAdreamer,Outlaw,Jake and everyone else for your support. I really appreciate it.

Hey I really like your analogy about bin Laden apologizing. That's exactly how ridiculous it sounds when the so-called nice girl apologizes and expects to be forgiven for all her mistakes.

But Outlaw we nice guys are neither from Mars nor Venus,we are from Earth! Hehehe Those Venus people love the exotic Martians but when confronted with Earthlings,they get bored and use them for their own devious ends. You know what. My ex-g/f suddenly called me today. (The only g/f I've ever had). I wanted to scream at her for breaking my heart and jaundicing my attitude to girls but I couldn't. She boasted about how lots of guys like her now(while we were together she used to say that I was the only guy who appreciated her. I was an idiot for not seeing a red flag right then). She then said it wasn't her fault that I was hurt because she just fell out of love with me(!!!) and I should forgive her for dumping me and would I take her back. I finally had the guts to say NO. She's always used me and now wants to use me again, because her next b/f was an ___hole. Well,I have NO sympathy for girls who realize this AFTER the deed has been done. These girls who 'change over a new leaf' make me the most angry because I get no compensation for patiently putting up with their BS and then they expect forgiveness and that everything is hunky-dory. It's not just about my EX,it's about all those nice girls who have a wild time exploring and experiencing and then expect us nice guys to welcome them with open arms like the father welcoming the prodigal son. Sorry girls,it doesn't work that way Not for me anyway.

Hello. I have been busy the last few days (dentists..ugh) and I have to catch up on the posts. I read some of them including Shinobie's statement that people call him "ugly". I can relate to that. Lots of people have called me ugly too (more guys though). Girls do it in a more subtle way. Like last year in University (my freshman year,btw) there was this big hunk of a guy (I'm 5'5 and he's 6'3 so imagine that) who had an attitude. He was the typical ___hole and his physique helped him translate attitude into action. He used to intimidate me physically,hitting me etc but not really injuring me,only my self esteem. He was popular among ALL the girls including our common friends. It was so obvious at times. And they'd all giggle when he threatened me and the best I could do was change the topic or appease him. There were only a couple of middle-aged women who supported me (not in front of him) and asked me to 'complain' but what's the good of that if I have no injuries and no reliable witnesses? And I would permanently be classified as a wuss and a coward. It's OK for women to run to the police but not men. Anyway,I see I'm digressing. I just wanted to explain that it's not a piece of cake for some of us shy guys,no matter what our attitude is. Some shy guys are blessed with a better physical stature but I'm sure they get their share of emotional bullies. The only women who actually like me are the older ones and that's in a maternal kind of way and I really resent it. Someone said that being a man is about 'competition' and that I should show what I have to offer. What DO I have? I'm good at chemistry, working with plants and animals and chess. You got it,that means G-E-E-K written all over my face(even though I am not since I don't consider any of these things my life). Show me a woman who likes men branded as geeks. None. You know what...it helps a lot to know that there are other guys in my situation (well at least partially). To know that I'm not alone. But it sucks all the same. I'm going to be 20 in two months and the only people who know my birthday are my parents. And I'd look like a dork if I went around telling my acquaintances when it was unless they asked. But of course they never ask because they're not my friends and don't give a d@mn about me. If that isn't enough reason for *knowing* I'm a lonely loser and a failure in life,tell me what is.

You are correct-I have a lot of pent up emotion. One major reason being my first and only relationship which lasted for three years,it was all online. I know that sounds silly but it was my ONLY relationship and I invested a lot emotionally in it. Well I won't divert this thread by describing what happened but it's been 6 months since we broke up and my hurt and pain has given way to anger,resentment and hostility. I completely ignored the social scene during those three years because I was idiot enough to think she was 'the one'. Now in the past 6 months,I've felt very vulnerable and awkward interacting with young women whereas my EX is just having a wild time...she lost her virginity ONE WEEK after dumping me and she is onto her third boyfriend since then...

I'm sorry if this offends you but a real man should know when to turn down his buddies' invitations(with polite explanations of course) and when not to. If this offends his buddies,they are not true friends. Two of my guy friends invited me to go hunting with them. Since I am a vegetarian,I declined because it offended my code of ethics. I didn't make fun of THEIR beliefs or anything but I did decline to come along. No problem. If your boyfriend wants to spend time with buddies,why does he HAVE to do so in a strip club? There are so many less controversial places to hang out. Either he's afraid of their reaction if he declines, or he doesn't care all that much about your feelings vis-a-vis the strip club. That's my take on the affair.Now if you insisted that he stay with you all the time and never talk to his buddies, you would be at fault. But you're only asking him not to go to a strip club because it hurts you and he ought to understand that.

Thank you all for your opinions. I see that I have received answers spanning both ends of the spectrum. Interesting. Personally of course, I think it's disrespectful to the partner to view strippers.

Yeah same here. It sucks that we can only talk about imaginary girlfriends...god knows if we'll EVER get one to put all our imagination,beliefs and fantasies into practice. The only thing that scares me more than being single is to have an unfaithful g/f,or a flirty g/f who strays a lot and gets aroused by other guys.

I am a guy. You may want to read my latest post on the main forum. I would NEVER EVER hurt my girlfriend's feelings by going to strip clubs like that. It's just wrong. I think your boyfriend needs to ask your sincere opinion on this and if you say no,he should respect that. The only excuse he can have for not listening is if YOU watch male strippers but I don't think you do that. If I had a g/f,I would be faithful to her only. And I would definitely expect the same from her. If she started watching male strippers,I would have good reasons to end the relationship.I'm not suggesting you do the same but you need to tell your boyfriend that it hurts you. And you are justified in feeling this way. Please don't be a doormat for guys' raging hormones. BTW,what are stag parties? I sound like a conservative fuddy duddy here but I firmly believe that once you have plighted your troth to someone,that person should be the ONLY naked person you intentionally see. (doctors excluded,hehehe). If I had a g/f,I would expect that I'd be the only naked guy she was seeing. If not,then I wouldn't feel comfortable spending my life with her.

Hello,I have a question for all guys and girls. Would you ever grant a wish by your partner if he or she wanted to attend a strip club or want a stripper for his/her bachelor(ette) party? This is of course assuming that you haven't asked for the same thing yourself and don't want it. Me- I think the idea is just wrong. I would not watch or hire strippers if I had a girlfriend,and nor would I allow my friends to hire one for any party. And thereforeeee I would not allow my g/f to do the same either. If she insisted,then she just wouldn't be my type and I'd rather break up with her. What do you think? (this whole post is purely hypothetical. I have no girlfriend and have never seen a stripper).

I can totally empathize with you. But I am a virgin so it is even more important to me that my future g/f should be a virgin. When I lose my virginity to her, I would feel a complex mix of feelings and emotions-mental and physical. The joy of discovering something NEW would be uppermost in me. With my g/f,no matter how much she loves me, if she isn't a virgin,she won't feel the way I do. Even if she doesn't compare me with her past boyfriends,it just won't be the same. It's like going to an amusement park as a kid with someone who has already been there and who acts like a wet blanket,not sharing in the enthusiasm. I've posted this in the forums a few times over but people don't understand why I'm making a big deal over it. I'm seriously contemplating losing my virginity just for the heck of it-since girls don't value it and it'll only be an impediment in my future relationships. If my future g/f is not a virgin and I am,I'd have to tell her that I can't sleep with her till I first sleep with someone else and lose my virginity too- that way we'd be equals.

well PAdreamer,you wanted to know what us guys want to do with girls. (though i don't know why I'm typing this,since it seems only the other guys on this thread are really reading what I'm saying). well I am a hopeless romantic. And that's one thing that instantly turns off all girls,because it's a 'feminine' quality. If I had a g/f,I'd love to just cuddle and spend time in bed (I DON'T mean sex,I just mean lying in bed together) telling each other about ourselves,our past,our families,our quirks,joys,sorrows,etc. And I'd like to go on summer walks with her and go skiing with her in winter. I do all the above every night with an imaginary girlfriend in my dreams. I got to the point where I hate waking up. Two nights ago I had such a realistic dream of my g/f snuggling on my shoulder and then my alarm clock went off. I felt like crying (someone tell me WHY i'm revealing all this...?). But I would resent it if someone told me to take meds. I'm a perfectly normal young man who yearns for love,companionship and romance. Meds are for those who have REAL mental illness,like chronic depression or bipolar disorder. I go for girls who are temperamentally like me-shy,sensitive,intelligent,affectionate and talkative. Like I said in my previous post (i thought i would split my thoughts into two posts),I dig the shy and lonely girls but it gets me nowhere. One of my guy friends said that I go for more assertive,confident girls. What he meant was that I don't like fulfilling the role of the typical guy and that's true. I DO NOT want to be an emotional or physical bodyguard or protector. I DO want equality and I would LOVE it if she sometimes took control (nothing extreme or sadistic-just ordinary stuff like arguing with the plumber for instance). Besides,it's a fact that short men are very vulnerable to physical attack by both men and women. Women,short or not, have the protection that their gender stereotype carries. I want a girl who is shy *and* assertive when the need arises. I hope this post made sense. frail,from my limited experience, height plays a big role. If you go to Yahoo personals or link removed and see through women's ads,you'll see what I mean. Women certainly look down on short men(literally and figuratively!). This is a stereotype common to every culture in the world.

Huh??? I totally disagree with you girls,sorry. I have NEVER intentionally chased the supermodel 'female molecules' or the flirty,shallow types. They don't even figure in what we guys are complaining about. Please don't accuse us of being as confusing and shallow as the girls we accuse of being,because we are not. In fact I have made it a point to seek out and chat with girls who look lonely,shy and left out. Guess what? It DOESN'T WORK. There was one girl in my cafeteria who seemed very shy and hardly talked to anyone else,so I started saying hi to her. She began sitting down at my table regularly after that. Well,I was pretty delighted. I thought that things were now going my way. On Valentine's Day,I decided to risk it all-I asked her out. She refused and said she had a boyfriend back home and that she sat with me only because I was so friendly and didn't seem the type to attack a lonely girl. In effect,she used me as a buffer against other guys. I'm fed up of hypocrisy among girls-they just don't care for guys' feelings.

I know just what you're talking about. You know,one of my guy friends last year told me to quit whining and hang out with girls. He insisted so much that I decided to give it a try and went to the lounge to hang out. The moment I stepped in,I felt like running away. There were four girls munching on pizza,no guys, and I only knew one of them distantly. And they all looked at me in surprise as if they hadn't expected this insect to crawl in. I said hi to them and made an excuse for being there (that one girl was in my math class and had asked me that morning to tell her about it because she rarely attended). I said I had come with my class notes and she just stared at me like I was crazy and said she didn't want any such thing. I still didn't get the idea. Then the four of them totally ignored me and started talking and arguing among themselves about girly stuff and I felt really weird,even though I had always seen guys dropping in and chatting so I knew it wasn't just the presense of a guy-it was the presense of ME. I just got up and walked out. Man,sometimes I wonder if there are any girls in this world who are worth it.

Unfortunately it is not just tall girls who prefer tall guys. Most short girls like tall guys too. Cruise through any online personals site and you'll see what I mean. For example,girls who are 5'2" want a guy who is at least 5'8". Given that the average female height is 5'4",there are few who would settle for a 5'5" guy. And of course,the average guy is 5'11" today and I am half a foot shorter. No matter how jauntily and confidently I try to carry myself,my lack of height puts me in horrid day to day situations. For example in my lab classes where we have hands on sessions. There is one professor for 25 students,and I am one of the 2-3 short people (and the ONLY short guy) so we always get left at the back,unable to see or hear what he is saying. We are unable to force ourselves to the front because we just lack the strength and stature to move forward without making a fool of ourselves. It's worse for me,being a guy. I can just read their thoughts ,"look at this hairy little guy squeezing his way in". At the same time,hanging around at the back in despair makes me look like a diffident fool. This is just one example of the situations short guys face. Now it's bad enough in itself,but its worst impact is in damaging our image in women's eyes. Either they totally ignore me (young women) or they feel sorry for me (older women) and help me like I'm a young kid. It's a lose-lose situation. I was deeply hurt when one of my guy friends casually told me that one of my casual female friends was looking for me to borrow my textbook. I asked him what her words were and they were "hey,where's that little guy who hangs around with you?". Another girl at a party called me a short little prick because I was trying to be chatty with her. I'm always the non-alpha dog with its tail between its legs when it comes to society and life.

I'm happy to hear about your love for your boyfriend,PAdreamer. I think you laid your finger on another aspect that I'm afraid to reveal to even myself. I'm only 5'5" and I'm sure this plays a major role in turning girls off,especially in group situations where there are giants present (ie: average guys). I thought I was healthy but I've been diagnosed with all sorts of problems because of chronic anxiety(high BP and the like,even though I'm skinny). I'm sure many other guys are in my situation. Speaking for myself,there is only one thing that will help me overcome at least part of my anxiety-and that is to be popular among girls. Even if 20% of all girls liked me,that would be more than enough. (Right now,it's more like 0.000001%). I know that common advice is "you have to be happy with yourself", "you shouldn't be dependent on a girl for happiness" etc,but tell me,how on earth can I be happy with myself when I look at myself- soon to be 20,virgin,never had a real girlfriend and only 5'5"? And then I see all these couples walking around. Sure,many of them end up in breakups but they rise on stepping stones of failure and they have the confidence and experience to start new relationships. If nothing else,they can simply console themselves with the explanation that they didn't meet the 'right girl' yet. I can't do that because NO girl has really liked me,forget about loving me. Am I supposed to go through life looking for a needle in a global haystack? Finding *A* girl is hard enough already,without adding the complications of finding *THE* girl. How can I be happy alone? I can't hug myself,or cuddle myself to sleep,or accompany myself on ski trips and have candle-light dinners with myself. Some people love the freedom of being single but I don't. I'm a university student and I end up spending all my time with my geeky guy friends playing Playstation and having endless debates with them on the pros and cons of being lonely and girlfriendless. I don't drink or smoke,so the bar scene is just out of the question. I'm not the typical geek because I do love to have good,clean fun but the world does not ponder before passing judgement. I'm shy and lonely,so I'm automatically not suitable for a girl. It's a vicious cycle. I'm sorry for the long post.

Hey buddy I understand what you're going through. Your (ex)girlfriend sounds a lot like my ex. She cheated on me,dumped me and she too behaved odd when I asked for closure. She alternated between crying and being macho confident and telling me off. Then she hung up and the next time,her mom answered and basically told me to shut up ad never call back. You know what? I was devastated but I realized how I had lost a chunk of my self respect cringing and trying to talk to her. I'm much better off without her. Don't call her right now. She might contact you herself (think of what to tell her,keeping in mind that she may or may not ask for forgiveness) or she may not contact you-and that's definitely closure.

I respectfully disagree with you Jefinner. He is heart-broken after the loss of his love and that does not make him mentally unstable. Only a robot can go through such incidents without experiencing emotion. However I think he should talk to a counsellor or someone outside his family. I too was devastated after my first and only girlfriend of three years dumped me seven months ago. I was devastated. From January to April,I went through life like a zombie. Fortunately I got financial support from my family. And my feelings did get better. I cannot forget her,but I finally feel able to move on. lonelylostboy,if you feel like talking, private message me. or just respond in this forum. Don't kill yourself,it does get better with time. Been there,done that. If someone had told me this during my breakup,I wouldn't have believed it. But it's true,the pain does get numb with time.

Perhaps that is true,but the guy might certainly care about her past relationships *because* he hasn't had any. If he was also experienced like her,then it would not be an issue. I for one would care. That's why I sometimes think about having a quick relationship with some 'bad' girl out there and ending it,as I would then be able to keep 'experience' under my belt. But that kind of behaviour does not make me a nice guy anymore. It's hard.