Capricorn3

"Why doesn't his wife care that he's cheating?". I think that the question which should be asked is: "Why don't I care that I am having an affair with a married man"?

You sound very entitled.

I don't think anyone here would be qualified enough to really be able to help you with this enormous issues. Have you ever looked into professional counseling/therapy? I think it would benefit you greatly.

^ This is worth repeating. Good on you for ending it. And please, for the love of ...., please don't go back to him. Instead of feeling guilty you should be celebrating!! Pop the champagne and throw a party, lol.

Uh no. That's just crossing the line, imo. And if he can't deal with you saying you are not interested in a threesome then pack his bags and show him the door. 'Nuff said.

You clearly need to find another therapist. I have never heard of therapists getting mad and yelling at their patients. If that is the case then they need to be reported.

Sounds normal for any 17 year old, lol.

I'm trying to figure out if you're male or female and also how "toxic but a good person" fits together.

Personally I think you dodged a bullet. This guy is all hot air and you two are incompatible (imo). Completely opposite and I think he would be a nightmare, but that's just me. Be thankful that you dodged this bullet. Whatever you do, do not go back to him. Ever.

Maybe if you stop having an affair with her husband she might leave you alone. Looks like karma came to bite you.

Is it something illegal?

I honestly can't get my head around this. I mean, how does this even happen? People just simply say, to your face, "geez dude, you're ugly", or "wow, you're really obese and ugly" ... I just can't for the life of me even begin to imagine how they would even fit this into a normal conversation with you. 😕. (Then again, I've been living under a rock for a long time, lol).

Yep, that's what it's all about.

I agree with the above - way too early to tell. Don't jump the gun.

I was going to ask the same question.

I agree. Total BS. He really must think you are not the brightest crayon in the box. OP, trust your instinct - it's definitely telling you something is not right.

You need to inform the police about his threats to seek revenge on the other guy. He almost killed you and now threatens to do the same to your affair partner. It's more than obvious that he needs to be locked up for a good long while because he's lost his mind and is a threat to anyone around him. I would say it's your duty to inform the police about his threats.

OP, all of the above are massive red warning flags and if you choose to ignore them all, then be prepared to live a very stressful, lonely, miserable life with a leech who will suck the very life out of you. Does that even sound appealing in any way? Think about it. He's an emotional vampire and you will become a shell of yourself. It's horrendous that you allow this to continue. As you have noticed, all the love in the world hasn't made any difference to him - if anything, all it has done is make him take even more advantage of you (if that's even possible). This is not a match made in heaven - quite the opposite - a match made in hell. You two are beyond incompatible and you really should wake up to that fact. Don't let his mooching, leeching, lazy ways control you, because that is exactly what is happening. You sound like a lovely and intelligent girl but for the love of ....., please, whatever you do, do NOT marry this lazy a$$. You can do so so much better. You need to start living for yourself now and make a good life for yourself. Get you life back together again and see yourself thriving and happy. You can do it!! End it. Yes, it is hard and will hurt, but needs to be done. End it. Then walk away with head held high, self-respect and dignity in tact. Time to look after YOU.

Good. Now it's time to let it all go and move on. No point in agonizing about it over and over again. All that does is hold you back and keep you stuck. Learn from it and leave it be now.

OP, can you please clarify this for all of us as it will make a big difference in understanding exactly what is going on (with that statement). * Did he say that in a playful teasing manner, with a smile on his face? * Did he say it in a bad mood kinda way with an angry look on his face?

^ My thoughts exactly. I think this is the crux of the matter. Great post Lambert.

There's a lesson in this - DON'T get involved with married men. He's certainly not a prize, in fact quite the opposite and it's baffling that you don't see that. He's a sleaze and all you are is some fluff on the side. Not contacting you for 8 months is a clear message that he's done with you. Now it's time for you to look within and hopefully not repeat this.

Report it to the authorities.

If you do not want to be a relationship wrecker then what are you doing contacting him with messages and wanting "at least one decent conversation"? Really? He's in a relationship for 2 years and you have no business there. At all. He's taken. That means you do NOT go there. You have no place there. Find your own man. How would you like it if you were in a two year relationship with your boyfriend and some girl from his past starts sending him messages with the hope of re-connecting with him?

I agree with all posts above. Your instinct is correct and his behaviour is totally inappropriate and also totally disrespectful to you and your relationship. Do you have a support network? Friends or family to go to if you needed to? I'm so sorry this is happening. Maybe time to start getting all your ducks in a row.