Capricorn3

^ That, right there, is what you should be focusing on. He is married. That's your cue to back off and stay off. You have no business there. Ever. He's taken and belongs to someone else. AND has children. All the more reason for you to head in the opposite direction. No flirting. No encouraging. No sending personal messages etc etc. No matter what HE is doing, or coming onto you, you don't engage. All he shows you is that he is disrespecting his wife and children and his marriage. He's no prize. That said, it would be best for you to look for another job and lose his name and number and all contact. This would be a good way to save your self-respect and keep your dignity in tact. Meanwhile, when he's around you remain courteous and polite and stick to the business at hand - be professional. And always remember, ALL your colleagues would be aware if there is any flirting going on between the two of you. To outsiders it is always pretty obvious, no matter how much the guilty parties believe they are hiding it. (Could this be why your other colleagues are frosty towards you? Something to think about).

Are you currently going for therapy? If not, why not? (Sorry, I haven't read the entire thread). Therapy will only work if you carry it through and not just simply agree with what the therapist is saying and then go home and forget about it. That would be wasting both your time and your money. (Not saying you are doing this (I haven't read all your posts) - I am just wondering why it seems that therapy isn't or hasn't been working for you).

Hopefully both these women will have enough common sense to steer clear of your specific kind of poison. They can both do a LOT better (imo). Time to look within.

I agree with all of the above and just wanted to add: Also make sure to keep a paper trail of all your correspondence about this issue so as to have proof of what your requests are/were and who you spoke to. You don't want a situation of "he said, she said". Is this happening only in your apartment? Or is this throughout the entire apartment complex?

If you broke up over 10 years ago, does it really matter? Who cares? Just view it as seeing a friend and catching up, and not a date. Or, don't go at all.

^ Yep. That was my impression too. One gets a strong sense of someone with very low self-esteem and desperation - neither of which will ever lead to a successful, happy or healthy relationship. OP, focus on your studies and look into therapy to help you figure out all of your issues.

How to end a friendship: Sometimes no need to "end" it as they simply naturally fade away on their own. It's always a sad thing and it hurts but not much one can do about it. That's life. That said, have you considered actually asking him straight out to be your best man? That would be showing him that you still feel close to him as a friend. He may be pleasantly surprised. On the other hand, his lack of interest could be due to him going through a very rough time right now, feeling down and depressed and not in a good place - hence not being able to show much enthusiasm. We don't know what others are going through. Life is tough these days. Side note: Congrats on your new found happiness. I wish you well.

When reading your post I come away with an overall impression of you being really needy and it could feel suffocating to some people. Too needy can come across as too demanding and pushy. Not saying this is what is happening, but just the vibe I got. I had a little giggle when you say you would invite 30+ people to your birthday party - I was thinking I don't even know 30+ people, lmao. I wouldn't even want that many people around in the first place. But I guess that's the difference between people who feel they "need" to have company, and those who don't. I would say, focus on 3 or 4 closer friends and have smaller dinner parties, instead of an all out big birthday bash.

Yes, you have complained about them many times so it begs the question why on earth you are still married to him in the first place? Can't, really means don't want to. If you really want to get out of this toxic cycle then you would find a way and not excuses. You know what to do about the situation but you choose not to do anything about it. That's on you.

The more I read your replies the more it leaves me at a total loss for words. For some reason you either just don't see what's in front of you, or you refuse to accept this person is totally toxic, dysfunctional and will manipulate you every which way. OP, you surely can't be this blind? So gullible? Surely not. It's beyond comprehension. That said, it it now pretty obvious that you are NOT going to leave her, no matter what anyone says, because you "love each other", so it is not clear what exactly you are looking for. As long as you insist on staying in this mess of a relationship you are showing her that you are quite happy being treated like garbage. Not much anyone can say now but if being treated badly is what floats your boat, then so be it. After all, you choose to stay.

👍

I think anyone would know this is abusive. I think the bigger question should be WHY on earth anyone chooses to stay in such an abusive relationship? Maybe time to look within and reflect a little, and rethink this toxic, dysfunctional and abusive relationship. Time to pack your bags and leave.

OP, after reading your replies, may I ask, what exactly do you get out of a relationship that has you walking on eggshells and leaves you feeling anxious and unhappy all the time?? Trying to understand your mindset. I don't get it. What am I missing? 😕

Quite frankly, between your previous thread and this one, the next time she threatens to end it, I would be out the door so fast and never look back. It's a blessing in disguise. Better yet, instead of the "next time", take action now and end this saga once and for all. You two are seriously incompatible and it won't work. This is a dysfunctional and toxic relationship. Move back to your own home and be done with it. It would also be a good idea to seek professional counseling/therapy to help you figure out where your extremely low self-esteem comes from and why it is that you insist on being in a relationship with someone where you feel like you're always "walking on eggshells", and who is toxic. Remember: YOU insist and choose to stay with her. As long as you choose to stay, then you can't complain about it. That's on YOU. Time to look within and ask why YOU do this. Also time to rethink this "relationship".

OP, I have to admit I find your mindset extremely disturbing and disconcerting. It is clear you have an extremely low self-esteem and are so desperate for a relationship you'll literally do anything (it seems). Have you ever considered seeking professional counseling to help you figure out where all this is coming from? If not, why not? You really need help (imo). When you read your words below, do you really think this is normal? It doesn't disturb you in the least? (just trying to understand). "I've spent almost all of my adult life hoping to find a relationship to make me happy. I don't view my opinions and identity as particularly important and would be happy to adapt to whatever my partner wanted me to be. For example, typically during elections I just vote for whoever I think the person I'm pining for at the time would want me to vote. I doubt she has an STD, that's a stereotype. Even if I did get one from her, that'd be okay. If I was okay with it, it might make her more likely to keep me around because most men would be scared away by an STD. She also has abandonment issues too, which should be another thing that bodes well for me, as I wouldn't leave and wouldn't mind being with someone who's super possessive. I like this aspect of myself."

I'm still trying to get my head around two such contradictory threads. "But when I saw him , I was kinda disappointed, I felt like he was not that good looking, he had bad skin, messy hair , he does not have a good style. Just overall I was not super into him. Based on how he looked the second time I don't really like him". If you're not super into someone, and don't really like them and are disappointed, then you move on and find someone else. He was upfront when he said he doesn't want a relationship so it is hard to understand why you feel "anxious that he might leave you", if you are not really super into him and don't really like him in the first place. He told you where he stands. Sounds like you two are incompatible and a bad match. "Life is too difficult, I have been looking for years, none of them worked. Maybe I will just stay single..." ^ Nothing wrong with being single.

Speaking for myself only, I don't care how good looking a guy is, but not having a mind of his own and being a total pushover is extremely unattractive and off-putting. It is not a trait to be proud of, imo. I agree with all the posters above. You're living in a fantasy world and all she's really after is nothing but your money. You're not special to her. You're just another number, another dollar note. You need a reality check.

^ This. I totally agree. And I think yes, it is a bad thing to want to change someone. You either accept people as they are or you don't. There's a lot more to people than just their looks.

I have to admit I have a major problem understanding any of your posts. His mom is close to his and your age and you think he's interested in his mother? 😕. Can you please clarify because nothing makes sense (to me).

Only 30 days in and already showing incompatibility - which is the writing on the wall for it won't work. Cut your losses and move on.

I agree with your boyfriend. You treat him like he's your servant. Why can't you go buy your own ice-cream? You sound extremely selfish and very entitled. Do you work?

That was my instant thought too. Glad you said it first, lol. Seriously, I'd be out the door so fast you wouldn't see me for dust. What a creep!! Who knows how many times he has done this to other little children over all the years. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

^ I totally agree. Deliberately falling pregnant when knowing he doesn't kids right now will almost always backfire on you. He will NOT stay with you and it's unfair to the child. This is a time not to be selfish. That said, this relationship is going nowhere. He wants to live a single life. You two are on different wavelengths. Incompatible.

Multiple accounts not allowed.

I totally agree with the above. I wouldn't push it. Sometimes we have to accept what life throws at us and learn to live with only having one child - that is a blessing in itself (imo). Make a good life for the child that you do have.