neva_black_n_white

Thanks. smiles* i didnt know whether the five lines made it awkward.... but i guess not. smiles. thanks x

So god damn scared to fall… How annoying is it, when you get to the point where you cant even justify your own thoughts. You sit here, write a god damn letter to yourself in a stupid bid to regain control. But control from what? For what? And why? I don't even know. Maybe that's my issue, im so scared of losing control, so scared of being pathetically weak or show a glimmer of fear that I make up some pretence world that seems all mighty and all for what… to ensure I don't fall.. Whats wrong with falling? Few scratches, its all good.. But no, id rather live in some stupid bubble that appears rosey on the outside whilst every sad git****** takes a jab at it and I smile casually, on cue every time. Aghhhhhhhhhh I hate fake smiles. Im like one big fat hypocrite. This isn't one of those pity acts .. I just think im trying to pluck up some courage whilst randomly writing it down so it sticks there… DENIAL my favourate thing. Its so annoying though, I know the word, the definition, I know im in denial YET the best thing about denial is that you can then deny your in denial… its one fat ugly cycle. STRESS I don't know… ive just realised how hard it is… to outwardly say whats wrong.. I mean I can discuss in my head whats seriously pi*******ng me off but its like the whole aspect of someone or just you telling yourself. instead I write stupid poems with over extended metaphors in some random hope that ill learn .. but I don't. Then you get to the point where you feel like a lunatic writing this… what?!!! Im so fed up of giving chances. But im not at the same time. I don't know. I live on false hope. Im content until I realise it. Its stupid though, ive got nothing really to complain about. Well I have. But all the plus's in my life vastly outweigh the minuses… but this one minus is something JUST… Aghhhhhhh I don't know.

Take your words And feed them to me Force down the guilt And all these Lies through self pity Run your fingers over my lips Catching every drop Poor this drink down my neck Maybe then - The anguish could stop Yet, you sit me down And feed me dessert I know the pains not finished Anticipation, waiting For the worst It's when you open your mouth - To my surprise Swallow down the food Smile And enjoy your lies

thanks guys *smiles* hadnt written anything in a while so felt a lil surge of energy *giggles* i writ them all at the same time.. who knows what the overall collection means. eeek neva x

I really liked your poem, it has a strong ending that almost binds the entire poem. i thought it was really powerful.. i like the structure.. eratic. i dont know whether thats symbolic or how it turned out, but youve got style. i like it. x*smiles muchly*x

Theres no longer that look on your face No longer that tainted smile Theres no longer the passion in your cuddles And theres been no emotion for a while Theres no longer that cheekyness in the tone of your voice No longer that the secret behind a shared joke Its as though were like every one else Just me a gal and you any another bloke Theres no longer that shared attraction No longer a loving fight Theres no longer the sunshine to this relationship Every day is as dark as night Theres no longer a kiss with emotion No longer a touch that could make me scream Theres no longer a passion that I long Its as though this light doesn't beam ……………………………………………………………………………………………… (not finished simply because the situation hasn't either)

Wanting you to want me Is something I don't need It's the greed of loving someone you cant have Where I begin to feed It's the passion of disruption It's the tainted emotion that's there It's the feeling of being manipulation - A source who has no care Its knowing your taking something That doesn't belong to you Its knowing that your not meant to But who cares-you enjoy it too

Screams of passion Hedge bets destined to lose Compared to those Of screams of hate The source of pain That lays in your touch The source of anger A place I start to look - It's the satisfaction Of your manipulation I begin to realise What I enjoy It's the disruption Corruption Humiliation Of me being your toy

Aww thanks guys. ultra smiles, ive been away all weekend for an extra spesh birthday and i havent lifted a finger, was well swarve hehe. but thankyou. rozi!!!! hows it going? i do like your lil responces, i dont know what id do if i came and never had a reply from you... gives you a little piece of her heart proper smiles at what you writ** thanksyou love neva x

So hard to read Let alone between the lines I cant make out the letters But I know were not fine Its more in the things - That you chose not to say It's the way you pick to stand And speak a different way I don't need any tips No hints on what to do All I need is your eyes To know that this is through Everyone thinks that words Are the be and end all But sometimes you don't need those To know you're in for a fall It's the look on someone's face It's the nature they're in It's the way they approach you And the visible sins It's the camouflaged tears And screams that are silent It's the gray in the sky And now the rainbows not vibrant It's the heart that doesn't feel And veins that don't bleed It's the truth that you corrupt And the lies you now feed It's the food that's tasteless And sight took away Its standing by someone When you don't want to stay Its taking away sound When listening to a favorite song Its trying to be with someone When you know you don't belong Its breaking up dreams That haven't been dreamt It's your manipulation For you, well worth spent. ---------------------------------------------------------- not sure about the last verse x

smiles at autumn** i know what you mean smiles. and thanks blueangel, i used to work with alot of metaphors but i guess ive toned my work down alot more now.. its got more emotion and obvious expression, before you could apply it to anything. i really appreciate what you said. hehe. thanks x

AWW, muchly appreciated. smiles. and i shall keep writing i do enjoy it hehe neva x

Thanks. I think it drags but its still spesh. smiles. thanks hehe.. (thats a really cute responce

If only i had a reason, but since i kind of disagree (for me anyway) then i dont have one. half the time id love my boyfriend to do something that extra bit special. I love it when hes spontaneous, open, random... romantic, caring, lovely as. It is in his nature though, so i guess that helps. neva x

whos to know whether you like or not unless you try. if your vaguely curious then give it a shot. its true though, you either love it or hate it...that or infrequent go for it.. were all behind you. smiles**

If I could let go - Fall from the sky Do you think your arms would still be open By the time I got down? If I was to jump And reach for your heart Do you think you'd lock the door Or have it open from the start? If I hid away But wanted to be found Do you think you'd walk away Or search all around? If I picked up the rope That you laid down Do you think you'd let me pull you into my world Or would you simply mess me around? If I was to travel - Far and wide Do you think you'd jump on the next train Just to be by my side? If I got in trouble And couldn't get out Do you think you'd be my map Navigate me around? If I did something special If I tried really hard Do you think you'd see me efforts Or would they be ignored? If I was brave And stuck up for what I believed Would you look right through me Or smile proudly? Only I'm sure id have my arms open And my heart would be yours I'd make sure I played hide and seek And fall into your world Id be on the next train And stick by you through thick and thin Id praise you for who you are And be proud of everything .................................................................................................... each colour is meant to represent a new challange. something different. the block (blue at the end, or maybe black, it could be decieving me unifies the importance of having everything..... not to be greedy. *smiles* its just the way a certain emotion comes. all for one and one for all type of thing neva x

Giggles at redandblack***I like your little quote indeed. smiles* tis true.Im glad you can understand. Youve got yourself a beautiful taste in music. chuckles* (how immensley biased that is but still)smiles at your half jokes, ive created it into my own thats good enough for me - Thankyou muchly. i know what you mean there, its like the same thing can be said a million times and have a different meaning or emotion for each. thanks again.Neva x

My friend had a problem with hers and she ended up taking hers out. if thats the case i wouldnt really worry it didnt seem to scar on her, she took it out not long after... but im sure it was still healing.. so no hole or anything (if that worries you) Depends if you get an infectionreally. same with any piercing. if youve only just had it done then maybe you should give it benefit of the doubt for a little longer. A male friend of mine has never looked "perfect" so to speak. so. But alot of my other friends all healed well.. Pot look. just make sure theres no infection. neva

Thanks *ultra smiles* i appreciate it muchly.. smiles x

Giggles... someone was bound to say something though hehe... looks around for anyone into metal/rock lol. but thanks. nothing copied just ... yeah, if you were a fan youd see. none of my other pieces have inspiration behind them (in the forms of bands)... as you so nicely put it hehe. just from the heart, this one, i had to say where it came from, couldnt claim it lol... well i can but not everything about it hehe. damn neva x

These are the eyes that shed a sea of tears These are the hands that cover her eyes from fear These are the lips that tremble with hate These are the ears that await her fate These are the legs that try to walk away These are the feet that make her stay These are words she tries to speak out The silence here is what's said aloud ............................................................................................................................ I know metallica has an amazing piece like this ... so.. not copying just drawing from it (for those of you who think ive stolen it *smiles*)

Thanks I guess. I didnt really want praise for this one. I guess when something is so raw that you do begin to feel exposed you no longer see poem as an art. This poem is just, i dont even think i have a word for it. Broken sums it up to a degree. It feel as though your entire body is being pulled apart but your trying to fight against the force and keep everything together. Anyway. Thanks. neva x

Thanks. Its pretty wrenching how you can look at pictures and know how false they were though. Ive seen some where i now understand expressions that i didnt quite get before. Puts a new perspective on things. hurts doesn it? neva x

Broken The way you ignore me But I try not to see The way you look through me So I try to change who I be The way you don't talk So I try so hard The way you don't think Yet you're the holder of these cards It's the way that you touch me And I wonder if it's the last It's the way you lose care And I just want to go back It's the way you don't know me And I try to expose myself to you It's the way you don't realise What I do to show I love you It's the way I sit up at night And tears fall from my eyes It's the way I wait for you And then get crushed by your lies It's the way I have to perform To get your attention This relationship we hold Is a one sided deprivation It's the pain and distress That I try to deny - Knowing you don't love me A technique to get by 14/5/06 1:28am

Thanks. *really smiles* Thats about the most fabulous compliment anyone could ever get. thankyou. im glad you like to read my poems. smiles****