lostandhurt

If he was 22 I would say you need to let him know it is not appropriate to frequently comment on other women's looks in front of you or even when you are not around. Men can be clueless at times but this guy is 30 yrs old and should know better by now I would think. I am curious why he is divorced. Give him a chance to do the right thing and stop disrespecting you. A simple sentence the next time he says something " __________, I don't like it when you comment on other women's looks right in front of me, it is disrespectful" Now if he throws it back on you and says you are insecure then perhaps it is time to rethink the relationship. Lost

Um... I have never watched gay porn and have no desire to ever. Searching it out would make me wonder if he is in fact straight. Perhaps there is something he hasn't told you yet. There is nothing wrong with him watching gay or straight porn as long as it doesn't ruin the real world intimacy between you two. If he has other sexual preferences he should tell you so you know before the relationship goes much further. Not sure how to start this convo but it needs to be started. Just don't bring it up after he couldn't preform or turned you down after you initiate sex. Best to bring it up when things are calm so a conversation can happen, not an argument. Lost

Like this guy is an expert on your vagina or any vagina for that matter. Your diet, hydration level, stress and several other factors can dictate your scent. I have know enough women to know everyone is different and that doesn't mean one is better or worse, just different. Have you ever had complaints from anyone else? If you are just dating I hope you are using condoms which by the way can cause a different scent afterwards. He sounds like a jerk. Lost

Where did you find a Barnes and Noble? They are like BlockBuster Video around here! Good to hear you talked it over. Now there is no uncomfortable vibe every time you might be at each others place. Good luck and have fun!!! Lost

First off you are not weird, in fact what you are experiencing is normal. I read a study years and years ago that found that the more good/great sex women have the more they want it (duh right?) BUT the more sex men have the less they want it. I used this to my advantage all these years and like you I get my enjoyment from helping my partner reach at least one orgasm before I do. With my exwife I wouldn't allow myself to finish until she had at least two orgasms and yes they were real. So you see you are actually ahead of the game here. Your desire dropping is natural and hers peaking is because you are rocking her world. I have been in your shoes many times with lovers and I finally found that if I just talked to them and let them know I really want to be intimate but if I am worn out I will not be able to give them as much pleasure I want which is the most important thing to me. Strange how having sex is so much easier than talking about it with your partner. When it is all new the lust drives you into the ground and if you were 22 not 32 you probably wouldn't be on this forum. Time to talk to her and explain to her how much her pleasure means to you and you want to make sure each time you are able to fulfill all her needs but you cannot keep up this pace and do that too. Make sure she sees how much her pleasure means to you and she will understand. Sounds like this is a good problem to have don't you think? Talk to her, it will be okay. Lost

I agree, leave him be. No need to explain or try to soften the blow as it would just reopen the wound more. You did him a favor breaking up sooner than later. Could it have gone better? Of course but the deed is done and healing can begin. I think you knew pretty early on he wasn't the guy for you and you were not the woman for him but you got caught up in the idea, not the reality. Taking care of yourself is your number one priority right now. Lost

Wait what??? He is a doctor and cannot make formula? There are 11 yr olds out there making formula for their moms new baby. Counseling for you first so you can figure out why you married this guy and then more counseling so you can decide if you should even try to save this marriage such as it is. Lost

Six dates and I am wondering what she needs to know more about you? Have you had superficial conversations or have you both shared more deep details of who you are, your life thus far and your hopes and dreams? If it has been weak on that side and more on the lust side then switch it up a little and leave the sex talk for the bedroom or couch and focus on her, her life and her ambitions, plans, character and all that other stuff. Then you can decide if you want to continue to see her sex or not. Ask her out on a real date and see how things progress. Everyone has their own speed and it sounds like she is open and honest about the importance to her about knowing a man better BEFORE sex. It usually ends up the other way and it gets messy when the time comes to break up because their lives simply don't mesh well. Lost

If the vehicle is in both your names then you can install what ever you want and it isn't illegal. If he is cheating it is at work but you already know that don't you? If you don't trust him then you will keep finding/seeing clues whether they are real or not. What about addressing the core illness in the relationship instead of just treating the symptoms? I think you both need help figuring out how to make this marriage work with the careers you both have. Just winging it is not working so it is time for a specialist. Are you both willing to sit down and discuss the elephant in the room? Lost

Trust your gut, something is up for sure. Even if this was a guy friend he should be home helping take care of the newborn and you! What do you want to do? Lost

Have you warned your bf that your husband is violent? If not you should. Seek help from a battered woman's shelter as they have the most experience with these situations. Time to start divorce proceedings don't you think? Lost

Wait a week for her life to calm down from starting a new job and then message her and ask her to dinner. Think of a good day and a place so you are prepared. Don't just ask her to dinner and not specify a day. If she is to busy and doesn't suggest an alternate time/day then she is not interested. Lost

If the date happens then simply ask her where she is at dating wise. "Hey I know we just reconnected but I wanted to know where you are at as far as dating goes?" "I am looking for something serious/long term so if we aren't on the same page I would like to know sooner than later" Of course don't open with that but once the evening is progressing nicely you have a right to ask her. Of course if you didn't have history this would be a big no no but since this is a reboot there is no reason wasting time walking the same path just to end up at the same place. If she over thinks it and bails on you then you are better off having it happen now then in 3 months. Lost

Okay you seriously need to step back and look clearly at her behavior throughout the relationship. Do you know what is one of the number one excuses cheaters use when confronted? "He/she is just a friend" I know you want this to be all your fault because if it is your fault then you can change and fix it right? Guess again, she is all over the place you are just ignoring it because you miss her. The relationship is over and needs to stay over for your sake. Give her stuff back if you have to ship it to her so there is no longer any reason for contact between you two. Go total NC and start healing. Once you meet someone stable you will look back on this as a blessing. Lost

Why don't you go up to him and say "Hi, how have you been. I haven't seen you at the library lately" See what he says Lost

It couldn't hurt to try could it? I have found helping others or listening to others and thinking what I would do in their shoes actually helps me in my life. There is something about that disconnect that clears my vision. You may have a kindred spirit in the group too. Sometimes it is nice to talk to people that really get what you are feeling... Lost

How should you feel when the woman that broke up with you keeps popping up? You feel just like you feel because this was real to you and you miss her. She was to busy to date you or whatever lame reason she had but the reason doesn't matter, what matters is it is over. I agree the fastest and healthiest way to begin to move on is not to be reminded of your ex. It is hard enough in the begging without constant reminders on your phone. Do yourself a huge favor and block/delete her on all your accounts. It will feel like it is truly over when you do it but then again it is truly over so why not put a nail in it on your terms. It is okay to miss her and wish it didn't end but her leaving breadcrumbs getting your hopes up is cruel and selfish. Lost

My question is: Will you break up with him without proof he is dating again? It sounds like you want to believe him but your gut is telling a different story. Since this has come down to snooping and checking on your bf it is basically over anyways so make it official. I am surprised you haven't made a profile with some fake pics and tried to bait him into contacting you. Lost

Very heartbreaking childhood to endure. I don't think you mourn the loss of love from your parents since they really never gave you that love. What you can mourn is the lost hope that they would one day see that you are lovable and they screwed up big time. You are not broken or unlovable they are. Withholding love and being abusive to your own child is not parenting, it is cruel. I would even go as far to say they aren't your parents for the way they treated you, they were more like your caregivers almost like a foster parent. What you are feeling is acceptance. You made your stand (good on you by the way) and hoped deep down that they would hear you and rethink what they have inflicted upon you and change. When that didn't happen the reality of who they really are hit you in the face and you could no longer wish it away or dream of the day when they showed you love. Now you have to accept this is the way they are and the way it will be. In time I believe you will feel lucky you broke the bond and got away. The stress and continuous let down has had to eat at you all these years. Well now you can stop wasting time on them and focus on all the other people in your life that do love you. Think about changing your perspective on this from a loss to a gain. What have you really lost? Lost

We could use some more context please. What kind of texts? Who were they too? How do they know each other? How long have you been dating? Lost

Tough spot for sure. Ask yourself this simple question: Would I rather have a broken heart for six months to a year over the breakup or have a broken heart every time I see a boy and his father the rest of my life? This is one of those times not matter what you do it will hurt but one choice will be short lived and the other regret will haunt you. Lost

The OP hasn't been back since the day after he first posted (July 14th). I am pretty sure this thread is dead. Save your breath or key strokes in this case... Lost

Good luck You are not going to teach him how to be considerate or understanding if he doesn't have those qualities already at 51. Tell him to delete the video off his phone while you watch him do it and make sure it gets deleted off the cloud as well. Since it sounds like you are going to continue dating him you need to set clear boundaries right away because he obviously has none. I am pretty sure you can do better than this guy but since he pulled the vulture move on you he is the only guy post divorce you have experienced. The vulture circles the wounded waiting for their chance to get what they want. He is your "friend" through the divorce so he can be your "friend" in the bedroom later. Take a step back and clear your vision, I would guess you do not over react as much as you think. Lost

Sad, I have seen this many times and lived this myself. This was originally called Walk Away Wife Syndrome but more accurately would be Walk Away Spouse Syndrome. Google it. So she is unhappy with her life and she cannot blame the kids and it cannot be her fault so who is left to lay the blame on? Exactly, you are to blame for all the things she has missed out on and you are to blame for her unhappiness. Her solution is to get rid of you and poof! she is happy. The only problem is you aren't the problem she is. Time after time she has had the chance to go see a doctor or seek help somehow but she never does. The plans for her to go back to school requires her to ACTUALLY make the plans, research classes and register but she hasn't. Do you see a theme here? There have been numerous men and a few women that have been on this forum over the years that had the same thing happen to them. The spouse wants out but never really leaves even if they move out they still linger in the relationship like a security blanket of sorts. You are now her security, her bank, her housing manager, food, entertainment and friend but you are not her husband in her eyes. This is the doormat phase where you think if you could just do better somehow she would change her mind. If you let her do what ever she wants and kiss her butt she will snap out of it and things would be okay. The only way she is going to snap out of anything is with a healthy dose of reality. You see she has built this fantasy in her imagined mind of how wonderful her life will be once you are out of it. The thing is this fantasy life is missing a lot of reality like most fantasies. Kids, rent, a job and on and on. This is why she doesn't want to see a therapist or marriage counselor because she is afraid they will ruin her fantasy with logic and reality. What can you do? At this point there is nothing you can do because the more you try the higher she will build the wall she has constructed between you. When you try and work on the marriage she sees it as an attack on her whole premise so she fortifies her defenses. She is the one that needs to start tearing down the wall, not you. Unfortunately these things rarely work out the way you are hoping, I am sorry. Acceptance will be your friend in all this and when you can begin to accept that she is no longer the woman you fell in love with the sooner you can begin to move towards what is best for you and the children. If you like I can send you a few links to threads on here from a ways back of people going through what you are. Perhaps you can glean something from them. I can't tell you what will work but I can tell you what will NOT work. Walking on eggshells around her, being a doormat, kissing her butt, agreeing to ridiculous demands, giving up your bedroom, acting like everything is fine, acting like a happy married couple when you are not, trying to be a perfect husband and most importantly putting your life on hold while she holds your heart hostage. You need to begin to look into divorce where you live so you at least have some knowledge as you decide what to do and when to do it. The unknown is scary so educate yourself so the fear will be the least of your worries. Lost

The odds for that to happen to the same woman that close together have to be pretty hi. "If you use it perfectly, the pill is 99% effective. But people aren’t perfect and it’s easy to forget or miss pills — so in reality the pill is about 91% effective. That means about 9 out of 100 pill users get pregnant each year." Either she is skipping pills, taking meds that are interfering with them or is not being truthful again... Lots of red flags flying around this young woman. I think your best bet is co parenting from an extreme distance. Lost