deSilva

Hi Becky35! If I where you, I would move on. (thank god we're different ) It doesn't sound to me as if you have much to build a new relationship on. There's practically no sexual activities, he's not showing you the sympathy or respect you deserve from your mate. And his addiction to chatting up women on the net and surfing porn doesn't seem to fade off. At least, you shouldn't try to get him back before you really know WHY you love him? ...it's definitely not because he's screwing his ex in your bed!. I'm sure that there's a lot of other guys out there who's just waiting for you to give them a chance!. remember that there isn't such a thing called "the one" by the meaning that there is only one man for you. "the one" is the one you choose, not the one who chooses you! Now let's say you do want him back. There is a way that migh work, but first you need to let some things go. The good ol' "I found somebody new, hah" is not a good strategy. If I got that slammed in my face, I would only get hurt and definitely not jealous, maybe more angry. "so she wants to get more intimate with this guy huh? I better find someone else". We guys are such simple beings, we don't understand womanese nor do we take vague hints. You have to realize that he is gone. He is with someone new now, and you're ok with that. Let him go. Don't spend your entire evening thinking of him, listening to lovesongs and wanting to improve yourself because of him!. Cut contact totally, no calls, no e-mails no nothing!. It may take some time, days, weeks, months who knows, but he will call you. And when he does, be brief, don't act over-enthusiastic about his call. DO NOT ASK HIM HOW HE's DOING, if he's ok etc. "you don't care". When his new relationship starts to tear on him by the means of his woman wanting more and demanding commitment, he will turn to you. You ofcourse have to play a little "hard-to-get", not unattainable though, just to make some excitement, allways a good start in a relationship. The rest I guess you know! This isn't a sure thing to get him back, you know him better than me, you know what triggers his mind so use your knowledge about him "against" him. And please don't act in anger, think before you act or you will only end up in a mess to big to clean up. I hope everything turns out just fine for you! And best of luck to you![/img]

Hey man! Use your brain The two of you where toghether for a couple of years right?! Wouldn't it be outta this world if she really thinks you're ugly?. Doesn't make sense if you ask me. If you want to feel better, you have to forget about this girl. Try not to think about what she's doing all the time. Don't send out researchers to find things out about her. Try something like this; put a rubber band around your wrist and when you start thinking of her, you snap the rubber band. If you do this everytime you think of her, your brain will automatically perceive her as pain and thus lead to fewer thoughts of her.. eventually non. And find another girl to fool around with You'll be alright..

Hi fuzzyluv! This guy sounds like real gold-digger. He is just looking for someone to be with and you where the first person available, don't get me wrong, he saw something in you that made you a future partner material. Ok, so something went wrong. My guess is that your "friend" came on to him real hard or someone tiped him that she was interested in her and he went for it!. I wouldn't want someone like that, but that's why we are different right?!. Your girlfriend dumped him, mabe she's a gold-digger as well?. But that made you and this guy closer, so here's your second chance with this guy. If you want him you should try to get him by being romatic towards him, sweet talking allways help and give him that certain look in the eye!. On the last trip, you made your girlfriend jealous by getting closer with this guy. See it from her point of view, she wants him, but you are in the way!. Don't take it to hard that she tried to get people against you, she just needed to show everybody that she was better than you, she propably isn't though!. Hope this explains some things for you, and best of wishes in the future!.

Hey dude!. I'm sorry for your situation, and I hope things will be better soon! I'm sorry to say, but I really can't see the two of you together in the near future. This because of some serious mistakes on your behalf. : By starting smoking you first of all commited a felony, but you admitted it to her - that's a good sign. Then you told her that you had quit and still smoked behind her back. She forgave you, but she didn't forget what you had done. Let's say that her romantic interest level in you was around 70% at this time. When you started to "ignore" her, she may have felt as if you had forgotten about her, and her romantis interest level in you dropped to say 50%. When the degree of love drops below 50% the relationship is usually over. She started seeing another guy right after she dumped you, I know how that makes you feel, 'cos I have just had the same experience myself. I really wanted to make him bleed and to make him sorry he ever tried his low-life pick-up style on my girl!. But I didn't... I let her go.. and so should you. She's propably VERY angry at you for a long time, but time heels all wounds ok. Just let her go and give her time and space together with her new mate. And if you ask me, it sounds as if the one being immature is you ex, she doesn't show you any respect nor does she care how you feel about her getting a new BF. So why should you? Since it took her only 3-4 days from a loving relationship to give you the royal boot, she really isn't someone you want to kill yourself over!?. You don't want to be a sad sap over this girl, you don't know what you're missing while you are at home in you bed crying!. Mabe the girl of you dreams steps right up to you, but you don't notice her because you are too hung up on you ex. It's time for you to go out dating a lot of interesting girls, even though you don't see them as your future partner, but to build up your self-esteem. Develop yourself and seek wisdom in perhaps psychology or spiritualism. That helped me a lot!. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, you where looking for a way to get her back, like a book called "how to get my ex back" - sorry but there really isn't such a book that works. I mean no disrespect by totally killing your hopes of getting her back, but I just want you to go on, and forget about your ex, find another mate. I wish someone had told me what I just told you at my 3 months break-up mark, it would have made things much easier!. Please try to understand that you don't NEED anybody! All you NEED is yourself, you WANT someone to be with, and that's totally understandable, but that's not NEED. Get rid of your neediness, it will only serve you one thing... more pain!. All this may sound just like a pile of BS, but follow my tips and read it again in three months, you will see things much clearer then!. You're going into a VERY difficult time the next months, so use your friends and family as support, they're there for you!. Best of wishes to you my friend, and take care of yourself! Everything will be alright -eventually!

hi everybody! here's a small update on things: ( those of you who don't know anything 'bout it, just search my nick) So.. My ex and I was talking about getting back together, even though she ahd found a new BF. She had planned a vacation to germany to see her BF and I told her that if she went there there was no way we could get back together. She told me that she just wanted to see how things worked out in Germany and then come back to me, so I gave her the royal boot and bye bye! I guess she didn't like that very much, because when she came back from Germany two weeks later, her new BF joined her and what really amazed me was that all of a sudden she took a sudden interest in my neighbours, they started to hang out in my neighbourhood and where getting all close and cuddly in front of my house, what's the deal with that?.. I just laughed at them, 'cos it looked like she was trying to tell me something, I just didn't care anymore.. She went around in my hometown telling her friends, our mutual friends and her family how stupid I was, how bad i had treated her and that I was on the verge of breaking down!. So I toled her to give it up while she was still on "top" but I guess it was too late, when her new BF went back home, all she had accomplished by being a total bitch towards me was that she only had one or two real friends left. The rest of the people where I live keep telling me that she is false and is backstabbing everyone she knows, just so she will look good!.. ok, so this saturday I met a new girl, she is amazing! I have known her for quite a while, I just haven't had been on the look-out for a new GF. It was my birthday this saturday, and some of my friends had gathered together a lot of people in my house while I was out for dinner with my family. An half an hour after my arrival, she came in. And I just couldn't stop looking at her. We started talking and evetually kissing. She told me that she liked me but she didn't want to hurt me, that sounded kinda suspicious so i backed-off for a while. Later on that evening she approached me and told me that she was thinking about getting back together with her ex. They broke off six months ago, and she believes that he has changed. ok, could be, but not from what I've been told. When that was all said, we started kissing again, and ended up alone in the bedroom. There was some sexual activites going on but nothing big. She once again told me that she didn't want to hurt me, I told her that I wasn't afraid of getting hurt. We joined the others and when it was six o'clock in the morning we separated with some kissing etc.. This girls is the cousin of my ex's mother and that kinda stirres things up a little. She's still one year younger than me, my ex was three years younger than me. O.k. I can see all the red flares in front of the BIG red STOP sign! Something is telling me to let this girl go. But I just can't stop thinking of her. Come to think of it, we have been looking at eachother and smiled in several occations earlier.. hmm had to be something there. So what do you guys think?. Is there any possibility of stopping her from going back to her ex? Do you have any suggestions as to what I should do? I know this ship is worth sailing, I just want to know what's the "right" thing to do.. And I deffinately don't want to hurt her by grabbing her in front of her ex and a way down the road I end up dumping her?!.. Any replies and suggestions are welcome!.

Hi Crono! Okay here's some good news and some bad news. You have to see things from boths point of view. The bad news first. Falling in love with a friend is somewhat a difficult situation to handle, and to make it go your way it demands everything to be perfectly executed. I guess you have made up your mind about how SHE feels about you, but (not to blow your mind of anything ..) you have to consider the fact that she does these things just because you are such good friends, and she likes to hang out with you. I'm not saying that she doesn't want you but be aware, if you blast out all of your feelings towards her, your relationship, as is, may not be the same. This is no judgement day profecy so don't worry, as long as you are aware of this you should be in the "safe zone" The good news. Since you have been friends for so long, you KNOW this girl, you know that she's not just full of crap, you know how she acts in given situations + you already know that you have the same interests. This is the best part by falling in love with a friend; you save yourself from akward situation where you have to get to know eachother, you don't have to be afraid of rejection because you already know how she will respond to your quests but this goes both ways; she knows you, and she's not frightened to be with you. enough about the news over to some action... Eventually your heart and soul will be so filled with emotions towards this girl that they will demand some action, this is both good and bad; one day when you to are reading and her head falls on you shoulder you will try to kiss her. At that moment and only then will you know how she feels about you. Here's some tips & tricks on how to find out if she wants to kiss you or not. Let's say the two of you are sitting next to eachother in the sofa and watching tv or reading: Try to either tickle her or "small fight" her just to get some tension, do NOT piss her of or anything, just do it in a way that makes her heart know what you really want. Use only short sentences or do not speak at all. If she smiles and respond to it in a way of "giving back" to you, that is a good sign. Now fool around a little and eventually you will be facing her at close distance. This is when you make your move but try to read her signs as to if she likes your playing or not. If she obviously don't, just back off and try again later, perhaps next week. This method is usually the easiest way to find out what she wants. My theory is that action says more that words and the risk of saying the wrong things are eliminated!. I hope this enlightened your situation, and the best of luck to you! I'd love to hear how it goes. And remember, it's all in your heart, don't fake anything. best regards ... deSilva

Hey friend! It's a difficult situation you are in, and it takes a lot of you to accomplish your goal. But don't worry play it right and everything will be allright. The first thing you need to do is to stop whatever you're doing right now!. If you want a girl you certainly don't show her any disrespect. If you feel there's something you need to tell her, you have to analyze the situation and think through which words is apropriate. It seems to me that you're already pretty close and the romantic interest level is pretty high. So you have to keep the level up and growing, and by arguing with her, you will only make her dislike you. Women don't want to hear that they are wrong, stupid, clumsy, whatever when they are on the deal with a guy! The only thing you will acomplish by getting her angry or (negative) emotionally is that she will recent you! Don't crash & burn on this by suddenly letting go of you mouth and ramming her with all of your emotions, but you have to get some of it out of your system or else... you're gonna blow up!. So tell her sweet little things and see if you get a response, you propably will, and let her know your feelings towards her in small dosages. Don't tell her too much, that _could_ freak her out, just tell her enough to set her heart of in your direction!. If she wants it, you will know it. Small issues sometimes develop into huge discussions and arguments, so choose your words with care! Best of luck to you!

Sorry this came in as a dupe message!

I totally agree with all of the above I can not understate how important it is to STAY in shape, the keyword here is exercise. You must allways have a positive view on life. Don't be "the sad looser" that will definitely NOT help your cause! Be the happy guy and don't call her, make her call you! Good luck and don't let this ruin anything for you!

Don't forget the fact that when a women dumps you, you're stuck with your sorrow and feeling bad for yourself, making it HARD to go out and make new connections, and to get a date. To get a woman you have to be at your best, right?. The woman just have to go down to the local cafè and at least one man approach her! Because the men have to risk rejection by approaching a woman, the woman don't risk anything. She can choose to go out with you or not. How often does men get that option? not often if you're not a famous movie star!

You're right swingfox! I know what do to if I take the time. Swingfox: >I am a little unclear over how her going to Germany is helping you in >getting back together. I am not sure where you have based that 'getting >back together' upon. She's just as confused as me when it comes to this relationship, I know exactly what she would do in any given situation (which actually isn't too positive, but in one "ment to be"-kinda way is) There are many reasons why I know she want's to come back: First of all, I can see it in her eyes, btw the most beautiful eyes in the world. Her facial expression has changed, like in the way when she came back from the exchange program, she all of a sudden turned as ugly as can be. okay I know this is weird, but I knew that she had found somebody new and asked her 'bout it.. she confirmed it. This "vision" if I can call it that, just lasted for a glimps of a second. I couldn't look at her for a long while without seeing the "ugly". Now it's gone, I don't even remember how it looked like. Just like that, over the night. She also told me that she didn't want to be with the german guy anymore, and that she missed me a lot, and when she was alone she thought of me. She even wanted to have Sex with me. I didn't feel that it was right at the time being (okay _KICK_ me hard in the face!). Now to the part about how it helps me that she's going to germany(this might be a little controversial, but... ) The last couple of days, she has only had me on her mind, also the german dude, but she only feels sorry for the german dude 'cos she know that he will get hurt and by her giving me a lot of thought and putting me on a pidestall, she might even have hopes that we could get back together, makes her recent the german dude and the fact that she hooked up with him, because back home she HAD me, the greatest guy in the world. ( her thoughts, not mine okay. , I've been there myself ) So it's going to be a down-trip to see her new BF again, which in fact helps her not to do the same thing again. Okay, I know it sounds like I'm the greatest narsisist in the world, but I'm not. I'll propably get a lot of beating for this, but if you stop to think and put yourself in her situation (remember, nothing was wrong, nom of us cheated of irritated eachother, we just had a great time in our relationship) you would do the same thing!. Thanks swingfox! And congrats about the moderator team leader thingy!.

hey Joe. Women are well known for their exeptianally good memory!. If you where someone special, ( as you must have been since you where the first she was with ) Haven't you ever noticed that something you said to a girl a long time ago, suddenly back-fired on you, just as if she remembered it just to use it against you? That kind of memory is only in the brain of the females! be aware, but hey, it's a good thing 'cos she remembers you like it was yesterday, believe me!

Hi people.. I usually know what to do in any given situasjon regarding women, but this time I really haven't got a clue! Ok, me and my ex was together for two and a half year. Then she left me because she didn't know if she had the "right" feelings towards me. Fair enough, but then the week after she left, she hooked up with a guy from eastern germany, she was there for a week in school exchange program!. That really hurt my feelings. This was in late april. He came to visit her in the beginning of june. eew, that sucked even more. But now, the tables have turned, I have the opportunity to get her back, she doesn't know my feelings towards her, since I've been telling her all along that I don't want anything to do with her anymore, which is just partially right. I truly love her and respect her in every way possible. But I don't know if I can cope with the thought of them two together. She is leaving saturday to visit the east-german dude, due to early ordered flight tickets. So that will kinda be strike three (if you know what I mean). I think that she left in a hurry, just to show herself that she truly was an independent woman. We really had a great time together, with lots of love and devotion, propably the greatest relationship of all times. (We both agree on that) I don't blame her for leaving, just for finding someone new so fast. My question to you is: what would you do in a similar situation?. I know this something that can easily turn into another BIG trip down hells-lane, but in my eyes I see the opportunity to reconsilliate and have a great time together again. But do you think I can trust her after what she's done? okey, we where not together at the time when she got together with the other guy, but I think that she should have waited at least a couple of weeks. Your oppinion on this?. Thanks for reading through this, I really appreciate any advice/comments!

Hey man, Don't beat yourself up 'bout that situation with the laughing 'cos it's freakin' funny when ppl fall and hurt themselves! What you should do is to find out where you "have her". She will not go for the "I'm a nice guy routine" if you're the one telling her, she have to figure that out by herself!. There are tons of ways to do this i.e. follow an old lady accross the street, help elderly people out. Show respect to everyone around you, whatever they do!. Don't buy her gifts, that will only result in that she constantly want more of them. On a special occation you could buy her flowers, there are several different flowers for different occations ( you'll find info about that on the web ) Be nice to her, and smile a lot, girls dig smiles!

A difficult question you got there. Sometimes sex is just sex, nothing else, just to satisfy yourself. Other times, like with your GF it's more into it than sex, also referred to as "makin' sweet innocent love". I think that the percentage of men "just" thinking of sex as sex vs the percentage of women just thinking of sex as sex is pretty much the same. I've met a lot of female nymphomaniacs but not as often male nymphomaniacs, mabe because I'm a man, but who knows?. I have a lot of both male and female friends and believe it or not; the females are generally hornier than the males!.