QueenoftheMotN

When I was 16 I thought 21 would be a good age to get married. I'm 20 now and I'm thinking, "but wait, I've got so much stuff to do!" I want to marry the guy i'm with right now.. we probably will.. but probably not until I'm 23 and he's 24.. I comPLETEly agree with RayKay. We've been together for over a year.. and frankly.. we've been feeling married for about 6 months.. in that Best-friend, I'm-committed-to-us, and sharing-everything kinda way.. Queenie!

EEEP! Can I just say, y'all're sayin' some real red flags... He ignores you? Some of you are afraid of getting forgotten? You have to call 10-15 times? WHAT IS THIS??! Y'all are the GIRLFRIEND! --not the IRS person or some stranger on the street. You are *supposed* to be one of the most important people in his life! If you don't feel like this, you need to make some adjustments. If he doesn't TREAT you like one of the most important people in his life, than he is taking you for granted.. don't take that from him! The way you have your relationships set up now.. don't expect them to "suddenly" get better if he decides to take the relationship a step further or something. It won't. Y'all'll still have the relationship dynamics that you have now. Relationships are built from day one with love and appreciation for each other. Y'all need to step BACK from these relationships a bit if you're doin' all the work.. not abandon them, but get some perspective! Let him see what he's missing.. and maybe see what YOU'RE missing.. I was in an LDR where he took me for granted. I called, IM'd, and emailed HIM, I did everything, did all the initiating. I ended up breaking up with him even though we'd been together for a (most of the time wonderful!) 8 months because I knew after a while that it wouldn't get better between us. Later, I found happiness with a guy who adores me and loves me back just as MUCH as I love him! (lol and about 7,000 miles further away.) It's give and take folks, and I don't mean YOU give and THEY take.. I hope what I've said just makes some of you think and some others appreciate what you have. Just MHO, Queenie!

lol what is WITH those Aussie boys, huh? Surprisingly literate and charming even in a few words They tend to get more out-of-country GFs. Mine's in Australia also, and so are several of my friends'. In fact, my bf's brother met HIS fiancee online and drew her over from the Phillipines. Anyway. LDRs can work! But definitely, 15 is too young. Eeesh, she's prolly 16 by now. But still. I got into my first LDR when I was 19. Everything everyone has said here is right.. it's good to know that those of us in ones that work are echoing the same things.. and that to make an LDR work, it's not just guesswork. Lately, my bf have grown even closer as we pray and read the Bible together (we're Christians) and to us, it's so good to know that our God is bigger than the world and thereforeeee can easily bring us together at the right time. We're waiting anxiously for that day, too. Good luck everyone, don't be afraid to be PASSIONATELY and EXTRAVAGANTLY in love!! Queenie!

Yeah, I agree: Don't suppose things, you don't know what's going on. *Rollseyes* Ugh, I have gotten into MORE arguments over that. Think of it this way: You don't know for sure if he's cheating on you (I doubt it from your other posts on here), but even if he was, what could you possibly do at THIS moment? Break up with him NOW?? ...we both know that just doesn't make sense. So hold out, hold on. Lol I made an awesome CD on the topic, speaking of which. Sorry, that's another story. Honestly sweets, I'll be thinkin' of you, I think it'll be fine. Trust him, it's one of the three keys! Queenie!

Good on ya girly, I was gonna say something, but you've already got some excellent advice I'm 20, still a virgin, and my bf (also 20 and ALSO an Aussie like yourself loves that about me.. *grins* w00t The best gift you can give is yourself, and you can only give that to one person. Make sure it's with someone you know will cherish you forever. If they really REALLY love you (not just like you and have fun with you) then they will realize what a gift it is, and they'll wait patiently for it. Good luck though, be strong in what you believe! Queenie!

Amen. Very true. You know, I hear that from more girls then I can count in LDRs: "He doesn't respond back.." Us women are creatures of language by nature. We're genetically wired (in general) to be more expressive in the spoken and written word. We also tend to see verbal communicate as the *most* valid form of communication and are inclined to forget other valid forms of communication like body language, touch, gifts, or acts of service... Of course if a guy really wants to keep his woman, he'll get smart enough to do it. Alot of women try to "help them out" because they're afraid of the guy not coming through and thereforeeee them not really being wanted. *cough* at least, er, that was my problem. Eh hee hee. *nervous grin* So yeah. Back off a bit girly, get outside! I mean it, make your friends take you to the movies.. or sleepover even if that's what it takes for you to spend 48 hours without communicating to him. Even if he doesn't say something, hold out for a week at most. You'll find the first 48 hours are the hardest to deal with.. then after a while, you get used to it. He'll realize what he's been taking for granted and work to sweep you off your feet again Good luck though, girly! Queenie!

Oh my gosh, what a STORY!!!! What a BOYFRIEND!!! geez, hope they *didn't* break the mold when they made him, we need more guys like that and I know there are some of them out there. I love how he stuck with you girl. My bf and I have gone through similar things on other levels (distance, dealing with dysfunctional views of relationships and all that) but he's stayed with me. --and I'd just like to say it's awful that you knew people who said it's only friendship without sex. Uh.. not true. Not true at all. It's a personal choice when to have sex, not something to make a relationship official. Maybe a marriage, but not a relationship. There are whole cultures of people.. and thousands of years.. of romantic relationships without sex. I'm glad you've stuck together and shown that a deep romantic relationship is defined by much more than "having sex involved." You'll find that it has the perfect place in your relationship when you can have that physical connection to enhance what you already have emotionally and spiritually. And you're a great example to women of not giving up, staying confidence in yourself, and hoping for the best when times are the hardest. Just a great story. *hugs* Queenie!

I know I'm bringing up an old thread, but I absolutely agree with Augusteen that you deserve a medal. You sound like an insightful and articulate guy, and she's absolutely lucky to have you. Both my current bf and I are virgins. We've been together almost two years. He wasn't my first relationship, but my first kiss and my first oral. I'll admit that in the years before I met him I was very closed up about my sexuality. I don't think it was so much that I came from a conservative background, but as a young child, my aunt's family (whom I was very close to) was almost broken up by pornography in the marriage and so at a young age I associated sex with bad relationships and things. As I grew older and learned more about myself-- and more about what a healthy and loving relationship entailed-- I realize that acknowledging my sexuality wouldn't necessarily jeapordize (sp?) the relationship but add to it. I decided though that I wanted to save that part of me for my future husband, because I wanted to give that to him. From the time I started to accept my sexuality and deal with my self-esteem issues to now (where I'm completely comfortable with discussing sex and I feel beautiful to my boyfriend and myself) has been 4 years or so. So if she's 20... and she's just been opening her mind up to the idea of her sexuality for a few months or so? I wouldn't be surprised at all that she's uncomfortable nor that she'd say that she thinks touching herself is dirty. It'd be like someone else at a younger age (say 11 or 12) discovering their sexuality and saying the same thing. Don't give up hope or anything though. You sound very patient, and you're definitely to be commended for that. Now I won't say that you should expect to wait 4 years to make love to her, if that's what you really want. I would agree though that you should stop the oral til she asked you for it. In fact, let her ask a couple times to make sure it's what she wants. Let her set the pace for a while.. until you both seem to be on the same page. When you make love to her, you'll both enjoy it the most when you've both been wanting it for a while. I'd like to mention though that you both have a great gift to give-- yourselves. I know you've been together two years, so it doesn't seem like a hasty decision, but you can only give that gift once. Obviously it's a personal decision, but don't give yourself like that if it's only because you think you're too old to be a virgin or because you want to keep someone else happy. I live quite aways from my bf (about 11,000 miles) and we only saw each other for a few weeks about a month ago. We spent so much time together, and I'm completely sure that he's the one I want to be with forever, but I'm happy to wait because it's the first gift I want to give him as his wife. (Forgive me if I'm old-fashioned. Anyways, I hope my perspective can give you some reassurance and hope for you two. Good luck! Queenie!

*tear* w00000t! Good on ya, mate! If you're joinin' the ranks of committed LDR'ers (and sometimes I feel like I *should* be committed) then I salute you for your dedication to the pursuit of happiness. Honestly, be glad you have "all this money" from your job... it means you can visit her more often if you realize you can't live without her.. I'm quite far from my bf (11,000 miles) and we're both too broke to visit each other.

I've been an LTLDR for over a year. We're just now realizing that we won't be able to get married for 4 to 5 years. I will be the first one to admit (before we met) that it wouldn't work for lack of physical closeness. But I also realized that in most cultures, especially those that practiced courting, that physical closeness was not really allowed either and the couple had to focus on communicating and just learning more about the other person-- experiencing emotional intimacy. LDR's are definitely not for everybody, but my bf and I are commited and we trust each other and communicate, so I think we'll be able to make it despite the distance.

Just my two cents, but I don't think any career move should be based on a casual relationship like the one you have, even if you want more. If the best offer you can get is in that city, then yeah-- go for it. Just don't get yourself stuck somewhere because of someone you once had feelings for. Queenie!

Hey, my first post but Ohmygosh I am completely THERE. Quick backstory: Met bf from Australia (I'm U.S. East Coast) a year ago. Started "dating" online 11 months ago. Said (for the first time) that he wanted to marry me 10 months ago. Met in person 2.5 Months ago. (It was a month of Heaven.) He went back 1.5 months ago. Life before "Meeting" in August was great. He was constantly affectionate, we always connected well-- we did have heated arguments once in a while, but overall I never doubted us for a second. Of course when we met, we were both thrilled to discover we had 10x as much chemistry as online. 'Kept us busy for a while. He went back, and things seem completely different. He's been acting distance.. when I try to talk to him, his answers are usually short and don't foster any conversation. Sometimes if I say "I love you," he says "I love you too," sounding empty. Once in a while, I can hear the tenderness start to come back, but I end up trying to get him to "tell me what's wrong," and we start arguing about something stupid. I think my bf misses me and I know he loves me, but he doesn't know how to talk to me anymore. We both have had a harder time since meeting in person. I've probably made it worse by thinking that communicating more will bring back all the excitement and he'll want to talk to me more. I'm realizing though that that's completely wrong. I've started backing away a bit.. occupying my time (not waiting there!) and giving him more space. And the thing about giving him space is that it will also give YOU some space. If you're seeing him less and less and he's not responding.. hopefully meanwhile you'll be meeting some new people or something and you'll have other opportunities available if you realize that you're backing out of an already-dead relationship. My mother always said, "you gottta make him miss you." It's so true. I mean, he's gotta want you girly. Any guy who wants his woman bad enough will say what he needs to in order to get her back. Just if he asks about the space you're giving him, don't make a big deal or tell him that you think there's a big problem.. but act calm and let him know that you love him.. you're just finding other ways to spend your time. He'll probably figure out what he needs to do. --hope that helped or hope you at least know others can relate Queenie!