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Everything posted by Beaker5

  1. Thanks Dako, in the mirror, Wandering Sword, and caro33 I really appreciate your responses in the mirror: So your ex tried talking to you even after a year and a half of no contact? caro33: I wouldn't want to move because this apartment is great and I actually moved from a crappy one to this one where I have my own room and have plenty of time and space to study. Also, I think talking to him is completely out of the question. I really wouldn't care if I never spoke to him again, unless it was him apologizing and admitting everything that he did, which I think he'll never do..so that's pointless. I agree about that clash from the past thing...It just get me really upset that I was so gullible and chose to believe that he wasn't cheating when in fact he was. Do you guys think he'll ever admit it though? Like do you think he'll ever try to talk to me out of regret for what he did? Is that what people usually do? I'm just asking this because some of my friends have told me that their exes have returned to them after a while when something negative happened to them (I guess they start reflecting on their past) and they begin to apologize. Do you think my ex will do that?
  2. I don't think she's cheating with her girlfriend but she could quite possibly not want to be in the relationship anymore. Actually, with the way she's been treating you, she most likely doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. Maybe it's because she's been hanging out with her friends more and is enjoying her freedom or maybe it is because she has found someone else. I would get out soon before she hurts you anymore. She's obviously immature and is being inconsiderate of your feelings. She may even be insecure and is treating you like crap to make herself feel better..who knows.... I don't know...I'm sure someone with more experience could give you better advice. good luck!
  3. Hi guys, It's me again. Today was a strange day because my ex was on my mind more than usual. If you remember, he dumped me for another girl on June 2006. Well, since I moved to a different section of campus, I realized that my exboyfriend lives two quads away from me. So as you can probably tell, I've been avoiding him like the plague, always looking around before I leave and when I'm returning to my room...and once I saw him walking from far away towards my direction so I went completely around campus just to avoid him. Well, now I'm starting to wondering if I'm doing the no contact thing correctly..Imean, it's suposed to help the person heal faster and I felt that way for a while but since I've moved here, he's been in my mind a bit more and one night, I couldn't sleep because he was on my mind. Well, today, after class, I was walking back to my apartment when I saw him from a relatively close distance and I immediately stopped before I ran into him and acted like I was tying my shoes, then I realized he increased his speed and practically powerwalked to his apartment. I also started walking toward my apartment but at a very slow pace so that the distance between him and I could increase. So it's pretty obvious that he's avoiding me as much as I've been avoiding me. Which is great! But today, I started thinking about how he had treated me and how many times he hurt me and how he cheated on me and I've just been really down.](*,) This started to make me wonder when I was finally going to get over it and if I already had my closure. Can you have closure without talking to the person? And do you think I should have gotten over him already (Since June 2006 and it was a 3 year relationship)? I'm also starting to think that the whole no contact thing just works to a certain extent but doen't prepare you for when you see the person by accident. It's almost like running away from your problems; when you come back, your problems are still there.
  4. lol wow...thanks friscodj...yes. Now I really do feel a lot better. You're really good at that. thanks again. \\ yay!
  5. hahaha...Thanks musicguy and RedQueen....you guys are actually making making me smile. yay!
  6. lol...I know what you're trying to do...you're trying to cheer up.... And its actually working... well..some of my interests are martial arts, horror, science fiction, and fantasy related stuff, arts and crafts, astronomy and marine biology, and science in general my career goals consist of getting my doctorate degree in physics eventually and going into research and moving to France laaaater on.
  7. lol...I really can't think of what I like about myself right now...because my mind is full of negative thoughts but here's my attept.... I like my interests I like my field of study I like my family I guess that's it. Also, thanks BYOB
  8. Hi friscodj, Yes, you're right..I am just focusing on my negative aspects right now but I have fallen into a self loathing cycle and can't seem to get out. I guess it must have been triggered by the fact that I've been thinking about how I have to wait for everything (and I know its normal and a lot of other people have to wait) but I've been waiting my whole life to be happy. But maybe what I think will make me happy, actually won't....maybe it'll just be temporary and I'll just be miserable again. I don't know... maybe I'll just never be content with myself. And ever since my ex left me, I've lost my passion for the thing I held in such high regards (my future). I have so many dreams and plans and I've just lost my motivation. I'm probably not making much sense right now.
  9. perhaps I'm just exaggerating but perhaps I'm not. I don't know but I'm just pissed right now
  10. lol...why thank you musicguy. That's just it though, I SOUND like a beautiful woman...but I am in fact not a beautiful woman to sight
  11. *I guess I should have said uphill since it would be more difficult to go up a hill but I guess I said down because I do feel down
  12. Hi guys Warning: This is a Rant and I'm just writing down everything without actually processing what I'm writing. So here goes: I am very very miserable right now in my life. I am currently a college student and life seems downhill and I seem to be waiting for my life to end. Why? I don't know. But Here are a few things that frustrate me and have been frustrating me: 1. My boyfriend dumped me in June 2006 and I still think of him even though I immediately started no contact when he dumped me and he was a jerk and a cheater but I already mentioned that in a past post. 2. Any guy that shows interest in me seems to lose interest as soon as they start to attempt to get to know me. It must be because of my shyness and their lack of patience in actually taking the time to wait until the other person feels comfortable enough to open up. Oh well...too bad for me. 3. I am a broke joke. I have no money to do certain things. One of the things that I have been waiting to do is get my chemical peel on my face (as recommended by dermatologist) because I suffer from hyperpigmentation and I get acne scars from all of my acne...so you could imagine all the dark spots on my disgusting face. My parents don't help either because they're always criticizing me for it but as stated by my dermatologist, my acne is genetic....so that frustrates me even further. Well, the insurance doesn't cover the chemical peel so I have to wait until I or my parents have money...(I'm planning on using my income tax to do this) So yes...finally...but I'm honestly tired of waiting. Because of my acne problem, I tend to look down a lot because I guess I'm mentally trying to hide my face (even though it doesn't really work). I also have acne on my back and acne scars and I can't wear spaghetti straps or any clothes that is revealing because it would be disgusting to even see my acne. 4. I am also waiting to have a reduction mammaplasty. I just finished my physical therapy sessions and now my physical therapist has sent me to get an Xray and an MRI done so I am taking all of the steps needed to have the insurance approve my surgery. The reason why I am having my surgery is because I actually do have back pains because of the size of my breasts so it causes me to hunch over. I am also not comfortable by the physical appearance of my chest so I try to hide it by wearing loose fitting clothing. So here I am waiting. Waiting to have my miserable surgery. 5. I have gained weight..not too much...just about 15 pounds a while ago but I am a petite girl so it is quite obvious. I started going to the gym this semester but after a stressful situation with my previous roommates and my appointments with the physical therapist, I have stopped going. Now that I'm done, I haven't been able to force myself to go back to the gym...and I actually did start feeling really good when I was going. I guess the reason why I haven't been back is because I know that since I haven't been there in such a long time, it will be harder and I won't be able to workout as easily and as long as I used to. 6. I have slight orthodontal relapse that bothers me and that I see as temporary ( A small gap in between my two front teeth). I had braces when I was younger but due to my tongue thrusting, this gap formed. I went back to my orthodontist and he gave me a video that would correct my tongue thrusting and I haven't been doing the exercises. It is supposed to work in 3 months. I am a lazy, pathetic person. 7. I can't wear revealing bathing suits (if I ever did decide to go to the beach) because I have stretch marks. Yes..I have stretch marks and it's genetic and its simply that the dermis is stretched and if the elasticity (caused by collagenous and elastic fibers in the skin) is not sufficient then you will end up with these nasty scars. I got mine during puberty. Lucky me. So it's not like it's disgusting to have stretch marks...they're simply scars. That's it. Well, I guess that's it. That's the temporary end of my rant. I've revealed everything but who cares. Like I said before, I've grown tired of life and I really feel like I should just sit here and wait for it to be over. I'm miserable and I feel hopeless. Thanks for listening.
  13. Hi guitarhero. It's true about the internet thing. So do you think shy people are slower at responding? Could it be because they are not as receptive as people that are not shy? I'll definitely try telling them or him. But shouldn't it be obvious?
  14. You know airtight python, you're probably right about shy people being attracted to other shy people. Like sometimes I wonder why and how my ex and I started going out but he is a loner as well so that's probably what he found attractive about me.
  15. Also, I have been relatively more seclusive and saddened because of the break up that I had with my ex so that may also be one of the causes. But this used to happen before my ex so it probably is just me.
  16. Hi Guys, I have a problem..I'm a shy loner. The reason why I'm starting to see it as a problem is because it seems that any person that shows interest in getting to know me or that actually likes me, usually stops showing interest after hanging out. I know it's because of my lack of talking. An example was when I was crushing on a guy that was crushing on me as well and I was quite open online but in person, I would never talk. I guess he eventually got tired of it and simply stopped talking to me online, so now we just say hi in classes that we have together and that's pretty much it. It's just so hard for me to talk to people. I think it's because of the catholic school I went to during grammar school in which they molded the students to not speak much. It could also be due to my parents isolating my brothers and I from our friends (because we grew up in a rough neighborhood). It was a positive thing in one way because we are quite independent and very disciplined but we all lack social skills (me being the worse). Well, there's this other guy, he's an international student and his accent is totally attractive and I'm really starting to like him. He has been speaking to me whenever we run into each other and he's quite interesting. We had a class together in the past and it seems that he always kind of noticed me, even though I had a boyfriend during that time (who ended up dumping me in June 2006 and was a cheater). I'm definitely getting over him. Still not completely but I kind of am....Well back to the matter at hand. I'm developing a small crush on this guy but I'm afraid that if I hang out with him or if he sees how I am, he will lose interest. I've lost so many chances to make friends because of what I'm guessing is my shyness. I know I'm a nice person but I guess people don't see that because I don't talk much. Also, since I'm really liking this guy could any of you give me any pointers on how to not ruin our potential chance?
  17. hey guys, should I leave to the mall right now? The shuttle leaves soon and I figured some time at the mall may help alleviate my stress. what do you think?
  18. Thanks Robowarrior and thanks daligal. Robowarrior: It's hard not feeling ignored because I am a loner and I really have been that way for a long time and I pretty much just have no one to talk to. Lately, I have been talking to my parents about these problems but they are getting stressed out now and just don't want to talk to me anymore. Daligal: I know talking things over would probably be the best thing but I'm such a shy person that I rarely speak and it gets really hard for me to stand up for myself so I usually just end up running away from my problems or ignoring them. Which is what I'm trying to do by requesting my room change. I shouldn't have to deal with this. I come to college to get my work done and to potentially make new friends...not enemies. But this is just a stepping stone for me and I shouldn't have anything affect my performance. My majors are Physics and Biology.
  19. Hi Daligal, Thank you. You know, I think the drinking situation could be resolved but I just don't want to waste my time talking to them. They are the ones that are ignoring me and they've done it to other girls before too. Why should I lower myself when I've spent the entire last semester and this semester lowering myself and bending over backwards for these girls. I'm simply tired of it and this is why I have scheduled an appointment to meet with the therapist so she could get me a room change. I just don't need the extra stress in my life anymore. I have to stress enough about my majors. I don't need unnecessary drama in my life.
  20. Sorry, I had to cut it short because I thought my dad would actually help me but he told me to "deal with it". I'm also a loner and I really don't have any friends. The school therapist is not in and all my outside friends are either in class or away. So basically, they're all ganging up and ignoring me completely, and I'm the one that's being ignored. I'm tired of it. I'm seeing the therapist so that I could move out. I don't want to be here anymore, it's affecting my schoolwork. I must leave this place. Does anyone have any advice?
  21. Hi guys, Could I have your opinion on something? Well, I live in a dorm with 3 other girls and there are two bedrooms so two girls have to share a bedroom. This is our second semester here and things have gone rather well with the occasional dramafest here and there. And you know how horrible girl drama can be. Well, there was a conflict last week on Thursday night in which two of my suitemates along with a lot of other people were getting drunk downstairs while my roommate and I were studying and doing work upstairs. One of my suitemates was sexually molested and reported that, while another one of my suitemates became so intoxicated that she had to be carried to the hospital in an ambulance. Another guy threw himself down the stairs, so basically the party turned into complete chaos. My roommate and I were the only sober ones in the entire dorm and once we saw how out of hand things started to get, we attempted to help. Once we realized that things were uncontrollably out of hand, we called security and got help. We were all going to be penalized equally for this because although we are all overage and our dorm is a dorm in which students CAN drink alcohol, one student was underage. We will be fined regardless of what happened. Well, my other suitemates are fine with this and were fine with this but I am not fine with this because I first off, have no money (AND my parents are in a very bad economical situation) and second off, I don't want such an event to go on my record. Which it did. I was a bit stressed out about that but I started getting over it until saturday morning when I overheard my roommate speaking to her mom on the phone about me in a negative manner and using a fake name in place of my name and with an emphasis on the "fake" name. SOOO OBVIOUS. Well, after that, I put on a random away message about hypocrites and went to take a shower. She seemed to have read my away message because when I got out of the shower, she was ignoring me. (This shows that she was obviously guilty). I was hurt by the comments my supposedly "friend" had made about me and began to isolate myself from everyone so that I wouldn't blow up on anyone. So, I would pretty much not talk to anyone much and just be relatively not animate when I spoke. I was soon getting over it when my parents and I got into an argument about their economical situation and about me basically having to "deal with it", so that realllly stressed me out, thus even more isolation. After that my roommates began asking me if I was ok and if I was upset with any of them and I would answer no, that I'm just stressed out. And one of them (a complete moron) said that if I didn't talk to her, she would take it as me being angry at her and I said that I told her why i'm upset and it's not because of her but if she wants to do that, then that's fine.
  22. Thanks redpoppy. I actually have seen the school counselor after the breakup and I have started working out at the gym which is great because it does make me feel good but it still doesn't seem to be enough. And my passion for my major has been down. I've also been getting really close to my parents and my brothers and trying to keep myself occupied. It doesn't seem to be working very well however since I keep having these relapses I think I just don't know what I want at this point. Like if I actually had a chance with that guy I was crushing on, I'm not sure I would have taken it. I know I'm not ready for a relationship yet because of my numbness in that area but sometimes I actually do want one.
  23. Hi guys, I feel so terrible. I feel as if I am worth nothing and as if I am never going to achieve anything. First off, I'm extremely shy so finding a relationship is usually not that easy for me. Second off, right now, I feel as if no one would ever want me again and I've been broken up with my ex since last June so you would think that I would be over him..but I'm not. I started crushing on a guy that supposedly had a crush on me too last semester and was going through a harsh breakup as well but now he has found a new girl and I just feel very insignificant and hideous. I just want to be happy. Also, I've lost my passion for my major in school a bit and even though I've been trying to get it back and it has been coming back slowly but surely...It still doesn't compare to the way it was before. My future in my career was the thing I would hold closest to my heart and ever since my ex left I just don't have it anymore. I feel bland and just not optimistic about anything. Also, this usually happens to me. Guys usually are interested in me because of my looks..(I guess) I'm not sure but once they get to know me...they usually run for the hills. And I'm actually a very nice, kind person...I am a bit too shy though. I just don't know what to do...Should I just lose hope in everything? To be honest...I sort of feel as if my life is going to end soon....like if I'm waiting for it. ](*,)
  24. I'm also curious about this...what signals do men show that indicate their attraction?
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