gelsey

Trust and certainty is hard after one failure, nonetheless giving it to the person that you failed with. I've never stocked much faith in the idea that someone should never try something twice. If you both still care for eachother so deeply, then go for it. But...yes, there is a but-- if you both want to avoid hurt then you have to discuss openly and honestly all the reasons it didn't work out previously and make a serious commitment to improve in those areas. You were right--love isn't enough. As a matter of fact, love is nothing without effort, but if you love someone enough than the effort you put into the relationship seems effortless! Good luck.

Pace yourself. Don't make yourself get over her, let it just happen. You are allowed a grieving period. Break ups are much like losing someone to a death, and you are permitted to go through the steps of grief. Find a creative outlet-- keep a journal, paint, music-- whatever you like to do, and everytime you feel the urge to call her or be with her, do that instead. And, please, allow yourself to miss her. As long as it your missing her doesn't dictate the other friendships in your life, its okay to grieve. I hope you feel better soon.

The first part of defeating a phobia is finding its root. Search your past and discover all the reasons you are afraid of intimacy. Its possible you are afraid of getting hurt so you back out before its possible, but you have to find the roots as to why you do this. Once you discover the roots, you have to release excess baggage or you'll have no room for the new luggage! A good way of doing this is to choose one person you feel comfortable with to talk about your problem and do so freely. In addition to this you should find a release technique-- do you like to write, listen to music, draw, paint, etc.? You can use your individual creative outlet to release your fears of intimacy and thereforeeeeeee recieving free therapy. If all else fails, there's no shame in counseling and who knows-- maybe you just haven't found that person you can feel comfortable enough with to give your trust and love to! I hope you defeat the problem! If you need to talk, my email address is email removed. You're welcome to write.

I think that after living together you should be able to ask her exactly what these dates mean and if she considers them friendly excursions. If you can't feel comfortable asking her this than maybe living together wasn't for you in the first place. The only two people who can answer the question of false hope are the two of you. Good luck!

Hi everyone! I could really use some words of wisdom. About three years ago I met my best friend by having a one night stand with him. Oddly enough I wasn't even attracted to him at the time. I had come out of a really bad relationship and I was in self destruct mode as was he, coming out of a short marriage. Anyway, we became the best of friends and by the end of the year I realized that I had developed strong feelings for him. After a bit of a struggle (considering I moved four hours away) we finally were on the same page and were "in love." Unfortunately, it didn't last very long for various reasons, though our feelings remained the same. We maintained a very close friendship with ups and downs romantically, but he became and remains one of the most important people in my life. To make a very long (however interesting) story short, I moved back into the same town as he again in January. He began dating a girl shortly after I moved there that he had become friends with and I became friends with her as well. It's strange because she seems like an exact replica of me. To worsen the situation of remaining in love with him and befriending what had become a serious girlfriend, one night after a friend's birthday dinner he went out with some friends and got really drunk and stranded which rarely happens. He called me instead of her which didn't surprise me considering we were best friends, and unfortunately I had a few people over and had a bit to drink so I sent someone to get him. After everyone was gone he remained and we talked for awhile and one thing led to another and for the second time I did something not typically me with him. I tried to discuss it with him but he told me words were futile and this point, and he recently moved in with her without telling her. I have had no further contact with his girlfriend and very little contact with him since this event. I don't feel it is my place to tell her, I feel it is his. Unfortunately, I still feel very much in love with him and I miss his friendship tremendously and I feel there is nothing I can do about it, and I have no idea what he is feeling. Maybe you all could spread some light on this whole situation. Sorry it was so long and wordy.

Just be completely direct. The reason why so many of us end up single is because we get too caught up in the he said she said game. Tell Monica that you have an interest in her and you think it would be great if you two could go out alone and get to know eachother even better. Women would be thrilled if men would just be completely direct with them. Trust me on this one-- I'm a woman!!!!

There are two reasons I believe dumpers intend to be friends. The first reason is to compensate for any guilt they might be feeling for the sour relationship. The second reason is to have the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility which is an unnecessary power play. The true question is how much power will you allow him to have? I know its difficult and the last thing you want to do is to play "the game" we all feel we are supposed to dismiss as we grow up, but sometimes the game is necessary in order to gain control over what's rightfully ours, our hearts. Be his friend, but certainly don't cater to him and please, I urge you, completely learn to discern between needing him and wanting him and know that you don't need him. Once you know that, eventually you won't want him either. I know you can do it!

To write that of course she is the one would be completely dishonest of me to do, and it would be only a form of comfort that I would so willingly extend to you if I could. I truly understand what its like to slowly fall into certainty of love for someone and have them smile and then revoke that smile with their own uncertainties. All I can suggest is that you thoroughly examine all the reasons you know she is "the one" and ask her to examine all the reasons why she is unsure if you are. After honestly discussing these reasons, decide if you still feel the same. If you do feel the same, don't allow yourself to give up on her until you truly feel deep inside that its time to do so because until then there is hope. Eventually you will come to a place of peace with or without her as long as you know you did everything in your own power to ensure you could have her. I take your problem personally and I hope the best for you.

The key to a good relationship is one hundred percent communication. The key to kicking a bad habit is one hundred percent good communication. Its possible that he doesnt invite you out with his friends because they get together and drink. Its possible that he calls you to talk three times a day so he doesn't drink or to assure you that he doesn't so you don't leave him again. It appears to me that you have to initiate a completely open discussion about not only your relationship, but his habit. Before that, you have to decide if you love him enough to go through something this serious with him and urge him to get help. I hope everything works out for you, honey.

If you truly like this girl then you probably know have some common interests. As a woman, the best advice I can give is tap into that one common interest that she really doesn't share with anyone else and find a unique way of telling her by using that. Though most all women like flowers and candy, something original and truly unique is hard for a woman to resist-- especially when its personalized to just her! The key is to PUT THOUGHT INTO HOW YOU TELL HER and you can't go wrong! If you need more help be sure to ask! Good luck!

Quite frankly, the one thing girls hate most is men trying to impress them. A women enjoys a genuinely witty and very individual man. We like someone that isn't afraid to be different and express their honest opinions. We truly despise a cocky overly confident man, and if it seems like we don't its only because when we do find interest in one we aren't looking for a long term, valid relationship.... Honestly, be yourself and enjoy what you enjoy. As long as you aren't insulting the girl you're interested in and you are taking the time to listen as much as you talk then things should run smoothly.....and if she gets bored with you then the chances are that when its her turn to speak you'll end up getting bored with her as well. It all turn out just fine...trust me...

I thought I would make this interesting by telling it in story form-- however its all one hundred percent true (cept for names of course). By the way, I'm sure I'm spelling cauliflaur wrong so forgive me. It was a bitter January night and my friend Kayla and I decided to get coffee. Originally, I had scheduled a staff meeting for the store I was assistant manager of but something inside of me decided to call it off. I wasn't one to miss work, but the stresses of everything got to me, and I couldn't explain why I felt the urge I had to go to the local diner. Recently I had been brutally dumped by a long term boyfriend and I was completely out of sorts. My friend Kayla would be the first to tell you I wasnt at all myself. We walked into the smoking section of the diner we used to hang out at when we went to high school together and there we ran into an old friend we hadn't seen in years. Kayla and this friend began to talk, and I (completely disinterested mind you) stirred my coffee and ignored the conversation altogether. With this old friend of ours sat another young man with a big smile and an observant look on his face. Our old friend happened to be gay and this young man with him happened to be his roommate. I remembered my old friend telling me about him once years ago and telling me how well he and I would get along. Being bitter and truly disinterested, I tried to make conversation anyhow. I looked up at the young man, and interrupting all others' conversation, I belted out, "So, are you gay too?" Everyone seemed surprised that my first deposit to the conversation was so unrelated to their discussions. Everyone but this young man who responded with intense laughter, "No, I'm Ethan." Shrugging and becoming completely disinterested in Ethan once again, I looked down on my plate of fried cauliflaur. It's very safe to say that at the time I was slightly unstable after a messy break up, and I noticed a piece of cauliflaur in the shape of a heart which I stabbed angrily. I wasn't crazy as much as I was simply bored. "Wow,"Ethan said with laughter,"Its dead and its really ok." "So you're not gay?" I responded, seemingly aloof, "All the good guys are gay-" "Or married,"he held up his hand with a grin, and showed me his ring. The conversation progressed and I discovered that he and his wife were separated, and he was what seemed a pretty nice guy. Eventually the four of us got bored of the diner and headed to they guys' apartment. Afterall, Kayla and I hadn't seen our old friend in about five years and there was a lot of catching up to do. Connecting with the deep broken-heartedness of Ethan, we both indulged in self destructive behavior. Of course, the definition of self destructive behavior being a bottle of rum, we found ourselves full of witty interesting things to say to eachother. It appeared that every sentence from our mouths ended with, "You too?" Being what was considered a good girl, it never crossed my mind that this night I would experience my first one night stand but hours later, there we were in his bed..... and hours after that we both, somewhat fuzzy from the alcohal and surprised at our own behavior, relocated to the living room and sat on the couch where we talked of entirely untrue things until daybreak. In the morning, I left with a kiss good-bye, more out of not knowing how else to part. I couldn't believe my own actions considering I didn't even find this man attractive, so I wrote him off as a never to see again and went on my way. Little did I know that a chapter of my life had just opened up to surreal, unsuspected adventures........ If this didn't bore you and you would like to know more in order to truly give me a response let me know.....I'll write the next chapter....Part of me feels that this story may help or at least entertain some of you.....Respond if you would like me to write more! --- Merged topic 3528 into here (swingfox) --- Be honest-- my story isnt so interesting because I'm not exactly asking for advice YET, eh? I just thought it would be more unique this way but give me some feedback guys-- I can't help that I'm artsy. Its a curse.