Leigh

And now the waiting game begins. I just replied to an email from the ex today as well and am feeling anxious too. Best of luck - but I STILL think you need to cut her out so long as she's seeing someone else. You deserve to have someone who'll give her WHOLE heart to you. Settle for anything less and you're being really unfair to yourself. Good luck

Thanks for the reply melrich, To be clear, it doesn't upset me so much as it confuses me...He does like my father, but I tend to think that he would sacrifice that relationship, at least for now, if he really wanted to be rid of me. Men make no sense to me at all.

PUT DOWN THE PHONE!!!! Don't do it...she's behaving very badly and trying to get her way by behaving as she is. If she really wants your attention, she should be dumping the guy she's seeing, no? Do NOT let her control you like this... She's behaving like a child so react accordingly...give her an indefinite time-out. BE STRONG!

Hi all, Some of you are familiar with my story, but for those of you who don't want to go back through my posts, here is a quick synopsis. My boyfriend and I split 3 weeks ago after living together offshore for a year and a half. We had just moved back to North America together in March, but a job fell through for me and due to other outside stresses, I had requested a break (to move home for a month and regroup)...which my ex made a complete break up. All of my furniture and many of my clothes etc. are still in the apartment. The relationship was the closest and most committed either of us had ever had and we are both still very in love with each other. Throughout our relationship, my ex has been in contact with my father over MSN...they had started chatting this way while we were together and have continued casual chatting since we've broken up.. Sometimes my father initiates, and sometimes the ex does. This past week the ex seems to be initiating more chats with my dad and has also reopened communication with me via email this week. Apparently the ex wrote my father today to tell him how his computer is acting up and now my step-mother is getting him a deal on a new computer through her employee discount?? (she's upper management of a major PC company) Does anyone else have exes that are having more contact with the parents than you? What do you think their motives are? I mean, he's got a ton of people to talk to and am I wrong to think that if someone's done with you they want all elements of you out of their life?

Nope, nothing. My feeling on this is the partner said whatever he needed to in order to get my ex and I to relocate (and to get my ex to merge his biz) from the Caribbean. He knew my ex would not relocate without me. Once we were there, the work for me slowly dwindled... I felt that I was betrayed by my ex, as he was the one that had told me the partner had promised me steady work.. I know the partner is the one that is responsible for this - my ex called him on the lack of work for me and was told "Business is business...personal is personal..." Nice, huh? So my ex was caught in between and there is A TON of money at stake here for him - especially now that he's tied in his bread and butter with the other guy in a contract. It's really unfortunate how things played out - my ex did try to help, but I couldn't stand that he was caught in between either. It was just an all around toxic situation. I guess I was hoping that once I was gone, my ex may understand why I had felt so betrayed. In my opinion, we were BOTH lied to by this guy - but the labour was cheaper to farm out to another country... Hard to swallow after quitting a job in the Caribbean to move to a job that didn't turn out to exist. I know my ex feels intensely guilty for letting me down... I don't know if that helps to explain his actions with me since the breakup...

Sorry, I know I'm going in circles....grrrr I just sent him a response - it was light and humorous. I only answered the questions he asked and I didn't offer up any information as to what I'm up to now. If he wants to know what my plans are now, he's going to have to ask outright. We'll see what happens...

Yes, he and my dad had become very close while we were together and neither of them see the point in cutting communication now. My father is not in on the problems...they chat about other things, not about our relationship, although right after the break up my ex did reveal to my dad that he loved me very much and still did. He also informed my father that "relationships have problems, but you work through them..." ie: I had left when I should have stayed to stick things out. I still think that the ex is just confused. He loves me, but is hurt that I bailed on us and wondering what to do next. If he had wanted to show me that I should move on and leave him be, why reestablish communication this week when I had already stopped contacting him? I will send a reply as I don't wish to look like I'm being petty... I'm really dying here - I flip between thinking that he'll be back again, and then second guessing myself and saying that he'll never give me another chance. Day 7 NC from me...this hurts so much.

Nikki, I must say that I completely relate to your story and am 3 weeks out of a live-in relationship breakup and I am also back at home with family to regroup...Please read my other posts for more background. I would say that you are in great shape for keeping the lines of honest communication open. I do believe that after 3 years you should be able to avoid playing the games (power trips) that are almost always involved with break ups in an attempt to protect one's ego.. If you really believe that you lost yourself in the relationship, I would suggest taking this time to figure yourself out before returning. (I am in this same place now..) If he really loves you and you guys are meant to be together, he should understand that you need this time. I would be as honest as possible on the phone...but try to play your cards close to your chest. Don't show him your whole hand if he hasn't shown his. Sounds like you guys will work everything out in time. Good Luck hun. L.

Not holding out any hope here - but I got an email from the ex today. It was concerning one of the bills that was still in my name for the apartment... The email was quite long for a man who usually strains to send 2 sentences...and included asking how I was doing -- and made 2 references to 2 different items of familiarity between us (you know those things that say "you know me better than anyone"). Again, I'm trying hard not to read into this email, but I had let him know when I moved out that he was free to communicate things like this through my father (they are on great terms and chat daily on MSN, including today when he sent the email)... yet he still chose to communicate directly with me... I am still concentrating on myself now - I start into counselling sessions tomorrow and I'm also scouring the world for my next job offshore. I just can't help but wonder if the ex is trying to establish contact again before he comes home (to where I am) for the month of July. Any thoughts? It's been 3 weeks since the breakup and we are yet to go longer than a week without one of us initiating contact. He is also aware that I am in the process of moving on and that he has limited time to figure out if he wants to reconcile...once I'm out of North America there will be no turning back and he knows it. I know I may be grasping at straws here - I still miss him but AM trying to move on as best I can. I have already dealt with the issue of the bill (gave him authorization on the account)...and had that company phone him to inform him that this was done...I have NOT replied to his email even though he was very friendly...what should I do? L.

Today seems to be very tough...I've just realized that the ex has blocked me from his MSN. The thing is this behaviour is completely unnecessary. I haven't been contacting him at all via computer and have only briefly called once to let him know that I was safe at home after driving alone for 9 days. I have not discussed the relationship at all - in his eyes I've been focussed on moving on since day 3 of the breakup. Why the need to cut me completely from his life? And if he isn't ready to talk to me and be friends right now - why not just SAY that??? He knows me...he knows I would understand and respect his wishes. I keep thinking he's doing this to elicit a response from me... I've been acting so cheery and he doesn't want to come out and ask me how I'm feeling about us, so he's doing this to see if he can gauge a reaction from me... Especially not calling me back when he said he would. He is NOT that guy... This is just so unlike him. I just really don't understand why he's disrespecting me when I've done nothing but show him how I've accepted things and am moving on with my life. I'm still entertaining the thought of moving offshore again and restarting my career. It's just a matter of when things fall into place. If I don't secure something in the next couple of months then I'll do the trip to Europe first - otherwise I'll save the trip for after my next relocation. Can you believe this is my 4th move this year? 4 different countries - ack! No wonder I'm feeling so lost. Why can't he just BE there for me??? We started as friends and I've accepted the break up...did he stop loving me overnight? Doesn't he want to hear that I'm okay? I could accept the relationship being over - but why can't we still be friends?

Just wondering...why does the dumper initiate NC when they are STILL in love with the dumpee? My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago and I have had very LC since moving out...I called him after a week of NC to let him know I was okay (had just driven accross the country) and had been very upbeat and friendly...kept the convo short (under 2 minutes) and told him to give me a call so we could get caught up. He sounded genuinely happy to hear from me...why didn't he call me back? I was the one that initiated the break up to sort myself out, but at the last I had asked that it only be a break, but he forced it through to completely breaking up. Since then he's expressed to me that he's struggling with mixed emotions about the whole thing, but that he feels that I need to make some changes without thinking that he'll be there in the end... His not calling me back has me very hurt because I have not been initiating relationship talk with him since the break up - and have only been behaving upbeat like I'm moving on for the LC we've had since. Why the need to cut me out of his life? The week I left he told me that he loved me more than anything in this world - but he knew I was unhappy (had unresolved issues from previous abusive relationship) and decided to let me go. I would love any insight you could give me... I'm hurting so much right now and will not put myself out again to contact him in any way. Is there any hope? So sorry to hijack your thread... why NC when he still loves me?

Hi Nottoogreen, I plan on doing nothing now. I am very hurt that he didn't call me back.. I do think that after living together for a year and half that we should be able to treat each other with respect and at least be friends... I do believe he was happy to hear from me (and that I was alright) - so why not just tell me that he doesn't think it's a good idea for us to be in touch right now...why lie and say he'll call just to hurt me? I have been upbeat and friendly with no "us" talk at all since before I left San Francisco - so why not be honest with me and tell me that he's not ready to be friends? Does moving accross the country not prove to him that I'm taking our breakup seriously? Our relationship had always been very honest...it hurts me that he feels like he has to say one thing but do another. Yes, my family is happy to see me. It's nice to be home, although I'm having a really tough time not feeling like I've failed after having just made the move to Cali a few months ago. I've decided to see a counsellor next week to start dealing with my unfinished business re: previous abusive relationship. I'm also starting into training for Reiki, so that should really help to balance me out as well. Right now my focus is on trying to make enough cash for the trip to Europe. I'm really taking this time as a growing experience and making sure that I come out a better person. I just feel sad that my ex may never see the stronger person that I will be by the end of this journey. How can two people just walk away from love? Again, I have no doubt that he loves me - I don't understand why he is pushing me so far away... I'll keep you posted.

Well, sorry to disappoint, but the week and a half in the car finally got to me and in a moment of weakness I phoned the ex. It happened yesterday morning while I was in the middle of driving. He sounded happy to hear from me - i made a joke in reference to an event that he and I experienced together in the Caribbean to which we had a good laugh - I told him I couldn't talk long but to give me a call later so that we could get caught up...That's it - less than 2 minutes long - pleasant, friendly, laid-back, gave him my new cell number and now the ball is firmly in his court. So he didn't call me last night.. I guess I shouldn't have expected him to want to look like he was jumping at my command - I do believe that he is still trying to show me how little he cares about me now that we aren't together.... The question now remains - Is he deliberately going out of his way to not call me and prove a point - or does he legitimately not care to call?... I tend to think it's the former, only because I know that 2 weeks ago he still loved me, and even on a friend level, one would still expect that he would be interested in hearing about my trip. Either way, that is the last contact I'm initiating. What he does with that will determine if we ever have a chance again. He had originally told me when we broke up that he wanted to remain in contact - I had initially disagreed - then in recent phone convos I told him that I had changed my mind and that I felt much of my grieving has been caused by the lack of his friendship (and not necessarily losing the relationship) - to which he told me that we couldn't be friends for a while yet. So now he's flipped his position - he knows that his friendship helps dull the pain of the loss of the relationship for me so now he doesn't want to be friends? Geez, I'm so confused. Not sure if I regret making contact... I had this nagging sensation that since I left HIM initially, that I should be the one to show him that he still means something to me (even though now he doesn't want the relationship with me.) Regardless, at least now I know that if this friendship/relationship dies off, it's not because I didn't put myself out there enough... Honestly, both he and the friendship are worth the risk of getting my heart stomped again...at least for now. Friends of ours (the ones I visit on my way home) told me that they had no doubt that his feelings for me were very strong, sincere and a rarity for him... He had only loved one woman before me which was years ago AND I'm the only woman that's ever left HIM - any thoughts from anyone on whether these facts help or hinder my chances of him giving me another chance? Thanks for keeping up on my thread...I'm home tomorrow. BTW - funny anecdote from my trip: 1- I was pulled over yesterday for almost turning into another lane and then changing my mind when I saw it was a turning lane (guess I looked sketchy)... Anyway the officer took one look at me, my fur filled car, my wailing cat, my Cali plates - asked me why I was heading home to Ontario and I told him I'd just broken up with my ex (tears welling in the eyes)...and he let me off! So - note to all of you who are hurting - all that pain may at least earn you a get out of jail free card! 2- I bought a new cell phone in BC 4 days ago and the thing stopped working today. I just had it replaced and the guy tells me that the error message it's giving is what you see when it has been "doused in water"... I broke my phone by crying into it!!! Hopefully the rest of the trip will be a little smoother.

Thanks for the advice Nottoogreen, Everyday seems to bring new clarity to this situation. This morning, instead of waking up sad that I'm not with him, I'm feeling more sorrowful that I've hurt him by leaving. The last week that I was with him I remember telling him through tears that I was sorry but I wasn't happy there... He, in turn, became very sad and this man that never cries wiped a single tear off of his face after acknowledging that he knew I was unhappy. The thing is, he knew that the unhappiness stemmed from other stresses - the job not working out, feeling like a burden on him emotionally and financially, not having friends or activities of my own (had just moved), and generally feeling like I was standing in the way of this exciting life that he and his biz partners were able to lead. In the end he felt that he had given 150% and all that was left to do was give in and let me go. The thing is, that even the day I left I told him that I only wanted time to clear my head and get back to who I was when he met me... I know he was protecting his feelings by saying that it was over for good, but do you think there is a chance that he may come around and realize that I really needed to do this? It kills me that two people can love each other so much and not be together. He's so angry that I left that he can't understand that after two moves to support HIS life I needed time to figure out MY OWN again. If he really loves me - how can he walk away from me forever? Hitting the road again soon... 2 days from home now.

This trip has been a really interesting adventure. Again, the hours spent driving alone have forced me through every possible angle on what happened with our relationship. I'm actually starting to feel a bit angry now... I was miserable and co-dependent on my ex and when I told him I was unhappy and needed to leave to work on myself he ended things completely. I realize that he was operating on a defensive level because I was leaving him - but at the eleventh hour of leaving I had asked that it only be a break instead of a break up and he took it one further and ended things forever. Of course now that I'm looking back I see that his actions since reflect a man who is truly confused as well. I know he still loves me but he didn't understand what I was coping with. Every aspect of my life had become entangled in his due to the circumstances of our move - I completely lost sight of who I was. So now I'm left wondering if I can fault him for hurting me by retaliating and telling me it's over for good. Especially when I know that he was confused himself and was only trying to regain control of the situation (by ending things instead of being left). Does this make any sense? (Sorry, it's late and I spent another 10 hours driving today). He hurt me immensely by not allowing me to have the time to better myself by temporarily going my own path - but did he mean it when he said it was over for good? Other than the last month of our relationship, our communication and compatibility were outstanding. He knows that external factors caused stresses on us and ultimately upset me to the point that I had to leave the situation to find myself again. Can he really be sitting there now that we're done and fault me for leaving to better myself? Do you think he'll be able to get past his feelings of betrayal that I left and see through to WHY I had to leave? I've acknowledged that I have work to do - he's already seen positive changes - we still love each other very much... If a man really loves you and wants you to be your best, ego aside for being abandoned, shouldn't he want to give you another chance once you're a better person? I've spent the last week feeling really guilty for walking out on him - but in the end he forced me to go - and worse, told me that there was no hope in reconciling and THEN followed up days later telling me how he was still struggling with his feelings. I know he's confused...does it sound like after some NC he may understand that this was the ONLY way to salvage our relationship? If I'd stayed as I was we would have continued to kill the love we had... At least now maybe once we heal we'll have a fighting chance to really make the relationship work? I'm so confused. I don't want false hope, but I can't help but think that clearer heads, and happy memories will prevail over the anguish created by the final month of the relationship. If he loves me, he'll miss me. If he misses me, he'll have to be remembering how happy the bulk of the relationship was. And if he's remembering that - then he should remember that what we had WAS worth the risk and that it can only be better BECAUSE I left, not in spite of it. Sorry bout the rant... 8 Days of strict NC and 7 days alone on the road. BTW, the ex has not even emailed me once even though he had no clue where I am - I know he's an ex, but would it kill him to show me that he still cares if I'm okay? Then again, I did leave without saying goodbye... Geez, even with NC I'm still going nuts.

Thanks DN, the crisis was averted... I sat there thinking about my motivations for writing him - in the end I realized that I would just wind up hyper-analyzing WHATEVER response he were to give me... I really don't think I'm into that kind of torture right now... We'll see how long I can keep this up though.

As an added thought, I moved to be with my ex and support his endeavours and it IS incredibly difficult to keep your sense of self in that process. All of your friends and family are far from you, and you're instead surrounded by someone else's support network. Not to say that that support can't one day benefit YOU as well, but in the beginning, I know I always felt like I was hanging out with HIS friends and didn't really have any of my own. It's difficult when you rely on someone else too much for your happiness. I was definitely guilty of falling into that rut. It becomes very difficult to balance joining someone else's life - changing yours almost completely - adjusting and trying to find your way in a new environment - and keeping your sense of self about you. When the sense of self is in question, I find the self-esteem quickly becomes at risk as well. Just try to stay focussed on the fact that her unhappiness had nothing to do with you. You were the light in her life...she probably began to feel like a burden because you had to pick her up so much...Again, same thing happened in my relationship - you feel lost, you feel alone, you don't want to lean on your bf all the time... The more I felt like I was upsetting my bf by relaying my troubles with adjusting to the new life, the worse I'd feel about myself for weighing him down with my thoughts...the more I'd think I should leave...and so on and so on. Counselling is a great idea...I had an aversion to it as well - not sure why. You offered to go with her right? I think that could still be something that may help to heal if you do get the chance to try again in the future. For now I reitterate that she needs to find her happiness and balance on her own before she will feel like she's worthy or able to join your life again without bringing you down. Hang in there because love does prevail.

HardShowingAffection, Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. It definitely does sound like we're in the same situation...when did you guys split and how long were you together? I will definitely keep you posted on what happens with the ex and I - he is going to be where I am (our hometown in Canada) for a month in July, so I'm just waiting to see if he'll make the effort to contact me... I keep thinking that if he were really done with the relationship, he would have insisted that I move my things out, no? Maybe wishful thinking - he DOES after all need the furniture too...but still - when a guy's done they want no reason for the ex to contact them right? "If you take this part of your post, and substitute men for women, I could have written it myself. From my perspective, I tend to focus on all the positive, while she seems to focus on the negative." Yes, and isn't it infuriating!!! All I can say to this is that in time, when they miss you everyday, they will need to acknowledge that relationships have ups and downs and that a relationship is worth the work! "Sooo.... it sounds like we are in very similar situations. I have talked to her about 5 times over the past month. She has found 'reasons' to call me, and I have talked to her each time. I have not initiated the calls, as I don't want to push her away, but there is still that part in the back of my head that wonders what my next step should be. I am standing pretty strong, and if she decides she wants to talk, I am going to let her initiate that conversation, and I believe that is the best thing to do." Have you had any indication from her as to whether or not she has any thoughts of reconciling? It must be torturous talking without being clear on where your future is going... "I would recommend looking into bettering yourself during this period... it will help you along and make you that much better no matter what direction your relationship takes you! I feel so good about myself now, and feel like I have a TON more to offer my relationship with the ex, or any future girl for that matter!" The first week after the breakup I bought 2 books and attended a workshop on personal transformation...I'm very much into finding my lesson in the pain of this experience - and in all honesty, I know that if the ex and I were to get back without something changing (in both of us) that the same problems may just happen again. While I'm trying to make myself a better person for ME, I must admit it brings a smile to my face to think of how much happier I can make the man that I love when I become better for US. (Even though I'm trying to deal with the thought that US may not happen again.) Keep me posted on your situation as well...Here are two threads with the rest of my story if you are interested... Take care L.

I'm in a similar situation as my bf and I (living together for a year and a half) broke up due to fighting over work stresses and he felt we were arguing too much. The question was never whether or not we cared about each other and the day I left the apartment he told me that he still loved me but that we just couldn't live together. All of my furniture and things are still in the apt while I figure out what I'm doing with my life (I've relocated temporarily to Canada, but all of my things are with the ex in California). We have now gone NC for a week and I was wondering who it was that broke NC when you got back together? I'm having a hard time believing that this is over - my ex is incredibly stubborn, however, so I'm not sure what kind of clarity it's going to take for him to value the love that we still have over his unwillingness to work through our problems... Thoughts? I'm dying here knowing that we love each other still but are just waiting for it to die away... Does it sound like we have any hope? The week that we'd broken up he was saying things that he'd never said before like "You'll make a good little wife someday..." I'm giving him time and space right now in the hopes that absense will make the heart grow fonder and he'll miss me enough to want to work at this again. I wish I had a crystal ball.... and would love any advice anyone can offer on whether or not stubborn men can change their mind once they have a chance to get past their anger and get back to remembering why they loved you... I should also add that I initiated the break up but only wanted to have time to clear my head (was getting depressed over a failed work situation) and the ex was so hurt that he broke things off completely.

Hi there, I completely understand your situation and am going through something quite similar myself. My bf and I broke up 2 weeks ago and much of the same stresses were responsible in breaking up an otherwise very compatible and happy pair. We are still very much in love as well, and I'm still trying to come to terms with what's happened here. I also relocated twice in one year to be with him and it caused me to feel very dependent and depressed...In the end I also left him, but when the time came to leave I decided I only wanted to make it a break to clear my head - at that point he was so hurt by my actions that he ended things completely. I am also wondering if there is any chance of reconciliation here. In your case, I would think there definitely should be. I feel that if the love is there, nothing else should matter and in time when she finds herself again, she'll find her way back to you. I'm already there with my ex, unfortunately, he didn't understand the reasons why I was so sad and had to leave in the first place, and now believes that there is no hope for us.. Just give it time - if you two truly love each other then you'll be together in the end. Things just need to heal themselves, and unfortunately, only time can mend those wounds. If you are interested in my story please have a look at my two threads: Take care. L.

Okay guys, Having a REALLY hard time not making contact today... I've had more time to reflect on this situation and have realized that he is unwilling to reconcile because he is hurt that I bailed on him and may not want to take the chance in being hurt like that again. Of course, there are many other circumstances that led to me wanting to have some time alone to clear my head - mainly, feeling like a financial burden on him after the work ran dry.. With this in mind I can only hope that he remembers that it wasn't just about not wanting to be with him, but more about wanting to get back to a place in myself where I didn't feel so dependent on him. He knows that I only wanted it to be a break, but by that point was so angry that I was leaving (even temporarily) that he lashed out and told me not to come back... Since then reactions that I've gotten from him when he thinks I'm moving on have been positive, including offering up to me that he's still struggling with his emotions (ie: not 100% sure on his decision to end things for good.) I'm really thinking the way I left (without saying goodbye) may have left him feeling like I was upset with him for not making an effort to see me when he was in San Jose. I don't want him thinking that I left out of anger or hurt...I want to drop him a friendly line to let him know that my trip is going well...keep the friendship lines open so he continues to think that my life is going on happily, even though I can't be with him. Again, the initial break up was my doing, he only reacted accordingly as he was upset - so my NC now may only be giving him a chance to feel like I'm deserving of being punished for leaving him. I want us to have positive, friendly LC so that his stubborn (we'll never get back together) thoughts may turn into, I still love her and maybe in time this CAN work again. Anyone think a very short, friendly email telling him that I'm doing okay would be a bad idea? I think he may not contact me right now because he feels that I left upset with him - I want to take the upper hand again and show him that I wasn't affected by him being unsure if he wanted to see me before I left on the trip. Advice needed ASAP... Thanks. L.

Hi Everyone, I'm currently in Edmonton, Alberta visiting a gf... I've had my ups and downs the past two days in the car... I cycle between feeling like there is absolutely no chance that D and I will ever be together again, and believing that there is no way that we won't be together again. Today is Day 5 NC and it's not been very nice. I keep having these irrational fears that he's just going to forget about me if he doesn't hear from me. He still has no idea where I am or what I'm doing...I find myself wondering if he even cares at all. So far no attempts have been made by him to find out if I'm okay...no emails, no phonecalls... I feel like I never meant anything to him and that he's working on forgetting that I ever existed. The friend I visited with last night was an old golfing buddy of my ex - he reminded me that up until even 3 months ago (before the move to Cali) my ex couldn't even make it through 9 holes of golf without leaving early as he wanted to make sure he was home by the time I got home from work.. Everyone who knew us is shocked at this breakup... we really did have one of those special bonds that didn't wean over time (a year and a half of living together and still as giddy/affectionate as ever). I had always been warned about the dangers of working together ...the stress of that situation put a strain on the relationship - but even though it brought us to a breaking point - all the other aspects of our relationship, including the deep love, were still present in the end. It was our achilles heel that we couldn't get past... It was really the only source of our disagreements... everything else was completely compatible. I just keep thinking that once we've had some time to reflect on the situation, we'll see that this one bad area can and should be fixed for the good of every other area that worked SO well. I know we care about each other very deeply...this is not wishful thinking...it's the only certainty I have right now. I wish I knew that his pride wasn't going to allow him to let our love die... Can you men please reassure me that if you really love a woman, eventually your pride can be sacrificed? I WILL NOT CALL HIM... but do I ever miss my best friend. With the exception of situations of abuse... I believe that true love should always prevail. As we continue to give each other space and the bad memories fade I wonder if he'll question what we've done here. It was just so senseless and now it's gone too far.

Hun, you aren't being silly...I'm having the exact same thoughts as you. It's been almost 2 weeks for me (3 days NC so far) and year and a half live-in relationship (in 2 different countries)...what about you?

I know what you mean lvlyldy - the pain is pretty unbearable for me as well...I know NC is the way to go, but there is that nagging sensation that every day we are out of touch, is a day that solidifies the end of the relationship forever. I fought back tears for most of today and cannot imagine the day when I don't wake up hurting inside. I'm almost thinking that even if I do manage to heal from this one, it'll be a long time before I open myself up to this kind of pain again. Hang in there.

This is a poem I found after my first painful breakup some years ago. Maybe it'll bring some comfort to some of you who, like me, are hurting at the hands of a breakup. After a while... After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn... and with each goodbye you learn. Veronica A. Shoffstall