mmd

I love her a lot and she loves me... We honestly cannot be separated. In those times we broke up it was foolish and for stupid reasons but it has helped our relationship get better until now... Im treating this as a breakup, even though I know she loves me. So Im just initiating no contact. I know what you mean... friscodj the relationship sounds really messed up. But im not going down without a fight. I am just going through some issues that I need to sort out... My own insecurities.

Backround Info: I've been with this girl (Clori) for 1 yr 7 months and we've broken up several times around 4, last time she was the one to dump me and it affected me really bad. We are back together and its been 6 months since our last break up. We are both 17 yrs old. Lately I've been having issues with her, insecurities, jealousy etc This is an email I sent to my school counseller who is helping me at the moment. In the beggining it talks about a counselling session I had with Clori and Me and the counseller. The email sums up most of it. ----------------------- Hi its Mark... I just want to give you a heads up on what's happened to save time for when I see you. On Friday I came out of the counselling session with Clori feeling like my mind was filled with thoughts which made me stressed which put me a in mood for a while. I told Clori that I wasn't feeling too great and that I would come up with an answer about hanging out with her later on (since she was going to a restaurant with friends and was coming back to school in a hr). About one hr later I came up to Clori and told her that I didn't feel like seeing her today because I just had too much on my mind and that I wouldn't be very enjoyable to be with, we talked further and came to the conclusion that we needed a break, we were on a good terms and that she said she would be waiting for me when I'm better. Her plans were to have a friend over for dinner, then on Saturday go shopping with a friend and then go out Saturday night clubbing. I also was planning to go clubbing on Saturday night with some friends to the same place. We didn't call or text each other for ages, I was struggling to not contact her and talk about us. I took the break because I needed to sort out what was going on in my head and separate all the thoughts. I went with a friend back to his place and hung out, talked a little bit about my problems. I came to the conclusion that I would be able to deal with Michael and Clori being friends and that I don't have any reason not to trust Clori. Getting to the end of Friday, I was feeling ok ish, still had Clori on my mind and was wondering what she was up to and didn't end up talking to her the rest of the day until she called me when she was about to go to bed and asked about clubbing on Saturday night to see if I was going and I said "Yeah I think I am", she replied ok and asked how I was etc and said goodnight. I later found out that she told a friend that she didn't want to feel awkward with us a on a break and being at the same club together, I knew and she knew that if we both went that one of us wouldn't have a good time. I decided on Saturday not to go... I went to bed with some stuff on my mind on how to go about this, should I call her at all? should I text her at all? Is she feeling the way I am? I missed her like crazy, maybe only because I'm so used to talking to her a lot everyday or maybe because I really did miss her... I don't know. I woke up on Saturday feeling crap the instant thought that came to my head was " Oh crap I've got issues with Clori", I went to army at 7am and came home about 12pm, I still hadn't called or texted Clori still wondering if I should have or not, still wondering if she missed me and if she felt how I did. I made plans to go see a friend (Jay) and I would go to his place and figure what to do from there... I called a taxi and left to the BTS train station, when I arrived I received a text message from Clori asking "Heya wat u doing tonight?" I told her that I didn't quite know yet and that I was still deciding, she told me she was sick and feeling sad because she couldn't go out anymore. I told her that I was worried, and that I would be able to see her only because she was really sick fever etc, and that today would just be an exception. I was dying to see her, I couldn't wait... I never did make official plans with Jay because he wasn't clear whether he wanted me to come over or not. So I left to Clori's house feeling happy that I would be able to see her, I wanted to know how she felt about everything I couldn't help myself. I saw her and we did end up kissing a little bit even though she was sick and had a great time just hanging out with each other. We didn't talk about what we felt apart from when we kissed she said and I knew that we were on a break and this isn't quite right and that we would just make an exception for today and start the break again on Sunday. We had fun being in each others company and we got intimate, cuddling etc nothing sexual happened and I didn't want anything to happen. By the end of the day we were feeling pretty good, and I tried to imagine what the next couple days would be like... I tried to plan what I was going to do, which was to keep contact to a minimum, in order for me to get used to what its like without Clori and for her to miss me a little bit hopefully, be friendly... hang out with friends, see you to talk about my issues and by the end of the week I would be feeling pretty good and would be ready to be back with Clori again and better. However this changed later on. After watching a movie we both went to Clori's bed and lay down next to each other and started talking, this lead to how she wanted things to be and how she felt. She felt that me being emotional and stressed drove her a little bit away from me and that is why she wanted to be with friends this weekend and which is why she was with them a lot. She felt anxiety on Friday because she was stressing out a bit about me and she didn't like it, she enjoyed just being with friends for a little bit and that she was looking forward to going out on Saturday although by the end of Saturday with me she said she would have rather have done this than go out. Then she started explaining how she wanted things to be: She wants to build our relationship up again because she thought we needed to have a spark again and want to be with each other because it wasn't just routine. We are on a sort of break up but we know we have and love each other. But she was being incredibly honest and started bringing up possibilities of what could happen like she could not want me by the end of this and it could happen with me and that other guys could crop up in her life. She started talking about the future and how we might last, we might not. We would have to date and experience other people in order to have a really good relationship in the future. She talked about how if we broke up she would never have a serious relationship like us in the next 2 years and that she would just go around having fun (making out with other guys at clubs or something) this made my stomach turn to ribbons at the thought of it but I didn't show it. How can she be talking like this? Its like she's prepared for us broken up already like she knows its going to happen In the next couple of weeks she wants us to be with friends and do whatever just not go make out with some other girl or guy, just pretend we are broken up but we know we love and have each other and that nobody will know. She wants us to flirt and have no intimacy and just build up from the start with flirting then hanging out again etc. She wants us to make calls because we want to and have a really good conversation not because its routine and we do it not just cause we have done it every other day. She gave me permission to flirt because she wants me to get my confidence back up and that I have nothing to worry about with her. I agreed with most of it but some of it just made me feel really bad, on how she would do all this other stuff with other guys if we broke up etc. She didn't want to make any promises because anything could happen in the next couple of weeks and that she didn't want to break any promises. She wants us to flirt again when we see each other in classes. She wants to be with her friends at break or lunch and for me to do the same. I had absolutely no say in what was to happen... But that's ok. Ultimately in the end she wants us back together and happy. But she's not making any promises on the outcome and that she is ready for any possibilities...She's ready...I'm not... I left to go home with a whole new load of thoughts on my mind. Current terms: We are pretending that we are not together but we know we have each other and love each other. So basically she wants: Us to be together in the end and happy (but she's ready for any other possibilities like breaking up) To make calls to each other if we don't have to think about it (same for text messaging) To flirt and build up our relationship again My confidence to be back to normal (I can flirt with other girls if I want to) Me to be ok when I see her with any other guy because I know that I have her and that she loves me (the trust) Me not be emotional because its not attractive and it stresses her out Duration: 1-3 weeks Most of this is exactly what she said to me when we broke up last time. She wants me to be the guy she fell in love with. I can do this... But I will be struggling with worries because she brought up all this stuff about other guys. My plan so far is have NO CONTACT at all and just wait till she calls me and texts me, play hard to get. I will be with friends, also I'll flirt with Clori when I'm with her or see her. I'll also flirt around with other girls since Clori gave me permission to get my confidence back up. This will change over the next few weeks if Clori and I start to get better. What should I do? Is there anything else I could be doing? Thank you so much for putting your time and effort into this... I appreciate it a lot. MMD

the guy tries to avoid me and only talks to her when im not around or im somewhere else or nearby. I CANT GET OVER what they had and how they are still talking now. Ive been thinking of taking a break because i cant concentrate on school or friends cause im thinking about her 24/7 and what shes doing

I got back together with my girlfriend back in april and im happy for that... but while we broke up she went with another guy and they made out once. and my first question is, is kissing such a big thing? Cause it had a big effect on me... Anyways we went throught summer having fun together again, but now school has started. And shes in his CLASS ( the guy she got with)... its been a week now and she and the guy are talking again and he seems to tease her a lot with his friend. I just hate this feeling I know i cant trust her and she wouldnt cheat on me but ive already fought with her because i told her not to talk to him but i know thats wrong now cause its controlling... i know that she is the one with me now but i just still have this small feeling of insecurity and i wake up feeling really crap. knowing i have to go to school and see them 2 talk. it reminds me of when we broke up and they were talking and being together. Will this pass with time as i get used to it? Can I say anything to her without being controlling? How can I see this differently? Is this jealousy? thanks in advance

This is bugging me a lot... Just want her to miss me... Any advice at all would help Thx

sounds like serious problem... sounds like a phobia, well first off welcome to the forums and that you've come to the right place. Well first off, yes women will notice good looking guys. But to them it mean nothing much than just another guy who seems to have better qualities than the average person. But SHE LOVES YOU all your qualities.. "I know she loves me. That my partner will have an affair? Nope, I really dont think she is interested in that, and I fully trust her." Other men mean nothing to her you mean EVERYTHING to her, you are attractive and you have lasted 4 years which is amazing so far. The other men she notices means nothing she only "notices" them Im sure the same for you, you would notice attractive women im sure. Just relax... They mean NOTHING to her. And if she sees a penis? whats the worry? shes got YOU and she would not care... Maybe your issue is above what im saying but I hope this helps and did not offend u in any way...

Him being immature is part of his character you cant really change that. If you love your bf you shouldnt have to think twice, and if you still have feelings for your ex then you havent got over him yet. Stick with your current bf, and see how it goes. Im 16 so im not that experienced just my 2 cents

Heres just some backround information... Ive been with this girl for 1 year 7 months, broken up about 3 times. We are still going strong. We are both 16 yrs old. For the last week I've been feeling down or thinking about my girlfriend A LOT mainly because of her sudden lack of attention for me. It started when school started, we've been at school for about a week and 1 day. Shes with her friends most of the time and I dont know how I feel exactly... well I want to be with her more than she wants to be with me at the moment I think. Should I just give her some space to give her some time to miss me a little bit? To give her a little wake up call... We made plans for us to be together friday night but when she heard her friends were going out she cancelled with me and told me that she didnt remember planning anything with me (Not sure whether to believe that...) But I trust her... I just miss being with her a lot, like we used to. Thanks in advance just wondering how to go about this?

I hung out with her the other day at her house and she was so good.I think its just school thats changed her. I talked to my counseller today at school, and came to the conclusion that I was being too obsessive and controlling and that I need to relax and that i should not rely on her for happiness and that I should have a world outside of her. so im improving hopefully

My girlfriend wasnt the same today... She didnt want to hold hands in school in the hallways, she didnt let me put my arm around her because she didnt want teachers to see. But we have always done this... I dont understand She has a chance to move to my class, but she doesnt want to cause she is scared that if we break up it would be too awkward. We've been together for about 1 year 8 months and broke up twice. But its all good now. She wasnt bothered to take me home after school because she was scared of hitting traffic. But I would take her home anyday. Am I being unreasonable? What do I do to correct my thinking?

No.... thats the thing...

I am now back with my ex but while we broke up, she went with another guy and they kissed. I hated it, but it brought her back to me because she realised it was me that she wanted. Now that school has started they share some classes together and they talk and it makes me feel like sh*t, I confronted her about it already and asked her to do her best to stay away from him. The thing I dont understand is that she said she doesnt really like him either so why is she talking to him? Anyways thats not important, I just need to know how to deal with this. Any helpful things that I can say to myself to make me feel better...? i try telling myself that she picked me over him and that it was just a kiss, but it all just reminds me of how crap i felt when we broke up.

you are all right thank you but i just have this huge grudge for this guy... and i hate the fact that she's gonna be near him again. but theres nothing i can do right? other than get over the fact.

well i got a nice wallet from my gf for my birthday otherwise maybe something he can remember you by...so whenever he sees it he thinks of u

take one step at a time, deal with one then the other. your ex first or your female friend. so try and have something with either one if it doesnt work you always got the other one... im 16, so maybe not the best advice just a thought

My Gf and I broke up about 5 months ago well she broke up with me and we are back together now... But during the time we were separated she had a thing with another guy they kissed but nothing more. It had a BIG impact on me because kissing is a big thing for me. We had been together for 1 year and 2 months, I have been trying to forget about it this whole time and now i find out shes in his class next year at school and its starting soon. When I read this I freaked out, we are in love etc but i have always had a problem with insecurity. I hate the guy and i dont want anything to do with him, and i dont even want my gf going near him ever again. It hurt me bad, something so small i just felt betrayed but i wasnt because we weren't together but anyways... I just wanna know how to think or deal with this... I trust her not to do anything with him but just the fact that if they talk it would bring the feeling all back again when she was with him and i was hurting bad during the breakup....

My GF's mum grew up with very strict parents and thier family is Australian so I dont think that kind of violence is accepted in thier culture. Well thanks a lot people, Ill be sure to tell my GF the advice

I can admit that I see sometimes my girlfriend is wrong because I am there when they fight sometimes, and she respects her mum as much as she respects her which is not a lot. Her mum calls her names quite a lot "selfish, * * * *" so that hurts my GF quite a lot.

Thanks this is all helpful, I might get my GF to read this Any more opinions of helpful comments is appreiciated...

Just recently my gf's mum went off at her because she wasnt hungry and her mum didnt accept, and somehow it ended up with my GF on the floor and her mum on top of her with her knees on her chest and face yanking my GF's phone out of her hand. Which then lead to my GF running out of her house in the rain to a friends house. But after getting there and talking with her friend and her friends mum for 10 mins her dad came and picked her up and took her home. Her mum is known by many people as a B***H and has a high temper and can be very physical (hitting etc) at times. My GF is crying constantly at least 2 - 3 times a month about fighting with her mum (not physical fights all the time mostly verbal). Last year she also went through a depression which I went through with her and one of the reasons for her depression was her mum. Her mum and her do not get along her mum is constantly being unfair and selfish IMO. A lot of other parents dont like my GF's mum. I dont know what to do, I have no place to say or do anything, I just feel hopeless can I do anything at all? And is this abuse? (Knee to the face while lying on the ground and some slapping), When my GF isnt crying about her mum she is the best thing and she is so happy, I would like to see her happy more often with less crying. Im 16 and so is she, 1 year and 4 month long relationship.

Yeah alright... Thanks more suggestions or anything to add would be appreciated

Im 16 I go to school and I see him there, I am now together with my ex and he isnt a friend but hes a friend of friends

How do I act around a guy who got with my girlfriend while we were separated and I hate him for it... But I have no right to but I still hate him...

Yeah we decided that if we had any problems we would sort it out and not hide it from each other, and she said she regrets everything she did with the other guy and I believe her (she has always been honest) and we got back together and we are more happy than ever, just every now and then I think about how I felt when she was with the other guy and I dont know how to act around him, I can let this go just need to know how to deal with the rage no matter how much I tell myself that she had every right to and all that stuff.

I have just recently gotten back with my ex and while we were separated she had a fling with a guy and they made out. Now I cant stop thinking about her getting with him, I see the guy at my school and I just feel rage build up when I see him. I know that we were separated and she could do whatever she wanted I just cant seem to let it go for some reason. And its just a makeout but to me it seems a big deal I dont know why, maybe the fact that someone else got to have her, while we were separated her being with him made me feel the worst ive ever felt for 4 weeks. Someone just give me advice on how to forget about it, I love my GF (recent ex) and she loves me to. Should I even be caring about this?