munchkin

She is planning to see a counseller again and she is on anti depressants, she know she has a problem, I think she feels she sould have dealt with her gf dying by now and feels bad because she hasnt! Any other thoughts from anyone on what to put in the letter?

I have friend who has depression due to her GF dieing 3yrs ago and she was not allowed to deal with it at the time as she got straight into another relationship that was also not a good relationship. Anyways it is her birthday soon and I have been trying to think of something nice to do for her and I thought about writing her a letter, that she can read whenever she is feeling depressed to try to lift her spirits, I was thinking of including things like she has a great support network round her, she is a great mother, all the good things she has in her life. Do you think this would be helpful? What kind of things should I add? Help from people suffereing with depression would be great, as I know it is up to her to get herself out of it, but I want her to know she is loved and she has people that are there for her and support her and she doesnt need to go through this alone. If you do suffer what would you want your friends to say to you? Thanks

So I asked this friend if she wanted to meet up at the weekend and do something with her kids, I got no response, so I thought well maybe she is thinking about it, or something........now the weekend is nere and still no response....is she being extremely rude by not responding or am I over reacting? The other week I asked if she wanted to come to a social group she had exrepssed an interest in and straigh away she replied saying she had the kids and couldnt get a sitter......so why respond straight away that time and ignore me the next????

I overreact all the time, with friends, family, and worst of all with lovers or people I fancy. If I ask them to to something and then dont hear back straight away I start thinking the worst, and wondering what I did to make them ignore me...when in reality they are prob jus busy or thinking about it If they turn me down with a reason, think they are jus making up excuses not to be with me and again start to wonder what I did wrong to make them react that way I go back and over anlayse everything I hav said to them over the last few weeks to see if I can find a reason I wish people could say contact me back and say maybe I jus need to sort such n such out, or cant do that weekend how about this one, thats the wy I would treat them.....is that expecting to much? How do I stop myself being like this? Before you say it I have a good social life and I am happy with my life, I just wish I didnt over react all the time!! Someone told me it ws because I was a Pisces so I care to much??

I think she is prob over her ex now, as when I bring it up in conversation she doesnt go on about them all the time. When we meet up she seems friendly enough, it is obvious she still likes me and wants more with me, but I always try to keep my distance, as she is always wanting to sit near to me and stuff, she doesnt contact me as often as she did altho it still seems to be weekly or more.

Hi I met this amazing woman a few months back, and we hit it off stright away, and things moved a bit quicker than I had expected, she seemed to get serious quite quickly which scared me a bit, so I decided to back off and see how she reacted. Well she reacted by keep asking me to meet up and do stuff, and each time I said no and gave her a reason she would come bac with another suggestion that got around my reason, rather than just accepting I was busy. I kept in minimal contact with her saying we should just be friends. She still seemed a bit full on wanting to meet up every weekend n stuff. I think something could have developed between (maybe it still can) but I am not sure how to deal with her, she hs since said that she wasnt over her ex in the beginning which is why she was so full on and that she wasnt normally like that, but how can I know for sure? I have met up with her a couple times recently with other friends (am still a bit scared of meeting her on our own) and we have plans to do a couple other things with friends over the next few weeks. So I guess I am asking how can I be sure if she was like that because of her ex or if she is normally so full on?

I hav this friend, who I also like, I know where I stand with her as far s us being a couple, and that she jus wants friendship at the moment, as she is not ready for a replationship. She says she wants to be friends, and she has sometimes been there for me when I have needed her, but whenever I ask her to meet up she is busy, and she never asks me to meet up or suggests an alternative date, but does say we should meet up, is very confusing! I want to get to know her as a friend with no expectations, and if something happen then great, but I dont feel like I am getting the opportunity to get to know her, and I dont know how much she wants to get to know me? DOnt know wot to do?

Thanks for all the responses so far. Diggity - 1 - the last 2 relationships ended because the first one died and the second one was a bit of a physho and mentally abused her. 2 - The physical stuff developed quickly and then I wanted a relationship which she did not Whilst I understand where you are coming from, I still dont fully believe that she wants out, some people may genuinely not be ready for a relationship and not jus making n excuse. Mybe I m kidding myself, but there is somthing beyond my control that is driving me toward her, and telling me to stick in there, my instincts are telling me she likes me, but I just scared her off, and i need to get her back, but I am not sure how?

The scenario: You have recently (6mths) got out of a relationship that was quite damaging to you, and your previous relationship didnt end well either. You meet someone who you really like, you are not sure if going into a new relationship is the best thing for you right now, you say this to the other person, you say you want to take things slowly. They and you get a bit carried away and jump in quicker than either of you wanted to. You back off and tell the other peron you are not looking for anything other than friendship from anyone. They accept friendship but you know they want more still, you like them, but dont want a relationship at the moment. What would the other person have to do to change your mind about them? Would you avoid spending time with them as you knew you had feelings for them, but you were not ready to go with them?

OK I know people keep putting up posts about this but I still dont get it! If you like someone and want to be with them why would you back off? If you do back off and they respond by being a bit needy you dump them....why surely this shows they are genuine and like you? If you back off and they dont respond...you dump them coz you think they are not interested......what if the other person thinks oh they have backed off they are not interested I will leave it? How would you ever get with someone? If I like somone I want to be with them, spend time with them, stay in touch, not ignore them and see what happens!!!

I have come to the conclusion that I have some trust issues when it comes to people I like. If I am chatting to friends nd they dont contact me for few days/weeks I just think oh well guess they are busy etc etc...when it comes to someone I like I start thinking the worst, if they dont get in touch for a few days, or if they start of being in touch alot and then it slows down, I end up convincing myself I have done somthing wrong and I need to sort it out, so I start sending lots of messages that I prob shouldn;t I start trying to hard to hang on to them, which has a negative affect and they run a mile, then I end up eing depressed n miserable and annoyed t myself for being an idiot and then I mov on. But i dont learn I jus do the same thing the next time, I tel myself I wont but I end up doing it and so they run away again, so I start not trusting people as i think they will run away....not sure how to break out of the cycle any advice help appreciated

Follow on from previous post.. So she sends me a message on Weds on the website where we met, saying, Hi sorry for being quiet. Cant find my fone charger lol. The assignment not finished yet so i´m panickin lol. Hope u keepin k, chat soon. We have exchanged a couple more messages since, couple times she has said chat soon. So I am thinking this is a good sign. But now I am starting to wonder if I can be bothered with it all anymore, she is a busy person, so if she is never gonna have time to see me, do I really wanna be going there even as a friend? Can you be friends with someone you want more with? Do I send her a message saying how I am feeling and see how she responds? How long do I leave it before I ask her to do somthing together? How do I play this (not that I agree with playing games)?

But I obviously hav done somthing wrong as I have come accross as needy! I just want the opportunity to talk to her about it, see how she is feeling, if I have gone to far or if there is still hope of a friendship. I have resisted in contacting her so far has been over a week since I heard from her, and i last txt her at the weekend am planning to hold out til the weekend as I know shes got an assignment due in this week, but not sure how I will deal if she hasnt been in touch after that. I am not putting her on a pedestal or waiting in, in the hopes she might contact me, I am going out and doing stuff wi friends and meeting new people, but it doesn't take away the fact that I thought there was a friendship with this person which i have managed to mess up. (this whole situation is very reminisent of the one with my ex and I guess it is making me more nervous of things goin the same way..) If it was the other way round would people be telling her to forget about me and mov on or to talk to me about it? If she has run away is she likely to come back jus by me not contacting her? I need some insights from her perspective please?

But what if I have done or said somthing that has annoyed/upset her, I just want to talk to her and se what is going on, why is that so wrong? I mentioned the meeting people with friends as I wondered if she was jealous or annoyed by the fact I was still metting people, even tho she had said she wanted us to see each other as friends with no expoectations maybe she wants more from me, but jus cant giv it to me coz she got so much other stuff going on? this is why I wanna talk to her. But I cant coz she never online to talk to, and dont wanna ring her n risk getting VM or to be ignored. If I giv up on her, wont she giv up on me aswell, and think i had an issue with her? What if she sits back and doies the same thing and waits for me....then nothing will even progress! Whats so wrong with wanting to talk to her?

Took this one off!

Ok so has been nearly a week and no reply to the message I sent her. Thinking of sendin her an email (see below) good idea or bad idea? Hi I am starting to sense that maybe you have started running, and I am not to sure how to stop you, or if you want to/can be stopped. I am cool with having a friendship with you, but I am not sure if you still want that, I am not sure what you want from me? I think you are an amazing woman, you have been through so much I can't even begin to imagine how it has affected you, but you still manage to have a smile on your face and you get on with it (even if underneath you are feeling differently), that is an admirable quaility to have. You should keep smiling your whole face lights up when you are happy and smiling and your laugh is intoxicating. Despite your claims to be shy I think you are more outgoing than you give yourself credit for, whenever I have seen you out in a group (which is only a couple of times I admit) you have been fully involved in all that is going on (a skill I need to develop on, as I am not good in groups) you should keep working on that. I think anyone who has the pleasure of knowing you is lucky, you come accross as a really nice, genuine person and when I asked your friends at the Hen do about you they just said you were a really nice person, I am the same people like us seem to be very rare. I realise there is a lot I dont know about you, but I have seen enough so far to know I want to get to know you better. I accept that you are a busy person and you dont have a lot of spare time, I guess I was lucky that I started to get to know you before you started on your course proper, and now that you are fully into it, the time you had to talk/meet me has dimished. I am worried that I will mess up here/mess up more, by keep wanting to see you, and you being busy, and I dont want to end up making you resent me because I am always wanting to hang out with you, I do still want to be your friend, and I welcome any opportunity I get to spend time with you and your kids. I realise at the moment the last thing you need is another relationship, and the last thing I want to do is ruin any chance we might have in the future by pestering you now (if I havent already ruined it). I hope you find the right person for you as you deserve only the best, you have been through so much crap you deserve to be happy and to find someone who can give you as much as you give them. You know I am here for you if you ever need to chat or anything. If you want some moral support in court then I am there, if you want to talk about xxxxx I am here. I realise I have messed up here, we went to fast to start with, we shouldn't have slept together, I disrespected you there, as I know you dint want to go that quick. I am not sure how I can rectify that, I am not sure how to proceed? If you are worried about me meeting other people, please dont be, I am only meeting them as friends and my subscription runs out soon I prob wont resibscribe as I have got friends now. I think there is some potential there for us, when you are in the right place, and I thought you felt the same way (until I messed everything up). All I ask is that you are honest with me about what you want from me and how we proceed from here?

OK so you meet this person, you get on well, you like them, you contact them alot in the first week, they start asking you to be there partner, you kind like them but are not sure and want more time to get to know the person. So you tell them you like them but want to take things slow. They say ok. 3rd time you meet them you sleep together, you werent sure if you wanted to, but you like the and they wanted to so you do. You then realise that maybe things are going wy to quick, you get a txt from them aksing how you are feeling, so you tell them you are not ready for wht they want can you be friends. They say ok. You are quite busy the next week, so you dont contact them much, they txt every other day, which starts to get a bit much. They then send you an email, but you dont have time to reply. This person is coming accross as clingy and pushy but you would like a friendship but you are not sure how to deal with it. What do you do?

I dont believe she is a player, so I guess I just have to take what she has been telling me at face value. Not gonna contact her anymore now for a bit, gonna wait n see if she replies to the message I sent her, if she is the person I think she is, then she will reply...... I know she has issues but I would like to be there for her, dont have a problem with her having kids, or doing the open uni course, and the ex issues will sort themselves out over time. I am happy to just do the friends thing, will jus hav to supress the feelings of wanting more, in the beginning they were there from her as well, as she was making all the moves, kissing me n stuff, so either she has gone off me and is letting me down gently, or she realised it was going to fast and decided to back off, and she also realised she dint want to get into anything serious so soon after splitting with her ex, I dont think she is the kind of person to say what she doesnt mean, so when she told me she liked me I believe that, and when she told me she wanted friends I believed it, maybe I am jus naive!?!

Thanks I do want to be friends with her and I have said that I m here for her. You think the friendship is still there? I guess I am wanting more from a friendship with her than with other friends, coz I like spending time with her. Sent her a message the other day saying no worries bout meeting up and jus to let me know when she was next free and wanted to meet, how long should I wait til I ask her about meeting again, or shud I jus wait n hope? Put other stuff in the message as well, asking her about stuff and starting disscussions, I dont expect a quick response as if she is busy she might not have time to respond at mo. Again how long should I wait til I make further contact?

Met girl online, chatted most nights for 4-5 hours, met after a week, went really well chatted for about 5 hours, contiuned to chat online and txt during the day met again the following week she had her kids with her this time went well she kissed me goodbye, met again the following week with some of her friends, she stayed at mine, we slept together.Tried to meet up wi her that weekend, she said she was busy, went into stupid mode asked her how she felt about us, as felt like she had backed off after sleeping together (dont believe she was jus out for the sex!) she say she likes me but thinks I want sumthing more than she can give me, can we be friends for now, no expectations, if something eventually happens then all to the good. I send a few more txts thaT i prob shudnt have saying stuff like if things were different wud we be together etc.. Which she did respond to. Thought I had messed up as she has bigtime backed off. She had said previously that she wanted to take things slowly, I realise I messed up by having sex with her. Not sure if i should bring that up or jus leave it now (not even sure if tht was reason for her to back off)? Anyways since then she never seems to be online to chat to, she never txts me, if I txt her she does reply, I know she is busy as she has 2 kids and has started an open uni course so I know this takes up a lot of her time, and I know she is not online alot as I can see when she logs into the website we met on. Also made silly mistake of telling her I was meeting sum1 else off website only as friends (website is for friends as well as relationships), she said have a gr8 time. Next day I told her me and the person I met where jus friends. How do I rectify that one? We met last weekend after not seeing each other for a fortnight as everytime I txt her to ask to meet she say she busy, as it was my bday and it had been preplanned for her to come with me and some friends. Had a good night seemed to get on ok, felt like the friendship was there. She is going through a tough time at the moment with her ex (who has some mental issues such as self harming and has issues with my friend spending time with her ex husband as friends he also has spends time with the kids), also 2 yrs ago she lost a partner to car crash and she never really had the opportunity to properly greive as she went into a relationship with the self harmer almost straight away, and the self harmer was making it hard. So now she has got the opportunity to revisit this greiving process for her partner that died. So I am trying to be there for her, last sat before we went out she said she was jus driving round and crying coz that was how she dealt with stuff, I said she shudda come to mine and talked about it, and that it was ok for her to talk to me about it, or she cud jus come over n cry if that was all she wanted to do and I tried to comfort her. I mentioned it again in the car when she dropped me home after the night out and she said she mite jus take me up in the offer! Should I jus leave it now for her to come to me? So I realise she is not in the right place right now for a relationship, she has other issues she needs to deal with before she can go into another one and I accept that. I asked her if i could take her and the kids out next weekend, or visit one evenin if it was easier for her, and she said Im sorry but we busy for next few weekends and most evenings, and wen I'm free I am studying for open uni course. Is this a put off or shud I take it at face value? I am I silly to stick around in the hopes something might happen once she is in a better place? Is she truly busy or putting me off? How do you be friends with someone you want more with? How do I get to spend time with her without coming accross as needy or pushy? Is there more I could do to show her I m there for her and to help her out? Was thinking I could offer to go over one evening when she studying and cook dinner for them all, and get the kids to help me so she had some time to study, is this a good plan? How do I with feeling like if she wanted to spend time with me she would make time, but I also realise I am prob way down on her list of priorites and thoughts at the moment so not sure how to think? How do I get her to start including me in stuff she is doing, if I am planning a night out I would ask her if she fancied it?

What do you think is more important in keeping a relationship going long term? Having the same oulook on life, similar expectations of people and how they should be treated, similat personalites etc.. or Having the same interests, ie politics, sports, history, science, reading etc.. or do you think a combination of both is needed to truly work long term?

Thanks for the advice. I dint tell her because they might meet by chance, before I walked away she was due to come out to celebrate my birthday as I thought the friends things was working, and this other girl was coming aswell. I know shouldn't even have put either of them into that situation but it dint happen anyways. I dont find myself thinking about her that much, I guess I do sometimes when I get a bit down and the fact she is with sum1else and they are now engaged gets to me a bit, but more because I dont like the person she is with (not because the other person has her but because we dont get along), I dont want anything from her anymore, if friendship comes in the future then fine but it is not on the agenda at the moment. I wanted the new girl to tell me about her ex as i knew there were ongoing isssues with her and I wanted to be able to be there for her, it hasn't put me off her, but I guess it has made me understand more why she is not ready for anything serious with me at the moment.

So we went out last night, with some other friends of mine to celebrate my birthday. She came to mine first and we seemed to be chatting ok as before. Night out was ok, I felt like she was avoiding any contact with me (might jus have been my imagination) she got upset at one point as a song came on that reminded her of someone close to her that died, so i comforted her while the song was on which she seemed ok with, but as soon as it was over I felt like she was trying to shake me off again! When we said good bye we were in her car and I went to cuddle her to which she kinda responded but no effort was made to kiss by her (before wen we went ot she initiated the goodbye cuddle n kiss!). I feel like I want to have a proper talk with her about how I am feeling and how she is feeling and what changed, but I know she has a lot of other issues going on at the moment, so it would prob jus make things worse, but on the other hand it is driving me crazy not knowing. Should I jus accept the friendship and not expect see her that often and see where it goes in the future when she has dealt with her issues? I have told her I am here for her anytime she wants to talk n she is always welcome over to my house if she needs a change of scenery. She said thanks and she mite take me up on it. Not sure how to proceed further, is she jus backing off as she's not ready? Was she backing off because she knows I have feelings for her but she cant act on them as she is not ready? How should I proceed, wait for her to contact me? Contact her n see if she is free next weekend?

I split with my ex 5 months ago, there has been various times when I thought I had moved on and then something happened to make me realise I hadn't. My friends seemed to see that I hadn't not sure how? I met this new girl recently, and things were going good with us until I told her about my ex (i had to as there was a possibility of them meeting up) and she told me about hers as she had been through a tough time as well. Anyway after we had, had this conversation she backs off bigtime, (there were other factors to such as her not being ready for a relationship) but I am guessing she must have sensed that I was still not over my ex. Anyways last weekend I finally said goodbye to my ex and we decided the friendship thing wasnt working and I now feel like I have properly moved on, but how do I show people that I have? What was I doing before that made them think I hadn't?

I have found out the painful way that you need to give it time to be friends with your ex. I split with mine 5 months ago, we dd the NC thing for a couple months, and then tried to do the friend thing, but I was still angry at her, (our relationship was very onesided also she was the onr who wasnt interested) we tried to chat on a few occaisions but just ended up arguing or hurting each other, in the meantime I have been very depressed and down. At the weekend I realised I was still to anrgy with her to be able to form any kind of friendship and I feel she is to but she wont admit to it, so I cut contact my choice, said I may be in touch in the future. Since then I have been feeling so much better about myself and I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my mind, the depression seems to have gone away and I am going wi the flo once again. I think it is because it is on my terms now, not hers (s she asked for the NC before) I still like to think that in the future we may try again, but I am no longer wanting it nd getting depressed when I dont get anything back from her!