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deejay74

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Everything posted by deejay74

  1. deejay74
    haha, i want to smack myself sometimes! yeah, it was dumb, but curiosity got the best of me.
  2. deejay74
    hmm, great example, you're so right, it is difficult but not impossible. the next thing i need to work on is patience!! i know i have a long, hard road to better myself and i can't wait til i get there! is that better?
  3. deejay74
    once again, great advice and thank you very much, i will try what you recommend. with regards to the above advice, i am sure you know it's easier said than done. see, even when i am doing something, i still think about her. even when i am at work. it's amazing how powerful the mind is. that is, and always has been, my most difficult thing to overcome besides completely letting go.
  4. deejay74
    thanks for sharing your stories with me crvers. i read your posts and i want to say i am sorry for what you have been through and going through. i also read the 2nd posting. blueangel's advice is very good but there is one thing he says that is screwing with my head: it makes me want to write an email telling my ex what i regret, but i know it probably won't make a difference. thanks again. i, like you crvers, hate these relationship "games". as i said in one of my posts on this thread, i feel like we're all acting like children when it comes to relationships and the issues that they bring.
  5. deejay74
    hmm, never really thought about trying that, i think i will try your suggestion. thank you. you're so right about the habitual thinking. it's just hard to break such an ingrained habit of thinking. thanks for your help.
  6. deejay74
    no i know this. i am in therapy and have been working on my insecurities. in fact, my therapist said my issue is not about my ex anymore, it's about me. i am dealing with my insecurities via therapy but i know it's going to take a long time before i am better. i am just upset that i think my insecurities led to the break up.
  7. deejay74
    scout, i hate to admit it, but there are a lot of truth in what you've just said. i have tried making that "list" but the good things always outweigh the bad. i have even went so far as listing really trivial things in the "bad" list just so i could get more bad things than good. i just don't understand why i cannot squash the little bit of hope i have been hanging onto this whole time. it's extremely frustrating. and i also haven't gone a day without thinking about her and everything that has happened. i really do miss her and it's so hard to not want her in my life b/c she meant so much. i am a bit jealous too that's she's completely moved on, doesn't give a sh*t about me, and is so happy. actions do speak louder than words as she hasn't made any attempt in contacting me but sometimes i feel she's just being stubborn or she's holding a grudge.
  8. deejay74
  9. deejay74
    hey torchbearer, don't get me wrong, i too want my ex back but i am trying my hardest to let that go because it's pointless wishing for someone who doesn't want me. that's why i want to be over my ex because it's this damned thing called hope that i cannot kill for the life of me. it's amazing how strong it's been holding on. it's just very frustrating because no one can help me with that but me, but why can't i do it? that's what i want to know. and as i mentioned before, i want my ex in my life even it's just as a friend, but she's not. i know exactly how you feel and i am sure you know how i feel. it's spring in new york city, there are so many women i see out wearing their nice spring outfits, but i can't have the one woman i want. seeing all these couples out holding hands in the sunny spring weather doesn't help either. why do relationships and break ups have to be so complicated? at times, i feel like we're all acting like children.
  10. deejay74
    i'm not really sure why i am posting right now, i think i just want to get my thoughts out. today is exactly 4 months since the break up and about 6 weeks since last contact. it's been a pretty rocky 4 months with a lot of ups and downs (some serious downs for that matter). i've done just about everything people have recommended to better myself and sometimes it works, and other times it doesn't. and i also went against the advice on here a couple of times that i now regret doing because i really think my relationship with my ex would be different (as in we would be friends). now i have no idea if she hates me. i did something kind of stupid yesterday and i looked at her myspace page. the only new thing i saw on there was a new blog entry where she talks about her upcoming trip to london and then to portugal and spain. she sounds so happy and excited and it's clearly evident that she's moved on and doesn't think about me at all. reading her blog made me sad because of what i just mentioned and it also reminded me that i am not going with her (i was supposed to). don't get me wrong, i am happy for her but it just reminded me that we're no longer a part of each other's lives, not even as friends. this is the most disappointing factor of this whole ordeal i've been trudging through for the past 4 months. but, it's not a setback, just an unfortunate reminder of how things are. the problem i have now is, i want to email her and see her even more. (many of you know i've been struggling with the idea of reinitiating contact to make amends from the last convo we had and to say good bye. i still haven't decided what to do yet). anyway, i found what works best for me has been therapy, family, friends, and this website. yes, time has helped but it also has been excruciating slow at times. wow, 4 months! this year had honestly sucked so far. on one hand i feel like i can't believe it's almost may already and other times it seems like i've been trying to heal for years. all i know is that i want to be over my ex already, i don't want to be concerned with what's going on in her life, i want to be happy and to stop thinking about this everyday. but, i also want to be friends with my ex at some point because at the end of the day, she's a good person no matter what happened between us or how she treated me after the break up. i have seen her good side and i know her. i also want to thank everyone on here who's helped me and for everyone who's been putting up with my post for the past 4 months.
  11. deejay74
    ...and saw some new things on both. at least she's not with someone else, that i know of, but on her myspace page, she put up a blog about her upcoming trip to europe and what she's going to do there. she sounds so happy and excited (and i am happy for her) but it saddened me because i was supposed to go there with her. i am frustrated because i haven't completely moved on. this makes me want to get in touch with her even more!! and she's got a new pic on her friendster profile and she looks really good. i know i shouldn't be checking her out on those websites, and i've even deleted her a while back from my lists, but curiosity gets the best of me. i don't think this is a set back, but it sure as heck makes me want to get in touch with her even more because i am afraid she'll fall in love with someone in london or europe (i guess that's the hope that's talking here, the thing i can't kill). and i am very aware that that's her life and not mine, but i want her in my life again. she said she'll be posting pics and blogging more on her myspace page when she gets to europe. oh, i wanted to add that when i looked at her profile's previously, it felt as if i was looking at my ex but she seemed like a different person at the same time, but now i have obviously been affected by what i saw.
  12. deejay74
    thanks jman and kellbell. the other issue i am having is that even though the last conversation ended so terribly and she said all those things about me (she always maintained that she didn't break up with me until then), i still want to get in touch with her. i said some mean things too but it was a reaction to what she said. i sent an apology email the very next day and haven't heard from her since. why do i feel this need to get in touch with her still and to see her before she goes to europe in less than a month? i still can't figure this one out.
  13. deejay74
    she called me that the last conversation we had which has been almost 6 weeks ago. that was the last contact i've had with her. it ended up really nasty and that's when she called me that. the funny thing is, i think the reason it hurts so much is i can see how i may have been emotionally draining, but that was when she started to pull away from be and became more distant. i didn't know what else to do. what are you supposed to do when you feel your SO becoming more distant and you feel like your SO is slipping away from you? i did what i thought was right, but in hindsight, i became needy and clingy because i was doing all the work in the relationship near the end and i wanted attention from her. i know now, this was the wrong thing to do. but i can still hear her voice when i think about it. and to top it off, after she said that, she claims i had drained so much of her energy that she has been trying to regain it since she broke up with me (this around the beginning/middle of march when this convo happened). and then she said that had she not been in a relationship with me, she thinks she could've done better last semester. i just don't get that, that part's definitely not my fault. i tried my hardest not to interfere with her school because i know how much it meant to her.
  14. deejay74
    good job! way to be strong!! keep it up!
  15. deejay74
    tomorow will be exactly 4 months since my ex broke up with me and during this time, i have had a lot of self-reflecting on what went wrong in the relationship and how i contributed to the break up. i've been reading a lot of posts on here and also i've been reading a lot of books about relationships, break ups, personality, etc. and i see myself in a lot of what these posts/books mention that cause break ups. pocodiablo, superdave, scruffism, majord have all provided a lot of insight as well and i can see a lot of things that i did and didn't do to cause the break up. i know that i shouldn't be taking ALL the blame, and i am not, but i seem to be thinking/realizing that i had a lot do to with it. for the longest time, my ex said she didn't break up with me because of me, but then in our last conversation that ended up in a fight, she said i was an "emotional drain" and that hurt really badly. i haven't heard from her since but i've been thinking about what she said about being an emotional drain just about everyday. it makes me mad that it seems like she can't forgive me for a couple of stupid mistakes i made out of acting on emotions. i never treated her badly during the relationship. i don't get it anymore but i can't seem to stop thinking of new things that i may have done to make my ex fall out of love with me and/or break up with me. anyone else been through this?
  16. deejay74
    1.Does your ex still contact you? no 2.Do you respond when he does that? If he doesn't make any attempts,would you respond? i've gotten 1 text message since the break up and that was about 2 months ago. i didn't respond. 3.How do you feel when you see bump accidently at your ex on the street? the last time i was a little nervous but handled myself with dignity. 4.Have you moved on? about 90% 5.If he/she asked for you to try again,would you agree? not without a lengthy discussion about what went wrong and how we would proceed. 6.What has helped you most to heal from your break-up? time, friends, family - i tried keeping myself busy and all that other stuff, but that didn't help me. my mind is very strong. i am also in therapy, so that has helped a lot as well.
  17. deejay74
    i would suggest therapy for him. i have the same problem and i am in therapy. it's not a quick, easy fix to solve this problem so if he's going to go and you're both still together, be supportive of him. you may even want to be in on one of his sessions. i can tell you from my own experience that me not loving myself led to my ex breaking up with me because it made do and think things that weren't healthy to the relationship. hope this helps.
  18. deejay74
    well, i am actually afraid of calling her because of the last time i did. it wasn't pretty - she got upset that i called her because i had seen her just a few days prior. anyway, i have a post about it titled "i never learn and i ruined everything". so that's why i am reluctant to call. but, it's been nearly 2 months since that happened, so there may have been enough time that passed for her to cool off, but i don't know. btw, what is Plan B cuz i don't have one?
  19. deejay74
    so i have this email typed up and ready to send but haven't. i am going to sit on it for about a week or so and decide if it's a good idea to send it or even to meet up with her but i wanted some opinions about the content. "hey ______, how are you? good, i am sure!! listen, i know you're going away to europe in less than a month and i wanted to get together with you before you go so i can say good bye. and to be honest, i want to leave things on a positive note in case you don't come back from london b/c i still feel bad for how things ended the last time we spoke. i obviously was not using my brain correctly up until this month and now it has regained it's normal ablilities! LOL! by now, i am assuming that you're getting ready for finals and then you graduate, right?! good for you and good luck with your finals! anyway, i hope all is well with you and give cortes my love, i miss the little guy. take it easy, me" Cortes is her dog, btw. anyway, i hope it still doesn't sound too sappy or is too long. before you say don't send it, which i may not, just tell me your opinion about the content. thanks in advance.
  20. deejay74
    hey major, i feel you bro. i am coming up on 4 months since the break up and i STILL feel those ups and downs and everything you've described you're feeling. it has gotten a little bit better but i am by no means completely healed. glad to see you're doing alright for yourself though! sometimes i wish i could ffwd time and be at the "healed" stage already! (another post from a senior member too!)
  21. deejay74
    [/bOLD] i think this is THE most important lesson i've learned and what a lesson it is! i had to lose someone in order to learn the lesson. i am sure it must've been hard on my ex for me relying on her for my own happiness when she was trying to focus on her own goals. if only i could have known this when we were going out but at least i've learned, right?
  22. deejay74
    i agree with sukerbut. no matter how hard it is, maintaining NC is the absolutely best policy. you all can use me for an example too. i don't have the links copied but if you go back and read my posts, one is from february with a title like "i'm the biggest idiot" and the other time i broke NC, i posted with a title "i never learn and i ruined everything". it should be clear examples on why you shouldn't break NC. it really sucks to regret my decisions to break NC and there's nothing i can do to change the past. please remember this! and DO NOT let your emotions take control of your actions, this is the worst thing you can do. i've done it and i made bad choices. i'm am almost positive that i could have at least had a friendship with my ex, but because of my stupid actions in breaking NC, and acting with emotions, i've probably pushed my ex to the point of no return and i have no idea anymore what my ex thinks of me (some of you on here may say it doesn't matter but i know there are many of you who are still concerned about how their ex thinks of them, like me). good luck to everyone who's just been dumped. let me tell you, unless you are incredibly strong emotionally, or just have a lot of experience dealing with this type of stuff, you're in for an emotional ride!
  23. deejay74
    well, since all my close friends are guys anyway, i had an all-male support group of friends. luckily my friends are not the "macho" types and were very supportive for me, and still are. i mean, there are some who say that i should have gotten over it by now (which i kind of agree and wish i was), but i also have a few who still are there for me and still listen when i need to talk about it. the only females that have been supportive have been my mom and sister. i almost wish i had more female friends who i could talk to about this to get more perspectives from women, but i guess that's one of the reasons why i post here a lot.
  24. deejay74
    how do you kill that part? i've been trying to find a way for months now, and i obviously haven't found a way.
  25. deejay74
    hmm, this sounds like a good idea, i may try it myself but i am so tired of feeling sad. funny story - about a few weeks after the break up, there was a party here at work in which alcohol was being served. needless to say, i got a little typsy and then "such great heights" came on, i almost lost it in front of my coworkers. it was kind of embarrassing. i heard this song the other day in a bar and it didn't affect me as much as i thought, probably because i was in public but i am pretty sure i would tear up if i heard it alone at home. good luck.
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