versat_il

Well my mother thought me to swim in raw sewage just to build up my immune system. But, HEY, I was born and raised here and the first thing I came in contact when I was born was the Chernobyl disaster! That was just a joke of course. Frankly speaking I study medicine now and I consider the most important health issue in Romania to be alcoholism right next to congenital hearth disease. I hope you didn’t catch that …

Great things come to those who wait. And now I wonder what about the impatient? A lot have happened in the past week or so. I’ve made peace with my demons and I started to embrace reality as is. I realized that I have to let things go and put the past where it belong. I meet with Madalina (my ex) and I told her that I still love her and that her happiness is more important to me then her presense in my life. If she is happy with another man, so be it! I will get over it eventually, but never will I forget. I admitted to my mistakes and faced my fears and I was not so bad, not so bad at all. Her reaction was all that I expected, crying for the past and holding on to the bitter reality. What I didn’t expect is she calling me the next day and asking me out thought I didn’t plan for that to happened, but I’m getting use to the unexpected in my life. I have to admit it was confusing and somewhat scary. I didn’t jump to conclusions as I regularly do and I didn’t start dreaming or having fake hopes. I played along and went out with her. The moment she saw me she specifically asked for the both of us to pretend that nothing ever happened but only for the day. We went for a walk in the same park we had our first kiss and after a god freezing half an hour we got back in the car to warm up a little (it was 5 degrees below freezing point). While we where in the park we didn’t mention any of our problems and we acted like we usually did. Back in the car as it got wormer we started to take some jackets off and I did something that I used to do, I helped her undress. In the middle of it she stops me and says something I will never forger “I want to make love to you, NOW!” Since we where in the central point of the capital of Romania that was obviously not a pretty good idea so we drove the car in the middle of nowhere and for the next couple of hours that’s exactly what we did, we made love. I couldn’t help thinking that the day will eventually come to an end and then what…? Afterwards we talked about what happened and all that she could say is that she does love me but she can’t trust me any more or someone else for that matter and that she finds it to hard to forgive me. I didn’t pressed on the idea since Rome wasn’t build in a day and I just told her that thinks are different and that I’m chanced , I mention all the bad thinks I’ve done to her in the past and how awfully sorry I am for being blind and narrow minded. I didn’t hope for her to understand or forgive me right there on the spot but I said that my friendship is there unconditionally and that I pray to God to give me the change to redeem the wrongs I’ve done. The day did come to an end and I felt like going home and watch “The day the world stood still”, and so I did. I didn’t think too much of what has happened and I finally a good night sleep. The following days I did the thinks I should have done in the first place, small things, like pick her up from work when she does overtime or help her with business related features and so on. I did pick up everything in our discussions and acted upon it, like driving her to school a 6 o’clock in the morning when she had exams (first time in 2 years when I knew when her exams where). In the mist of all that she saw the change in me and she saw my life changed. I actually attend classes ,help friends, do research, clean my car  nowadays and I’m not stoned every weekend and I started doing so back when I thought I’ve lost her , so the changes are mine and mine alone. Days have past and everything went swell. The day of THE TALK is here and there I’m am standing in my car listening to Elvis – Fool such as I , waiting for her to come out of the house. We went for a drive and the road took as near that ‘middle of nowhere’ again and a couple of minutes later there where we doing what we like to do. Afterwards my mind freaked out on me again and there was I all paranoid asking all the wrong questions. I suddenly stop and calmed down, I laid myself back and I started talking. I talk straight thru the next hour and told her everything that was on my mind. The good things, the bad things, things never said before, whys and how’s, they all came out of me. She believes in me now and wants to start out fresh but needs the time and space to figure things out. To figure if this is the best things for her to do and to figure what to do regarding her boyfriend. I never intervened since and I pretty much left things the way there where. I told her that no matter what happens I will forever be her friend. A couple of hours ago I received a message from her saying that she wants to go out this weekend with me if that’s ok by me. I confirmed her invitation and now I’m sitting home and writing this … No matter what I’m willing to face the music. If things are going to get better It will be a wonderful journey ahead, if not, it will be a fresh new beginning for me and a tremendous experience that has forever chanced my life and the way I perceive it. The past week or so brought me the bitter and the sweet, “and I know the bitter which allows me to appreciate the sweet”. I’ve been called for advice and named a role model and my overall image of life has changed, as a very wise man said “some things end, but others begin”. I will post some more of how things evolve till then I bid you all a wonderful life.

When things couldn’t get any worse …they did! The fact that I’m broke and in depths I can relate to my negligent behaviour and the fact of being depressed. I don’t really understand why my 12yo cat just died in my arms a couple of hours ago. I’m not a very religious person but I’m just not able to see divinity plans for my life right now. Is this “sorry we screwed up!”? Should I expect Saint Peter to pop up and say “Check you baggage at the door”? I’m of to bed since reality scares me… I’ve just noticed that this is becoming my on-line journal.

I’ve re-read what I’ve written and I have to add. -I’m not on drugs and I haven’t been using any king of mind altering substances in a fairly long time. -I’m sorry for my grammar and for the stupid way I make some sentences sound.

I started writing this but I don’t really know why. I just arrived home and I feel so lonely and out of touch. My depression got bigger and bigger in past few days and I know I should be seeking professional help but I’m in a poor country and I don’t really have that many helping friends. I haven’t sleep more than 4-5 hours since I can’t remember when and I’m almost delusional. On the night of the 30th December 2005 I when at my beloved house to give her some red roses and wish her a happy New Year. That really hurt and I started crying out loud and I couldn’t stop myself. Oh, and by the way I had to wait for a whole day since she was busy with her boyfriend. I had a very * * * *y New Year and I almost didn’t sleep at all since then. I called her again on the 2nd of January 2006 I don’t know why but I did. In this whole time I couldn’t function as a human being. Again she was busy with her boyfriend and I feel like the whole word was on my shoulders and I was crumbling. Around 10 o’clock I couldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t make the pain go away so I decided to kill myself by driving out of a tall bridge. I wrote her a message saying how much I love her and that she wouldn’t have to bare me any more. Also I wrote that I’m very sorry for what I’m about to do and that I really wish that things didn’t turn out this way. 35 minutes later and 190km\h – 2 km to go till the bridge she called my cell. She bagged my to stop and I just cheeped closing the phone. 200m till the bridge and I suddenly brake and pull over the side of the road. She calls again and begs of me to come back home. To make it short let’s just say I agreed also we agreed to see meet at 4 o’clock and talk. 3rd of January 2006 (today) we meet. We talked for a few hours and I cheeped crying like a baby, also she cried some. I tried to show her and tell her how much I have changed in the past one and a half month but she was very confused and showed mixed feelings about what I was saying. Finally I drove her home and in our final talk she just showed me so much compassion. I told her that I don’t need compassion from her and I don’t want to go on just being friends. She said that after all I have done it’s the only thing she could do for me. I don’t blain her because she’s right and I told her that also. She just tried to keep me out of hurting myself and begged of me to go home. We said our good-byes and I went for a little drive, the suicide idee is not that strong now but it’s still there; She also said that it’s the most selfish jester I can do. Now I’m home and I’m writing this because the walls are coming closer when I’m not doing anything. I feel like I’m gonna end my post here and now…. I’m so scared I’m crying I don’t know where to go or what to do Tank you guys so much and I’m really sorry if you won’t hear from me again. The pain inside me is getting to big for me and I just have to stop it somehow

Let’s get few thinks clear: Marijuana (grass, pot, and weed) is the common name for a crude drug made from the plant Cannabis sativa. The main mind-altering (psychoactive) ingredient in marijuana is THC (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol). A common bad reaction to marijuana is the "acute panic anxiety reaction." People describe this reaction as an extreme fear of "losing control," which causes panic. (Luckily I suffer from this adverse reaction which eventually determined me to quit) {I think…} Long-term regular users of marijuana may become psychologically dependent. They may have a hard time limiting their use, they may need more of the drug to get the same effect, and they may develop problems with their jobs and personal relationships. The drug can become the most important aspect of their lives. What it’s wrote above you can find on many web-sites but let’s get into “problems with personal relationship” a little bit more. I told you I relate but I’m not going to tell my story now since that’s already posted I’m going to try and help via my personal similar experience. You make it sound like Will’s depressions come from his bitter life experience (his father dyeing) but that’s not entirely true. THC dependency tends to bring along a god friend called depression and dependency+depression make a wonderful couple. They work in what’s known as a snowball effect. The longer you do it (dependency) the bigger it gets (depression). One can seem hopeless and reasonless to other and most of the time it’s just cast out. I’m going to try to explain what Will is going through so you can understand him a little better; this will require for you to act or even change the way you do things in order to change him. It will require all of your emotional strength and support from others. What you will get in return it’s more then a friend but you have to face the possibility of failure before you proceed. Will sounds like a smart man so just pretending won’t do the trick you really have to be in for it. Will did love before and that didn’t turn out so well for him since he spent 6 years recovering. (It only took 2 for me …but that’s another story). Will is just afraid of getting hurt all over again .The very time you two got serious he realized it and got scared ***tless . He loves you but afraid to commit and afraid of getting hurt. Consider this possibility as an encouragement. Since his under the influence you can’t reason with him like grown, mature people do first of you have to make him realize he has an issues and let him deal with it. There’s little you can do without turning him against you. He knows you can do well for him “i came back into his life, and he got into a technical school “ and is probably willing to accept your help but not in the way you know to offer it. Keep calling him and ‘stressing’ him with e-mails and eventually he’ll do what I did and give you powerful enough reason not to do those things. (Like saying I don’t love ..or I hate you ..or I found someone else) Try to make him see the situation differently, face him …admit you’re wrong (doe you’re not) tell him you want to grow old with him and that you want to make love with him…that you want to build a feature beside him and have kids some day …tell him you want to share you’re life with him … crying will do just as long as it’s doesn’t stop you from speaking …look him in the eyes (I’ll bet he’ll just look away ). That’s probably the only kind of reasoning that works right now. Never mention drug problems , make him stop doing it by his own will not by you’re saying so. He’s problem with your folks exist because he’s afraid of what they think of his drug problem …you don’t want to find yourself in that posse. Become a supportive, understanding friend not a tutor for him. Don’t tell him where and how you want to move out with him …rather dream away with him and hint as to doing that. Start out by not being so ‘obsessed’ with him and be more a friend like figure rather then a despaired lover. Let him grow found of you again, rushing things just doesn’t work in this case. I’m not being rood but you are nagging him. You have to get beneath his skin before you can do the rescuing otherwise he’ll just do something stupid which probably both of you will regret (I know I do) You have to consider my suggestion as a long run, which if it turns out the wrong way will leave you emotionally drained. I apologize for calling annie24 wrong. Actually her point of view is a quick way out of this and you also have to consider that a possibility since you posted under “Healing after breakup or divorce”. We are suggesting things not sending you wild goose chasing. I just wish someone pointed this things out to my girlfriend , back when were having this issue. But I guess it’s better of not to look back …at least for her it is. People like will and I are difficult persons which require a lot of attention till recovering. I’m clever enough to do things by own ,aldoe it’s not easy … I wonder if will is ?

Tank you for the encouragement and also for the reply. I read a couple of times what you wrote and I just had to tanks. By now I’m not so depressed any more and I only have you to tank for that… I only see two ways around this issue. I need to do the crying and getting over and not blaming myself witch I am doing. Or try to get her back (witch I did) doe it’s going to reset my ‘days till it’s over’ counter to zero. I did tried to get back with Madalina (that’s her name) but only via Messenger it was never eye-to-eye contact, now I’m considering that a possibility for my failure. Since IM (instant messaging) is not showing tears of emotions and the way a sentence sounds can be interpreted (in my language) the wrong way. (Even ‘I really love you’ can describe love of hate by it’s sound) The last time we broke up she keeps saying she loves me, this time is only “I still think you’re special, but I’m changed” .I didn’t waste 2 years of my life and I know that if I can convince her that I’m changed she’ll be back but I don’t know how to do it right. Please help me I swear to god I’m changed and I won’t do the same mystakes again and this time I’ll do my best to show my love rather then hide it.I’ve known this girl since we where 2 years old , we had even been in the same class room trought school and had our first kiss.I really love her and I feel so empty without her.Two days left till the new year and I feel so lost and lonely. I think she’s the ONE so pleaseeee help me… ________ God help me !

First of all I cried like a baby… Secondly I most say that I relate to you in such a manner that I’m still crying. Thirdly annie24 could be wrong (kill me if you want, but hear me out) You don’t really have to begin crying, thus meaning get over him. Ben might have some serious issues with drugs and I reckon cocaine since money where an issue and also abuse is involved. What I am going to say may sound weird for some but believe me it’s actually not so weird. I promise I’m going to try to help, and this is not a joke or something like that. How well do you know Willl? Would you know if he were involved with mind altering drugs? How much do you know about drugs? Now, I know you had your ‘drug experience’ with Ben, but people tend to generalize the effects of drugs witch is not true! Is Will a smoker? Does he have a tendency to laugh? Is he just a little bit immature? Does he do child like things, like playing games and hanging out at night with buddies? Please describe Will a little more. Will is not entirely lost if he is hooked on cannabis-related substances or something like that. Mind altering drugs can easily be overcome with a little help from a loving figure and believe me I know that first hand. I’ve lost my true love being light-headed and seeing the world in another ‘color’ and now I’m sorry. I said thing like ‘I don’t love you any more’ or ‘you have to get over me’ and ran away from her but after being ‘clean’ a while I realized what I have done and I just have to live with that every day. Please help me help you and post some more info about your relationship and about Will. _______________________________________________________________ It takes one to know one. Don’t judge and be open minded since people can change given the chance…even a bitter chance.

I just have to agree with that. -He is older ...and he knows stuff I usually talk with my mom about things like this and it really help. Also I may add to your interest that Tiffany may actually like you and that she deliberately lied to you about what Melissa thinks. (That’s just a possibility) Melissa really like you and Tiffany being a good friend helped her out by placing you in a dilemma. “If he likes me, he will personally ask ” (Melissa may think that) (Another possibility) -You will NEVER know that since you didn’t do the asking in the first place. First of all you have to do a few things, like: -Forget about shame, and do the asking yourself from now on. (I don’t care if your blood pressure gets sky high…just ASK) -Consider these girls gone since you didn’t get involved and start over using your new knowledge. (Sorry, I personally think you would just get hurt) -If you not a MAN already just act like one. The act may actually grow on to you. This is the reason behind 15yr olds date 20yr old guys. (Women are more mature then us guys) And another thing… Just liking someone doesn’t do! You have to feel something before you act. Somebody just might fall in love in you and you would only have “like” to give them back and that’s not very nice now, isn’t’ it? If you only feel sexually attracted to any of these girls it’s better of to just masturbate or find another way of relieving yourself. Since faking love will only leave you emotionally disturbed and possibly damaged.

May I suggest a little psychological game? Do things that would make your need for a kiss MORE than obvious! IE. Play truth or dare and mention kissing on every sentence Or Buy a new lipstick and say things like “I wonder if it would withstand a passionate kiss?” Or “Last night I dreamed I kissed you “ Or just play silly and show him how eschimos kiss… Am I making a point? How do you spell “eschimo” correctly? I seem to misplaced my dictionary

First of all, I would like to point out something link removed This is not for you confused_69, this is for all the other people that have posted here. (Kinsey anyone?) Now, I’m not saying that what you are feeling is wrong, it’s absolutely normal and beautiful to have feelings for someone, but since you are here and communicating with us let’s really try to help and make a few things clear. Dating this guy will turn your father against you because: -He’s older and has another view upon life -He’s generation didn’t experienced what you are feeling at this young age, only later (And also consider the generation gap as an explanation for the color problem, I’m not encouraging it but neither blaming it since things have only changed for some of us) Not dating him will make you feel badly inside. So what’s left to do? Start dating boys around your age, now I know they’re dumb, but nevertheless you can learn a few things while doing so. I’m almost sure you’re going to fall for some nice, smart kid around your age if you give it a chance. Also you should keep in mind that him being older then you will hurt you eventually since at this age he’s having sexual need witch you couldn’t fulfill. Even if you could it will still leave you emotionally scared since boys will say a lot of things just to get in bed with you. Enough lecturing and let me tell you I dated a 15yr old when I was 20 and ended up being called a pedophile. Eventually we broke up since she wanted to have sex and I didn’t wanted to get in jail. (Thanks go out to my parents for this). Things have come a long way since then and now we’re still friends and she called me up a couple of weeks ago. I learned she has a boyfriend around her age with whom she’s sexually involved right now… She just called to say thanks and I didn’t really understand why until now. ___________________________________________________ She’s only 15! Are you helping or judging? Remember that age… It was not so long ago for me.

I who’d say enjoy the ride, and thanks god whenever you got the chance. You should never see yourself as being more or less beautiful then him and show him that you love him, not worship him. I considered myself as being very ugly as a teen and the girl who changed my point of view also became my first dumpee. Also I feel the need to say that now I consider myself gorgeous thanks to her and use this to my advantage. Sometimes we hurt the ones we love… As how to deal with the emotions …well you guess is as god as mine Smile, cry, squeeze in your arms and do whatever comes naturally. Sometimes people now when we’re acting… so no point in doing that.

Don’t ruin something you should cherish! Don’t tell her until you’re really old and you are gramps … then tell her, if you remember that is , and maybe she will give you a smile … as for now just enjoy the ride and whenever you feel bad about it just hold her tight and tell her you love her ..or call her and do the same It worked for me …doe I don’t remember what it was that I felt so bad about

If you love your boyfriend then tell him the bitter truth and face the music but be a smart girl and make your own music. Tell him you love him, and that you are sorry for what you are about to admit. Tell him about your huge sexual appetite and start working WITH him CONSTRUCTIVLY on that. There’s plenty of info out on the net about how’s and ho to and I also reckon you know your way around. But enough with the blaming already it’s making ME feel bad! If you love him and he loves you back you will find your own ways around the issue, but first of all you have to admit the problem and do something about it. Just admitting and sleeping with other guys won’t do.

Get a divorce for Petes sake and just take some time for yourself. Make those 3 guys meet each other and move to the mountains for a couple of years …Experience god… smell a pretty yellow flower …take a bath in a cold mountain river… go wale hunting in the arctic ocean… Get tested and make a post. Tell us how you perceive live after all that. I guess I’m just trying to say … “WHERE IS YOUR PROBLEM? “ Are you madly in love with all at the same time … do you know what love is? And just out of curiosity -Why did you get married in the first place? ____________________________________________________________ I’m depressed and my doctor is a vicious brain-eating monster. I’m under medication