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jabele

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Everything posted by jabele

  1. jabele
    Oh wow! I just read these last few posts...thats incredible you got up the courage to do that...even if she doesn't respond, I hope this doesn't deter you in the future from being true to yourself and your feelings. If she doesn't reciprocate, I can almost guarantee that its not beacuse of you, but because she's straight. You said you think she is...any particular reason? Ever check out her nails? Granted, not always reliable...but the nails can be a reasonable indication..
  2. jabele
    Hahahaha! That made me laugh...I needed that. Strangely enough, I feel like I already have made an emotional investment...even though I haven't known her for that long...I have this really strong desire to be like: "oh, I'm available to talk and listen..." I think thats my natural response. I feel like if I'm available and it doesnt work out with this other girl, she'll come to me...I don't know if its the right move or not. I also wish I knew what the situation was w/ this other girl. Bah. This still sucks.
  3. jabele
    Why does everything have to be so difficult? So, this girl...who I'm like head-over-hells for now, doesn't want a relationship with anyone because she's in love with this girl who actually has a boyfriend AND a kid...but that says she loves her too. I know she's not making it up, and that thats the reason, because I remember seeing a post on her myspace that, though vague, alluded to some sort of heartache, but I disregarded it... UGH. I just wish she'd see that its unlikely this girl would leave a boyfriend and child for her...of course, I really dont know *anything* about their situation...but I just wish I could be with her. I'm really, really, really disappointed and sad
  4. jabele
    I actually just wrote out my short little coming out spiel that I'm going to write/send to some people on AIM. The one good thing about gossip is that some of my friends can hopefully tell other friends so I don't have to tell everyone! Maybe the same thing can happen for you...
  5. jabele
    So, I had come on here recently, sort of coming to my own realization that I'm gay... I went on a date with a girl last night and all I can say is wow. I've seriously never experienced these feelings before. It's scary, but absolutely amazing at the same time. It was hard to be confident in the "i'm gay" thing before...I sort of had the cake, but no icing. Well, last night...I kissed her and boy did I get my icing. I feel ready to start telling people, but I'm not sure where to start. How do you start telling your friends that everything they ever thought about you was actually all just an act? Also, I'm really scared about my feelings for this girl. She could break my little heart if it didn't work out. I had so many feelings when I got home last night that I just started crying... Sort of just needed to rant. Ok, I'm done now
  6. jabele
    Thanks everyone for your support!
  7. jabele
    So, I've been on these boards for a while and the whole time I've been on here, I've questioned my sexuality. I was fortunate enough to find some great people on here who were struggling with similiar issues...many of whom were a bit faster to come to terms with it than I. I noticed the similiarities in our stories, but had a very hard time accepting it iin myself. Despite the number of men I go through, I always thought I would magically find Mr Right and that I would be sexually attracted to him, even though I never was sexually aroused in previous relationships in the past (unless I was in an 'altered' state). Don't get me wrong, I can be *physically* attracted to men and even had a copule of crushes...but, once in a sexual situation, I have no interest in men. For whatever reason, I think it's finally stuck. I think I'm finally ready to admit that I too am gay. It is somewhat of a 'freeing' experience, but it also stirs up a lot of other scary emotions. I just wanted to come on here and let everyone know who's spoken with me (either through the forum or via PM) that I appreciate it, and that it helped me immensely in finally admitting to myself who I am.
  8. jabele
    Yeah, that sounds a lot like me. I never have any interest in sex w/ men, unless I'm drunk, then I'm "ok" about it...even though I can live without it. I've been denying my feelings for so long that I've really convinced myself I 'm not gay, but everything points to me being gay. How do I make that cross-over when every thinks I'm straight...its very hard
  9. jabele
    I think if it's something you want to try, you should definitely go for it. However, I do not think its wise to base your sexuality on one kiss. Its possible you may really enjoy it- but maybe you just like kissing? It's also possible that you are indeed gay and are not attracted to that particular girl and then, if you don't enjoy it, you write yourself off as straight.. I'd really be careful with that. I think its more about a pattern of attractions...do you enjoy the idea of being sexual with women? with men? I don't know, thats just my take on it...
  10. jabele
    How about searching for bisexual/lesbian women on Myspace? You can do that (by location and other characteristics) if you search with advanced options
  11. jabele
    So I have my first date with a girl tomorrow (I'm a girl). I'm not out to anyone...not even to myself really. This is sort of a way for me to gauge my feelings because I knwo guys haven't been working for me. The reason I'm posting is kinda silly, but I need answers. I was the one to find this girl (on MySpace) but she asked me to meet up. I'm not sure I'm really even attracted to her, but whatever, its good for me to do this. My question is: if we get coffee or food- who is supposed to pay? She asked me to hang out first, but I also was down for it and found her on myspace. Its so much easier to figure this stuff out when its girl/guy. Let me know what you guys think. THanks!
  12. jabele
    I'm in a similar situation as you- feel free to PM me anytime to talk
  13. jabele
    Maybe you could use online as a way to talk to her...since it may be awkward in person. Did you see if she's on MySpace?
  14. jabele
    Apparently today is National Coming Out Day...hmm, maybe I should consider doing the same...
  15. jabele

    Scared

    jabele replied to jabele's topic in Sex and Romance

    Yeah, I'm definitely going to- I even set up an apt for tomorrow. But I can't know about the HIV test for sure for *at least* 3 months because thats how long it takes to show up. Totally sucky.
  16. jabele

    Scared

    jabele replied to jabele's topic in Sex and Romance

    So he agreed to get tested which was relieving, since I know that I couldnt know about aids for a good 3 months for me. Does anyone know how long it takes to get results back for this??
  17. jabele

    Scared

    jabele replied to jabele's topic in Sex and Romance

    I should also mention that I did get the cum in my mouth and swallowed it... Does swallowing also increase risk?
  18. jabele

    Scared

    jabele replied to jabele's topic in Sex and Romance

    I sent him a message online- which I hope he gets-- asking him to get tested for AIDS. I can go and get the STI panel, but I know that it takes 3-6 months for AIDS to show up, so I would have to worry about it for 3-6 months which I can't handle. I'm really mad at myself...I'm usualyl so good about this stuff...I'm just really nervous...and I do have some cuts in my mouth
  19. jabele

    Scared

    jabele posted a topic in Sex and Romance

    I made a HUGE mistake and gave a blow job to a guy who I didn't ask if he's been tested. I know the guy dabbles in some bad things - hes a bit of a rocker, though usually in serious relationships only. I just called him up now and asked him if he's been tested. He said he was but it was 4 years ago. So I'm really scared I may have got something from him if he has something. I want to go get myself tested now but I know that some diseases, like hiv, don't show up for a while. When should I go get it done?
  20. jabele
    I've gone a really long time trying to deny my sexual attraction to women (I'm a girl). I'm 22 years old, still a virgin, and never really seemed to want to have sex with men. Though I've been attracted to some, I'm realizing I'm more sexually attracted to the female form – always sort of have been. My problem is that I'm having a really hard time accepting this and cutting off relationships with men. It's like somewhere within me I know that I have this attraction, but I'm having a hard time turning the attraction into something I actually do in my life…namely, to pursue relationships with women. How do I become comfortable with this idea when everyone I know thinks I'm straight? How do I get over my desire to please everyone (you know – live that life I'm 'supposed' to live—with kids, a husband, and a white picket fence) and accept that, maybe, that's not who I really am…
  21. jabele
    I wholeheartedly, but respectfully, disagree. I think it really can help to have someone to confide in. If you try and figure it all out on your own, you'll feel very isolated and alone from your peers. Trust me on this...this is what I've been doing and its not the way to go.
  22. jabele
    Oh I'm excited...I looked for gay coffeehouses and found one down in chelsea. I figure there will be gay women that hang out there, so maybe I'll go down there one day and have a cup of coffee ;-) And thanks for looking up the website for me! I'm going to try to refer to them as well.
  23. jabele
    Ha, I'm in NY, and I feel like I can't find any of those places! All the places seem geared toward gay men, not women. Do you know how to best search for those? To: beginning2findme: I can totally relate to everything you're saying. I'm in teh same position as you are...most of my friends are guys too. It's probably because we're not that interested in what most straight girls are interested in...thats why you aren't connecting with them- not that I don't enjoy makeup and fashion...but its not very deep. You might have more luck with other gay women. Do you know any?
  24. jabele
    Yeah, I might look into that...but do you think it would be a good or bad idea to actually go on a date with someone of the same gender...even if I'm not 100% sure?
  25. jabele
    I've always felt somehow different from all the other girls I've known. I've liked boys (or older men, rather) growing up, but I've always had a sexual attraction to women (like in movies and stuff). I tried to write it off as nothing for a very long time. I even had a couple of crushes in HS on women and tried to write those off as well. Dated lots and lots (did I say lots?) of men and I never want to have sex with them. I'm starting to realize that there's something going on with me and that I'm probably not straight. Not quite sure what I am exactly, but I feel I'll never figure it out until I do something about it. That brings me to my question. What do I do? I want to meet gay women and see if I feel something so do I try to date some? I've used myspace to try to contact some and started up a conversation with one. Do you think it's a good idea to maybe go on a date with a gay woman? I feel like it will either feel 100% right or 100% wrong. I'd love your thoughts and suggestions. Thanks everyone
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