Third Wheel

In my opinion, I think Brian did the right thing, or atleast as far as he could in that situation. I don't know how everyone ended up sleeping in your room, but he was atleast acknowledging that he couldn't drive safely then. I mean, even if it was a bad situation, its probably better then a drunken crash in the middle of the night. I think maybe taking "strangers" with you when you're drinking wasn't hte best idea, but, hey, its not that bad, right? Don't be too mad at your friend, I think he was just trying keep everyone safe...hopefully.

These last few weeks, I realized I don't actually like my best friends. First, let me clarify, they're MY best friends, but I'm not theirs. (short story, S and R have been friends forever, and I'm relatively new...just 5 years or so) We became friends just because of being from a similar cultural background. And, well, because we've known each other so long, its like I'm obligated to be friends with them. Recently, I've noticed that I didn't even like spending time with R, and that S had no social skills or tact whatsoever. I mean, after such a long time with them, to me atleast, I realized that they don't share the same interests as me, and I'm embarrassed to be around them. I actually haven't said anything to them...but, I feel like such an *** for thinking this way. I mean, they're supposed to be my closest friends, but then I remember the day my Grandpa died, neither of them noticed I was a bit depressed. Everyone else in my class, and people I barely talk to knew something was wrong, and ever since, I've been thinking of them with um...less affection. So, I've got 2 questions... First, am I a horrible person for 180-ing on my "good" friends? Second, how do I..."leave" them? I mean, I don't want to outright tell them I don't like them (atleast not R, maybe S..), but I'm tired of being grouped with them, and feeling obligated towards spending time with them. Damn it, I feel kind of bad just for thinking that about them. Arghh...I want to move on, but I see them so much in all of my classes... Should I just wait for college or something? Like finish high school, pretend to like them, and then move on with life in college? Grr...I wish I could not feel bad about this...

I think of an elegant lady as the match with a true gentleman. Not overly loud, or rude, or too overwhelming of a personality. They dress nicely, and with pride. They don't try looking flashy, such as extreme make up, but most importantly is that they have wit, tact, and can hold a real conversation with just about anyone.

From what you said, you seem like you've got a good personality, but you're a bit shy. I know this might sound weird, but try taking a speech class, or a public speaking class. Well, I do have an example of a person I knew like this, but I can't really tell if they felt the same way as you do. In a summer school, a recent immigrant girl from Korea joined the speech class I was in. She spoke perfect English (she had learned in Korea I suppose), but she was incredibly shy around non-Koreans. There was a group of two or three fellow Korean kids that could speak to her in her language, and she would talk to them almost non-stop, on the point of being rude to the teacher. But, whenever I tried to talk with her, she would hold her head down, and mutter two or three words, kind of like you said you acted in the hall way. But, throughout the class, as time went on, she started to talk louder (the teacher told us to stay completely silent when she presented a speech, she whispered that quietly...) and began to talk more. I think being forced into speaking in English helped her out a lot in being comfortable with talking to others. Maybe it'll work for you. Also, I'm personally an extroverted person, but I still feel ashamed and embarrassed of saying something stupid in the hall ways. I kind of blur words sometimes because I'm nervous talking to others, or mutter, so I kind of try practicing with strangers. Like, I try making small talk to strangers that most likely I'll never meet again. Just say good morning while walking bye, and don't worry if they don't say anything back. Also, as stupid as this sounds, talk about the weather or something while waiting in line, or in an elevator. It really helped me to kind of start a conversation with people, maybe it'll help you.

Oh, lol, hosswhispra, I recently went back flipping through a stack of children's books I had collecting dust, and actually re-read all of Silverstein's, they seem...like they have more meaning now. And The Giving Tree was one of the saddest books I've read... itsallgrand, I understand waht you mean, I've tried being more serious, but some people thought I had a family member pass away. I also kind of noticed that when I was around different people, I acted differently. I've been trying for almost a year now, but I can't seem to last through the day. And today was a horrible example of that. I continued "being myself," which got a friend of mine in trouble, and sadly, we're...no longer friends because of that. I tried apologizing, because I knew how I acted was wrong, but I did it anyways, and I know its all my fault, so I guess it was justified. I know I'm not the quietly serious type, and I actually would rather not change my nature as it is now. More of just...a tone down. Such as, talk less without becoming less friendly, and much more considerate of others. xmrth, I do have a few people that accept me as I am, or atleast I hope so. But, I don't think I'll ever find more people like them, so I want to change to not push other people away. I'm know I generally annoy others, and they generally dislike me back. Also, I guess something about me just invites people's sympathy. Many other people actually tell me that they feel sorry for me, or they stick up for me, and I feel horrible because of that. I hate that people just assume that I can't handle myself, and I lash out because of that. I really do want to change, and I'd do almost anything to be someone where I don't have to feel guilty or embarrassed about everything I do. I'm tired of pushing others away from me... Tesseract_Witch, don't feel like a "dark cloud." I'm here in hopes of help, and any form of help is welcome. I kind of don't understand what you mean though. Physical change...I've been trying to be more athletic and sportsy, but I doubt that's drastic enough. I guess you mean an actual aging process. So, over a long enough period of time, if I continually try to change myself, I'll eventually mature as I hoped to? So far my attempts have lead to lapses, where I forget myself, and act like I know I shouldn't. About liking myself though, I can honestly say that I don't. I want to change myself so I don't feel ashamed just for....well being me.

I've been wondering this for quite a while now...can people decide that they don't like their personality, or their own behavior, and actually change it? Well, I was wondering this kind of for my sake. Since school is ending soon, I've got one real year left before college. A while back, over the 2005 summer, I started to realize that I hated my personality. I looked back, flipping through yearbooks, old photos, etc., and I found out how I was, well, for lack of a better word, annoying. I was too loud (I'm saying was, because I've been trying to change), talked too much, and acted like a complete idiot. At that time, I didn't realize I was being a complete *** to those around me either. Is this a personality flaw in me? I've been trying to talk less, and think before I blurt out anything, but it takes a conscious effort from me. I think people have kind of built up a first impression of me, a negative one, and no matter how I act, its stuck. I've been kind of secretly looking forward to college, where I could get a fresh start as a overall better person, but I also wish that, before I leave high school, I could leave a better impression as well. I start off just about every day thinking, "I'm not going to act like an idiot today, I'm not going to be rude," and such, but as soon as I start meeting people, I kind of lose it. I kind of switch back to being an ***, and its driving me crazy. I notice that I'm doing it, and when I try stopping myself, people ask me if somethings wrong. I really wish I could change, but I've almost given up on it. I've lost a few friends because of it, and just recently, after 2 years apart, a friend came back in touch (she moved, and started calling me recently), and with her, I do act differently, and I don't understand why I can't at school, and with people I meet in person. I've been hoping at the start of every new week that I might be a different person, and it hasn't happened yet, because I always revert back to how I used to act. I'm really tired of starting off on everyone's bad side (and staying there.) So do people change? Do I have a real chance at becoming who I want to be instead of who I am right now? I don't really expect other people to like me if I don't like myself, so I wanted to start fixing stuff at ground level. Hopefully before its too late.

I am kind of going through the same thing with a friend of mine as well. Maybe, you can try send him an actual hand written card (I think people react to these better then email, or phone calls, because they can open it at their own time, and they can "pretend" to have thrown it away, or not read it). Say something along the lines of an apology? If you guys were best friends, there's still some kind of bond or relationship there... And besides, in his e-mail back to you, he did say "...be your friend right now." Maybe he still needs time, so try keep on e-mailing him, or sending him some form of contact, so he knows that you still care. I'd say don't call him, because he might not be ready for it, and that might add to the tension... I personally can't hold a grudge, or not forgive someone, no matter what they've done. Maybe you could try to work on something to get you out of your depression. Like reality_writer said, get your life together, but don't completely cut him off. Give him the oppurtunity to still forgive you (if its your fault that is), and he hopefully will eventually. I know that I forgive people at the drop of a hat, as long as they look like they want to be forgiven. (I'll forgive them anyways, but its so much easier if they want you too)

She's been doing it again, nice as an angel one minute, and almost a complete ***** the next. Ta_ree_saw, I tried casually bringing it up, but whenever I do, she justs kind of blows it away saying, "I was just kidding...I'm not being mean...What are you talking about?" So I guess actually confronting her about isn't working too well. goddess23, I've thought about ignoring her after what you said. But, it'll be pretty hard, since keeping quiet is completely out of my personality. I don't think I've ever "smothered her," but you might be right. I guess I'll just back off a little, and stick with the casual "What's up?" But, what you said about her finding new friends, or changing her social circle, I don't think its that, because she's talking more and more to people I'm friends with. Thats what I meant about being replaced, she'll walk by me and talk to my friend, who she's just recently learned the name of. I do want to confront her about it eventually, but I kind of want to avoid the whole mess that'll happen afterwards, because she hangs around the people I do too often for me not to see her every day. Its just kind of sad, I see her walking by, and I remember how a month ago I could yell out her name to say Hi and a hug, and now, all I'd get is a Shut Up. I think pretending I don't care either is a good first step? And after that, if it doesn't work, have a serious, and probably final, conversation with her? I just see her so often, and it kind of get that feeling in the pit of my stomache, like I did something wrong...

My female friend has recently been cold shouldering me. She's almost completely changed her attitude towards me. Instead of treating me as a friend, like she did in the past, she's been rude, slightly abusive, and very short tempered with me. Normally I'm a talkative person, so the occasional "shut up" from a friend (in a tone I know isn't meant to be spiteful) I can deal with. But walking down the school hall ways with her (We're both high school Juniors), every time I talk I get a short "Shut up!" I don't know what I've done, and I just hope she's in a bad mood. Even worse is that I feel like I'm being replaced as a friend. We've known each other for three years, and have been, up until now, fast friends. But, for some reason, she seems to be getting closer to people she's just recently met. For example, a friend meets her at summer school, and now those their closer then we were. (I'm not mad that she's made friends, but its that she kind of cuts me off in exchange.) Then, on a small class field trip (a handful of Juniors and Seniors) she hangs out with 2 other students who have known her on an acquaintance level for a few months, and kind of ignores me. Sitting together during one of the field trip lectures, she complains that I'm sitting close by. Also, she's shunts me to the side for someone she's never talked to before. I kind of feel like I'm being left out. But, there are occasions when she's friendly again, out of the blue, and we'll joke around like we used to. Its just that for every act of friendliness, there's a few more slights and insults. It never used to be like that, so I don't know whats going on. Is this just friend's drifting apart? But even then, they don't insult each other. I've kept my mouth shut about any rude comments that came to my mind, hoping she would, well, I guess change back. I'm getting kind of tired of thinking she's a friend, and getting berated, criticized, and insulted for it. I don't really know what I should do...should I just keep quiet about it, and just hope she wants to be a real friend again later? It feels like she hates me at one point, and then is her old self again.

I'd say try talking to that "closest friend" of yours. If you two were that close, then hanging outside of the group shouldn't matter. Also, your clan/cult/group ( ) members are all still undergrads, right? And what about your closest friend? Maybe once he becomes a grad student, he'll outgrow them with you. I wouldn't snub all of them completely, just keep a casual contact with them, incase they ever decide to change. I don't think you have to explain yourself to all of them, but maybe try letting your friend know how you feel. He might even agree with you. Don't cut off all connection with them, but maybe just back off a little. You know, "wean" yourself off the group, show that you're outgrowing them?

Maybe try bringing up the topic with him in a casual manner? ("So I get to be the new guinea pig for the jokes?") If his old friend left because he was that aggravated by the jokes, then the same might happen to you. And, don't take it lying down, make sure they know you're not just a replacement. (I hate that feeling, I was a replacement for almost half a year before I stood up for myself) Maybe, if he does try a "practical joke" on you, get him back? Just to show you're sporting about it, and that might stop him from continually singling you out. Or try gettting his other friends involved with it as well.:splat:

Wow, you guys were right, thanks so much. I was thinking about talking to her today, but she brought it up herself... I think I just caught her on one of those days. Thanks Sexychiick16, thanks cristalgold. Yea, just talking it out with her helped a lot.

I'm usually a pretty friendly person, and I've known this one girl for two years now. Well, she's a bit less friendly with guys (she's had a few bad relationships), so it took about a year of just being acquaintances (sp?) before she thought of me as a friend. Well, normally, I don't mind when friends make fun of me and such, even in public, because I know they're friends. And, for every insult, they usually have a compliment for me. But, this friend, she's....meaner then most people. I've spent many hours with her, and usually, she is kind of verbally "aggressive." I can't even tell when she's joking sometimes. I finally got fed up with this, and was a little rude back to her. We haven't talked since, but its only been a few days. Should I try to be friends again?

I'm a guy, she's a girl, but there's nothing romantic between us, and we're just friends. I've known her for three years now, and this is her senior year in high school (I'm a junior). I met her in my freshman year in my tennis class, and we've been friends ever since. Because of the grade level difference, I don't have any classes with her, besides tennis. The problem is, she can't be in tennis next semester. (Small tid-bit of info: At my high school, because the tennis class is kinda small, we all know each other very well.) She hasn't told anyone else that she's quitting tennis yet, but if she does, then I won't see her anymore. As in, we'll have no classes together, and junior year at our high school is living hell. She's nearly broken down to tears because she's terrified of going off to college and leaving everyone behind, but I had kept reassuring her that we still had a semester left together, and that we'd keep in touch. Now, I'm not so sure. Any advice? How do I keep her as a friend, especially with so little time left before she's gone?

As long as you don't think about how others thought of you, everything should be okay. I kind of did the annoyed people in my high school last year, and I kind of want to be a better person this year. I think if you try and keep a smile on your face, its almost certain you'll be successful. I hope you have fun in your next year of college.

Well, normally, I always try to keep a conversation going because I hate those evil awkward moments of silence. Usually, I ask questions that I can answer myself as well. Like, "Did you see (insert movie title here)?" or "Have you ever been to (fun sounding place..)?" Or, if you'd rather not ask any questions, you can just share different interesting anecdotes(sp?) about yourself. If I ever feel like there's going to be a lull in the conversation, I try to share something humorous yet misfortunate that happened to me. ("I tried making one of those Easy Mac & Cheese things, but I kinda dropped the bowl after I microwaved it") Usually, that gets a little sympathy from the other person, and the chance they'll share something with you. Hmm...I hope I helped.

Hi everyone. Back-to-school-jitters, worries, etc.. How does an acquaintance become a friend? Situation: Me and my "friends" have been sitting together at lunch, talking, laughing, throwing food, etc. for 2 years now. I live kind of far from our school, and the rest of them live closer together. I see a few of them on a daily basis, and we're I'm closer to them than the others, but I've been out of contact with them for the whole summer. Are there any ways to become better friends as a group (including the people I don't know as well)? How do you know when a friend thinks of you as a friend, and not just an acquaintance? Situation: I've known this one girl for a year and she seems pretty friendly with me. She's slightly crazy as well (randomly eats paper, carries around bags of marshmallows in her backpack :silly: ). I wanted to know if she actual considered me a friend, because she treats everyone the same way. She seems glad that I'm in her classes this upcoming year, but she also treats people she's never really met before the same way. I dunno, I just kind wanted to know.

Yay! Thanks everyone. I never considered it as being "blessed" "Maybe the right girl for you isn't so much a supermodel as she is someone who can keep you on your toes." - Hephaestus (yea..I can't figure out the quote thing... ) I tend to worry a lot, but this helped. EDIT: This should've probably gone under the "Dating" Section

This isn't as serious a topic as others. Just more of a general wondering. I'm in high school, I'm a guy. I get along okay with just about everybody (well, everybody excluding the snobbish preppy clique(sp?) and I can have good conversations with girls. The thing is, I'm not really interested in dating them, or any of the girls at my school for that matter. Is that weird? Before I meet them, I might think of them as attractive, but once we start talking, I end up just wanting to be friends with them. I don't really mind not having a girl friend, or not going out on dates. I just rather hang out as friends. Is that normal? For example, for Prom, I was just planning to go with a friend (if at all, its so expensive ). I'm 16, and its not that I don't "like" girls, its just that I don't find the ones I know attractive. Is it just me? Is dating even that big of a deal? I mean, I could probably ask a friend out on a date, but I don't want to. Is that okay? Bah, I'm probably just being kind of paranoid and worrying about what others will think of me. I dunno. Is it okay to not want to date?