Kwothe28

No, its not unreasonable. You are in an abusive relationship. She gaslighted you that its uour fault because you did make a mistake, but in truth, there is no excuse for her behavior. Jealosy attacks, paranoia that you look at other women, name calling, threats, those are all signs of her abusive behavior toward you. And I would suggest to leave her as fast as possible. This wont end and you eill feel physically and mentally sick the entire time. Unless you take a concrete steps, leave her and block her on everything.

Thats a good one lol Is it a sperm donor baby? Or do you have a partner? Anyway, crying is OK thing to do. If you need to unwind or even have a stress item, go for it. I do think its kinda silly to hide when you are smoking though. If you think you are the bad influnce for smoking, then by all means dont smoke. Like this you are kinda preaching one thing and doing the other.

Ah, then its maybe even a a bi man or a woman. Or just a troll lol

But he doesnt. in fact, i guarantee you he only remembered you exist because he wants, hm lets see, more sex. Same with "Are you out drinking with friends" texts. Just more invitations for sex. That guy isnt interested in being your friend, nore in a relationship with you for that matter. He is just interested to get into your vagina again.

Welcome back. We have a “Journal” section now that people can read from and answer to you. So you maybe want to use that as an outlet for your thoughts.

And that is OK. Not everyone even wants to get married or have kids. Lots of people wants to pursue career by choice so they postpone the other part. Its often even incentivized to do that by companies. “You want to work here? Well you better not want to start a family soon”. Its not by law here, but they often ask on job interviews whether you have a family or plan to start one soon. Especially to women for a certain reason. Sadly, it’s still like that sometimes. But anyway, my point is that I dont think they lose all their value since it’s highly debatable. But that it is perceived differently. Take 2 women of roughly the same physical look where one is 25-30 and other is 35+. And see who would fair better in dating market regardless if the one of 35+ is better career-wise since she did had more years invested into it. Other thing is that 25-30 probably has better “dating network”. As she probably has all her friends still not married and has more opportunities to go out with them and meet men. Though that is also debatable now with dating apps and all. Which is an own problem by itself. Even worst is if you add kids into mix. It’s generally rough out there for single moms. I dont think men fair better after certain time also. I have acquaintance who is often depressed as he is fairly pretty, plays in the band but is also divorced with a kid with and a dead end minimal wage job. So he pulled a lot of women while he was younger but now he just doesnt. Its just that men can benefit with age and career choice in a dating market a lot. Women rarely do. I am not saying that having a career is bad since its clearly not. Especially for people who want one. Just that it often doesnt help or at all for dating. Also “Yo Mike, she has a full schedule “ is funny. 😂 Single. I did OK for a while. But did have a family emergency. So only now getting back out there.

Because he thinks that now he has a chance after months or even years of orbiting. Its not really hard to understand his train of thoughts but its also frustrating that he thinks like he thinks as it will just lead him into spiraling about someone who will never have the same feelings for him. Dating sites, OP? Really? She literally asks you about the opportunity for her to date and hookup with other men and you dont consider this lost and that you should abandon the idea of sating this person?

I dont think she said that, but she sure did ruffle some of your feathers with it lol ”Value” is a little hard to discuss. As it depends on a lot of factors such as societal norms or just individual ones. What has value in California doesnt have in other parts of US. Regarding anything, including values in dating. I talked about example of a woman in my town that complained to me how she needs to get married. As she lives in village and she is already “too old” there. She was 26 at the time. 26! In Capital that age is not so severe. So you could theoretically be 35+ and nobody would bath an eye. As everyone else around you is also 35+ unmarried. Also, I am sorry but generally speaking she has a point. Men don’t generally value your career choices. They usually dont care you are CEO. I am sorry, but that is a woman thing. But men would value you by beauty and yes even age of fertility. That both diminishes through time in general. I think waffle said it best on one other thread and how “Its man who value looks and women who value stuff like career. And how both genders make a mistake as they think what they value will get them success instead of pursuing what other gender values”. Its a bit rough, sure. But it does holds some truth in it. Ever seen a man say how he wants a “GirlBoss”? Ever seen a woman saying how she wants an “unsuccessful man”? We have a whole thread where woman said to a man how she wont date him if he isnt more successful. We dont have the same thread for men. We do have a bunch of ones where they pursue pretty unavailable women though. Also, also, welcome back Choco, glad you are back. 😁

I think this is true in most cases. For example I have a rich friend. He wanted his wife to be rich so he found a dentist who is also rich. But that is more because of the background then because of her career choice. Meaning that "rich" was the incentive(her father was also a dentist like his father so its more of a merger of businesses lol) and not her career choice. He could easily do without her career choice. Heck he even sometimes complaines that he wishes to get more "homecooked" meals for him and the kids from her, but she doesnt really cook that much(if you ask why he doesnt do that, well, he works almost all day sometimes, in state as well as private practice, she is the one that is more home). Which does make me want to explore this First one "boomer joke" apropo cooking skills for Bolt Two friends meet each other after one of them got married. First asks: Hey man, how does the marriage goes? Second answers: Horrible, I thought she would cook like my mother. And instead she just drinks like my father. 🤣 Anyway, we are more "traditional" here. So cooking is still regarded high. But even that becomes very easy to replace. Not only by restaurants(which are more expensive option) but with lots of "country kitchens" as we call them. For example there you can take freshly cooked beans(not that canned stuff) with bacon and lots of other "homecooked" stuff. For a bit more money than you would spend by making it at home. But today, it costs you time to do that. For example my grandmother was a tailor but worked from home. While grandfather worked at the linen factory(he brought her linen from factory to make dresses). But because she was at home, she could also have time to cook a meal. While I today couldnt do that for myself because I worked at the time of lunch. So I bought something. Tomorrow is a weekend so I would cook chicken with mushrooms. Anyway, times did change. Tomorrow I couldnt expect from my future wife(if I have one) to cook on working days of the week if she also works 8 hours a day, especially if she would do physical job. Hence why the need here for stuff like "country kitchen". People have the need for traditional homecooked meal(we dont do "McDonalds" and fast food at least not in the way Americans do) but have less and less time to do that. I also do think that roles did changed a bit and became too much mixed. So both genders do very differ from traditional gender roles. And think the question "do women even need courtship" is viable when, as mylolita pointed, its even frowned upon in some cases.

Also, yes, happy birthday. Cant edit the previous message now. Forgot to tell, what you are experiencing is very common for people who didnt get over their exes. It will get better as the time comes and you could then accept that its over and move on from him and the whole situation. But you will need more time to do that.

You feel that you lost “the one” at 22 year old? Oh honey, there will be plenty who would be “ the one” after this one. The whole concept of “The One” is silly. There is around 8 billion people in the world. If you are a great match with just one of those 8 billions, I would say that its on you because nobody is that special. Sure, you wont encounter 8 billion people nore you would mash up good with everybody. But surely you will find a plenty that you would. So “head high” as one of our members would said.

I think its more then that. Unlike older days, there is simply no incentive. There was a member of the Forum who posted a thread how he spent around 300 dollars(dinner, wine etc) on 2 dates. Only to get ghosted afterward by both women. They ofcourse never even offered to split. In a world where some women see men as a "meal ticket" and nothing else, there is no incentive for men to splash on stuff like flowers or dinners. It might have before, but today when women can just jump on a dating app, line up couple of dates and your date is labeled as "just some guy that buys me meal", it doesnt really pays up to get splashy. I mean, if that guy has 4 dates a month that is 600 dollars. For women who will forget he existed tomorrow. That is insanity. And sure, maybe some day some woman will appreciate his willigness to "wine and dine" her. But dont really think his wallet would until he finds it. So it gets excruciatingly painful for men like him to continue what they did before. So they make first dates just hang outs or something simple like coffee. As they are very low risk and even if a woman ghosts you tomorrow, you wont feel like she robbed you of anything other then maybe a bit of pride.

I wouldnt go for mental health issues, simply because there are a lot of people who are just like that by default. Meaning no mental illness, just dont have a drive to pursue career. For example I have an acquaintance that has a college. But has no job with that college nore tries to get it. But is with parents and they have their own home so he wont starve. Well at least for now as his parents are alive. But for tomorrow, most he can hope is to somehow get at least minimal pension somehow. Which is doubtful as he doesnt have a day of work as far as I know. He has a college so he finds demeaning to work anything bellow some level. So he just doesnt work. What I an trying to say is, there is enough people who are just like that. No need to involve mental health.

First of all, from your story I dont think its narcissism. Narcissists give a lot on self importance. They arent insecure because in their head they are the most important people on the planet Earth. Their word opens any door and there isnt a person who can resist them. At least that is what they think about themselves. They all have inflated egos, no empathy at all(for example dont believe true narcissist would even notice your eyes moving back and forth because they wouldnt care, you are just a thing for them to play with) and they are very easy to spot once you run into one true narcissist. Yours just isnt that. She is just a very unstable messy individual that influenced you in a bad way. Lots of people use manipulation tactics like "love bombing" to get what they want. Dont have to have a personality disorder to do that. Same with taking no accountability. Lots of people do that. Second of all, please dont contact her. You probably want that closure for yourself. You wont get that there. All you would get there is more drama and mess. Give yourself a closure by accepting that you made the mistake(if she doesnt have accountability doesnt mean you shouldnt) and that she wasnt what you thought she was. And by accepting its over and moving on from the whole situation.

I think you did fine. Only thing I would be wary about is her being opened about other prospects. Its kind of a TMI. You maybe feel flattered at the moment, but its not really something you tell dates. Its maybe implied that you have other prospects but its not said out loud. She could just canceled the date without informing you about it. This way it looks like she just wants to empathize the importance of it. You know “I had a date but I canceled it for you” kind of thing. Again, its maybe flattering but would be wary about statements like that. Next time she maybe cancels the date with you in the same way.

I am sorry, but that sounds so childish that I would have never guessed you are 34 years old. Do you think you build a career over night? That you just say that and suddenly he becomes "career driven yuppie"? It takes months, even years to gain skills needed and build a career. You dont just magically manifest one just because some woman told you she wants somebody with a better career. Are you willing to wait for years before he does that? Moresover, if he is not "career driven" now, there are low chances that he would be in foreseable future. Let the guy go and instead go and chase some "yuppie".

I can sympathize with OP. Not because I think singles are discriminated against(they arent) but because a large number of activities does incentivizes couples or group of people. For example I can go to lunch in a restaurant alone. But would be kinda weird from the point that you are not expected to go out alone but at least with some friend. Same with stuff like vacations. Not only couples and groups get better deals, its not really common to do it alone. Precisely because its a couples or groups thing. I do know one woman who does go alone even on vacations. But even she tries to not be alone during it and be at least part of some larger group. That being said, nothing stops OP to do stuff like that by herself or even to seek company for it in terms of a boyfriend or new friends. And even if she cant, again, there are a lot of organized activities where you can just join a group of people to do something fun that you want. My country isnt full of activities like some others but even we have lots of organized stuff where you can just join even as a single individual. Is it better to do with a friends you already know or SO? Sure, maybe. But nothing stops OP to get out there and do something fun she has interest with. Even if she doesn't have a boyfriend or her friends prioritize theirs.

This. Your girlfriend is a spoiled brat. That always needs to get what she wants. Even before you described her leaving you for another man, I knew where it was heading. As soon as she doesnt get what she wants from you and shiny new thing that calls her cute and offers to ride her in his car shows up, she is gone. I would never took her back after that though it seems you are not on good legs anymore. To make matters worst, it sems she adopted "I need a man to be rich so I could be" mentality lots of younger people under the influence of social media do. So you dont cut it at all anymore.

Man, what a huge mess. I wouldnt be surprised if she got pregnant on purpose so she could get marry lol Anyway, no and no on talking or taking any actions. You are not her mother and you are not responsible for her. You are just her roomate. If she wants to bang her head against the wall, let her do it. You have to understand that you wouldnt be doing anything. You wont make her change her mind about anything and she would still do the same. All you would be doing is make drama, but now also for yourself. Protect yourself from her and not entagle yourself there. Her moving away is a blessing in disguise for your own mental health.

Let me quote myself from previous thread “She literally told you that and that there is nothing there. Women have particular distinction when it comes to potential boyfriends and friends. If they like you they would want to be with you and wouldnt care about some ex. When they dont, you are "friend". Now you may ask why does she keeps you there knowing your intention? As an "orbiter". She likes your attention and she can "offload" about her ex to you. Something btw she would never do if she would even consider you as a "boyfriend material". Get out of there. There is nothing there for you but misery.” And here we are around 5 months later from that thread. And you found yourself exactly where I said you would. In a misery of a friendzone. Because you haven't left on time and still thought there is something there. While she told you its just friendship and nothing else. Get out of there until she starts dating other people and tell you about it. If she hasnt started that already.

Depends on semantics. If they have a casual arrangement, they are not in a relationship. Meaning that they see each other from time to time but without obligations. They can see other people so there is no obligation toward one another. Relationship would mean at least some kind of obligation. Which we dont know if they have any. As far as we know, she has fallen for him while he just views it as a casual thing. I mean you maybe look at any kind of arrangement as a relationship. But again, that is why I said it’s semantics.

I could have stopped reading after this. He is not that interested and the minute something(or should I say somebody) else turned up, he ghosted. Same after the date. He maybe liked attention but he doesnt want to be with you. Just block the dunce and move on.

Lots of single men would be fine with the casual arrangement but will not be fine with the relationship when it comes to single moms. As it does complicates things quite a bit. Its on you whether you want to accept that kind of a treatment or move on. Since you developed feelings there and he didnt(as he doesnt really want to be with you), its for the best to not attach yourself anymore there and brake up.

Some autists dont have a "filter" about what they say. Because they cant really think how it looks like to the other person. Meaning that they dont exactly know how to be emphatic. To him its not really a big deal because, in his mind, it isnt. Its not a defense on him, just maybe an explanation why it happens. Neverthless, you dont have to stand there and accept "Marshalpoo" dynamic of speech and him being rude. Just because he is like that, its not an excuse toward his behavior. This is not exactly healthy dynamic and you shouldnt stay there just because he cant change. In fact, that is your sign that you should leave.

I wouldnt make "I was drunk" excuse. That is a problem you should solve separately by treating your addiction with therapy or AA meetings. Take full responsability. Tell her everything that happened and see if she is willing to forgive you. Say that you are willing to work in regaining her trust and to not ever get into this kind of situation again(though that is kinda cliche, every cheater says they wont do it again lol). You take full responsability and accountability which is good. But you still have a problem that you need to take care. Otherwise it would just repeat. Next time it maybe would not be cheating but a bar fight or something else. hence why you need to work on what made you drink in a first place. What happened is just a consequence of that. Another thing is, she may choose not to forgive you. Which would probably make you spiral even more. But you need to accept the consequences of your actions and work on yourself no mater what happens. Life goes on and its important that we learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. She may not be with you after this but your life still needs to get itself in order. That means working on your personal issues instead of drinking them away.