Kwothe28

You dont even want to know how much times I heard "I am not like that" only to find out after a week they are exactly like that. Again, who knows? Maybe he just wants to go out and have fun. What is certain is that he wanted to leave and he told you that. And that you shouldnt have questioned that. Because it just takes you further "down the rabbit hole" and wont get you answers. Again, its mostly just excuses anyway.

In the future dont pressure people to tell you whats wrong if they want to break up. People are mostly cowards. And usually just telling you some convinient excuse and not the real reason. In order to get out without too much hustle. Telling you the real reason would require another set of questions or even make you mad, if its about you then you will say that you can change, if its about them(btw its almost never them "Its not you, its me" is just another line they use to tell you its you) you will say how it doesnt matter and it would just drag on like in this case. So its mostly just excuses to get out. In his case sounds like he met somebody else. But he wants to keep the options open with you in case he wants to come back down the line. He also implied that you were inexperienced. That usually means they want somebody with more experience. I am sorry, but he sounds like a ***. You are still very young and am sure will meet somebody who will treat you properly down the line. And then laugh how much of a *** your ex was.

Is it some kind of epidemic lately? Of guys chasing girls with boyfriends who only use them for attention? She will never leave that guy for you. In order for her to do that you need to provide her a quality alternative. She doesnt see that in you and never will. She just wanted some attention before she comes back to boyfriend. Hence why the talk about you blocking her. You provided her some attention and that is it, you are no longer useful and will just be a distraction to her real relationship. Sooner you realize that, the better. Your best course of action is ironically to listen to her and block her cheating ass. That way you will free yourself from her and be able to pursue something normal.

In the first couple of months of relationship, lots of people are very careful not to let some of their negative properties go so they at least try to hide it. After they relax more then they show their true colors. Also, in first couple of months we are more prone to overlook some of the stuff because of "rose colored glasses". After that time, we see who the other person really is. I think that is where your confusion lies. She was always like that, you only see it now. And you cant change her as she is unwilling to do that. You want her to do more around the house. Or that garden. But she wont. No ammount of you telling her that you want her to do that wont do the long term effect. She just got used to it now. I am sorry but you should have looked better before marriage. Because people usually weight in stuff like that(about contribution of other side and what who will do) before they marry somebody. You took a chance with a person on benefits, who wont do much around the house and expects you to provide everything. That is just a bad choice. Tell her that you need her to do more or you will throw her out. I doubt it will have any effect but you need to take a stand there and not let her do what she does. If she is unable to do that, throw her out on the door, file for divorce and look better for next time.

Thing with sefish and egocentric people is that everything does have to be aimed at their pleasure no matter what the situation is. She got used to a certain lifestyle with her ex husband where he earned higher wages and could provide her that. So she expects the same from you. It doesnt matter if you cant do it and that she should, you will have to do it and be happy about it according to her. Same with keeping the house clean, same with sex, same with her telling you that her children come first just so she could ignore your needs etc. Her needs will always come first and you are expected to comply to that. That kind of people will never understand your needs. Because theirs will always come first because that is who they are. Just selfish in that way. You want her to take care of you and your needs but she is unable to do that and you need to understand that. You will never get what you want from the person like that.

What does this tell you? If a guy wants to be with you he will let you know. Meaning he would stay close, initiate touch, even hugs and kisses. He doesnt want any of that. You suit him as a distraction, he probably doesnt have nobody and it suits him to have somebody there to do stuff with him. So yes, its a friends deal. You are his "proto girlfriend", he does everything he would with girlfriend but without any commiting. Its clear that you want something more, so if he doesnt, I would at least put some wall between you two for now. Meaning no hanging out every weekend and moving on from the idea of you two being together as in finding somebody else that will look at you in the same way you look at him.

Not how it works. Are you willing to convert to her religion? Because pretty sure that would be their demand. I dated a Muslim girl when I was at college. She was nice, not even that religious. But yes, if I wanted to marry her, I would have to convert. That is what her family would have demanded. We broke up because of the other stuff but religion was the obstacle at least for later. Yes if both are willing to fight. In a situation where she willingly broke up, there is nothing to fight for.

What? He couldnt just said that you are a friend? I can understand that he is not introducing you to them yet, especially if one of the kids has disability. But hiding somebody in the closet is way too irregular. Its something you do to a mistress, not to somebody you want a life together. I think if he wants a life together, or rather to say if he is sure that he wants that, he would do it. Besides that, his reactions that anyone would see you together, they are way too filled with panic. I would bow out, its not something you should have to deal with, especially with somebody who chooses to hide you around in that way.

Oh yes, she is cheating. Sleeping on couch, staying out of work until late, going out until late with "friends", taking shower supplies, she is spending her time at somebody else place. Because, its not her friend she spends her time with. Friend is just an excuse for you. Confront her, but fair warning, cheaters dont usually out themselves. So she will probably be dodgy about it and gaslight you. Nevertheless, this should be enough for you to just leave because there is clearly something going on with her

Means exactly nothing after this That are her feelings after break up. You dont have to ask after that. Dont reach out and put it behind it. Every time you think about sending message just say to yourself "Dont". Dont get delusional because she sent a few emojis here and there, if she wants you she would tell you that. I even have mixed feelings about birthday wishes. Because a few times when I reached out somehow they forgot to reach out for my birthday. Dont make an effort over people who wont do the same for you. That especially goes about going to the foreign country to see somebody who broke up with you. Please dont do that.

I am happy that it went nicely. Sometimes its easier if we let other people in our lives and open ourselves for them. However, I would still recommend grief counseling. You do still need to process that he died and not to think about stuff like that you are suppose to be Mrs and such. That is still far from getting over. But its nice that you laugh again, that is a good sign.

Had to google because I wondered why do you think you are a cup lol At the very least he has a very "simp" relationship with his ex wife. That means that even though they arent married he still grants her every wish like they are married. Probably in hopes of her taking him back. I wouldnt say you are a fool because maybe nothing is going on. But I do agree that in the situation where you know how he treats her and doesnt offer even a part of that nice behavior to you, you dont have nothing to do there. If you see that people are capable of being like that for somebody else and not for you, that means that they will just not do it for you. And that alone should be enough for you to leave him to fawn over his ex wife and find somebody who will treat you better.

Could be. You were not neccesserely the last choice. But you were indeed second choice there. Somebody to fill in attention. While some other(maybe even married) guy fills her other needs. When he blew her off then your offer was better. Dont question your decision too much, here you made the right one. Also, I am sorry, but you are all over the place. Get your head in order so that you can meet and attract some other girl that will not just keep you there for attention.

Why are you dating emotionally unavailable baby? That vents all his work problems on you and throws tantrums for smallest things? Also, you push him way too much. While not realizing that emotionally unavailable baby will indeed always ruin your day no matter what you do. And then make it on you. Next time when you want to make time for yourself, just do that. Get some pizza by yourself, listen some music in car by the beach and enjoy. And see how much happier you are without him. That will be your que that somebody like that has nothing to contribute to your life and that he is just making you unhappy.

Yes, that is usually what happens when parents and a bunch of cousins and friends get in your head She made the decision to broke up. You were hurt and reacted in that way. She made a very calculated decision(even went no contact for some time to give you notice) probably under influence of her "roots". I dont think you can do anything here. And that you made the right decision by not staying friends. Take some time off and try to heal, stay "no contact".

I had a psychology class in college where our professor thought us that theory and different kinds of love coming from it. It was one of those classes that really stuck to me.

You are literally the definition what would in Sternberg "Triangular theory of love" be called companionate love. Sternberg has a theory where love is based on 3 different scales: passion, intimacy and commitment. Companionate love would be the type of love where passion is either not there at all or was there but faded over time. Its usually the kind of love you have for friends but on a partner level scale because commitment is also there. All the feelings you described, how you can talk all night, have fun, even to the feelings how she would be the great mother of your kids, would be something people in companionate love would feel. Also companionate love could be long lasting one. IF you accept it as such. Meaning if you would be satisfyed with other emotions you would feel such as trust, care, respect, loyalty etc. And not be based on physical attraction. There are a lot of couples that are going through nicely without much passion for each other later. Especially married one. However, if physical attraction is very important to you(and sounds like it is) and you cant get passed that, its better to just leave now. You dont want to get into situation where down the line you will meet some pretty girl at work and get into affair because your wife doesnt attract you.

Its an abuser cycle. He wont leave you, he is enjoying his emotional abuse of you. If you would leave he would probably beg you to come back and tell you what you want to hear. Only to do it again. From what I see he has done it before. Frankly I thought its at least not the same guy as from 3 years ago. Because that guy had so many red flags like its a China political party rally. Not get over ex, sleeping around even when you met him, even getting in fights. Only to leave you or you leaving him, then begging you to come back. See how that cycle didnt change? And I am sorry, but you are both in that cycle. So you would have to do something to break that cycle. And that is to leave. And never take him back when he begs after.

Dont make excuses like this for people who dont really feel empathy toward you or probably anyone else. You offered her a shoulder to cry and she just ignored you and blocked you at the end. That is your que that its over and that you should move on. Dont contact her and dont see her when you get back to college. That person does not deserve your attention anymore.

Attracted as in "I saw very attractive woman on the street" or attracted as in "I met your friend and felt attraction"? Because there is a big difference. We always think we should be the most beautiful thing to our partner. But in reality we probably arent. Physical attraction is just one part of equation. You need to like your partner in that way. But that doesnt mean you cant see other people as more attractive physically. Now if you feel the need to pursue it, that is a problem. And if he tells you that he feels attracted to other people in that way, that does mean that he is not in the relationship like he should be. Also, it does feel that he tells you that intentionally to hurt you. So yes, you should get out of that.

In this case, maybe. I am not the biggest fan of people who respond hours later, especially if its the cycle that keeps repeating. At todays age where everybody has their phone even when they go to bathroom, you certanly have time to respond even briefly that you cant talk right now and that you will send message or call later if you are that busy. However I think that due to trust issues you are asking for every confirmation how he cares for you. And that even a small hint of him not doing so just throws you away in a very bad way. To the point you want to call it quits because he didnt respond on time you wanted him to do. You cant act like that because it will drive you insane. And it will drove him away from you if he notices that kind of behavior. So dont do that. Dont put that much pressure on it, send a message and forget about it. He is on vacation, maybe going to beach and swimming, he will respond in time. Dont pressure him that much, if he wants he will message or call himself. When he comes back see what is the situation. I am pretty sure he is not that detached as you paint him, because he did asked to be exclusive and even told parent about you.

Look, you are still young, but you will have to learn something about people. Lots of people will "sell" you BS that you will have to learn to see through. She is a good person and isnt unloyal, yet she wants to cheat her boyfriend with you. Her boyfriend is a bum, and yet she is still with him and continues to do so. What does that tell you about her? What she sold you is a classic "I am in an unhappy relationship and will just about to leave him" story. Where she is the victim and you will be the one to offer her love and protect her from big bad boyfriend and her troubles. In reality none of that may be true. In reality she maybe just wanted to cheat her boyfriend without ever leaving him. And her relationship may not even be that bad. Your initial instics, no matter how much you hate them, were 100% right in this case. You shouldnt trust that girl at all. So just move away from her.

Same guy that you found cheating messages on his phone? Yes, prime marriage candidate lol Well he would have the basis to break up because if his ultimate goal is to marry you and you dont want that, what is the point? However storming is just bad character. As I said, prime marriage candidate lol

I know it doesnt look like it right now, but you did the right choice. Those kind of girls (in a bad relationships or even fresh out of ones) have a tendency to go back to those kind of relationships. Or even to seek equivalent to those. So unless you wanted just something physical, dont think you had a very bright future there. She would be back to that guy or just wouldnt leave him at all. You are maybe wondering if she would leave if she had you as a backup. I dont really think it would of make much difference. And that you did the right choice by not pursuing that kind of girl. You are infatuated by her so its hard, but trust me, your choice is good. I would be more worried about this And that you going to parties and getting drunk because of some girl wont help you with it. Would still go and found some other girl to occupy your attention. Its a party so its bound to be some nice single girls there. But if you think you cant do it and it would lead to what you said, just dont go.

I am gonna assume that you are in the relationship otherwise it would be indeed weird if he "flex" you that much. Depending on the relationship, but after near a year its not really weird to introduce you to at least his friends, its normal. Parents kinda are because you never really do that unless you are really sure about someone and that it would stick. But OK, its not really your thing. So you shouldnt have done it in a first place. But you played along because you were fine with his attention. And he wouldnt give that to you unless you reciprocitated. Even though you only feel pity. For a guy that you were suppose to be in a relationship. With that and if you think it takes you away from your studies, yeah, just break up. There is really no need to stay and to pretend to have a relationship just because you kinda like that pretend.