TeeDee

It was not healthy. You acknowledge that he ground you down. There are ways to handle stress & upset. Flying into a rage & calling your partner all manner of names is not a healthy mature way to manage problems. It's best that you separated from him. His parents are wrong. The screaming enraged man is Exactly who there son is. He proved it time & time again. You lived with him. They didn't.

You didn't do anything wrong but you may have been inadvertently repeating the pattern of abuse you grew up with. That said, as much as you don't want to move on with your life & never see him again that may be the best thing for you. NC is a powerful healing tool stemming from out of sight out of mind. He cheated. Now he's lying about it & trying to gaslight you about what you saw with your own eyes on his phone. There is no need to continue to talk to him. He can't change it & all he's gonna do is lie to you some more. You are stronger than you know & you will get through this. Find a new place to live. Keep breathing in & out. One day at a time.

Love yourself more. Then it will be easier to get over him. Get pissed at him for lying to you like that. Anger is a more productive emotion than self pity.

She clearly knows how to get in touch with you. If she wanted to go on the date she could have done a lot to make that happen. She didn't. I think you are right to write her off. If she pops back up & makes an effort & you still want to go out with her fine, but I wouldn't debase yourself by chasing further. If you cross paths again with your mutual friend, maybe that person can shed some light on this but I wouldn't reach out just for this.

Be clear. Tell him before you go that you are interested in drinks with an old friend. See what he says.

What momentum? You have been dragging your feet since October. That said, if you can squeeze in a date before you both go your separate ways for Easter that would be good. Just be careful you don't over hype expectations. While you are apart be OK with not being in touch 24/7

He may have been a good transition. Because the relationship before was so toxic, the bare minimum was a step up. That doesn't mean it's your ending point. Neither is he. You now know what horrid looks like & what basic human decency looks like. Now it's time to work on finding love, respect, commitment etc.

Do this guy a huge favor & leave him alone. You didn't "accidently" lose your virginity to him. You were a willing participant. Then you accused him of raping you. How dare you! Liars like you who make false allegations against innocent men to cover up for their own bad choices undermine every true rape victim. Making a false report like that is a crime. Him talking you into it & you getting caught up in the moment is not rape; it's regret & not his fault or responsibility. If he did rape you, Why in God's name would you even think about getting back together with him? If you have mental health issues get them addressed. Make peace with the fact that you are not a virgin anymore. Since you already had sex with this guy you cannot expect to get back into a relationship with him that does not include sex. You can't put that genie back in the box. Again, if you ever had any feelings for him, leave him alone. Get yourself straightened out first.

Sadly I think you were a rebound. Taking up with you & having a kid 6 months after a divorce was too soon. She never processed that loss. The added stress of a 3rd child must have been overwhelming. I'm sorry you missed the signs & this is now out of control. I think she's being extremely foolish. Opting for single parenthood of 3 kids when she couldn't handle the stress with you around is foolish on her part. You and the other kids' da better be there because I don't think she's capable of keeping 3 kids on track alone in her present state. You would do well to distance yourself from the kids who aren't yours. You seem like a kind caring person but she may be feeling smothered by your attentions. There is such a thing as being too nice.

You are not foolish. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You believed him; unfortunately he was lying to you. Now that you know that he's a user who only comes around when he wants sex or an ego boost you should not fall for his malarkey again.

You simply have to accept it. That is much easier said than done. In time she will be a beautiful memory as opposed to the heartache you are experiencing now Go NC to protect yourself. You don't need to see her social media or anything like that. Keep yourself busy. Give back into a favorite hobby or get a new one. Work overtime or get a side hustle. In time the acute pain will subside.

He was your 1st relationship. He was too broken to trust anybody. The longing you are feeling is not love it's nostalgia. That is a terrible reason to get back together. You will be better off going forward to a 2nd relationship.

Just because you think you want to get back together doesn't mean he's ready to trust you. Why do you want to go back to something that wasn't working in the 1st place?

Something else is going on with him. Get him a physical. He may have a brain tumor or some kind of infection that is adversely affecting his cognitive processing.

She doesn't sound very supportive. You are only 22, not 32. You are allowed to ask for help from parents. Talk to your doctors about getting you into an accident survivors support group so you can talk to people who have been through what you have.

LDRs require a lot of trust. You already know he's a cheater. Now you have more evidence & he's gas lighting you. What is the draw of staying with this man? Give up & date somebody local who shares your views & values.

Why would you send your wife a whatsapp message like that? Why wouldn't you call her or wait to discuss things when you got home. If your salary isn't paying the bills it's time you two made a new household budget or she gets a job. Stop shouldering the whole burden yourself.

I agree DMing him to talk about the book or follow up with the organization he mentioned. A technique I liked to use to gauge a man's interest was to mention somewhere I planned to be to see if he showed up. If you can find a related event, say to him that you will be attending. See if he asks more Qs or if you can casually suggest he attend too. Since you run an organization find a reason to have another event & invite him.

Happy Birthday. Here's the thing: if you two broke up he wasn't The One. That person is still out there. It's ok to grieve the loss of a relationship but that can't go on forever. 4 months after the fact it's time to move your life forward. What are you doing to keep busy & keep your mind off him? Be active. Exercise. Exercise produces happy endorphins to elevate your mood. Take up a new hobby. Get a side hustle or work overtime to earn more money. Activity is the antidote to what ails you. Make 22 the best year ever!

You have to start somewhere. If you don't try now all that will happen is that you will be 33 with no love life. My husband is a combat veteran with certain PTSD issues. His therapist has him doing exercises where he has to be exposed to things that make him uncomfortable. He doesn't like crowds. He recently accompanied me to an indoor flea market / bazaar. The idea is the more you do the scary thing but nothing bad happens, the easier it will be to keep doing that.

You are investing way too much in a stranger you have never met. Nothing about this is genuine until you meet in person. You both think you like the person you think the other one is but you don't actually know the other person When you say he's in another city do you mean the next town over, under an hour away or is this somebody on the other side of the planet? You are not investing anything by continuing to chat. Continue to talk but keep your emotions out of it for now. Just don't put all your eggs in his basket. If you can manage to meet in person then you can assess whether you have something

You can't give her closure. Closure comes from within, not from another person. Your talk to closure is a modern twist on wishing an Ex Happy Birthday. It's an excuse to reopen communication because deep down you want to get back together. You know getting back with her is a bad idea. There's nothing to be ashamed about. You liked this girl & she took advantage. Just don't make the same mistake again You are not sick. You are not a bad person. Wanting to be loved is not selfish. Recognize that you & this woman were never a good fit. She was hurtful & manipulative. Use this failed relationship & learn to recognize red flags. When somebody treats you poorly, get out. One thing about your behavior did strike me though. You mentioned something about her making you jealous by mentioning that an actor was "hot" then making you watch a movie starring that actor while you & her were in bed. It was an actor, not somebody she knows. If you get jealous over celluloid, that is a problem you need to address. You also mentioned something about a mortgage. Hopefully you are still buying a house. Put your energy into fixing that up. Make it a place you can be proud of & use your fresh start in a new neighborhood to see who is around there.

A 32 year old college graduate who has never had a job & lives at home to support his mom who is too depressed to care for herself is not going to suddenly become ambitious to win a woman's affection. This guy has zero ambition & never will. He is tied to mommy's apron strings & likes coasting along being supported by others. He's already wasted 1/3 of his life. Telling him to shape up is almost cruel because it gives him false hope. You would have been better off just saying no thanks. You are allowed to not want to date somebody because they are lazy. Attraction is more than just physical. It involved having shared dreams but this guy is just a bum

Has this ever happened before? It seems odd to me that a family would go on vacation without a family member. For now take care of the dogs. Start making lists. Think about what you want out of life & how you will go about achieving those goals. Take some action steps to make friends to ease your loneliness. Point is don't wallow. If you are unhappy with your situation, change it. When your family returns tell them how much their behavior hurt your feelings.

What an awful thing to say. It makes you sound like a materialistic gold digger. In his shoes I would never date you. When I met my now husband, we were both in our late 30s he had a paper route to supplement his sparse income. I owned my own business & had a graduate degree. He was a military veteran having been enlisted but was going to school on line. His job situation was anything but stable. But I could see the work ethic & the potential. You would have told him to buzz off -- to go make money to prove that he was "good enough" to date you. I took a chance. He graduated magna cum laude after we were married. Soon thereafter he found his calling & now has a great job that makes him happy. Point is I supported him through it. You sent a good guy away for all the wrong reasons. For his sake I hope he meets a nice person & develops a quality relationship. He may not have money right now but that is easy to fix with some hard work; you lack compassion, empathy & vision which you may never develop. If you think him living at home & not having anything but a side hustle is an indication that he has zero ambition, that is one thing. In that case you needed to take a hard pass not try to motive him to win you or deserve you.