Nona123456

This may sound silly but I found comfort on this forum that u can just spill my feelings into and this is more of a rant to get my feelings out there. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I know there’s no point dwelling on what went wrong but I just want to understand. He used to make me feel so special and so supported. He was literally the person I would go to and felt safe and comforted. He was only my second relationship so I don’t have much of a dating history but he’s the first person who made me feel loved and made me feel accepted no matter how much of a life wreck I would be. However a year into the relationship I realised that he wasn’t necessarily who I thought he was. He lied about something very big and it broke my trust. We started living together and I loved our routine. He started going out drinking every single weekend. We are both still young so I know maybe that’s normal but I didn’t necessarily want a boyfriend who I was worried about every single weekend when he go out and by this point I knew he was capable of lying and I was just worried. I didn’t feel like what I had to say mattered or that he considered it and it would get me very irritated and I would become snappy out of frustration. Besides the point, yes we stopped agreeing with each other and communicating. I’m scared that I brought out the worst in him when all I ever wanted to do is uplift him, help him and make our relationship work so if u did bring out the bad side of him then that would really hurt me because I always wanted the best for him. The relationship ended because he cheated. The worst thing is he didn’t even admit to it I found out through naked photos of them on his phone. He also became aggressive and completely lost patience to me, would grab me and call me names. He started caring about everyone else but me. I always wanted to work on our relationship together and help him and he always pushed me away. The reason I’m questioning it is because I don’t understand why a person who used to make me feel so safe and comfortable hurt me so much. I’m blaming myself like what could I have done differently, maybe been less snappy on some days, I’m not sure. I know there’s no point to think about it now it’s over but I really didn’t want him out of my life.

I am 19 years old, and I feel like I am still really young and it’s really hard for me to cope with this situation. As someone with mental health issues it really really affects me and I just don’t know how to cope. I know it will get better. I come from an abusive home that I had to move out of when I was 18. I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years so when I moved in with my now ex boyfriend it seemed like a great idea. He was my safe space and I went to him to be get away from abuse. When I moved in we were already together for over a year and lived with each other for almost 2 years. Everything was great. But for a while now he just changed. He started calling me names, started getting aggressive, would grab me when we got into arguments and leave me bruises. I loved him so much and also felt like I had no choice as I didn’t really have a place to stay. We got an apartment together with all the promises that he will improve. I know some people will ask what have I done to make him act like this. Realistically, I would stand up for myself if he did something I didn’t like, like speak to me in a bad way. It hurts because I felt like he started taking all his frustration over me but I knew he was once a good guy so I believed him when he kept promising me he will change. I gave chance after chance but I finally left. The breaking point was the fact that I found videos on his phone naked in bed with another woman that he took to his sisters house. The worst thing is he keeps denying it saying he was drunk and doesn’t remember anything. He even told me a pathetic excuse that they didn’t even have sex they just got undressed. He makes me feel sick as I genuinely tried to give him all my heart. He hasn’t considered I’m a human being at all who struggles now that this has happened because of my living situation. I’ve been sleeping on the floor because I hate him for doing this to me. I’m currently trying to find some place to move into. But I feel so fragile and exhausted after giving this man all my love. He keeps begging for me back saying he’ll change again and he’ll be better and that he loves me. I don’t know why he bothers doing that anymore since he clearly doesn’t love me. I feel so fragile at the moment. I know it will get better but I hate the fact I still have to talk to him, I just want to move on with my life and never see him again. I just don’t understand what I did wrong for him to change into this evil person I don’t recognise. What did I do wrong I just don’t understand