Rose Mosse

Actually he can. He just doesn’t want to. You can’t see that because you’re apologetic over his mistakes and poor choices being his friend. That’s a blind spot for you but you’ll have to accept that he’s capable of making his own choices and not get pulled into his drama. Is he telling you all of this? He may need a listening ear. It doesn’t mean you need to do anything. The drinking has to stop and he’ll have to drag himself out of this toxic relationship whether he likes it or not. None of this is anything you can control so distance yourself and accept that. He has to want to get out for himself.

There are plenty of people who avoid the truth or just aren’t self-aware enough. The irony is that by staying with a man who doesn’t fulfill your needs you’re just as lonely if not more in a relationship while being disappointed at the same time. Give it a year if that’s what you need but move on if this isn’t working. It’s not your problem he has attachment issues or doesn’t fit what you need in a relationship. He can figure it out on his own time, not yours.

Some may feed off of that like a compliment or use it to manipulate another person. The issue is you don’t feel the same way if he has a crush on you so don’t hang around him as much. He may be saying nonsense because he’s way too involved and sounding alarm bells for you because what he says is inappropriate. I see you’re trying hard to rationalize your gut instincts. It’s ok to just listen to them if they’re that strong.

You’ve been distant and not as close as you think from the start, OP, with your differences. 3-4 months is smack in the honeymoon period and your incompatibilities are beginning to show as a couple. Cheating on a game isn’t trivial for him and you didn’t think he was serious while he was trying to telling you not to do that during the game? I’m not sure why you’d not listen or see that he wasn’t ok with it. It’s not so much after the fact and being hit with the knowledge. It’s that it doesn’t sound like you were listening or in tune with him to start. It’s a good learning experience and it’s up to both of you if you’re able to respect that and be more honest about the scores or swings. Otherwise why record it at all? It means more to him if you’re playing accurately so it’s up to you if you want to change. Reading into this about what else you may be dishonest about sounds like him checking out and unsure about you. He doesn’t feel good around you and may be processing his feelings. Do you drive? Taking your eyes off the road for a split second can be dangerous. It’s not only your own vehicle you’re driving but using your peripheral vision to scan for other drivers and pedestrians, stop signs etc. He may be a nervous driver also or not feeling as confident. Either way, I agree with him on that one. He doesn’t feel comfortable around you so take the cue. You can choose to change or keep doing things the same way. By talking about it he is asking you to change because he doesn’t feel comfortable or safe around you so you can take the info as you will, don’t take it too personally and improve or not.

Yes, it’s foolish staying with someone who isn’t able to fulfill your needs in a relationship. It’s only 9 months. Don’t let this be 9 years or 19 years and feeling more and more at a loss and unfulfilled and unhappy.

Ask him if he brought a lunch one day. If no, see if he wants to have lunch. Just ease into it… You’re just checking each other out. If he wants to take it from there let him do that.

…in this time you could be having real sex with someone near you. Is there something preventing you from meeting local women? Aside from her acting shady, what is the point of all this? Why make things so hard for yourself?

Too much too soon and a combination of both of you, neither pausing yourselves or each other and running with something way too fast. He knew you were just out of a relationship and was he as well? If you reconnect it’ll be after you’ve both healed and moved on from this.

Yeah, I don’t like them either.

Cheating means going behind your partner’s back and doing what he or she wouldn’t want with someone else. She wouldn’t tell you if she’s a cheater. They rarely do as it’s not in their best interest. What usually works for cheaters is keeping things going at home and cheating outside of the relationship, avoiding confrontation and avoiding a break up. You both have a pattern of her cheating but what’s unusual is that you expected her to tell you. Why? Maybe you’re heartbroken and still expect too much out of her. It’s not what she is. Let go and start over. Don’t keep doing the same things again or repeating old mistakes.

Mosquitos, I don’t feel the same way. This isn’t working out.

I can understand if you were in a decades long marriage but you’ve been dating for just over 30 days. Imo, there is nothing to talk about. He does what he does and there’s the evidence. This is what he is and this is what he does. Moving too fast is a red flag and he’s still involved with his ex and communicating in a flirty way. He’s not going to change who he is for someone he met 30+ days ago and has it ever occurred to you his wiley texting may be what caused his break up? It’s a path of disappointment and feeling grossed out with this man. That’s all you need to know. Take the time for a deep breath, then dump him civilly. “Thanks for everything but we’re not a match. I wish you the best.” Block him and don’t see him again. Don’t be lured in with the idea of playing house together. You’ll meet other men. Aim for someone more grounded and respectable.

You both have a good thing going but communication can improve. When you make a change in plans, suggest an alternative. I get the feeling you want him to take more initiative but he’s not a mind reader. The dynamic so far is that you’ve set the pace and he has adapted around your schedule. Be more open about your schedule and tell him exactly what you wrote here, how much he means to you and that you enjoy spending time with him. He is the one who has to hear it that you want this and want to go to dinners etc.

You’ve only just broken up with your ex so may be reminded of being in a committed relationship also. Take more time to heal and leave things as they are or move on. You know this isn’t meant to last, whatever this is. This woman sounds like a rebound and I think you’re in denial about not wanting a relationship. It’s ok to outgrow situationships like these once they’re no longer fulfilling and are more hassle than they’re worth.

This guy isn’t the married man so give it a try and see where this goes. You’re panicking a bit and feeling vulnerable, it seems. If you like him keep seeing him but let things unfold in their own time. If you feel guarded take your time and don’t rush this romance. Spend more time together and balance your time with your other commitments. Life is not all about him. I’m sure you have other things to take care of so pace yourselves and how often you meet. This goes for any romance, involving cancer or not.

Nope. I read it wrongly and my apologies. That was my fault. You do not have to apologize for that. I think that if he felt self-conscious he would have addressed it already with you. I'd go with one or the other. I frankly don't think he's that afraid to talk about it or feeling as self-conscious as you may think. If he wanted to hide it from you he would not have stayed over or taken the chance. It's up to you what you wish to do.

There's a good chance there was nothing else behind it but it doesn't sound like his boundaries match your boundaries required in a relationship where it comes to exes or the circumstances surrounding why he's still in contact with her and how she's still involved in his life. Choosing a new house is usually something someone would involve their current partner. So why involve someone else from the past, regardless if he's still cordial with her or if they're amicable? Anyone in their right mind would realize this has a high likelihood of causing issues in a relationship. Does he want her involvement and opinion that much or does he really not care at all what you think or the potential for there to be questions? That lack of awareness or knowing that it would make a current partner uncomfortable, not enough openness, general cluelessness just doesn't sound appealing even if he's done nothing wrong or hasn't cheated on you or there isn't anything terrible going on. I don't think this is something to be worried about but it does sound like something I'd personally be hugely unattracted to in a partner. It's your call. Pick someone who is compatible with you and whose choices you don't have to question.

Yes, thanks for pointing that out. Regardless, it was very clear to her he was wearing a tupee the next morning. It makes no sense that he would be oblivious to this showing after falling asleep or staying over at another person's place. Even if he forgot to remove it before falling asleep it sounds displaced and there's no way a person would take that chance if he truly was self-conscious about his hair/baldness. He just wouldn't take that chance at all by staying over. My point is not to assume that he feels bad about his hairpiece. It's a part of him. If he wants to talk about it he can but it doesn't mean he has to or owes you any explanation about that part about himself.

You're only seeing one another and there's no exclusivity so no need to feel guilty. This isn't a relationship. It seems you have feelings for her so be honest about that when you next meet.

He already knows you're ok with it if you're continuing to date him. How could a detail like that go unnoticed if he's staying over? I'm sure he's well aware he removed it and took it off, felt comfortable not having to explain himself and that you'd love/accept him for who he is just exactly the way he is. It's the same for you. He is with you for you, not for what you wear or how well you fit into your clothing. I am certain it runs deeper than skin deep otherwise he never would have agreed to stay over or expose that part of himself/his baldness. For what its worth, I married someone who was completely bald (balding at the top by his late 20s and then shaved it all off by his mid-late 30s before I came along). He took pride in that choice and owned his baldness way before I appeared on the scene. You're assuming that he's self-conscious but it doesn't seem the case to me if he's chosen to wear his tupee and remove it around you. I'm sure there was sticky tape he could have used to keep it on or he wouldn't have removed it in plain sight at all or he'd have said something if he felt self-conscious. That he hasn't at all speaks volumes that he is quite confident. He could very well be completely ok about it all and you don't need to feel sorry for him. He will open up in his own time OR not because there's nothing to talk about. Try not to read into this or assume that he has a problem with the way he is.

Wow no. You've accepted him so let him be him. If his hat of hair comes off at night and that's ok with you then it's ok with you. No need to drag your issues about self-image into this. Please work on your confidence, love yourself, accept yourself before bringing someone else into your life. Things will be much easier that way. It sounds like you have a good thing going. Don't make this all about you or your weight. You are likely beautiful inside and out or he wouldn't even be with you.

Can you imagine a life like this? “Honey, we haven’t booked an officiant for the wedding. Are you able to look into this?” Shut down. “I think we’re running out of diapers for Molly. Do you have a moment to run out to the store? I’ve got my hands full.” Shut down. ”The house is burning!” Shut down. If his default is to shut down whenever he is uncomfortable as opposed to dealing with things head on or hands on, what do you suspect his behaviour to be with your lives have co-mingled or far more complicated? This man’s default is to shut down or not address what you’re saying. Be wary and careful if he’s using you for housing, etc. You both are only roommates living together.

You can’t change them. Acceptance is very hard but at some point realize that there needs to be an end to the effect they have over you. Don’t text message someone in the hospital fighting cancer trying to convince them that they have a chance to set wrongs right. It’s not the time and place especially considering your relationship. It’s also not your place to suggest that. She opted to stay with your father and those are her decisions. You can’t save your mother. Stop trying. Let go. Move out permanently this time and don’t go back.

She’s incredibly unstable, OP. Have you reread what you wrote about her? Love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. She has far too many issues, jealousy issues, insecure, references to being suicidal, fantasies about her future children with you being suicidal and so on. My guess is you’re attracted to her dysfunction and enable it whenever possible. It’s extreme high highs, extreme low lows with full on toxic fantasies and delusions. She’s interesting and different for you and because she needs that much help. I suggest you steer clear and find therapy or counselling to change your thoughts or the way you view yourself. This will keep happening if you are following a pattern of pursuing certain women.

Respectfully, you seem a bit emotional and have referenced your ex a few times. Heal from your last break up and be wary of online romances. You can live with someone and still not know that person so don’t be so naive. Be wary of anyone who volunteers to be in an overseas romance. Are you still living with your ex or is he still in the picture?