Kansasbbq10

He doesn’t act creepy to her. I would think it worse if he didn’t ask to see her (because I certainly never bring it up) and just acted like she didn’t exist

What does that mean?

He says he’s never slept w anyone but his wife and 1 other gf. And it’s not like we have our toxic arguments or he stalks me in front of my daughter. I think It must come from a good place that he asks to spend time w her.

I’ve tried but all have said there’s just nothing wrong with me and if I choose and enjoy a “relationship” like this then so be it. In theory I’d much prefer something “healthier,” but the happiness and excitement I get from being around him or even just a simple conversation after years, is unparalleled. He just asked to hang out with my daughter and me tonight and it was so lovely.

Lol yes I suppose there are. I can’t help it! I feel so much for him and truly I know when his behavior is out of passion/jealousy and I feel cared for at that time. Then at “real” times I need him such as when I had a worrisome diagnosis recently he’s actually there.

His wife knows. At one point when I was not thrilled by him, I contacted her and she was like “oh whatever, he’s using you too. No need to contact me about this K thanks bye”

Like it’s my fault if a married person chooses to be with me? If a man’s relationship with his wife is so poor that he wants to be close to me, talking day in and out, and taking me on dates with or without sex then it’s very obvious their marriage has long died. If she wishes to ignore the writing on the wall instead of divorcing him so both people are free to move on then that isn’t my fault. I was in this situation , realized that never dating another man the rest of my life sounded horrible and I knew I wasn’t going to cheat, so I just divorced him

I don’t think it’s that simple. Tonight literally I wanted him to come over and have sex. He says no he wants to take me out to the boardwalk and dinner instead. Legitimately I just wanted sex tonight

It’s toxic married guy. I guess I don’t follow why it is hit and run when he is telling me h wants to do cheesy date like things and not have sex. I’m just frustrated

The complication is that I want the sort of dating/romantic interactions he proposes, too, but certainly I want sex and get tired of the inconsistency in him wanting it. And he also doesn’t want to have titles like boyfriend and girlfriend so it really frustrates me and blows my mind why he’s asking me to do these date style things on weekend evenings and we don’t even get sex out of it!

It really isn’t like this. we hardly ever have sex and he explained the dysphoria, and wanting to feel like he has control/discipline over his actions. Last night he just took me out. Tonight I’d wanted him to come over for sex but instead he plans this night of walking the boardwalk at sunset and getting a fancy dinner.

Has anyone had experiences with this? Have a sex partner who is generally avoidant (doesn’t cuddle and likes to leave after sex, after chatting a bit), who now told me he’s had postcoital dysphoria after sex all his life and that’s why he doesn’t do it often despite wanting to talk about it a LOT with me. Says sex is emotionally and psychologically draining for him. he’s the one always sexting but in person it is quite infrequent

Yes, he does know. He knows there has been a lot of ongoing, ahem, involvement and that I’d actually seen married guy within a day of cancer patient asking me to get together for the first time since he got well. In fact I completely refused to speak to married guy during the time I was dating cancer patient previously, only resumed when cancer patient clearly told me he only had the capacity to be friends while very sick in treatment (though he’d said that could definitely change later and I guess now it may be?)

I mean, I don’t want to spend nights wondering why toxic married man gets to stalk and shame me for even coming near a guy who wants to properly date me… while he turns up intermittently when not with his wife back home or doing whatever else causes him to be away all the time here. He never makes me a priority and it does get boring and taxing, even though our toxic interaction really is exciting to me

It’s disturbing isn’t it?! My father is as meek as they come. Would never dream of speaking to my mother like that. But I get off on it. When this guy becomes unhinged and impassioned because he saw me kiss someone else (even though it was through stalking unknown to me and even though he’s clearly always refused commitment or title with me, is still technically married, for goodness sake , so I have every right), I get off on it bc I see that he cares. When he speaks to me angrily it’s like immediately borderline arousing. And I just take it all to mean something he’s said to me in exactly these words- he cares about me as much as he could ever care about anyone considering he has a personality disorder