Rose Mosse

Maybe keep the private life and relationship/ex photos out of any workplace talks. He was part of your life but he isn’t anymore.

I also hope you’re able to recognize distrust and when you’re no longer compatible with someone instead of remaining in a one sided or deeply dysfunctional relationship “waiting” for someone to regain their trust in you. Be able to cut your losses if you find it’s not working and be honest with yourself. You’re not fooling anyone anymore, so don’t fool yourself too into believing in “waiting” or “she can take all the time”. Good luck this Sunday and see how it goes. You have the rest of your life to live. Don’t stay stuck or assume that this is all there is.

I don’t drink actually. No, this wouldn’t cross my mind.

She’s not interested in a relationship with you. You both weren’t an item at all and it seems to be a lot of texting and a few hookups at most. I understand you care about her but she doesn’t feel the same way or doesn’t view you that way. The need to Snapchat or be #1 on a streak may seem immature and I’m not sure if she is picking up on that. I’m sorry. Let this go and in future focus on person dates, less on texting and chatting via text.

Then he has to work through his issues and it’s up to you to decide if you want to be around someone you can’t align with. If it’s not working or you have a problem it’s best to speak clearly and tell him that those comments are not appreciated (about women in general). Those are boundaries for your sake and sanity about respect for others, women and yourself. From experience, it’s difficult for people to change the way they think especially if they don’t love themselves or who they are. If he can’t accept himself how does he expect to accept anyone else or whatever the world has to offer? It’s like asking a whale to fly or an eagle to swim. It doesn’t work that way.

Don’t keep seeing him if you find what he says offensive. He seems insecure and unsure of himself. Remember that you’re looking at the overall person and their background, where they’re from or what they’re about. What drives this person and what motivates them. The comments are disrespectful but they’re also stemming from some other broken and messed up place. You can tell when someone is not at peace with themselves so why would you want to be around that? The whole point of living is to find joy and purpose, make use of yourself and inspire others. You are what you make of yourself. This is so much less about him and more about how you want to live your life. Don’t silence yourself for the sake of poor company. Just move on. I wouldn’t bat an eye at this, not even worth it.

Leave him alone. In future be wary of someone’s background and family. Remember that it’s not just the person you’re marrying but the people they bring with them and any issues you’ll be inheriting. You’re still very young. Your body is your own and you have a right to your personal privacy where it concerns sex or being with whom you want. Be responsible for yourself, practice safe sex and be cautious with people you meet. This guy wasn’t the man for you. Move on and don’t let this hold you back from finding someone else.

That tells you all you need to know if someone pulls away or ends a relationship. That person is not there and it speaks volumes. In times like this I halt the endless thoughts and do something else. It’s fine to reflect but not to the point where you may be constantly questioning what if on a dead end situation.

Well, I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in your shoes. Despite our differences and there was some animosity at first my ex-husband and I did care for one another and look out for each other while we separated during the start of Covid. I can understand your care for your wife even though your heart is no longer with her and things have changed. The issue is you did start an affair behind your wife’s back while you were married and introduced a third party into your collapsing marriage. You don’t live guilt-free. What bothers you might be being ridden with guilt and as Kwothe mentioned made your own bed with the conflict you’re feeling. Even if you leave your wife I don’t know how people having had affairs continue to justify their new romances. It’s done all the time and I’m sure there’s a way. You need to make peace that your marriage is over. End one thing before starting another and make peace also with the sham of an outer image that you lead a perfect white picket fence life. That’s all ego speaking.

Oh order the back ups for sure. Always have back ups. Order to size and have a stress free enjoyable time.

It sounds unprofessional, clingy and emotional. I’m not seeing how any of this is endearing at the workplace and none of this has to do with Christianity. He treats work more like a social and I understand some workplaces are more easygoing and there’s time to socialize but not like this. Ignore any religious comments in the workplace and don’t bother validating these comments. Keep the conversations very brief, no longer than a few minutes. Leave out personal issues like relationships and break ups. Since you don’t work directly with each other, limit the IM or messages. There’s no reason to “stay close”. Network outside the company and make friends through hobbies and interests of your own.

Respect isn’t demanded. It’s earned. Sadly she doesn’t respect you the way you want in a relationship. You’ll have to respect yourself first and say no to distrust and not enough care in a relationship. Not many people would choose to stay silent and stew like this. Why let it eat you up alive? How long do you think you’ll be able to live a double life? One that is resentful and upset deep down and another living as if you are a family man. She’s dysfunctional and so are you. Like is often drawn to like. Ever heard of the phrase birds of a feather flock together? The difference is you seem to recognize when you need help and that’s why you’re here. Don’t dismiss yourself or call yourself obsessive when your instincts are telling you to wake up. Move away from individuals like this in general. You’re empathizing and needing validation from her, “being appreciated”. Everyone wants to be appreciated but we pick our crowd and avoid disrespectful people, those who go out of their way to mock, humiliate and undermine. You’re living a double life at the moment and this will come down anyway whether you want it to or not. It’s only a matter of time.

What do you have exactly? Think about this for awhile. Reread your initial first post in this thread.

No, not at all. Tons of people use the forum to vent, talk about problems and hopefully come to a solution. That’s the whole point. You may not know what to do now or maybe you don’t have an adequate or strong support system in person. I still strongly suggest you rethink this relationship. Love alone isn’t enough in some cases. Go back to your idea of what love and a relationship looks like. I think you either didn’t have a chance to develop that or are ignoring what you know deep down is off and incompatible on many levels. Do you want the rest of your life to look like this, rinse and repeat, day after day, week after week, year after year?

Do whatever you need to do for yourself to move on. Mute, block, don’t block. Although I’m not sure why you’d care to keep him on social media in the first place. Isn’t that for people you call friends? He’s not a friend. Regardless of what you do also you have your own life to live. Don’t waste it spending moments looking at his or whoever’s hours upon hours as some do online. Make sure you live outside of the web and do all the things you want to do.

I don’t know if you’re here to vent or to do anything about the situation. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to realize those poor choices. This wasn’t set up to last and I agree with the other comment that she’s taking advantage of you. Your self-esteem is too low. You only have one life and you’re so young. Don’t squander it like this. Move on.

This happens. You know what? Carry on and let the mixed emotions fade. There’s nothing you can do about the past as it’s in the past. Continue taking care of yourself and do not let the presence of someone else dictate the way you wish to use an app or not use an app. It’s only a small part of your life. I would not let this scare you or avoid dating. If you feel ready then you’re ready. Of course there will be mixed emotions seeing your ex anywhere for the first time after a break up. Ride the wave and carry on. This is not as big a deal as it needs to be.

She was looking to avoid a scene but it’s too obvious he still occupies her mind.

She doesn’t seem amused and doesn’t care about what or how you think, joke, try to be funny. You’re both not compatible. Let go of this and learn from it. That’s all you can do. Do not stalk her or follow her home.

I agree with the others. She’s not over him and you’re a rebound. Unfortunately she still stays in contact with the group and he’s in it. Her ex is trying to move on and she doesn’t have the maturity or ability to say no to these get togethers and trips. This only tells me she’s in denial about what she feels as she’s not addressing boundaries and putting enough space between the both of them, enough to move on.

Just pay attention to yourself and the way you feel. You’ve already told her how you feel and talked about it. She doesn’t agree with you and thinks you’re distrustful of her. That’s the bottomline. She does feel she’s not done anything wrong while you both cannot agree. This is not working out. Instead of endless fighting and describing what you’d like to see instead and running the risk of sounding insecure and controlling when someone you’re dating doesn’t have enough boundaries, date someone else who does. Seven months is a good time to discover these things and lift those rose coloured lenses. She’s not what you thought she was.

When you proposed the second time didn’t you address the stupidity and regret of the first? The surprise element or suddenness of the second proposal might have seemed goofy to her. She got in her car and drove away which isn’t something a person does if they feel deeply for you. It may be best honestly that this ended this way. She clearly doesn’t trust you. Looking at this from another perspective, I don’t know why you’re trying so hard with someone who no longer trusts you or wants to be where you are. It’s not endearing to follow someone when they don’t want to be around you. It’s creepy and aggressive. All you can do is apologize and tell her how you feel if she approaches you again. Do not keep contacting her.

I am sorry this is happening especially his busted up leg. I broke my ankle when I was a teenager and it was so frustrating not being able to move properly. Use the time to rethink the relationship. As it’s only been a week or so since you’ve seen him ask yourself why you’re feeling so out of sorts. If you trusted him in the first place none of this would be an issue.

My thoughts are you’re both vastly incompatible and you may not see that or realize this if you don’t have kids, not in the same headspace or stage, different priorities and mindset. Your communication styles also differ and what comes across as argumentative and unnecessary to one, may be regular communication for another. I’d also consider your upbringing. Did you grow up in a household where debate was encouraged? Or the opposite where it was suppressed and you’re just finding your voice now? She chose not to continue dating you and that’s her personal, individual choice she’s entitled to. Anyone is entitled not to like you just as you’re entitled to not liking anyone or choosing not to date someone. Best to just respect that and let this one go.

He seems to have a crush on you but you’re both young and he doesn’t seem to be asking you out on any dates. Use your own discretion and if you have feelings for him slow things down at least until you decide what you want for yourself. There is no sense running around in confusion in the meantime with someone who himself seems unclear/confused/not so mature. The general rule is if he’s not asking you out he isn’t interested enough. Vocalize that you’re not interested in casual sex (you don’t have to specify with him). He can read between the lines if he’s already into you. If not, pass. Spend your time with someone who matches your energy and level of interest. It’s common to meet many people who are incompatible.