Rose Mosse

You’ll have to trust her anyway as that’s what relationships are about if you intend to stay married. They quickly crumble without benefit of the doubt and some degree of trust. I thought it was interesting that you may view her as naive. It lends more to the idea that she may be clueless, stupid or socially unaware, reckless and it’s a lot of doubt surrounding her character. Surely you think more of your wife than this? Can you reflect a bit more on the relationship as a whole and tell us more about what your dynamic at home is like? How’s your love life and daily life like? Are there any arguments or other issues?

True but you can also choose your family in the form of close friends and be grateful for what you do have. If you’re depressed in general see your doctor. This may be a symptom of something else. Find support and don’t be shy asking for help from medical professionals.

I’d figure out life now as it is and “make it” on your own. This sounds like an arduous, time-consuming and painstaking task when it appears your resources are limited and you could be spending time working on a more comfortable life. Shelve this and focus on other priorities. Come back to it some other time. You probably won’t care or need to know more about these other people once you’re in a better place.

I’m curious why him ghosting you would set you back a lot. Why do you see it this way? You’ve only met on one date and it was enjoyable. As enjoyable as it was it doesn’t mean that either of you may meet again or speak again either. I agree with the comment from Kwothe mentioned earlier: treat this as an experience and try not to take it personally if you don’t hear from him. I also want to commend you for putting yourself out there and texting him if it’s not your norm. Experiences like this make us stronger, not less than what we were. You challenged yourself to do something you might have been afraid to do in the past.

That’s good that he stopped the childish behaviour making comments about other women and commentary about your looks. Can you elaborate a bit more on the part above? What are the disagreements about where there’s no compromise?

Did you speak with him? Good luck! Life is too short for what ifs.

Don’t contact him again. These feelings will pass. Break the cycle of abuse and move forward for yourself and your kids.

Yeah no. Think of it as a perverse compliment, chuckle to yourself and let it go. This person was not a dating option. Keep your mind and heart freed from these types.

Respectfully, I think you’re overthinking it. That was years ago and someone else whispered it in his ear. We’ve all had cringeworthy moments in high school. Haven’t you moved past that by now? You’re both in a different part of your lives. Anyway it’s up to you. Don’t live in a fantasy world. If you’re wondering about him as an old friend or someone you used to know then reach out. If you’re going to keep making excuses or feel too scared to do it, shut the door on this and move on with life. Don’t stay stuck in this limbo.

That’s just it though. He thinks it’s okay and you don’t so you both disagree on this. I suspect this is much more than attending other people’s weddings together. Have there been instances where you don’t seem to get along with his friends? Do you both have opposing views of marriage? (Ie one of you wants to get married and the other doesn’t?)

That’s fine. This is what you’re supposed to do. If there’s no suggestion to meet the same day you match, it’s not a match. Don’t carrying on chatting indefinitely without meeting at least within a few days of matching. If Bumble makes you uncomfortable dump it and use something else.

It depends on how it’s done. It classier if he just asks if you’re interested in going for coffee or dinner. If someone had pulled up like that asking for my number I’d have given a local pizza joint.

I'm glad she's out of your life. The only words of wisdom I have for you are to spend less time and energy thinking about her or what your friend is doing and anyone else's dating life. I suspect all of this is just a diversion from what you really need to focus on which is school and bettering yourself, nothing to do with dating. All of this will pass eventually and be water under the bridge. She chose her life so you go and choose yours. In future as well, two things: 1) avoid on/off relationships and end things permanently when they're not working and 2) block the ex when the relationship is finished and when you realize that the other person has poor boundaries. Your healing will be quicker and you'll be able to spend more time on new things and with new people.

I think you should talk with him. It's your lack of communication in the relationship and not any of his particular friends that are the issue. You mentioned not wanting to appear insecure but you are so why are you pretending? Be more honest and let him know you'd like to meet her and invite him to tell you more about her or how they know one another. You picked him to be your partner, knowing his personality. Don't live in your own head or let the jealous or insecure thoughts take over. Let his intentions show for themselves and then judge whether he and you are compatible over a longer period of time.

I don't think it's immature. You seem like a thoughtful person with some thought process behind your actions and aren't acting impulsively, affecting others. It's natural to get nostalgic now and then. A similar thing happened to me after university years when an old highschool crush contacted me and we did meet up. So what is the harm in it? Send him a brief message and let him know you were looking at an old yearbook or something or some old photos and wanted to reach out. He can choose to ignore your message, block you, reply and/or meet with you if you both start chatting again. Remember that you started off with the same roots and as classmates. It's not such a big deal. Send him a message and say hello. What not to do: no more stalking.

This probably boils down to personal taste. What one person wouldn't accept, another might be fine with and you both took a very long time to meet (a month?). Do you mind me asking why you were chatting for so long without meeting? The overall feeling I'm getting from your posts is that you're unsure and to an extent uneasy about this man but not clear why. Maybe you were recently burnt from a past relationship or dating experience like the one you mentioned? How recent was that? You were involved in the sexual texts and agreed to go on chatting for a month with someone you hadn't met. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting at a beach. My guess is that the texting/chatting got way too far into sexual fantasies and a storyline which reality hasn't caught up with yet because the amount of time you've been texting outweighs the amount of real time you've spent in person which is unfortunate. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting his friends either if you're both comfortable with it but you need to ask yourself whether you see yourself with this person or whether he was fun in the moment while texting.

I’m sorry to hear this. Hang in there because this will pass. Learn from the experience and let this relationship go. I’m a little concerned with this other comment below. It suggests you were repressed and unable to express yourself or dress the way you’d like in the relationship. Be cautious about who you date and make sure you’re compatible. Don’t linger in unfulfilling, controlling or demoralizing situations. This is just a hunch but I’m getting the strong feeling you didn’t feel you could express yourself enough in this relationship in the first place.

I assume you’re also mourning the end of a friendship and that’s ok too. Feel sad if you’re feeling sad but draw a hard line when it comes to dangerous, risky or threatening behaviour where it concerns your well-being. You’re worried for your other relationships but take care of yourself first. You can only care for others if you’re feeling safe and secure. None of this means you don’t have empathy either or don’t feel at a loss for the friendship. Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you’re cold and unfeeling so process that loss and letting go of someone and let those other (healthier) relationships take over and nurture you too.

You've more or less ended the friendship already by expressing such misgivings and hesitancy given the amount of problems he's given you and the way he treats you. He hasn't sought treatment for his bipolar and is self-medicating. Slowly distance yourself as you're already doing. You know saying anything isn't going to stop him from being who he is. Avoiding is the right thing to do. Just avoid him. Stay out of his path and if he approaches you just say you're busy or maybe another time. Don't pick up his calls and mute them.

Not to state the obvious.. but she's ignoring you. You may have no choice in the matter and the relationship is over. Give this a few more days and think on it. Let her approach you. In that time use the time to think about the relationship as a whole. It's doubtful that a potential life with someone would come crashing down in one incident but this could be the event that breaks the camel's back, so to speak. You both may be incompatible to start.

Talk about it with her. These are stories from her past which were invited by discussion over something else trivial like what you saw on TV. My guess is the relationship moved quickly and now you’re sexually intimate with someone you’ve realized you barely knew. Nothing uncommon there but also an opportunity to realize that you don’t know her very well nor yourself as you seem confused and torn over sections of her past that she claims she’s over or moved on from. If you’re not comfortable with her, let her go. She deserves someone who loves and respects her and the same for you. Your reaction however jealous or any desire for more details or getting into her ex relationships will also tell her what she needs about you and what type of person you are.

You’re very young and learning the hard way about boundaries and exes. I’m sure the thought came from a good place but the path you took asking an ex boyfriend to take sexy photos of you was inappropriate no matter how much you tell yourself and others that you have no feelings for your ex anymore. In future stay away from these gray area and easily misconstrued situations and save yourself the hassle no matter how many enviable skills your exes have. Put the past in the past and move on. Make new contacts. It’s fine to want to give your partner boudoir photos but next time find a female professional for example. This one may or may not be a bridge burnt, as in there’s nothing you can do about it at this point. He may be rethinking your choices as they make him uncomfortable. This has nothing to do with “leagues” and more to do with healthier boundaries going forward. Just apologize and mention that you see it wasn’t appropriate contacting your ex. If your boyfriend can’t see the good in your thoughts or in your intentions behind the poorly executed gift then he’s also not the man for you. You’re both not compatible at that point and don’t stay hung up over someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

Play along? “Is that so? My ex husband looks like the drummer too, come to think of it.” No, it’s not ok. I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating. He seems to be chatting with you like a buddy or a friend, gossips like a teenager over a sexy voice on the phone, and doesn’t seem like he’s over his ex. Do you know when they split up and for what reason? My guess is you’re the rebound and he’s in the recovery phase of his divorce/break up (born again lover) but it’s coming through in an OTT way. I’m sorry also that he didn’t make much effort on Vday even if it is just a gesture with flowers. Did he do anything for/with you?

She’s not interested in meeting with you. Let this one go. The reasons are not relevant at this point. See what other matches there are and try other apps if you’re looking for more than a hook up.

He’s confused and all the above. Remember he’s a father also and he’s been confusing all his roles as colleague, father and spouse/partner. Also, cheaters have exceptionally poor boundaries and are naturally avoidant (disliking confrontation). He will continue to check in with you as long as it flies under the radar where it comes to his wife and his family and wife will always come first. Yes, you are an ego boost and yes, you are second, third, fourth, last place wherever his personal life is concerned. What is happening at work and are you regularly upset with colleagues or the work? Address this because you may be stalling your career and stuck some place you no longer need to be. Is this a good company or is it warped and rotted by relationships like this with colleagues or bosses sleeping with subordinates etc? Ask yourself what kind of life you’d rather be living instead of facing each day with confusion. Think big, go back to the drawing board and see whether you can do better.