Rose Mosse

She’s not interested. This is still raw so give it time to sink in. She doesn’t want to be with you. Growing as individuals is a soft nudge telling you you probably have some growing to do. She’s not talking about herself. Let go and close the chapter. You’re still looking for hope and “success stories”. Be careful what you read online especially garbage from dating sites and “get your ex back” scams looking for vulnerable individuals like yourself. Take the time to heal and accept, move forward.

Nothing wrong with flirting. But he is too passive. Don’t put your life on hold and date other men. This sounds like a one off and nice evening catching up.

He’s flaky and both of you are not actually 100% available. What’s the timeline for divorcing your husband? Have a goal and end the marriage.

That sounds good. Do this. See if she reciprocates interest.

You’ll only know if she’s interested if you continue going on dates and discuss with her where you both see this going. Is she aware that you’re here for the next few years? It’s possible she may not want anything serious with anyone so I wouldn’t worry about this other man. It was hearsay and gossip so I glossed over that info as it’s irrelevant. What matters is gauging her interest. Stay away from flaky women or if she proves hot/cold.

I’m assuming you are mentally and emotionally healthy without insecurity or jealousy issues. As an outsider their friendly relationship doesn’t look wrong but the work relationship unfortunately lacks boundaries. I can see why you’re questioning your gut. Look within. If you’re not happy that’s all you need to know. He may tick off a lot of your boxes and you may care for him but some of his choices are not for you or not what you’d do if you were in similar circumstances. It’s not a match. You decide if this is a dealbreaker and you’re incompatible. Don’t waste time judging who or what he is. Spend more time confirming whether you feel good around him or uneasy, awful, frustrated. Then move on.

He sounds checked out and complacent. I’m sorry you’re feeling neglected and not valued. The relationship is coasting along. Are there any other disagreements? I’m sensing some low key resentment on his part if he’s avoiding you and finding reasons to retreat or not think of you or include you in his plans.

Are you looking for a relationship out of this and LDR? It’s not going to work. She told you she’s not into that earlier. If you are looking for a temporary fling and can distance yourself from it well enough when you leave your current posting, then that’s fine. Otherwise you’re repeating history here. Nothing has changed. You don’t live where she is and you’ll leave again so why does it matter that you’re being so delicate and fearful that she doesn’t feel the same way? It’s back to the default answer likely yes, there’s some interest and no, it won’t last due to distance. .

Agree. Keep it short, tell her you’re not a match and block, delete the contact. Date someone locally.

All you can do is step back and observe and get to know one another. If her stories don’t add up eventually you will know. You seem to want all the answers now right away because you’ve overinvested in this. There’s no way to rush trust and building that in a relationship.

Then this is not a match. You have a crush on her and that’s it. If you’ve been running a narrative or story in your head that she’s your “dream woman” and playing into a fantasy romance, then yes, it’ll take some undoing to break that habit or way of thinking. In reference to what you seem to need or want, she is not that person. Deal with here and now but please don’t get ahead of yourself.

You’re sensing something isn’t adding up about his relationship history and while he doesn’t really have to divulge everything to you, the fact that he evades your questions or brushes you off probably makes you edgy. You weren’t asking for a long list of details about his most recent ex. It sounds like you were just trying to figure out whether he dated someone before you and what the deal was with the Aruba trip. People looking to start a future or build a life with someone usually don’t behave this way evading questions or omitting info. He would want you to feel comfortable or you would feel comfortable anyway if he was transparent and open in the first place. Trust is either there or it isn’t. You don’t trust him. Why live in this misery? Date someone else who meets your expectations and doesn’t cause you to feel mistrustful or having to watch your back all the time.

Speak to a lawyer and leave your abusive relationship. Find grief counselling to help navigate the grief. I’m sorry for your loss. You don’t have to do it alone so don’t be afraid to ask for help.

She sounds fake, OP. Move on. This one is a complete dud. Yes, her questions were weird and invasive and not how ordinary people talk when genuinely getting to know someone. My guess is she was hoping you’d be horny enough to bite and start sexting with her and developing a cyber relationship/dependency. Once she’s got you hooked out comes the hand asking for money. Messaging you constantly appeals to the vulnerable and those needing to feel wanted, people with zero boundaries or self-worth. She picked the wrong guy because you don’t seem too phased or gullible. Try dating locally and meet locals within a day or two of matching. I’d block her.

Whatever you choose to do, know that word gets around and he’s friendly with others in the workplace. I’ve no doubt that he knows you’re interested if he catches you staring or looking at him or are interested in your conversations.

Did you respond to her texts? Even if it’s not working she deserves to know that you don’t trust her. Dragging this out for longer prolongs all this.

Balance is needed: both being comfortable and confident alone and around others, having good boundaries and choosing company that works for you.

Keep Breathing, a new series on Netflix about a lawyer stuck in the wilderness. I was tickled when the camera panned on none other than our Howe Sound and Squamish.

How’s your relationship with your girlfriend? You seem to communicate fine together but is the relationship missing anything? Maybe this has nothing to do with your friend. And more to do with what’s lacking in your relationship. Intuitively something doesn’t feel right to you or you’re feeling guilty but it may not be about her. It’s feeling guilty because you’re not 100% invested in your rl.

In that case, let this blow over and avoid her where possible, remain professional always. Report it to HR if it affects your work and you feel bullied and harassed. If you’re worried about your performance get it straight from the person you report to or the person who discusses these matters with you and ask for an evaluation or feedback on your work. You’re coworkers not friends so have good boundaries. Just because someone has a pleasant or charming demeanour doesn’t mean they’re trustworthy.

It is anyone’s guess but the main takeaway is that she can’t be trusted. Now that you know she’s like this, keep your distance. Do you need to talk to her at work? What do the other employees think of her? Are they upset with her as well or do they avoid her as much as possible?

He may also be interested in your friend, not you. And using you to make her jealous, gain an ego boost or just simply obnoxious and doesn’t care about how you feel. When you see inconsistencies in a person, be a little more observant. You can be friendly but aloof and observe more. You don’t need to believe everything that person says. Don’t let this drain your energies or dull your shine. Not worth it. You’ll be smarter with time and know how to conserve your energy quickly and who to spend more time on.

The sad part about distancing yourself from someone who has changed is that it's not actually what you want and I really empathize with you because it feels like you've lost someone in your friend group that you can do things with or call up and invite for outings like the above. It sounds like you double date quite a bit and enjoy having that couple fun or group date. What are the odds that it's his girlfriend who's a little wary of the double dates or is possessive or some other reason? Ie wanting to just have time with him or not want to be around you or another woman? She may not like you or she may feel threatened by you. A plan may be in place and she is the one behind the fickleness and not showing up? He's admitted a few times he's made mistakes or messed up but it sounds like he's only paying you lip service and to keep the peace. It doesn't sound like he cares enough and your FB messages were quite critical if you're telling someone their organization is bad. If he does read them, I'm sure he shares them with his girlfriend. They may distance themselves from you anyway. Tinydance, I understand where you're coming from but it's ok to let go of someone who isn't much of a friend.

Yes, infatuation and limerence can cause these, along with very unhealthy attachments to people whom a person hasn't known for long or can't trust. You may be attracted to high highs and low lows of toxic relationships or are dysfunctional also but not know it. If you value this type of relationship, I have nothing else to add. I disagree that this is healthy or part of a healthy relationship. Take a step back and let it unfold naturally. If you're doing LDR wait until you're together in person before putting too much weight in the relationship. If she's dishonest as a person you'll find out soon enough. And if you're tired of this set up, let each other go so you're not living miserably.

You may have to work on that fear of being cheated on because it's coming across as controlling and anxious to your detriment. If she hasn't already seen that part of you it's only a matter of time and it won't be hidden or concealed for long. No one wants to keep making up for someone who is scared of something else or insecure when it has nothing to do with them. No, I did not contradict myself in what I wrote as I suggested this is not love and to detach yourself. It's an unhealthy attachment but it's not love, imo. Not the kind that I am thinking of. Regardless if you think that you are in love and attached, and you have decided that this is a relationship, then you'll also have to come to terms on whether you trust her. Love without trust is damaging and you are just hurting yourself. It's up to you if you want to live this way with your anxious thoughts and hurting yourself with these conditions and a situation you've set yourself up with. You're not a hapless being trapped. This was designed by you and instigated or proposed by you so take accountability of your mental health and figure out something that works better.