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  1. The movies... I stopped taking relationship advice from them after my last bad breakup. But I do lose my head if someone hits the right buttons. It's really hard to do that, but when it happens, I have no clue what I come across like. In fact, I don't think I'm rational at all then.
  2. I'll tell you a story about monkeys before leaving the thread. A king wanted to marry his daughter, and he decided to let her choose among the suitors. Many princes had come, but she didn't like any. Some where too tall, others too short, some seemed too shy, others too bold. Eventually, a monkey showed up. She said "Ewww, you are so hairy." And he replied "Only because I'm a real man. Real men are hairy." The she found an issue with his long arms. "I'm the greatest of archers, of course I have long, muscular arms." Then she didn't like his crooked legs. "Those are the legs of an elite rider," he said. Eventually she gave up and married the monkey.
  3. Those are a lot of questions. I'm not so much for women who are left at home raising children alone while the man is at work, providing. I'd rather find an arrangement that would maximize our time together. Otherwise, why exactly have I married? Family matters most for me. I returned from America for them. I love America, it's my favorite country, and I could have had a great life there. I spend time with my folks, as much as I can afford. Now, with the virus, I can often work from their place, so that works out well. Your example with the dentist is interesting. The first answer is no. The second answer is what if I needed the money for an urgent surgery? Or what if I was behind on my rent? I don't know the answer to that. I have not been in the situation. In any case, the justice and truth thing is a long discussion. Sometimes, there is an easy answer, sometimes, no answer is good. If you prioritize values way above your self interest, you might end up on a cross, or die single. I will not prioritize my parents wishes about children raising. But I'll use some of their methods. What they did well, they did very well.
  4. I don't know, but if it was something that can't be undone, I guess, I'd just suck it up. If something could be done, I'd help her any way I could. I know for sure that you lose weight much easier if others are supportive. Also, I'm not ready to be rejected over my weight. That's why I started doing physical work and exercising. I lost some, I'm going to lose some more. I found it funny when I started getting comments from women at work. Before, I was quite invisible to them. Not only men are visual creatures.
  5. Not trying anymore is something I've done for a while. Obviously nothing happened. I'm open to dating someone who's not a blond haired amazon, but I'm totally inflexible with other things that are quite a few, like being manipulative, or being a pushover.
  6. It may be I'm not too fond of people in general. I wondered about something like that myself. In movies, there is a hero who asks his love interest to marry him. And she says "you don't even know me". He says "I know enough." Happy end. But she's scared because it is the truth. My failed relationships had this pattern: 1. girl ticks some of my boxes, 2. I fall in love with her for no rational reason. 3. my mind sneaks behind my back and ticks all the other boxes, 4. I tell the girl she's awesome and the perfect match for me, 5. she tells me I don't even know her, 6. I say I know enough, 7. she says, no you don't, 8. silences are converted into distances.
  7. There are a lot of useful answers here, which means this is a good forum. I'll probably come back to the thread a few times and re-read some things. Yes, I am a bit overwhelmed.
  8. Everyone is on me with slimness. Where I live, most women are slim, so that's not an issue. It's just a matter of personal preference, not some deal breaker. I have other deal breakers, like being flaky, or manipulative.
  9. I think I was talking more about values like family, truth, justice, stuff like that. Body sizes are in a different category, and that's my own personal concept of beauty. That's not necessary immutable. The concept of feminine beauty changes in time for everyone.
  10. I do approach women, but I rarely do it out of the blue. I remember talking to a therapist once who said I should do just that. So I did it a few times. The last time I did it, I remember the girl I approached was so scared she could barely talk. I felt like I was mugging her. I excused myself and left her alone to calm down. Other experiences weren't that bad, but didn't result in anything.
  11. Honestly, I'd skip dating, if I could. I have not rejected people's suggestions, just yet. I'll think about it. The things I require in a woman are not unrealistic. Or are you telling me I won't find smart women who want children and are actually attracted to me?
  12. I'm doing it from behind a computer screen, in my home. It really doesn't take that much courage. If we met face to face, it would take you a lot of work to make me comfortable enough to speak openly about that. It's just a part of my ego that still needs shielding.
  13. Maybe, but I won't excuse myself. Actually I like physical activity a lot, but I also like eating, so...
  14. I think you and I would have a hard time agreeing on things, but it would be an interesting ride. What I was trying to say, is what you are saying: "Please never settle on your core values especially if you want children" And I also want to say that my standards and stereotypes have things behind them that really matter for me. I can adjust the standards and get rid of the stereotypes once I have something more useful to work with, but those "core values", those are tough.
  15. I'm overweight, but given that I have a few hours of physical work after work, I think I'm fine. I didn't mean to offend her. She sounds like a very nice person. I actually don't mean to offend anyone here.
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