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About Me

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  1. I'm 37 and I have a male friend who's 38. I've known him for about eight years. He's a nice guy, very chill and calm and never has anything bad to say about anyone. He hasn't officially been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, but his brother was. Also he's had people like his lecturers at university suggest he might be on the spectrum and I've noticed it a lot as well. He's a good friend and part of my friendship group but I must admit I never felt super close to him. I usually preferred seeing him in a group situation rather than one-on-one. There have been some things in the past (only a few) where his communication or ability to read the situation wasn't very good. But it didn't happen often or on a big scale so it didn't bother me as much. For example, one time I was having friends over for a Christmas Eve dinner. After dinner a few of us decided to go to the bottle shop to get a few alcoholic drinks. Some people went to the shop but some gave other people money or said they'd pay them back or to get them alcohol. He never said anything. When we got back from the shop, he said to me: "So did you get me alcohol?" Like, he just assumed I'd get it for him but he never asked or offered me any payment or anything. Also recently I was having a board games night at my place. We're acquaintances with this older woman, though it's mainly him who hangs out with her. I said to him that I actually don't like her that much because I don't feel that I click or get along with her well. But when I was having my board games night, he asked if this woman could come. I know this part was my fault, but I gave in and said "OK" but I didn't really want her there. This was two months before my board games event though and I hadn't talked to that woman about it at all. On the night of the board games, an hour after it started, he tells me: "X woman is coming, I invited her and gave her the details and the address". I understand I'd previously said it was OK but he never told me he gave her all the details or that she was coming. And I previously mentioned I don't like her that much too and he just disregarded that. Recently I was organising a trip to a rural city to go see the Elvis Presley art gallery exhibition which was here only a limited time and came from his Graceland ranch. We are in Australia by the way, not US. My friend loves art galleries so I asked if him and his girlfriend want to go there with my boyfriend and I. He said his girlfriend might be going interstate to see her sister, but that he REALLY, really wanted to go, even just the three of us. A few weeks in advance I began looking up accommodation, but noticed there was barely anything available and almost everything was sold out. I knew this was due to it being the last weekend of the Elvis exhibition and also that they had some other big, popular events in that rural city. I mentioned that we really needed to book accommodation and sent three links to places available. I asked him a couple of times to let me know what he thinks of the accommodation, but he didn't really reply in our group Facebook chat and say anything. I did actually explain that there is barely any accommodation left. I also mentioned twice that we should book Elvis Presley and asked should I book for us? The entry into the exhibition was timed sessions so we needed to book the same time together. I said the Elvis exhibition was going to sell out because it was the last weekend it was on. My friend didn't reply. In the end my boyfriend and I booked our own accommodation and my friend said him and his girlfriend would stay with a friend of theirs living in the area. I decided I couldn't wait any longer to book Elvis because it was only a week beforehand. All the exhibition sessions turned out to be sold out except only two on a weekday (Friday). I really wanted to go so I got myself a ticket quickly and I had to take a day off work. But my boyfriend and my friend and his girlfriend missed out on the tickets. I posted in the group chat to my friend that I'm not happy his communication had been so bad and he wasn't replying to any of my messages. I pointed out I mentioned a few times we really needed to book things. He wasn't really that apologetic and said: "Yeah we were too quiet sorry". Then I was organising to go to an alpaca farm and my boyfriend and friend's girlfriend wanted to go. I asked my friend: "What do you think about the alpaca farm? The woman there needs us to confirm as there is only a certain time available." And my friend said: "I'm indifferent towards it, though alpacas are cute". I was annoyed because I needed a yes or no answer to know if to book. I then tagged him in the group chat and said: "I really need a yes or no answer, I'll wait for you to reply before booking". He still didn't reply for a day or more and he saw the message. I then tagged him again and said: "I'm waiting for you to answer". Then he answered "Yes I'll go". Then he asked my boyfriend and I to meet for lunch in that rural city. We agreed on a place and I said it closes at 2 p.m., and we'll meet there at 1 p.m. He agreed. The next day he messaged and said "I'll be there at 2 p.m." I told him I mentioned the place closes at 2 p.m. and he was like "Oh I messed up". He only arrived after 2:15. The next day we had a booking for 6:30 p.m. to see a light projection festival together. We said we'll see the festival, then have dinner together the four of us. At 6:10 p.m. he messaged us saying him and his girlfriend are heading into a restaurant for dinner. At 6:30 p.m., my boyfriend and I were walking into the light festival and I messaged my friend asking if they're coming in. My friend said no because they only just ordered their food. I said, well, we are going in since the booking is 6:30. And he was just like "okie dokie then". They were 45 + minutes late and messaged to meet us there, but we had already finished seeing the whole thing. We were really annoyed that they just didn't respect any of our plans together and we went to dinner alone. We mentioned where we were and at 9:00 p.m. they walked in there to see us. My friend said he actually realised he messed up, his communication was bad and he was sorry and offered to buy us a drink. I thought that was a big breakthrough because before that he didn't seem to think he was being rude at all and all was fine. Two days ago he invited me to go to another huge light projection festival in our city, but my boyfriend and I had already seen it. I asked him what time are they going to the festival and that we could just meet for dinner first. He said "we'll go to the festival about 6:00 p.m." Then he said to me we'll go to this particular Italian restaurant for dinner. I asked what time and he also said "about 6 p.m." I said: "I can be there at 6 p.m. but please let me know what time". And he was like "yep". Then a day went by and I didn't hear anything so I was thinking he's not going to book anything and we won't get in because it was a Friday night in the city. So I asked if he booked and offered I can do it. He then said 6:00 p.m. wasn't available so he booked 5 p.m. because it was available. The thing is I actually only finish work at 5 p.m. but he didn't contact me at all before he made the booking. I said unfortunately I can't go with them because I finish work at 5 p.m. And he was literally just like: "OK". Him, his girlfriend and our other friend are going but I was basically excluded. And he didn't apologise or seem to feel bad about it at all. Also he didn't look up or book the big light projection festival he invited us to. I said to them in group chat it was extremely busy when we went there with my boyfriend. My friend's girlfriend checked and said it's all sold out, as it's also the last weekend of it. My friend was the one who invited us to the light festival! I was really annoyed and angry so at 4 p.m. yesterday I sent him a few messages explaining my feelings. I don't think I was rude but I said his communication and organisation is really bad and tried to explain what I need to change. He saw the first message on Facebook but then didn't "see" any of the others I sent. And I saw he was on Facebook all night uploading lots of photos to his page. Now it's 9 a.m. the next day and he hasn't "seen" my messages. I think maybe he just left me on read? How would you feel about all this? Do you think I should try again to be clear to him his behaviour isn't acceptable? Or should I just stop trying to make any plans with him and distance myself? He didn't use to be as bad with organising plans, especially not one-on-one. In groups he seems to have no ability to organise or communicate and also he's been acting like this since he's been with his girlfriend for eight months.
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