Rose Mosse

We've all been there. Not great. Change things around and take time out for you too.

What's interesting is that nowhere in your write up did you describe your affection, care or love for her or any kind of togetherness or closeness that you have as a couple. She's described as a "great girlfriend", "lovely looking" and "does a lot for you". I get the feeling that you're with her out of convenience rather than any real shared love or respect for one another. If she's just a status symbol for you or someone have around and do things for you, this is not working. You don't respect her and this will never work. The bottomline is you don't trust her so no amount of pretzeling or convincing yourself that she's for you is going to fix this. Trust is either there or it isn't. The issue is that she told white lies early on providing a shaky foundation or start for the both of you. No matter how much of a great girlfriend she is now, you still have doubts about her, don't respect her and don't understand why she did what she did. You are not required to. She's also now denying or deflecting, not wanting to discuss what the calls were about because she may think you're obsessive and no matter what she says you will never let this drop. All that you need to do is figure out when you want to call a spade a spade and enough with the back and forth. I'm sure she's grown in this process and has learned a lot from her experience. It's sad that she's continuing in this relationship knowing or feeling that you aren't able to trust her. One of you has to come to your senses if you can't move past this.

Join some hobby groups or volunteer in your local neighbourhood. I think it's natural to gravitate towards people you feel you may have a kinship towards or some similar interest. If you like Japan, save up some money and travel there. Learn the language. Don't be a weird Japanophile who is obsessed about the culture or Japanese people from an armchair perspective only. Immerse yourself in it. Don't be shy and keep learning. You seem to have gotten very attached to your coworker and I don't think it's healthy, especially if you're crying over his resignation. There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointed but keep finding new ways to keep yourself motivated and connect with your interests.

In response to your last sentence, you're now seeking that knowledge.. why? Don't make comparisons to others. You are you. Find someone compatible with you and accepts you the way you are. You're self-aware and know your own needs. Needs change over time too. The way you are now as you're experiencing could change with someone you feel more comfortable with. Imagine if you developed a longer term relationship and the sex got better. You may not have found that person yet who also unlocks that other side of you. I wouldn't despair. There are unknowns. Find someone who moves with you and whose company you enjoy, and vice versa. Let everything else happen on its own with time.

Your parents are already aware of the situation more or less. If you don't see yourself with her, this is not going anywhere. It's a matter of processing this info and fixing your living situation (moving out). The relationship is over and acceptance will come later.

While you're worrying about what you should do, take a better look at what he is. Splash yourself with some cold water (or hot wax, whichever you prefer) and jolt yourself back to real life. This man is no catch at all if he's behaving this way with another coworker and dating someone else. Even if you suggest anything or do anything inappropriate, it's his word against yours if you both work alone together or other coworkers see that you're together all the time. Don't put your job at risk even if it's a summer job for this type of trash or make things awkward at your workplace. Not worth it.

Thanks for the added info. I think this moved too quickly and you're discovering your different expectations and temperaments. Did you keep your place? Do you actually see this woman in your garage, in your vehicle, in your kitchen or bed or life in years to come? Do you see her having your children or having children by her? If the answer is no, let go. There is no sense prolonging this. You're both hurting one another by arguing, her trying to change you, you being indecisive and so on.

For those of us who struggle with anxiety staying on top of a routine helps quite a bit. Get adequate sleep and good meals, work out a system for yourself that works for you. If you have an overactive mind or have negative thoughts that are playing on you find ways to keep a balanced perspective. Some find exercise helpful. Others need to learn something new like a language or play a new instrument, learn a new song. I find a routine even if it’s loose or not so structured very helpful. I tend to analyze a great deal. It goes on and on even when I’m relaxed or doing other things. I’m thinking about something else or trying to solve a problem. Practicing mindfulness or staying in the moment helps too.

You can just say you’re taking a position closer to you as you mentioned and if they ask for details mention you’re not able to disclose that or just say it’s a company in a different industry. Change the subject and thank them for the opportunity to work at the current company. You’re deflecting direct questions and defining/emphasizing that your time at this company has been rewarding and you’ve learned a lot. It’s not about the new company. It’s about saying thanks in a professional way and moving on. You may be asked to submit written notice after you meet with your supervisor and you can keep it brief in one or two sentences. This goes in your file and your official resignation. Your boss will tell you if anything else is required of you before you leave.

So talk about it with her. Don’t play guessing games. Ask her what she thinks about dating exclusively and see where this blossoms but at least then you’re on the same page and have a chance to build upon something mutually/together with the same understanding. As it’s long distance be mindful of travel times and enjoy the affections but realize also if it’s not feasible in the long run. Her behaviour shows she’s into you. How long it lasts or stays sweet is something else. Most people don’t keep up that lovely dovey drippy or syrupy sweetness for long. It’s still the honeymoon stage so a good time to observe one another while dating exclusively.

What causes you anxiety? How are you dealing with your issues and anxiousness? Is the relationship chaotic? This is so short and she’ll be back in a few weeks. Has she shown herself untrustworthy?

Should you decide to leave, give at least two weeks' notice to your current employer. You don't need to tell them where you're going or what your future plans are. When you resign, leave your relationships with your bosses or anyone you work with as cordial as possible. Adjust any settings on your social media for privacy. The less material anyone has to talk about after you leave and less gossip the better. You also don't know whether you may need a job at this company again should things fall through with the new company so keep things even wherever you go.

Just ignore people like this or change the subject if you run into him at work.

Is it long distance? Why didn't you or her go home after the date? It sounds more like lovebombing and over the top. It may be why you feel overwhelmed or as if it's shallow or an "fwb" situation. Pay attention to your instincts if she's coming on too hot and if you want it to develop into something more meaningful do other things aside from cuddling and having sex or spending too much time at each others' homes. Imo, romances like this burn out fast and don't last.

After one or two dates you can usually get an accurate read on a person's life and what they have going at the moment. I'm speaking about current commitments and any involvements when it comes to work, community/volunteer, family commitments and obligations, what their schedule or daily/weekly life is like. If you aren't getting a feel for this you're not paying attention closely enough to what they're telling you or aren't asking the right questions during the dates. It shouldn't feel like an interview and the conversations and time spent should flow easily without anyone feeling uncomfortable or put out but the information you receive back will help you make your decision by the end of the second date about whether this person is worth pursuing. So I ask, do you know why she was feeling overwhelmed or why she had to cancel on a number of people? Be wary about introducing anyone who seems stretched thin or inconsistent in their behaviour or moods.

No, you haven't got the job. You haven't even met the person who is going to interview you. While I do think that you've come across a potential opportunity, there are a lot of question marks. This colleague seems strangely overinvolved in moving you onto a different company. What does he/she get out of this? How does she know the person in the other company? And why isn't your colleague taking the job herself? Are the tasks misrepresented? Have you read reviews online about this new company or checked the credentials and background of the individual you spoke to on the phone and the person you are going to interview for? I suggest you do and find out what their work history and experience is like or what their background is. Find out more information about the new company. While the wage increase and lesser commute seems tempting I would have a lot of questions and do more background checks.

You may be dating women with excruciatingly low self-esteem, those who interpret their identity or worth solely from a relationship or how sexually appealing they appear to others. Having frequent sex or appearing like a stereotypical horndog does not make a man appealing. From what you’ve written of your dates a lot of them seem emotionally stunted or very immature. I’m not surprised if they’ve reacted poorly and were offended about sexual performance or ED. I agree with the comment above that alcohol also has an effect.

He was flirting. Unfortunately he’s not classy and elegant. It doesn’t matter what he thinks of you.

The exact same reason why he cheated on his girlfriend and had sex with you. He’s selfish, self-absorbed, me me me type. Sees something, reacts impulsively. That’s what he is.

I think you're mixing around with a lousy crowd. I'm so sorry for the pain that the abortion caused and the fall out of the hormones and everything else involved. If you are feeling suicidal (you'd mentioned something about this on the first page), please see your doctor. There are also suicide hotlines in your area/city that are most likely available with a simple search online. Both men aren't good choices and that they know one another speaks volumes. They're cut from the same cloth. Until you start focusing more on you and taking care of yourself you'll keep feeling drawn to these low class riff raff and constantly needing approval and validation after the damage being around them causes. Stop that cycle yourself and stop seeking for closure and validation from these people. I suggest finding ways to cope with the grief and seeing a grief counsellor or asking your clinic for recommendations of local, well-respected therapists in your area. Neither of these men are support. They're weighing you down and no loss to you whatsoever.

So which did you use? This doesn't need to break out in a fight. Just follow her lead or get new tupperware. I wouldn't give anyone leftovers. The better idea would be to invite the neighbours over for dinner.

Who drives to see whom currently? Where is your family or what does your family think? You only speak about her place and her family. She goes to school. Do you also go to school or work? How does she support herself? I ask to get a better idea of why she expects these things of you like cleaning or chores. We already know she's selfish, abusive and seems unable to manage her emotions. You're hurt so you're focusing on a lot of the emotional wreckage and issues this relationship has left behind. I'm more interested in the logistics of things and why you'd see moving in with her as a viable option. Does it work for you? Where is your support network of friends and family?

It sounds like it's rushed to physical intimacy too quickly or started off as something casual. One person is emotionally attached and the other remains aloof but enjoys it. If you're the one that's getting attached, change things around and suggest to do other activities and get to know one another more. You're paying attention to the wrong thing. Pay more attention to how he/she treats you outside of bed, their mannerisms, habits and routines. Don't stay stuck with someone you hardly know. You'll want to watch how the other person treats others, what their friends are like, how they live, eat, sleep or run things in their world. That's how you turn it into a more meaningful relationship and avoid inconsistencies and incompatibilities early on.

Everyone is different. You should ask her instead of guessing or applying a random formula to all. Reading cues also helps. Do you have difficulty reading body language or understanding subtleties?

Is he still married/not divorced?