Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'manipulation'.
Hey everyone! You know that meme “asking for a friend”….this is actually for a friend haha. My friend Alex has been on and off with his girlfriend Cara for a little over a year. He started dating her pretty quickly after his divorce (he had been married with kids since he was about 21, and doesn’t like to be alone. He is now 38. Cara has also been married before but has no kids). In the beginning, he did notice some red flags, but he brushed them off because of that new feeling, and told himself he was overreacting. Also because of that honeymoon phase, he did some dreaming out loud with her, as naive as it was. They talked about maybe wanting to get married one day and have a house, etc. It could always happen. No promises, but who knows? These two are truly on and off. Cara is possessive and controlling. Alex is accommodating and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings or be alone. Cara is incredibly jealous of his relationship with the mother of his children, though it is legitimately only a coparenting one. But she makes it impossible. She demands that he speak to the mother of his children THROUGH CARA. Also, she is jealous of his friends. Not even just the female ones (he can’t have female friends at all). But even the male ones seem to be a threat to her. You can see some resentment she has for his kids also. But she hides it by being fake to them. Any time he has summoned the courage to actually get away from her, she will use what makes his heart bleed to guilt him. She’s gone so far as to say she went to the doctor and got diagnosed with something “worrisome”. Once they were “ok” again, it magically went away. Or another time something horrible happened with her family, and she couldn’t do it alone supposedly. Again, it seemed to be nonexistent once he was back in her grip. He knows this relationship is over, but he is having the hardest time leaving it. He’s always had issues with guilt. Now she’s telling him he lied to her at the beginning about what he wanted and making him feel bad about that. Implying what a horrible man he is for misleading her about what he wanted. As if he’s not allowed to change his mind. Also, it’s as if he should be obligated to stick to that daydream. They fight every single night. He drinks to cope with having to live like this. He’s miserable and I’m worried about him, but I don’t know what else to do. It’s affecting everything in his life. Slowly the awesome parts of who he is are disappearing and he’s become a depressed shell. What would you do? Any tips? What advice would you give him? Anything at all would be appreciated. Please help me help him!! Thank you. Desparate to Help My Dude