BehindBrownEyes

you're right, it's a head game, an internal conflict with yourself. Choosing between living in the past; what could have been...the what ifs, and living in the present for yourself and not allowing yourself to be brought down by this person who may/may not have manipulated you. My ex broke up with me 6 months ago after three or so years together. Right now I am living day to day...I have good days and really hard days but I know that things will get better. I want to find myself and enjoy this time of being on my own and having no ties or obligations to another person. Then again, there are days I just wish that the pain would end once and for all...that the memories wouldn't creep into my head daily, but there is nothing I can. I try to appreciate the relationship with my ex for what it was, what he meant to me and I to him and that period of my life is irreplaceable, and it taught me many things. Now it's time for me to move away from this. I am not sure how long you have been broken up with your ex, but I find it a head game when I find myself taking interest in other guys. There is a guy I like...yet am so unsure of my feelings. I always talk to him and try setting up times for us to meet, but in the end I always end up avoiding him or not wanting to stop by his place unless I am with friends. I am not sure if I am just no ready or afraid of allowing myself to open and vulnerable again or what... I also can relate when you feel that you have doubts about meeting someone again, because of being reserved. It takes me a while to open up and feel comfortable around others. What comforts me is to think about how by thinking and dwelling on this fact is to be couterproductive. By doing your own thing, whatever makes you happy and feel good someone will come along who notices that and takes interest in you. You can't wait around for this time to come or force it, only when you don't look or expect anyone to come along, they will show up.

Thanks for all the advice ladies. I like the idea of supporting a charity in his name, to free it of my conscience. I know this is all probably just my attempts at contacting him. I need to stop. It's hard, because I miss him so much and still love him. I just want the hurt to stop and I don't know how to make it. I haven't talked to or seen him in almost five months, yet I still think of him every single day more than several times, I feel like he's always in the back of my mind...in everything I do. Ever since we broke up I have this void, I feel like I am waiting for something, or something is lacking, and I hate it.

Hello and welcome to my post...any advice would be greatly appreciated as I feel my perception of things has been altered since my ex and I broke up about six months ago. I was weak in the past when it comes to NC, I left a message on his phone, sent a couple emails, all with no reply. But I really just felt that I needed to vent and/or explain myself. It all just happened so suddenly and I don't think I ever got to say what I wanted to. Anyway...my recent thought was, although my ex has not responded to any of my attempts at contacting him, I want to write him a letter. I happened to borrow $20 from him the last time we were together when I was back home. When I left I gave the 20 to a mutual friend to give to him but he has since stopped talking to her also...so he never got that money. I feel bad because I never wanted to just take his money, although I know it's only 20 and he probably doesn't care...it's the principle, I don't want to owe him anything. So I was thinking of sending that with a letter to his parents house because I don't know his new address. Also, in the letter I would probably say something like...I realize that this time apart for us is a good thing, we need to be on our own and maybe in the future we will find our way to one another somehow. Am I just kidding myself by wanting to do this? Or am I just desperately trying to contact him again in any way? I don't know what to do. Any advice iwould be helpful! Thanks.

I am reading a book about synchronocity right now, and I can certainly see how this could be considered a synchronostic event. Although I don't know the details of your relationship, so I can't understand the meaning that this poetry excerpt had on you, it did happen at a piviotal point in your life...the end of your marriage. Do you think that the passage was guiding you towards another direction in your life? I guess I assume that is what the meaing of synchronostic events are, to help you and point you in a new direction. I feel like I am waiting for one to happen, as it has already been almost six months since the end of my 3 year relationship with my ex. In the book I am reading it says it can take days, months, or even years before a synchronostic event takes place to help you and guide you. I wish it would come to me sooner than later, although I suppose that by me wanting one to happen is counterproductive.

I am not sure what kind of advice I can offer you, but I can definitely relate. My ex broke up with me after three years together, we live on different sides of the state and after the break up he just stopped talking to me. I made the mistake of trying to contact him several times with no response. Try to stay with the no contact, it only hurts more to write and get no reply...it makes your mind analyze to no end. It seems like your ex is in a very different place than you are...you want to get out and make something for yourself, while he wants to retreat to the comfort of the farmiliarity of home, his parents, friends, and band. I don't think you should take his absense personally, he got scared about the reality of making life-changing decisions, and opted for the easier route. I know right now it probably seems as if you are feeling so much pain that you want to call him up and plea with him to change his mind, but it won't be in your favor. After time, perhaps he will get bored at home and realize that he missed out on a great opportunity with you.

Wow....that's outrageous. It someone feels that you are "too smart" to have a realtionship with then they just ignorant and insecure about themselves. Being with someone who is opinionated and a critical thinker should be something that draws someone to you, and if the person were open minded they would see how much they could absorb from you and how much they could grow from the experience.

I totally understand how you feel. Although I have not come accross this myself, being that I have only been in one long term relationship that lasted three years...he was and still is the only person I have slept with. I'm not exactly ready to sleep with anyone new, let alone be in a relationship, but I know that when the time comes I am sure it will bother me to know that this person has slept with x number of people. Try not to let it bother you, she is with you and only you now and that's what matters.

I know that urge to contact far too well. Just like you, I haven't spoke to my ex since december. Although, I'm not as strong I have tried several failed attempts at contacting the ex. At first it was really disappointing to email or leave a message with no response...nothing....even a rude one would have been something to go off of! Now I just wonder whether or not my emails were even read. I give you you props for being able to keep up the no contact. It's been eight months, how long were you and your ex together?

Thanks for the advice...in ways I feel like I have progressed in that I do realize that this is beneficial for me to figure myself out right now, to do what I truly want and feel is right. It seems like the lonliness strikes me usually late at night, when I am alone in my room and it seems to be on weekends too. I don't know if this has any relavance, but part of the reason my ex broke up with me was because he had personal issues that he needed to work out, figure out himself and his emotions and his depression. So now I wonder if maybe that's the reason why he has chosen to ignore my emails and everything, maybe he is seeing a therapist and they advised him not to contact me. Be as it may, I want him to get better and if that means without speaking to me then that's the way it is. Yet, now I feel like I should go talk to someone because I hate feeling sad and lonely. And I do want to eventually speak to him in the future...it was my first love, but how does this come about? What if he doesn't even read the emails? Or never contacts me again....or say he does contact me years later...I just can't imagine how emotional that will be to see him again. I hate to think that it is going to take me a year+++ to finally move on from this and be okay with everything.

My ex broke up with me in november after three years together. We haven't spoken since december, and while some tell me that I am doing good because of this...I am really not. Over the past four and a half months I have done the following, but know that I shouldn't have: first, I wrote him a casual email asking him how he has been. No reply. Okay...then a few weeks after that I saw that he was online, which he rarely was, and saw that his profile said something about going back to the state where he went to school freshman year...I still don't know if that meant that he was leaving for good or just visiting. When I saw that I tried talking to him but he signed off right away. I didn't think we were on bad terms...only being apart from one another, but after that my mind just kept going. Then after a few weeks of racking my brain over where he was and what was going on, I called and left a message on his phone---bad idea, i know. A month or so later and I still had not heard a thing from him. So....I wrote him a long email, pouring my heart out and asking him how he has been, where he is, telling him how much I feel in the dark and how I don't understand why I am being shut out. I was only half expecting a reply I guess. I didn't get one. I just cannot understand how someone that loved and cared for you so deeply can turn their back to you in such a cold way. I don't even know where he is...we go to different schools and we don't share any mutual friends anymore. I still love him. and miss him a lot. I have felt more alone than ever and after more than four months nothing has changed...I still cry. I am not interested in other guys. I just feel like I have been waiting for something...I feel so incomplete. Last week I was studying for an exam and for some reason started thinking about him, which annoyed me greatly because I was trying to study. So I figured I would write an email venting "to him" without sending it. Well I sent it. I figured it makes no difference anyway. I don't know how to change the state my life has fallen into. I hate it. I have to write this post venting, otherwise I know I would be writing him. I think, oh maybe he didn't get the emails and have thought of text messaging him to ask if he has. I know this is futile. Much like all this worrying and being sad is. It sucks! I don't know what I want or what to do? Any advice is much appreciated.

How long were you two together? I, too, am trying to get over my first love...one who I also thought would be my last. It seems like no one ever wants to give up hope on their first love. No matter what, I always feel better knowing that no one can take away what you once had, and it is okay to move on, on your own. Yet, at the same time somewhere throughout these past years with my ex I seem to have forgotton what it is like to be on my own.

I guess I am just to close right now to see the beneficial side to this. Also, reading some of the other posts make me feel like the break up could have been worse...He could have been worse to me. Yet, I see no reason why he had to leave someone that loved him so much. I know that it will take a long time to get over this, with it being my first serious relationship, but then I wonder if I will ever get over him. If I am not angry with him I can't see myself being able to think of him as not mine. It hurts too much.

Thanks for the advice. I know it's time to let go...I do. It just seems like so much time and effort was for nothing. And the control thing...it seems that he was always the one to be angry about something. I never got mad at him for things he did...I just went with it. I don't know why...but I just loved him and wanted him to be happy. He was always the one to break my heart. I never intended on giving him control. I don't know why it always worked that way.

Any advice that anyone can give is much appreciated. I am so very confused right now and nothing seems to make this feeling go away. I was with my ex for about 3 1/2 years. He broke up with me once after a year or so together, didn't talk for a couple months and then we got back together before both of us started school on opposite sides of the country. I even flew cross country twice to see him. This year for school we were much closer together, and I thought things were going to be great. We spent our summer together and it was amazing, especially after spending the school year thousands of miles away. When school started, things got harder. He wasn't happy in his new place. I told him that things would get easier...I went to visit him, hundreds of miles away several times...even surprising him once. He always said the nicest things to me...he loved me so much, and I fell more in love with him every day. Even after being together so long, he was everything to me. Then about two weekends ago, we spent the weekend together at home. We argued a little, but in the end he still was the same loving boyfriend. He made comments about about he was the luckiest guy. He said he loved me. We left to go back to our respective homes, and I thought things were fine. Somehow, on the phone early the next week he blurted out that he wanted to take a break...I was in complete shock. In the previous weeks we talked about taking a break, but things were going well so that wasn't even on my mind. I didn't know what to think. The next day I asked him what a break was, what do I do? He said treat it as if we are not together....and from that we were broken up. I went a week without contact and I thought things were getting a little easier. He wrote me an email that was so impersonal...it was just a short note. Right now I am taking care of his two ferrets and it always seems to be whats most on his mind...or at least that is his excuse for contacting me is..."How are the ferrets?" I was so mad that he acted in the email like he didn't know me...he signed it sincerely and all he asked about me was how I was holding up. So I didn't write him back, and was proud of myself for holding up the NC. Then, just last night none of my roommates were home and I suddenly broke down unexpectantly and cried and cried. I just sat on the edge of my bed. Then I heard someone sign online...so I looked and it was him. He is rarely online...so I thought it was strange, and I talked to him although I knew I shouldn't have. The first thing he asked "How are the ferrets?"!! He ended up making me feel worse. I also noticed, when he first signed on his screen name said something about 'what was I thinking when I let you go". Is this false hope? He changed it before he started talking to me. Then, when we talked I felt as if he was putting on a front of being happy and he was so right in his decision. I feel that any progress I have made in the past week has been erased. He told me that we would talk closer to Thanksgiving...because of the ferrets I am pretty much going to have to see him or at least talk to him. Mostly....I am just completely hurt, confused, and angry. I don't understand how someone can love someone and tell them nice things and have plans with someone then throw them aside and not speak to them...and be okay with it. Even in the weeks before he broke up with me we would talk about plans that we had together for when we were done with school. It seems like it came from no where. Now he says that he is happy without me...I don't know how he can say that. I always did everything I could to make him happy. In the past, he has had issues trusting me...and we both agreed that there was always a little part of him that I could never reach. Me, on the other hand, trusted him completely. I gave myself to him entirely. He was always the one afraid of getting hurt, yet somehow has always been the one to hurt me. I told him that he has that part of himself now, untouched by me. I would imagine that would make things easier. I feel so betrayed. I don't know what to do. In a way, I am looking forward to being able to do things entirely for myself. To travel, and not worry about him getting mad at me when things in his life are rough. It just isn't fair. I am also scared. I can't imagine myself ever being as close to anyone the way we were. It was our first love. I can't imagine anyone ever amazing me the way he would or saying such sweet words to me. I don't know how to let go. I just think of all the plans we had together...how I always envisioned my future with him. I think no contact is what would really help, but I have to see or at least make arrangements with him in a couple weeks. Anything anyone can off to me would be appreciated. Thanks.