makeshiftdoll

Things *will* get better, as long as you welcome changes and make it a point to put this person out of your mind, at least until you are over things completely. I was in a whirlwind relationship for awhile, with my best friend's brother (huge mistake from the get-go, but what can I tell you?), whom, I felt, was created by God just for me. He was loving and wonderful, thoughtful, fun, respectful and would tell me such reassuring things like "when we get married", etc. Shortly after, he dumped me because I was "too much" for him, meaning that I represented something in his life that he was not ready to handle yet - basically, a mature, adult relationship. He wanted to continue partying, drinking, etc. He left me for a girl he knew where he went to school, who was very much into that sort of lifestyle - not so much partying in the "clubbing" sense of the word, but more the "hanging out in pubs and moshing at shows" sense. Anyway, I was devastated. I thought I'd never get over it. At some point, my body and my mind just could not take anymore unhappiness, so I had to distract myself. Slowly, I came back to my old self, and before I could realize it, I had stopped thinking about him - and when I would, I wouldn't feel those pangs of longing anymore. Sometimes the situations we deem as "the worst" are often the best. If he and I hadn't split, I would never have been available to meet my current partner, who is, undoubtedly, the most amazing boyfriend. He is responsible, mature, ultra-loving and someone I can trust. I am very blessed. It's easy to say "don't dwell", but we all do it. I've done it heavily in the past, and still do on occasion. Do what you have to do to rid yourself of the pain and frustration, and then embrace whatever wonderful opportunities - relationship-wise or otherwise- life has to offer. Take care!

P.S. Has he given you any reason to mistrust him? Past incidents?

Well, it's never too late to bring something up if you are still feeling concerned about it. In the past, when something like that has happened to me (not so much a similar situation as just a situation where I was feeling suspicious), I would say something like "Gosh, I'm sorry to be harping on this, but I just can't shake that weird feeling from what happened the other day." and then say simply *why*. As long as you approach it with the proper attitude (read: not a raving lunatic), you should be able to discuss this openly and calmly - and hopefully, this will all be cleared up and you can be relieved and enjoy the rest of your relationship - and he will remember to be more considerate about 2 AM phone calls!

Hi Laura, First and foremost, you are not in the wrong here. However, if you continue to spend your precious time dwelling on "what might have been" with this man who is *married*, then you are going to set yourself up for more hurt and more disappointment. He is still with this woman, and although his actions indicate that he is not entirely fulfilled in that marriage, there is no excuse for cheating... if he did, in fact, pursue a relationship with you, what makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you? You deserve much better, and once you make that difficult first step to move on, you will come to realize that and eventually understand why he is no good for you. As for a friendship - what kind of friendship would you be able to have with him? Don't you agree that you would still harbor those romantic feelings for him, and that you would be hoping that 'friendship' might escalate? At this point, if you ARE destined to be friends with this guy, the only way that will happen is if you get over him completely. When my last serious boyfriend broke up with me, I was so desperate to maintain ANY type of relationship with him. I fooled myself into believing I could handle a friendship - when, in fact, all I wanted was him to myself. It killed me, because I stood by while he began dating another girl knowing full well that he could have me back whenever he wanted. Eventually, I had no choice but to let go completely - and I was convinced that someday we would be together because it was IMPOSSIBLE that anyone could ever make me that happy, it was him and only him, we had that "connection" - and truthfully, I couldn't care less about him now. I have a wonderful relationship now with a man I NEVER worry about, who is completely devoted and loving... and you deserve the same and WILL find the same. It's time to stop worrying about this guy and put the memories away. You're going to set yourself up for more emotional damage, and I think you know that you deserve someone who is for you and you only. Best of luck.

Hi MJ, Why don't you ask him how his sister is doing regarding the "guy problem"? Express some mild concern and see how he reacts. The 2 AM call situation can lean both ways, but ultimately, I wouldn't be *too* concerned if he held the conversation in the vicinity of you, let alone in the same room! Furthermore, in the case that he was advising a female friend of his, it is possible that he didn't want you to grow too concerned about a close friendship with a female friend that is, in fact, completely innocent... but if that is the case, his "covering up" will only make you more suspicious and he should be totally honest with you. I say, if this is going to consume you, then I would either bring it up casually again (inquiring about his sister) or tell him why the whole occurrence bugged you so much, and that you only worry because you care about your relationship's future. If he's a normal guy, he'll understand why the situation seemed a little odd, no matter how fantastic of a relationship you two have. Best of luck to you.

Hello dear, I've just finished reading this thread, and I completely understand what you're going through right now. You will get to a point where you won't even wonder if he's going to call or contact - but in order for you to get there, you have to distract yourself from him. Much easier said than done, but that's really the only option you have to be genuinely happy. I was at a point that whenever I'd see the little envelope thing on my phone appear saying "The Idiot has sent you a message" (well, not "The Idiot" exactly, but that's what he is) it was like someone injected happy juice into my veins. My heart would race, I would stare at the text like God had just sent me the next commandment. Nevermind it when he called! He had a special ringtone, and whenever it would come on, it was like freak-out central! A celebrity was calling me! So ridiculous. If he wants to talk to you further, he will contact you. This doesn't mean that if he doesn't contact you that he doesn't care, he might feel awkard and unsure how to handle it. Regardless of the reasons, they are not for you to worry about. This time you now have without him, take advantage of it. Improve something in your life. Start doing something that will remind you of *you* and not of him. My ex and I have been broken up since the beginning of September. We dated for the summer, he is my friend's brother. He is dating someone else now, someone he doesn't have to meet expectations with. He couldn't handle a mature relationship with me, and now that I think of it... I guess it was a blessing. Perhaps one day, if he grows up, things might work out. For now, I'm worried about me. We still talk, but it's very awkward. There are feelings there, but that means jack if he won't act on them. So, I'm doing my own thing. Some days I get sad... some days I can't listen to songs because they remind me of him... so what I do (it helps me a lot) if that happens is I write him an email and send it to myself. It feels good to write it because it's almost as if you are going to send it to them - there's some relief in that... but after it's written, you'll find yourself debating on sending it... and then you won't. It just seems to work that way. Anyway, that helps me tremendously. You will be JUST FINE. You are obviously a passionate girl that any guy would be lucky to have love him. Hopefully, he will realize this and you two will come to reconcile in the future - but regardless of when or if that happens, get back to yourself first. It'll be slow and tough, but it's inevitable.

I actually bought my ex a gift, a copy of my favorite book. He mentioned (while we were dating) that he wanted to read it. The reason I bought him anything at all was because I was spending Christmas with his family and I had gifts for everyone... would have felt a little bad, you know? Oddly enough, he bought me a copy of *his* favorite book for Christmas. Talk about weird. I'm sure someone mentioned to him that I was getting him something, but hey, it was still nice. Though my ex was a complete jerk for what he did to me, I still care about him a lot... we've maintained some sort of 'ship throughout all of this... and with feelings on both ends. He just needs to grow up.

Hello friends, I hope that all who celebrate had a very joyous holiday. I, myself, had a very unusual holiday starring myself and the ex-boyfriend. link removed I felt somewhat obligated to buy something for him, partly (if not mostly) because I had a gift for everyone at his house, and felt it would seem a bit spiteful if I didn't get him a little something. So, I opted for something very non-relationshipy, a copy of my favorite book (which he expressed an interest in reading). Oddly enough, his gift to *me* was a book he had wanted me to read while we were dating. Funny stuff. So many people said to me "you'll know at least some of how he feels when you see him", and I can't tell you how true that is. There's something to be said about someone who comes at you with a "Hey! Great to see you, Merry Christmas!" and someone who comes at you with nervousness in their eye, a boyish smirk and a soft whisper of a greeting when they hug you hello. At the end of the night, we just parted ways. I left to go home, and felt so empty that we hadn't really had a chance to talk by ourselves - not necessarily about 'us', but just a chance to talk face to face. We went to have coffee together, pretty much just driving to the place and back, awkward conversation the whole time. We parked at his house for a bit, just kinda sat there. He kept saying how weird this was and how nervous he was, and how he knew he would be nervous but had no idea he would be "this" nervous. I just kept laughing lightly at it, teasing him about it, telling him to cut it out, etc. He would make eye contact with me for a few seconds, then when I caught him, he'd smirk and look away. It was weird. We had moments. Something was there, for sure, but I didn't press it. I think seeing me definitely did something to him. We exchanged hugs and said goodbye, he said it felt like our faces were "going to explode", whatever that means. Then he kinda lost the rest of the sentence and looked at me, then we hugged and said goodbye. My take? I don't even care at this point. I'm so tired of reading into things. This is essentially a child I am dealing with. I'm sad because we're not together, but I'm more disappointed that he's not grown up enough yet to make the decision he wants to. I'm sad that he'd rather party it up than settle down with someone he said he wanted to with. I've cried and dwelled so much over this, and you know what? I can't do it anymore. In a sense, *some* question was answered, and I know he still cares about me, but that will essentially mean nothing unless he does something about it. The whole "friends" thing. You know, I would like to be friends with him, but neither of us will ever bring up the "other person" in our lives. If he wanted to talk about it, then hey, I'd accept it, but he won't. I know for a fact he does not want to hear about mine. How can you be friends with someone if you have to watch what you talk about with them? I cut him off cold turkey, but didn't let him know. He said he's going to call me, he probably will, but I've gotta just let him go. I'm so tired of reading into things. It gets you nowhere. All it does is give them more time to "think about things", and (in most cases) they don't deserve that. They should start thinking about the mistakes they made and grow up and try to rectify them. So, my advice to everyone who is suffering: put these people out of your mind. Please. It's so much easier said than done, but you'll find yourself physically ill if you continue to invest your time and energy in thinking about them and calculating their next move. The new year is right around the corner, folks. Do yourselves a favor and start fresh.

Hello friends, I've posted several times before, but in the next week I suppose I will have more concrete answers to a lot of questions I've been having. My ex and I have been broken up for about 3 months now. He's been dating a girl for convenience reasons (whatever), and essentially we broke up because he couldn't handle me... felt threatened by my career, all that stuff. I was wonderful to him, though. Anyway, we've been in contact the last couple of months, and he comes home from school today. The first email we exchanged, he said we should go have dinner "like old times". I responded with "Well, I'll be up to see your sister and the family for Christmas, so we'll see each other." Then, he sends me something in the mail about when he's going to be home (the exact dates). The next time I spoke to him I didn't mention anything about it. Yesterday, while at a luncheon, I got a voicemail from him apologizing for not getting back to me sooner, but that he just finished his last exam, etc. Again, he went on about the whole "hanging out" thing. He said "We should definitely hang out" and then "If we could work something out, that'd be great." I obviously want to hang out with him, but I don't want it to seem like I'm hanging onto his being home like a desperate puppy. Also, his gal pal was supposed to come pick him up and bring him back up to school, instead he convinced his sister (my friend) to drive him back up. I have not mentioned a single thing other than the "I'll be up on Christmas" thing to him in regards to us making plans. I mean, it's pretty obvious he wants to see me... but why? I guess the answer is pretty much in front of me, he wants to see what might happen... I want to make sure I take the best approach and be a mystery to him. Considering we've been broken up such a short amount of time, do you think it's possible he still has those feelings for me and wants to see me for "other" reasons?

My former boyfriend and I broke up at the end of the summer. He goes to school in Massachusetts, I live a few hours away. He started dating another girl shortly after we broke up, a girl that he's been friends with for years. His reasons for the breakup were: I can't handle you - You're too good for me - I have to grow up. Very true reasons, in all honesty. We've been in contact these past few months. He never brings up the other girl, not even to his family. I'm not threatened by her in the least, but you know, it bugs me. He gave me his phone number, asked me to call. I told him to call me, and he did. We've spoken on the phone several times, we play a lot of phone tag, he texts me, and has expressed an interest in seeing me while he's home (for a mere week) on his Christmas break. He's also not bringing her down for Christmas. His sister is my friend and she told me that originally she (the girl) was going to pick him up from his house and drive him back up, but he asked her (his sister) if she would please drive him back up to school... I dunno, just a little thing to throw in there. He's been ridiculously weird lately. He's constantly on my website (he doesn't know I know that), looking at pictures, etc. Also, he contacted me on a screen name I had used a couple of years ago (before I met him) the other day, and it threw me for a loop. I'm looking forward to seeing him, but I'm nervous. I'm sure he's a bit nervous, too, but to what extent - I have no idea. While I don't have any crazy expectations, a huge part of me really wants something about "us" to come up when we see each other. I dunno if I should initiate any talk or what... I would assume not to, but I feel like I deserve a little more clarity on what happened, and some truth about how he feels about me and about how I feel about him. Any advice? I'm nervous!

Tiny updates!

That's one gift he's *not* getting this year Thanks for the concern, I will keep you guys posted!

Indeed it does! It's just frustrating. You just wish someone would say something! Though, I think the person who caused the mess should be the one to clean up. That's why I haven't pressed anything yet

Thanks for that I agree. I guess "the meeting" will really say more than any of this will!

This is a bit of an update since my last post (below). I decided I still wouldn't call him. I had already initiated contact by sending him that email, and I thought it should be up to him to do his part. Well, sure enough, he's called. Several times. Each time, though, our cell phones go a little bananas and we wind up losing each other. I guess neither of us have the nerve to call back, but he usually winds up texting me something afterwards. The conversations (if you can call them that) have been EXTREMELY weird. He sounds nervous and dumb at the same time, going "um" a lot, etc. I've mentioned this before - he's on my webpage at least 4 times a day checking up, etc. I came back from the press junket / premiere of that film Closer the other night (I work in film) and *only* on my journal did I write it was a press junket. So, I told him I just saw the movie and he says "Oh, was it like a press junket or something?" Because, you know, that's the first thing you'd ask someone after they tell you they went to the movies Alright I'm getting way too into detail here, but he did send me "art" yesterday. It's some strange comic-like flyer thing saying when he's going to be home for Christmas and "plan accordingly!" Yea, I know he was kinda kidding, but what on Earth. I sent him a Christmas card yesterday. I just wanted to update you all on the situation a bit... I'm not sure where any of this is going with him - I'm not expecting anything substantial, but I dunno... Alright, so last night I caved in and I called him. I got his answering machine. I basically said "Hey, it's me, just calling to see what's up. You can call me back if you'd like. If not, I'll talk to you eventually." Argh, part of me just wants to talk to him and have a normal conversation without him or I being jittery idiots. I'm guessing he's nervous... but for crying out loud, it's only me. I guess my question is... does it look (on my part) like I'm throwing myself at him? That's the last thing I want to do... Sorry for rambling! ------------------------------------------------------------------------> My ex-boyfriend and I have had awkward-though-consistent contact the last month or so. He expressed a desire to see me when he comes home from Christmas break, he also reminded me of his new cell phone number and asked me to call him. In response to that, I told him "my number hasn't changed, give me a call." He texted me a very flirtatious birthday message on my birthday, and I replied with a light aura of flirtation. So, then I just kinda waited. Would he make the next move? I have no idea. The other night my cell phone rings, and it's him. I couldn't answer it, my phone is idiotic. I didn't call back. About an hour later, he text messages me asking me "What's your home address again?" He's on my website about 6 times a day. He goes back to old entries to look at pictures. I'm at the point now where I just want to know what he's thinking (don't we all?) I've accepted that we're broken up - but I still have feelings for him. Is it too grand of an idea to think that he might be trying to ease his way back in?

Hey there, This is happening to me right now, only I'm that ex-girlfriend (only I'm not doing the pursuing - he is). I guess the big question is: what exactly were the reasons for the breakup(s) in the first place? Someone being unfaithful? Personal growth? Indecisiveness? Very often (especially with young people) breakups might occur because of a desire to "see what else is out there." The whole "grass is greener" thing. Now, this might not be the situation with him - but it could very well be with her. He has told you that he has unresolved feelings for her - and you know what, it's better that you two aren't together at this point in time. I would hate to date someone who was still unsure about someone else. As for my situation, I had a very wonderful time with my boyfriend, but in the end he wasn't prepared to live up to the expectations I had of him. He spoke of marriage, but it scared him away. He started dating one of his friends, also a girl who had been relentlessly pursuing him for YEARS! According to his friends, he said he was with her because he was comfortable around her and she was "always around". Sounds like a friend to me. I still have feelings for him. Very strong ones. He's been calling me, texting me, emailing me, writing me, etc. nonstop for a bit now. He asked me to have dinner when he comes home from school, etc. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. Anyway, my point is, depending on the breakup, sometimes feelings are still there. You said that the final breakup between them was from her. He tried again to be with her, but she rejected him. It could be possible that did some damage to him - perhaps he came to some realizations and was not expecting to be shot down. As for this other girl, I don't think her trying to get him back has anything to do with you *directly*, but I'm sure she's aware of you and I'm sure that might have influenced her decision to pursue him - seeing that he has moved on and wanting what she can't have, etc. Are you still talking to this guy? You seem like a smart girl, be careful. I wouldn't dismiss the possibility that he'll be calling you again if things don't work out well with this gal.

Thanks for the reply I do, sort of, believe that he might be a little afraid to push too much because he knows he did wrong. I mean, I was very good to him and he left me because he wanted to "be a boy" for a bit longer. I am angry, but I would never mistreat him or be unkind to him. I do want him back, though I know in my heart I could never handle it right now. I think I want to establish a comfortable place for us so that he knows I care for him and that if the time is right, we could start up again. Yeesh. I wish we could read right into people's true intentions!

Well, we've never actually been "friends" (I mean, we knew each other and the spark just happened), but I do care about him. I'd like to establish something less awkward than what we have now... which is essentially just a lot of awkwardness. He's done several things that would make one think he wants to be back with me, and honestly, I could see myself with him in the future. He's got a lot to prove, but I love him enough to give him that opportunity... he's been acting like he's trying to get a foot in the door, but I don't want to make it seem like I'm sitting here waiting for him, you know? I dunno, I don't want to be snotty, but I really don't want to be the one to call him. He did the hurting, I think it's only fair that he should make that call if he really wants to talk that much.

Hello all, After cutting off contact from my ex (after we had re-established it after about a month of NC), I sent him an email just asking how he was doing in school, etc. Well, he wrote back a novel, pretty much telling me every impressive thing he could possibly tell me. He also asked to see me when he comes down for Christmas break. I wrote him back, told him how I was, and said that I would be up to see his sister for Christmas, so sure it'd be nice to get together. So, he writes me again, this time giving me his new number, telling me some other impressive thing, and then asking me to call him sometime. I am *not* calling him. I have a feeling that he's probably petrified to call me because of the amount of hurt he caused, but jeez, I'm not taking up mopping duties for his mess. I'm not sure how to reply back without sounding like "Pssht, get the heck out of here, I'm not calling your sorry self, you gotta call me." But, essentially, he has got to be the one to call me. I am not doing it. I refuse. Any ideas how I should word this? Stupid exes. *Groan*

I don't blame you for the reasons you chose to break things off. Why should you wait around for someone who doesn't see you in his future? You probably broke up with him hoping that the seriousness of what you said would trigger something in him and make him go "Oh man, I'd better shape up. I do care about her." Unfortunately, you won't get that answer right now. I think it would be in *your* best interest to not see him at all. Though you have a reason to see him, it's not a life or death situation. Have him ship the stuff to you or something if you feel like you might be an emotional wreck when you see him. This will do two things: a) it will make you that much stronger because you'll realize you do have control over your emotions for him and because you won't have to leave the 'meeting' with all of your expectations shattered on the floor and b) it will be that first little punch in his "Wow, she's really not going to stand for bullcrap" card. You said you wanted possibilities and opportunities, and you deserve them. So many people (a lot of my girlfriends) are always blaming themselves for "wanting too much" from their guys as a reason why said guys are "running away", but you know, it shouldn't be a big to-do to share your feelings with someone, to want to be with them for the rest of your life. Otherwise, what's the point of being together? If you are both people who want to get married one day, and are dating, then naturally you should be considering each other as future spouses. Right? Right. Don't settle for less than what you deserve. He may not be in the right mind frame right now. Lots of guys (and people in general) like to live in the present because it's easier to have that "take it as it comes" mentality. Thinking of the future is scary. I would really suggest you don't see him, only because it's going to hurt you. No matter how hard you try, you're going to be secretly hoping that him seeing you is going to make him turn around and go "what was I thinking!" It might happen, but I doubt it. Not right now. Take care of yourself. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk!

Thanks again for the advice, I've added an update

Thanks so much, you made tremendous amounts of sense. He has shown a little progress, and he has commented that he's "tired of that crap", so I'm pretty positive that (eventually) he'll come around to realize what was good for him. He's been written off so many times in his life, and I don't want that to happen with me, so I think I know what I have to do. You're also right in the "not being too available" aspect of things. I do want him to miss me, this is not my mess to clean up. Thanks again

Hi again. Thanks for the input I have my doubts that he said "I'm doing better" as a means to make me jealous. Only a week earlier he asked me about my relationship status (I didn't give him an answer) and he went on to tell me how he wasn't good to me, how I deserved a good guy, etc. And even if he was trying to make me jealous... why would he be? I don't initiate any contact with him, so him trying to get a reaction out of me *at all* is weird for someone who's moved on to "greener pastures" you know? I'm not really even worried about this chick as far as the whole "greener pastures" thing is concerned. She's really an awful girl, and I'm not just saying that because he's with her. However, she's nothing to deal with. He told someone we share in common that he's with her because he's comfortable around her and she's always around... I mean, so is a dog, right? LOL. Yea, this is my friend's brother... and I remember years back hearing about her trying to get him to break up with his then girlfriend (we were both dating people, I never had a clue we'd ever end up together). His friends are the world to him, and I think my coming along made him realize that there are better people in the world, ones that don't want to encourage him to act like an idiot and actually apply himself. I think the reason I feel like this is worth it is because I love him deeply, and I'm not a dopey girl. I don't settle in relationships, and I'm stunned that I'm still hung up on this guy. We had a really strong connection. He told me at one point when we broke up something like "Right now, it's not good. A year from now, it would be perfect." So, I guess he knew he wanted to finish his "self-discovery" or whatever... but I mean, how is getting drunk every night going to help him realize his potential, you know? I know sometimes people have to hit rockbottom before they realize they need to make a change, but I just don't want him to have to get there. This is his last year, he's got a few months left, and he's so damn smart... I just don't want him to blow it. Sigh. Thanks again for your input, if you have any more advice, I'm all ears. It's good to hear things from a male perspective

Thanks for the reply. I'm just in such a hard situation, you know? If you read, he's with this other girl now. This other girl was one who had been relentlessly pursuing him as "more than a friend" for some 2 years now, and while I'm sure there is *some* attraction between them (I mean, I don't know how you could be in any relationship without some attraction), I'm almost sure that he's with her because a) she's available, b) she's into all that same stuff (the heavy partying, the who cares attitude) and she won't make him grow up. I just don't want to push him further away. I'm scared that by sending the letter (which I haven't yet) he's going to see it as "I'm not over you." In a sense, I'm not really over him, I love him dearly, and in my heart I believe he loves me, too but I've heard from a few people that guys that come accross the right girl too soon get a little freaked out. He ran away. I guess by him telling me that he was "doing better", he was trying to get some sort of attention from me... I mean, I don't know how much better he could be doing after only a month and a half - what, only three 40s a day compared to his usual 8? You know what I mean? I just care about him a lot. He told me while we were dating that he wasn't used to someone looking out for his well-being, and he really appreciated that. I guess I just want to be there for him. I'm just nervous. So, put yourself in my ex's shoes (we haven't talked in about two weeks)... would a letter like that scare you off or make you really think about things?

So this is an update from the post below. I actually sent the email this morning. To sum it up, we had contact for awhile. It was awkward, he was being a little jerky, but at times sentimental. My little heart couldn't take it, so I stopped going online, blocked him, all that jazz. I have this crazy (borderline stalkerish) IP log thing on my livejournal (an ex friend of mine was leaving harassing comments, so that's why I got it) and he's been on every single day. I mean, how much do you need to know, you know? Anyway... He's been written off in his life by a lot of people. I didn't want to be one of them, so I sent him an email telling him that I have a lot of great things happening in my life and I'd like to be able to share them with him, and also that I'd like to hear how he's doing in school, etc. It was very nice, nothing mushy or anything. It's true, for the most part, that your ex *does* know you care about them, and there's no need to keep reinforcing that. However, there are also people that need that little bit of a push. It depends on the person, really, but my ex was one of them. I didn't expect to hear back from him at all, really. Six hours later, I get a novel of a reply from him. He said he was happy to hear from me, he wasn't expecting it. Then he proceeded to tell me pretty much every single *good* thing that's happened to him while up at school. Every paragraph started with "When I come home for a bit in December..." and finally, in closing, "We should go to dinner while I'm home in December, like old times?" (old times being two months ago, LOL, but anyway) and then some slightly snarky goodbye type of thing. Yea, so out of curiosity I went to check that IP log thing, and he was on my page 9 times in a matter of a few hours. 9 times. What the heck else do you need to read? I don't want to read into any of this, I really don't. Of course, I can't help feeling the little spurts of "yay" my heart is giving out. I'm not going to email him back for awhile, either. What I learned is that No Contact really worked to my benefit. While I admit I thought about him constantly (still do, but not to the extreme measures I was), I didn't put myself out there to get hurt. I'm guilty of obsessing over away messages, reading too much into cheesy profiles, all that jazz... it's not worth it to do that. What good is it going to do for you? Give you temporary satisfaction knowing that your ex is "Showering, BRB"? Then what? My advice to those of you who are going through that stage, block the person. Don't tell them, just do it. You won't have to see them, and they can't bother you. I got to a point where I just missed talking to my ex. Not missed as in "Oh God, I need to know that he was thinking of me for 4.5 minutes... oh my God, he typed my name, he must love me!" I just missed him! I didn't want him to become some vague memory, so I told him that. I was really debating on sending the email, but it felt so good to get those things off of my chest. I had no expectations whatsoever, and I got something unexpected in return. Just wanted to share that with you. There are so many "rules" we're encouraged to follow, and while most (if not all) are beneficial to us on some level, you really have to do what you know will make *you* feel better in the long run. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi guys, I've posted once before about the situation with my ex-boyfriend. The original post is link removed right there. A few things have happened since, and I'm at the point now where I'm about to do something that is a) really good or b) really dumb. Maybe you guys can help me out a bit. Reasons why the ex and I broke are essentially because he wouldn't be able to get away with his juvenile behavior while with me. I would never judge him, but he knows I didn't want him doing anything self-destructive. He wanted to continue being a boy while in his last semester of college (which worries me because it is his last semester) and I'm ready for a mature relationship. So, he IMed me out of the blue and said "Ummm... just so you know, I've been doing a lot better lately." I knew what he was talking about, but I didn't want to appear to be desperate so I asked him what he was talking about. "Well, I was really self-destructive my first month up here." I told him I was glad to hear he was doing better, and I left it at that. Then, he just signs off. Everytime we've had a somewhat decent conversation, he just signs off whenever something emotional comes up. It happened the last time when he told me I deserved a great guy, he treated me like crap - I told him I was happy and he said that meant a lot to him and then signed off. I guess he's just afraid. So, I blocked him from my AOL after that. I couldn't bear to talk to him and have those little conversations. They were making me upset. He reads my journal every single day, and I just don't want us to lose each other completely. I wrote him a letter today, an email, and it's basically a "I want you to excel, I only was ever concerned for you because you're too smart for that kinda crap" kinda thing. It was in no way, shape or form sounding parental. I mean, if I read that, I would probably cry. I want so badly to send it, but I don't know if I should. I know I shouldn't be the one making all the moves here, but I do care about him a lot. The only people he has to really turn to are these friends of his... and I know I'm pretty sure he's aware that I've pulled myself away from him... but I think I want him to know that I haven't written him off. I'm just so unsure what to do, and I don't want to do the wrong thing. I just wanted to add, I've read on this forum a lot about people having short relationships only to have someone else point out how insignificant the relationship was *because* of the length. It's so hurtful to hear something like that. My relationship with my ex was a mere 4 months, but you know what? It was an intense, passionate four months and things were said and felt on both ends. If something is there, then something is there and that's that. Hope you guys can help me out, I'm pretty much biting my nails at this point.