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spidartanks

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  1. spidartanks
    Thanks for the advice everyone, like i said i dont want to analyze this in too much depth. she wants to be friends, it is her decision. i thought i WAS being the bigger man by showing her that i didnt mind her haveing another boyfriend, thats why i ask hows things and how he is?? i dont know maybe i'm wrong! either ways, we are going to get together over the holidays, as friends. she tells her new bf about when we talk and when we hang out so that shouldnt be a problem. like a lot of you said, just give things time to fall into place.
  2. spidartanks
    I'll make this short, but we broke up 4 months ago. she insisted we'd be friends and she always wanted me in her life. in the past 4 months we have seen eachother twice and talked on the phone rarely. she makes me kind of feel unwelcome to call her, so i leave her to call me. i always wanted her back and she knew that, maybe she was worried. we do love eachother very much and get along great. she has another boyfriend and i have no one, i have been seeing a few girls but nothing major. I am comfortable with asking her how her new bf is doing and she really shy's away from the subject. for example her computer is broke, she e-mailed me on the phone i asked if it was fixed and she said in a quiet voice she used "another" computer and i happily asked whose. she didnt want to tell me but eventually told me her bf's!! also when i ask how things are going and how is he doing she just sort of sais oookkaaaayyy...and things change. she also asks me all the time what i am doing for the weekend, followed by Who with? like for New years, she asks what iam doing and who with. I'm not trying to dig deep into this but to me it seems that she is jealous of girls that i hang out with and insecure with her current relationship at the same time, she never sounds happy with it? i dont know maybe i'm wrong, i really do want to become GOOD friends with this girl, we are getting better with eachother and we are going out for dinner over the holiday break. I also plan on calling once a week and inviting her out. The ONLY thing that i can and wont deal with in our relationship is the new bf being there at the same time... any thoughts here? Happy Holidays to all
  3. spidartanks
    i've been told before, once a cheater, always a cheater?? I dont know to believe it or not, each person is different, maybe that is why you bought up the point that you both have and maybe why you are struggling to deal with this?
  4. spidartanks
    I would be worried too only because they obviously had sexual relations before and they know eachother is clean and it is not like a one night stand sort of deal. of coarse trust is a concern, im sure u can trust her but can u trust him like mentioned above. talk it to her, put things in perspective: what IF it was your ex girlfriend, how would she feel? im on the opposite end of the stick> me and my ex are starting becoming friends although she has a bf (rebound, fast entered relationship).. What i am doing is trying to get inside seeing her hanging out with her so that she one day perhaps will see that i am the better man and i'll be back with her. i want tobe friends for that reason alone......
  5. spidartanks
    I am amazed at myself, instantly when my ex came online MSN tonight my heart got beating really fast. i didnt know what to say how to say it. we had our fake "Small" talk lke usual and i got sick we started talking about our feelings of why we broke up 3 months ago. and that being she thought i cheated on her and heard stories from other people. she never got the real story.up until now i'd tell her the truth and she would not believe. tonight i guess i got closure, i told her, she accepted it that i did not cheat on her, and i truly believe ALL i want from her is friends. in fact i think i may have switched the tables around, she always woudl tell me, i never want you back EVER EVER and keep saying it. tonight i was telling it to her. i am glad we broke up i could never be your boyfriend again and so on. it felt good to say only because i feel i MEAN it. I feel deep down that me saying this makes her feel that she is losing me. basicalyl i feel that she likes knowing that i still want her and will wait for her, i really do. now she cannot feel like that and she has got to not like it. i will be here for her emotionally as a friend though. i dont know what caused this sudden change. but it is a nice feeling. i still am determined to be a "close" frined of hers because i do care for her but that is more than enough for me. maybe i am on the roller coaster ride of love, atleast for right now i feel i am "winning".
  6. spidartanks
    Wow, i'm so happy for you, that is great to hear. it gives people something to look at and think about, things like this do really happen. i know my girl will come back one day and i will have my "yes" post. congratulations.
  7. spidartanks
    ^ Agreed it would be nice if he was to read this thread too, I wish my ex would read all i have been posting! oh well. lol good luck
  8. spidartanks
    majord23 I see where you are coming from with your replys now, your situation is very much the same. i suppose you are taking what you learnt from your relationship and applying it to peoples similiar situations to help them! i will take into consideration your advice though and really think about it: i suppose the bottom line is i will follow my heart to the end of the road, what road that will be, well i know what one i want to go down but realistically, who knows? i will find out when i get there
  9. spidartanks
    majord23 thanks for the reply, that does give me something to think about. I think that i know my ex pretty dam well, what it seems to me is that she isnt' ready to give up contact with me neither, each time she says she doesnt want to talk anymore she comes right back. we seem to be going around in circles right now. also when we do talk she gets very jealous asking how is my girlfriend (that is what she refers to a friend named ashley) she askes where i am going, who with and whne? she still cares a lot and wants to know what i am doing with my self. also the couple of times we did hang out after break up she wanted to give me hugs good bye and so on... i feel the same about her, that is why i am willing to make a friendship work. But in the back of my head i will always love her, it just wont come out until the time is right.. i know that once the angry feelings die down and we can both trust eachother the love will come right back. the new guy isnt a worry. it is just a temp fill in. of coarse i could be wrong, but i know that i always want to be in her life, because she's worth it. makes me a better person. i always loved buying her small presents when we were together, ans spoiled her at christmas, this year i will get her and her family something nice and leave it at that. she'll just think it was nice, thats all..i dont do it for anything in return neither
  10. spidartanks
    Nice reply edudlooc13 the thing that makes me thing is how you said i am setting up on the "permanemt friend" level. maybe i am setting up for it. but i havn't actually made any moves or approaches yet basically the way i am going to work this friendship is with an e-mail once a week or so just so we can keep in touch with what eachother is doing and we'll talk on msn once in a while. i am not going to call her or ask her to call me, if she doesnt then that is ok. basically i know she is involved right now: I know i have a big advantage over the "other guy" already because she loves me not him. and i dont wnat to leave it soo long that if she was to ever start to love him then there would not be a chance for me to get into her life atall. which i do not want. i alwyas want tobe in her life for her. i love her family too. right now with them being newly together i can get involved now and he can't say anthing. does that make sense from a worried friend point of view? i'm going to buy her a christmas present too
  11. spidartanks
    Thanks, in reguards to me making the kiss comment. in no way do i plan on kissing her in order to get her back. i am also not assuming that she is in a rebound relationship, but it was rather quick that she jumped into it is all. i don't have any game plan as for right now other than to be here for her, and to be that friend that she has always wanted. I just feel that in my situation it will be better to be a friend and have her in my life, being able to talk to her and see her. rather than doing the NC rule, where i think if i use this it will let me and her grow further apart and it will be too late for us to begin being friends then. i want to be in her life and i know she wants to be in mine. we are going to take it slow before jumping into this friend relationship though. i think it will all work out in the end, i am just going to have to be strong and believe.
  12. spidartanks
    Thanks for the feedback, good advice from you all.. i understand very well that it is going to be a hard thing to do and understand that it is going to take time. also i know if someone else comes along and ithink they are the "one" then i would 100% devote my attention to her, but i would still remain friends with my ex only because by then i actually hope to be good friends, to the point where we can turn to one another for advice etc. Also i know that if i was to have a gf and her best friend was her ex boyfriend. i woudl not be happy about it atall. infact i would sort of act like it didnt bother me for the first few months while getting to know her, and when its the time i'd mention the fact that i didnt like the 2 of them being alone togher. knowing that if previous chemestry was there it is easy to ignite on and be passionate again. sometimes all it takes is a kiss....right? i'm not seeing myself up for anything, being her friend of nothing atall i am still going to think of her the same amount. so why not try right? **On a side note the guy that my ex is seeing now seems to be more of a re bound issue and i can not forsee it lasting atall. i know they dont see alot of eachother with scheduling issues so that will make it take alittle longer. but i want to be the one who she comes to when she needs me the most. last month she called me when she was having troubles with her sisters, not her boyfriend. why? i dont know, i would like to think its because she finds comfort in me.
  13. spidartanks
    e and my ex broke up 3 months ago.she now found someone else. me ihave had a few dates, made some new female friends and that is as far as it has gotten. Now she sais that she does want to remain friends and i truly believe this since she always is very inquisitive when we talk and wants to know what ia m doing when and with who etc..i sort of like her to be like that. i would be like that with her too except for i dont want to make her upset in any way. i am taking on the relaxed easy going roll. although i love her so much. we were together for 2 1/2 years. Being friends is going to take a lot of effort from me, i am willing to do this though and put myself through the pain just because i love her company. i am empty without her in my life. My question is: ultimately i would like to get back together with her, i know that it is not going to happen anytime soon, i am going to continue to date and have fun but i know what i want..her. Is it bad to think that, one day she will come around, look into my eyes and see the boy that she fell in love with again and that she'll want to go down that road someday again. although she doesnt want to right now. i am by no means going to pressure her, talk about relationships etc..we are just friends, hang out once a week, talk, help eachother out you know...
  14. spidartanks
    What i would say is go along with what he wants. dont obey his every command. give him some space, i would wait for him to phone you definantly and wait for him to ask to do anything. dont be so available for him, he will realise that you arent falling head over heels for him and want what he cant have sort of deal. when you talk let him do the talking, dont go into too much emotions, concentrate on having a good time only. make a good friendship before getting any closer. if there is a chance of getting back together. sparks might start to fly and you will be attracted to eachothe like never before and your hearts will take over... let him see what a great person you are by you being the bigger person and accepting the friendship that he wanted to begin.. Baby steps...just agree you will be friends even though you do not mean it., he has to know how you feel so it doenst need to be discussed... i hope this helps your day out a little..
  15. spidartanks
    Thank you for your kind words once again - the only thing that i may have messed up on now going backwards. yesterday i told her that we tried to be friends for 2 days pretty much. and it wasnt working out and i wanted more than friends and she didn't. i said that i woudlnt put my self through the pains of being around you knowing there can not be anymore taken at that time. i told her i would not call or e-mail and for her to call me only when she had something for me and waws ready to go back out with me basically. was that a bad thing to do? should i continue with this NC for a while, if so how long? OR should i stick with it and wait for her to call me?
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