Kbelles

dont be afraid of your 'womanly juices'. its natural and if he doesnt have a problem with it then why should you? (this is what i tell myself also). guys have a tendency to be more forgiving about our bodies than we are. especially in the heat of the moment when they're all into you and turned on. as for pre-oral preparation, everyone is different but besides doing a simple bath or shower use some good-smelling bath products and you should be good to go. theres nothing you can do about the way you taste (besides changing your diet) so you might as well at least smell good down there.

i REALLY appreciate everyone's advice. Outlaw, i can understand and respect where you are coming from. now that ive had some more time to reflect, i think i am afraid of commitment. in fact, the reason i had started a FWB arrangement was because i didnt want to get my heart broken (which it has been before). with my bf, he caught me completely off guard. i wasn't looking for a bf when i found him but it just so happens that hes not like anyone ive ever met and we decided to become exclusive. (INSTANT CHEMISTRY type of thing). he asked me to be his girl and i said yes. all this happened in the midst of my FWB situation. im trying to spend as much time with him as possible (when hes not around is when i get these weird cravings for other people). i seem to find strength in his presense and when im with him, i dont even LOOK at other guys. so thank you everyone for your advice. i continue to be open to further replies

i have been with my bf almost a month now. he is by far the most wonderful male i have ever held conversation with/made love with/spent time with. overall, our relationship is great. we have great communication, we laugh and joke together, and are highly affectionate with one another. sounds great right? then why am i having an ever-increasing urge to have sex with other guys? i don't know whats wrong with me. im VERY attracted to my bf, but something in me badly wants to sleep with an old 'friend with benefits'. this FWB is someone i used to see before i met my bf. once my bf and i became exclusive, the FWB ended. but i know deep down that this person is only a phone call away if i ever wanted to do something with him. i dont want to betray my bf's trust by being weak but everyday these urges are getting stronger and stronger. i feel like anyday now im gonna do something stupid (like cheat on my bf). i cant even look my bf in the eye b/c even though i havent done anything, i feel like ive already betrayed him by having these thoughts and urges. i feel guilty and i feel like its not fair to him because he trusts me enough not to cheat on him and i know he would never cheat on me. i love him SOOOO much and when i think of him i feel so lucky to have him. and for all my love, i still cant explain away my urges. he feels that i am the "only girl for him" and has told me that he doesnt WANT anybody else. i feel HORRIBLE for "wanting" someone else. i dont know what to do. is this normal? is there any way to overcome these feelings? any advice would be great...

i was 18 when i lost mine. i have no regrets even though it wasnt with someone i loved or cared deeply about. i had known him for a few years but we werent exactly close friends. it happened on a whim. for a first time (considering all the horror stories ive heard) i thought it was great! i wouldnt change a thing...

i think people place such a high importance on sex because of the way it makes them feel (no duh). but not just physically. sex is more mental than physical. they like the way the other person makes them feel about THEMSELF. it makes people feel wanted and accepted. it makes them feel attractive. it makes them feel in control to some degree and connected to that other person. also (no big surprise) sex is physically pleasurable. for me, personally, nothing comes close to sex on the 'physical pleasure scale'. though kissing is a close second place.

well, everyone is different. some people click much faster than other people. it depends on the personalities of the two involved. personally, with my current boyfriend i knew him for a week before we had our first date and we ended up sleeping together on the first date. there was just this chemistry between us that we couldnt ignore. everyone moves at a different pace, sexually. sometimes, some really strong long-lasting relationships begin from couples who didnt wait to have sex. and vice versa...

its very possible. it HAS been found that some women can in fact "ejaculate" their juices in the same fashion as a man. some women are just 'juicier' than others. as for the taste, tell her it might be better to watch her diet because in the same way that a man's semen can be influenced by what he eats, the same is true for women (not many people know this). tell her to go easy on foods like garlic, onions, butter, and dairy. i guarantee you'll notice a difference. also, in order to help with the taste, incorporate some sexy food into your bedroom meetings. try putting some whipped cream on her vagina. fudge, and honey are good ones too. all these can help you get over the taste of her fluids and add some creativity to your sex life. GOOD LUCK!

i genuinely appreciate everyone looking out for me and my well-being. i have read ALL replies, even the not-so-nice ones. I must clear the air by saying this: i DONT have low self-esteem. i DONT have low self-worth. i am not 'scared' of my boyfriend. i am a strong woman and mature for my age. i love myself too much to let a man 'abuse' me. 'Abuse' happens over time. im kind but i dont take crap from anyone. so i must STRONGLY RE-EMPHASIZE that I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIM OVER THIS ONE INCIDENT. since the incident we have talked and he's starting therapy soon so that he can talk to a professional about some of the issues that have bothered him in the past. if the situation were ever to escalate THEN and only THEN would i leave but i would never walk away from all we have built together. he has problems within himself that he's trying to fix while trying to become a better man for me as well as himself by being in therapy. we are still together and making it work. thank you for your posts. i continue to be open to more replies and general feedback...

i intend to talk to him about therapy (for his own benefit as well as the benefit of our relationship). i want to support him any way i possibly can. he is a good man and a wonderful father (he has children with his ex). ive been with him around his children. we have spent holidays together with them. i have never known a kinder, gentler father or human being. i know for a fact that he thinks the world of me and his children which is why this incident caught me so off guard. i know we can recover i just wish he would talk to me. im sorry to ramble on and on. i really appreciate everyone taking the time to read this. and if you have any pointers from this point forward i welcome them with an open mind and an open heart.

i have read all responses and definitely thank people for replying. i respect all opinions but i have no intentions on leaving him unless he ever struck me (which he has never done and has always told me he would NEVER do). but i will say this... he HAS told me about nightmares he has sometimes. there have been times when he has awoken out of his sleep drenched in sweat (so much that he has to change his clothes) and shaking. these nightmares are always worse if/when he falls asleep on his back which is why when we lay down at night, he holds me from behind to ensure he falls asleep on his side. we HAVE had rough sex before and i HAVE enjoyed it in the past. this incident was a first. during the year we have been together, he has shown me nothing but love, attention, affection, and appreciation. i posted this topic to ask for advice from anyone on how to keep this loving space we have created for one another as boyfriend/girlfriend, not to ask whether or not i should leave him. i have NO intentions on leaving him because of this incident unless it were to get out of hand. im not one to delude myself, but i dont run when things get tough either. once again, i truly appreciate everyone's insight and look forward to reading more...

A couple days ago, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex before he left for work in the morning. it was great at first but then i noticed he started getting rougher with me. i thought nothing of it, as we had been a little rough before. i quickly came to realize that this time was different. he wasnt himself. he was grabbing my throat and pushing my face into the pillow really hard. even his expression was different. i looked into his face and saw anger in his eyes. i tried not to cry out in pain but i couldnt help it. i was in shock from the whole thing. he was not his normal, caring, attentive self. i had never seen him like that before. his grip was so hard and rough that he left bruises on my ribcage. for the first time in our relationship, it seemed like he didnt care what i was going through. he proceeded to insert himself for anal sex and ignored me when i said no, stop, it hurts. all he said was 'im only gonna put it in for a little while'. i was already kinda sore 'back there' because we had had anal sex the night before and this just compounded my pain. when it was all over i lay there on the bed face down in shock. he asked me if i was ok and i felt the tears start to stream down my face. i said that i wasnt ok because he hurt me by not listening to me and my needs. he hugged me and told me how sorry he was and that he didnt mean to hurt me. he told me how sometimes he 'zones out' during sex and would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. he apologized over and over , kissed me, and left for work. when he got to work, he called me to ask me how i was doing and if i was ok. he apologized about a dozen more times and i heard the lilt in his voice and his voice breaking. he was crying on the phone and i told him to stop crying and that i accept his apology. after that he got really quiet and didnt say much after that. that was almost three days ago and i havent spoken to my boyfriend since. ive called him, but to no avail. he hasnt answered my calls or emails and i dont know what to do. im afraid for our relationship. i would like to move past this but i cant help but feel that something between us has changed. im scared for him because he wont talk to me i love my boyfriend and i know he loves me and i feel like he will one day be my husband. i also know he had a violent childhood (he once stabbed an uncle who was abusive towards him) and am worried that the violence he grew up with as a child resurfaces from time to time and manifests itself in the sex that we have. i dont know what to think.... at this point i would just like advice from anyone about what to do. is there anything i can do to clear the air between he and i? i want to give him his space but at the same time i dont want him to shut me out...

listening to you, i think your ready. you sound like you know what you want, and seem to be very adamant about it. i lost my virginity under similar circumstances AND I REGRET NOTHING. i thought my first time was great. i had no relationship with him but had known him for a few years prior. he was my ex-best friend's brother and i had ALWAYS thought he was REALLY HOT. when the opportunity came (we're both college students in my room watching tv) i took it. it was really intense though no passion was invoved. he was a 'player' too, by the way and had been with more girls than i could count. i knew this beforehand and made sure we used protection (always do this). my reasoning: i was tired of being a virgin and i wanted to see what sex was like. i felt i was ready for it and i knew i was HIGHLY attracted to (lets call him 'Kevin') Kevin. and on top of that, kissing and toching with him was putting me in the 'mood' to be quite honest. i just let things happen and didnt fight them. dont let people make you feel bad for wanting to explore your sexuality. yes, its nice when you can do it with someone you care about but just because you dont wont necessarily make the experience a bad one. because think about all the people who did it with their boyfriends whom they truly cared about and had a terrible first time with ( i know MANY of them). right now, im involved with someone i love and care about and the sex is great because of that and i have intensity AND passion. so its up to you to weigh the pros and cons about what you want. and honestly, i think JENb is wrong to say that you wont respect yourself if you do it with him. self-respect comes from the self (from within). no act you participate in can make you lose your self-respect unless YOU stop respecting YOURSELF. so go ahead and follow your heart and head (wherever that leads you) and know that the consequences/benefits of your actions are because of your OWN decisions and not the opinions of someone else

the one piece of advice i can give you is to start out with light touches (make sure your fingers are moist!). go for the clitoris first, but just make sure to take it easy. after that, its up to her if she wants you to put your fingers inside her. remember: tease her, tantalize her with your fingertips* (key word: fingerTIPS). keep her wanting more. its best to start out slow and speed up later when she starts breathing harder...

wow. BOY, DO I HAVE ADVICE FOR YOU! i was in the EXACT situation. i was seeing this guy who actually was the brother of my ex-best friend (so we had to keep it quiet). i have posted several topics on this board asking for advice on how to handle this situation. the bed-buddies thing was cool at first and a lot of fun and excitement but then it all started to go downhill. i wasnt developing feelings or anything but instead, HE was the one growing colder and colder. overall, he began to act like a jerk and his maturity was WAY low. on top of that i was starting to feel an attachment to him. not a romantic attachment, but a youre-the-ONLY-one-i-want-to-have-sex-with attachment. before i knew it, i was "sexually sprung" on him. i had even tried to end it once and while im talking to him trying to be serious, he was kissing on my neck and we ended up having sex again! which made me even more mad with myself. since then, i have met a wonderful guy who treats me good and cares about me and i feel very fortunate to have him. so, im not telling you what to do and bed-buddy arrangements can have their high points, but keep in mind what does/does not exist between you two...

hey there, Ive been posting regularly on this board and others about a 'friends with benefits' situation that im currently in. actually, we have more of a "sexual arrangement" and aren't really close as friends. when one of us wants to do the deed we just call the other one up. simple, right? not exactly. recently ive started feeling emotionally worn-down and drained by this whole experience. because of the fact that i have to detach my feelings from this situation, ive become cold and non-caring. this is not who i am. im not my normal, caring, warm, loving self. i find myself crying and being depressed after we have sex. lately, ive had to ask myself a lot of questions: do i love him? no. do i care about him? sure. can i continue doing this? no way. the sex is still fantastic but its laced with guilt from start to finish. mentally, i can't enjoy the sex. so, ive decided to let it go. i just don't know how to do it. i just can't build up enough nerve to say to him that i dont want to go through this anymore. i just get sooooo weak around him because the sex is so good. i actually tried to tell him once before and he was kissing on my neck while i was trying to be serious! we ended up having sex and i was even MORE mad at myself afterwards! i feel like im on a terrible merry-go-round and everytime i try to jump off, i miss my chance. i don't know what to do. i could REALLY REALLY REALLY use anyones advice on what to do

ur asking what "erect" means?! are u sure ur old enough to be having sex?! anyways, if ur guy is uncircumcised, he needs to wash his penis thoroughly by pulling the skin back first. afterwards, when hes getting ready to put the condom on, he needs to pull the skin back once more before rolling it on.

for me, personally, it IS possible to act like the sex never happened. though i must admit, I do yearn for my between-the-sheets buddy from time to time. i wouldnt say we are 'close friends' or anything. the only time we talk is when one of us wants to get some. at times, yes, i DO have to stave off feelings for him. but its not exactly hard beacuse his personality kinda sucks. i would think it would be more difficult to deny feelings for him if he was some kind of great guy or something (but thats not the case). for me, separating feelings and physical pleasure has been a bit of a challenge but i found myself acclamating to it rather quickly. simply put, you get used to it...

i DEFINITELY agree with a lot of the posts. everyone is different but personally, i LOVE it when a guy takes control. pins me down, breathes hard in my ear, whisper what he's gonna do to me in a deep sexy voice....WHEW! gettin hot already! anyways, yea. kissing me on the neck just below my ear gets me goin too. also, i like it when a guy lets his hands roam 'wherever'...(wink, wink). sometimes my guy will gimme a smack on the butt, which will REALLY get my juices flowing....hehe.

as for your non-convo, try seeing how you can integrate her into your conversations when around other people. (ex. "don't you agree, ____ ?") if you really care about her, you'll make an effort to make her feel as comfortable as possible, esp. when out and about with other people. as for the kiss. just go in slow and gentle with lips only! you dont want her to squirm in discomfort. remember, this is all very new to her. there isnt much science to a sweet, soft kiss. put ur lips together (relax them) and go for it...

i can understand.... up until recently, i was a wreck when it came to the opposite sex. but dont freak over it. it may just be that he would like to spend more time getting to know you, but doesnt want to do it in a distracted setting. try getting him away from all the distractions. ask him to take a look at some of your art, or ask to see some of his. you can also askfor help on something school-related. anything to get him away from all the interferences. if he still acts shady, then give him some space. if still no bite, then forget him ...

its very possible that, like you, he may harbor some feelings but not know how to react to them. this cd that hes making you might be a subtle way of showing that he cares. i say, give it some time and see how it develops. its too soon right now to tell. just enjoy each other...

when i say "feelings" i mean, like an attachment. i feel an attachment to him. but i know its not love. i don't LOVE him and this i know for sure (he doesnt have a stellar personality or anything). i dunno if this attachment i feel is because of the fact that he is my first. i dont want to be with him all the time ( i actually prefer not to get in his business). but i do yearn for him at times. and then, the guilt sets in. i start feeling like, "oh, i shouldnt be doing this" or "why am i wanting him?" or "this is wrong". i guess the question is this: AM I WRONG? WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS? I WOULD REALLY APPREACIATE ANYONE WHO HAS ANY INSIGHT ON THIS...

Ok, this is kinda long but here goes: I am a college student and up until a couple months ago, i was still a virgin. in high school, one of my best friends had a REALLY REALLY REALLY hot younger brother who was two years younger than her and one year younger than me. her brother had a bit of a 'reputation' for being the type that slept around. while she and I were friends he and i got along well but he would always try to flirt with me. i just kinda brushed him off, as i would never do anything to violate her and i's friendship. after graduation, i moved away for college and she and i kinda grew apart as friends and now we dont speak at all. it has been three years now since. but a couple months ago, i was curious as to how he (her brother) was doing and i instant messaged him online. (after all, i was gone and he was three states away now, right?!). WRONG. after us talking for awhile, i found out BY THE BIGGEST COINCIDENCE that he was moving to the same city as me for school. even moreso, his school is about six blocks away from my off-campus apartment! we talked throughout his moving process and when he finally got here, we made plans to hang out. which we did. nothing happened. EXCEPT FOR ONE NIGHT. we were in my room watching tv when he put the moves on me. i couldnt resist. IT WAS GREAT. though he had no knowledge of my virginity and still does not know that he was my first. in the beginning of this "sexual relationship" it was great, but now, im starting not to feel so wonderful and everytime after we have sex, i get kinda depressed and feel guilty. these feelings of guilt come and go like waves. after one day of guilt and mild depression, im usually fine by the very next day and want to be with him again. i guess i just need someones input.... where are these sudden feelings of guilt coming from? am i developing "feelings" for him? is it the fact that he of all people is my first? is it the sudden loss of virginity? the fact that he's my ex-best friend's brother? im trying to cope, but the fluctuation of my emotions alone is tearing me apart....

when i say that no harm can come to you i mean that after doing it once you wont be limping around with messed up bowel functions for the rest of your life. i actually have spoken to several doctors about this very topic and have actually heard from other sources (gay men, experts on tv, experts on radio, etc...) that of course you will tear the lining of your rectum if you do not use a ridiculus amount of lubrication beacuse the anus does not make its OWN lubrication, unlike the vagina. the anus has two sphincters, an outer sphincter (the one you can control), and an inner sphincter (the one you CAN'T control). you are right, the bowels are meant to move things out and not in so in order to accommodate the inner sphincter (whose reflex is to tighten up when an object is pushed against its gradient), you must proceed slowly. once you are able to push past the outer sphincter, the inner one will tighten and that is when you have to pause b/c it will begin to relax within a few seconds. at this point, your inner sphincter will be relaxed enough to accommodate a penis. and it should be easier to push all the way through. this is some info that was given to me by a gay male friend and corroborated by input from one of my doctors...

that is actually quite interesting.... i made a post saying i lost my virginity to someone i havent seen in three years. the person you are speaking of might actually be me...lol. (for those of you who dont know) the person I lost my virginity to was not someone i had strong feelings for and up until that moment i too felt that i wanted to save it for someone i felt completely head over heels for. at one point in my life i thought i had that person (the "special" one). but that dream soon turned into a nightmare and he turned out to not be the person i thought he was (basically, he was a jerk and i didnt see it). now, i was not "desperate" to lose my virginity or anything like that. i was perfectly content with waiting until whenever. but this guy from my circle of friends and acquaintances moved to the same city where i currently attend school. we started talking once again, sparks flew and as they say, the rest is history. we were moreso attracted to each other in the physical sense than any other way and i still see him often. sometimes we have sex and sometimes we dont. it didnt bother me that my first time wasnt with someone i loved. i mean, dont get me wrong, the first time was great because he was very gentle and he took his time to make sure i enjoyed it. i like to think of myself as lucky that i had a good "first-time" experience even if it wasnt with someone i loved. because i think of all the horror stories told to me by friends of mine who DID do it with their boyfriends (who they loved VERY much) and their first time was still horrible. To this day, I regret nothing....