clairelouise11

sorry yeah i should have explained a bit better what we did but i guess i didn't want to waffle on too much! he said that if he drills/seeds their field for example and the crop doesn't grow or something they would get angry, ring up the office and complain about my boyfriends work or say that he's useless etc and it might affect me/our relationship etc

we're in agricultural contracting, everything gets quite personal and he gets to know the farmers well, he' just been promoted and this is his first season of managing the contracting team of about 9 or 10 guys it's his baby and he's so into his work and is so intent on doing a good job and creating a good impression everywhere

why did he bother telling me thats that what he says tho?

Hello there Just need a little advice about something small but is bugging me and not sure if i'm being really daft! My boyfriend and i work at the same place, i work in the office he works out and about with the customers. He told me yesterday if he gets chatting to any of the customers he does jobs for he tells them he's single because if something goes wrong and they ring the office i won't have to get all involved in the problem and it keeps work and personal life separate. I felt a bit hurt when he said this and felt a bit upset ever since even tho i told him that i understood. Deep down i wouldn't mind putting up with all the hassle of customers knowing but thats just me i guess he's just trying to save me all that, what do you guys think, anyone in a similar situation out there??

can a girlfriend be too lenient with things like this, should i be 'putting my foot down' (as some of my feminist friends say) i thought that both people were individuals in a relationship, not one controlling the other! many men complain of nagging girlfriends - i don't want to be one of these

Hi My boyfriend and i don't live together but we spend a lot of time at each others places (he works long hours and likes his independence and own space) we've been seeing each other a year or so. He has my computer at his place which we both use and he's given me all his passwords for his email bank etc in case he wants me to do anything for him. I was doing some maintenance on it the other day and noticed he'd been into a dating site. I asked him about it, i didn't get funny, just calmly asked him if he was looking for someone else, he said no he is looking for friends and as he gets on better with girls and using a dating site cos you can use it to find friends too and as he works such a lot he doesn't get out to meet new people so is the only way he can think of and craves new friends. (he is very sociable and he is friends with a few girls but they aren't about locally - he's friends with all his ex's which i don't mind at all and he works with all blokes in his job) I said i understood but has unerved me slightly, i've been keeping an eye on his dating account site (which i maybe shouldn't be doing but i need to protect myself) he's only sent emails to a couple while he's been on it and not really got any replys. One did say to the girl that he was looking to find a good friend, maybe more later if someone can put up with him. He doesn't want to live together as he feels its too much commitment. He's 27 and i'm 31 on the site he's looking for girls 18-25. I'm not quite sure how to handle this, we have such a good time when we're together and i'm the only one who's understood his long hours and don't give him any grief about it. He rings me all the time, gets jelous if i'm out without him or if i don't answer my phone at any time. He spends nearly all his spare time with me and he can be quite nieve at times about girls. He's either having a look around, messing about seeing if he can get some attention, being a 'guy' and dong a bit of flirting and telling them he's single to try and get them to write back or he's being really nieve or he's looking for someone else and keeping me as his safety net. How do i find out which it is, does he need kicking into touch as one of my friends suggested and how do i do that!! do i start acting aloof to try and make him realise what he's got, i don't like playing games and he would probably know what was going on. If i demand commitment or anything it would probably just scare him off. I'd really apprieciate a guys point of view on this if poss!! thanks a lot.

ok, we had a good chat the other day. He says he changes when he gets into relationships and he's aware that he does. He's full on for the first six months then he starts to think 'god i don't want this anymore' I asked him about his parents, his mother has always controlled his father and basically worked him into the ground, he said he sees a lot of himself in his father, i guess he's scared he'll end up like him or something, i assured him he wouldn't. So i guess his parents haven't exactly been very good relationship role models for him. Is there anything i can do to make him realise that relationships don't have to be hard work and that they can be a good thing. He said that as soon as something difficult comes up he thinks its easier to bale out.

hello i've been living with my boyfriend for just over a year, his idea, his place, i pay him rent. i had a horse up until dec last year which took up a fair bit of my time but i had to have him put down so i'm at home a lot more now. a couple months ago my bf seemed frustrated and told me he felt trapped and needed more time to himself, i tried doing a few things in the evening but still do spend loads time at home all last week he seemed down but didn't say anything and on sunday he told me he wanted to split up, didn't know if this was what he wanted and he felt trapped i left for four days and last night went round to sort some stuff as i'm going to buy his flat off him (he can't afford to stay there without me and he's quite in debt too) we got talking, i said that i thought the money situation was making him feel trapped plus his parents live in a different country and they've been having family probs. he said sometimes he likes laying in bed alone in the morns or coming home and not speakng to anyone sometimes and cos i'm there feels obliged to speak etc etc anyway we've decided to still see each other but not live together do you think this is a sensible move and could make things better for us (take the pressure off him for abit and sort his money out once he sells the flat to me) he's very scared of commitment too and i think it's all happened to fast to soon for him perhaps

well i spoke to a friend of ours over the weekend and he told me that my other half is really really homesick. he said its nothing to do with me. well i feel a little better but not a lot as i still don't know what our future holds for us. my friend said to just be cherpy and myself, have some fun with him and don't put any pressure on him, so i am, i'm not mentioning his home or family or anything. he said he's planning to go back there after the summer and he has mentioned about building a house, i'm worried this means he's going for good but it could mean for an investment as property over there is soaring at the moment. am i mad just to wait to see what happens or will the support i'm giving him by not asking questions pay off in the long run. my friend thinks that if i demand an answer as to where we're going from him he'll just turn round and say sod ya as it's hassle he doesn't want at the moment.

well i think you might be right about the homesick/depression thing actually last night we both had a bit to drink and we got home and a few things came up his mother not long ago had a car crash back in NZ, she's ok, just some whiplash but i didn't realise that it has affected him so much he told me that is was his worst nightmare come true and was always something that he worried about happening and that she could easily have died, he said he might go and spend some time at home later on he said "yesterday i could have easily sent you away and wouldn't have thought anything of it but today i wouldn't change a thing" in answer to your q yes he has changed a bit over the last few weeks, not so affectionate with me but we still sit and talk generally a lot, i mean he isn't off with me or anything he doesn't start arguments or anything like that i think he's growing up a lot too and since we've been together he's progressed a lot in his life and proved himself in a few ways so he's growing as a person and probably really mixed up or something hope this helps you, thanks for any more advice/ideas you could give i want to sit down and chat about 'us' but i'm really worried about putting the extra pressure on about it when he's obviously already messed up about home and his family

hi everyone i've posted a couple things on here about this really but i guess i just need to get this out to someone! been living with NZ boyfriend for a year now quite happily till a month ago when he blurted out that he wasn't happy and where is our relationship going? and he never gets time to himself, but he was under quite a bit of stress at the time and he said he felt better for just gettin it out i'm giving him more time to himself now, doing a few things on my own but things don't seem as good as before, he doesn't seem as close (unless thats just me being paranoid) he's talked about going home and building a house, before i used to sit with him and look at houses in NZ but lately he's been sitting on his own or looking on the computer when i'm not home i'm 30 and he's 26, he hasn't been happy in his job and has been a bit miserable the last few weeks anyway with winter and everything (he works in farming) so what do i do, i want to ask him if he see's us with a future together or will that scare him off thinking that i want too much, am i just looking to him for some security as i feel uncertain, should i sort my own security problens out without relying on him to do it, is a year too short to be asking him things about committment, should i just be happy go lucky and let things happen as they happen, i'm so mixed up! it's his first real relationship and mine too really.

Hi Ilse yeah i am quite liking life without a horse at the mo (without the expense and the running around twice a day that i have done for 14 years!) gives me a chance to do something else with my time i really enjoyed aerobics last night, kept my mind occupied for an hour and i feel quite good this morning yeah i try and go swimming straight after work so he can go home and have the place to himself for a while sorry i probably didn't explain the money thing properly he bought the flat so he has the mortgage, i pay rent there which amounts to about half the mortgage and he pays the fuel bills and i pay the telephone so its quite equal his car he's bought by himslelf and has been doing it up himself but its cost him quite a bit to do it so i've leant him a bit of money and i know he'll pay me back as i've leant him money before but he does hate being in debt to me he had a bad day at work yesterday, got really fed up with it. I said well you'll have to sort something cos it's not worth being unhappy, i said about claas (another agricultural company near here) but he said if he was going to work for them he might as well go home as its nicer climate etc etc. It hurts as i don't know what his plans are for me but i think as long as i give my support and help him try to work out where he will be happiest perhaps he can make a decision about me after that, perhaps he has to sort the job problem first before he can decide on us After that he said that his present job would be ok if there was more organisation. (i think he's missing driving his tractor!)

thanks! no! i haven't any friends really, which is probably half the problem he seems quite relaxed at the mo, although i seem to be watching his every move, like trying to pick up on any signals to give me the answer i'm looking for it's driving me crazy! you're right, i need something else to think about my works even quite quiet which doesn't help, thats where i am now and i'm talking to you about it! i've just started a step aerobics class which gets me out for an hour or so tonight and there are some nice girls there, i've also subscribed to a website to try and meet some new friends in my area and i also go swimming another night in the week, i used to cycle in the evenings too but its so cold and dark lately that i haven't been doing that do you think he feels under pressure as i haven't got my own things to do? i had a horse up until early dec when he was put down and my bf said that he started feeling funny around that time, i think he used to enjoy his half hour or so to himself when i used to go see to the horse

hiya thanks for that well i think i was just paranoid about the text message, thats not worrying me at all now i think i was just grasping at straws as to what exactly the problem was i'm trying to give him a bit of space but its difficult in a one bedroom flat when i hardly go out! i so want to relax and just take things day to day as they come, why do i feel the need to 'know where i stand' we're having fun at the mo, shouldn't that be enough? but i keep wondering if i'm being used in some way, he's doing all the things he wants to, doing up his car and bought his flat, i pay rent there and he spends all his money on his car but then surely i wouldn't be there and he wouldn't spend his time with me if he didn't want me? i just seem to work myself up and i want to ask him how he feels about me but i don't know if i should make things all complicated, i can't seem to think about anything else tho, i'm worried i'm wasting my time with him but then shouldn't i just relax and enjoy what we've got now and deal with whatever happens when it happens, sorry about the rambling!

well guys we got onto talking about his job etc etc last night so i asked him i said how are you feeling about us now he said "i don't know, i haven't really thought about it, why?" i said that i'd just been wondering and he said again that he hadn't really thought about it and then went to have a shower so what the hell does that mean! after his shower he made me tea, gave me a cuddle and was really nice but didn't say anything else