Annonimius

Don't care so much about your body. Be happy with yourself because you like your thoughts, feelings and capabilities, not because you look pretty :s. Nice guys care about it only to a very limited extend. Nice girls also by the way...

Just be jealous, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You have to give it a nice form though. Telling him you're a sometimes bit jealous can be nice, because it's also a sign of fear of losing him, because you love him so much. Find nice ballance: be a bit jealous, but don't exagerate.

If it's not such a big deal, ask her about it and let het admit she lied. Admitting to lie is always better (and braver) than holding on to a lie. Perhaps there is a reason she lied, perhaps not. You have to find out together. It would be strange if anyone on here knows why she lied, right . Of course people here can speculate on it, but I won't. I think you should think how imortant honesty is about these things. If you really don't care and don't care if she lies about it and don't care why she lies about it, then don't bother and don't think about it. But that you opened this topic proves you really want to know if she lies and if so, why. My advice: confront her with it. If you don't talk about these things it always grows (mistrust on your part, her feeling ashamed either because she lied or because of the partners). I personally really like a very open relationship where we can talk about everything. It brings us very close together. You should ask yourself if you also want that.

Do you really believe people are free to believe 1 + 1 = 1 or such an obvious wrong if they like it? I think I am at least justified to explain the math behind it to prove it's wrong... I think however I will never force him to believe 1 + 1 = 2 if he doesn't want it. Freedom of thought and freedom to believe what you want is something I hold very dear. Mathematics and atheism too by the way .

I don't think there is an afterlife, but if there is one (such as described in the bible), I really think it must be totally dull. You are in a constant state of perfect happyness forever. This may seem nice at first, but it's in no way comparable to our happyness. There is no reason to take actions anymore, because they can never make you more happier than you are. thereforeeee you don't act. You just happily stand still for all eternity. Also the happyness is not comparable to unhappyness (which doesn't exist in heaven), thereforeeee it's meaningless. I think eternal nothingness would be just as preferable as eternal happyness. Essentially it's the same I guess.

The loss of religion in our society (I think it's just a very old and out dated world view) has left a big gap. We don't know what the purpose is anymore. There is no God who knows it and there is no book in which he has written it down for you. You have to find the meaning of life yourself. You can do this by ratio: what meaning fits to my image of a nice life, my worldview and my values, but you also should concider your emotions on these issues. Much is not pure reason but also a matter of taste and emotions. I personally think you should first have values to give meaning to your life. After that, you need to think of (choose) goals you want to achieve. And finally you need rules (a moral) to guide your path towards your goals. All of these three tasks you have to fulfill yourself. Our society doesn't give you a simple one way standard set of values, goals and rules (unless you are still religious perhaps). It is a very creative task though and the final answers may come only after many many years of thoughts and experience. Also there are no "right" answers. Every (selfconscious) person can end up with different answers in the course of his or her life. About euthenesia: this is a question that you can only answer in respect to your own worldview. There exists no right answer to wheater it is right or wrong. If you believe life is to sacred that we should always protect it and never end it, you should be against it, however if you think people should have the freedom to decide over their own lives, then you can be for it. I am for it in some special cases. In Holland we have the criterium of "unbearable suffering with no prospect that it will ever get better", before docters can take a life. That is of course a vague criterium, but I think it's nice.

Nice thoughts in this one. A good partner is indeed not perfect in every way (no-one is), but perfect for you and perfect in dealing with your problems. Dealing with them in a nice way is much more important then never creating them (which is not only impossible, but will make your life increadibly dull also ). As a poem however I have some critisicm. Mainly that it's not a poem in any way. There is no metrum, rhime or any playing with the words in it. It's just a collection of sentences that together create nice thoughts, but you could just as well have written it all behind each other... If you wish to write real poetry, you should also think about the form, not just the words and thoughts. This is something you can learn however. I advise you to read some nice basics about poetry (I take it Google knows where to find it ). Good thing is that you do have nice thoughts (which is of course the most important in poetry). Having nice thoughts is something you can't learn, but have to have in nature. Good luck with writing, don't give it up!

Update: We had a long talk about it and after carefully talking about every possible subject in this complicated matter, we can now safely leave it behind us (though one can never be sure about that of course). Good analysis of the situation lead to a good understanding of each others feelings and we concluded we can have a normal healthy relationship again. I'm very relieved it's over.

Don't think that because it didn't work with your bf, it will never work with any man. I myself have taken steps to stop watching porn and I am really determined to stop it forever. This is not some vague promise, but a real decision because I realise I also don't like it. I don't like the way it's made, I don't like to have sex outside my relationship and I don't want to hurt her feelings. The fact remains however that I still get aroused from seeing naked women. That will never change, but it's a matter of willpower and determination. It's not easy (I guess) but I refuse to believe it's impossible. Honesty is very important to our relationship and I think it should be important for every relationship. Pathetic behaviour perhaps (although that is really subjective), but don't underestimate where it comes from. Our sexuality is something we are born with. It is in many ways a primal instict that you can never get rid of. You can however keep your feelings at bay, if you really want to. Everyone can. We can put decency standards over such primal instincts, to give them a nice form in our relationship and our lives. For me that means to stop watching porn and if you as a girl want your man to stop, you have to realise you have to change him profoundly (in his deepest sexual behavior). It's really not that easy as you (may) think: you say stop it and if he loves you he stops it. He also has to stop for himself, not just for you.

She is still very upset and it is difficult to see how this problem can be overcome... She feels she is (or was at some times) a second or even a third choice of me. My first choise would be my ex and my second choice the girl I fantasise about. This is not true however in my opinion. She is, was and always will be my only choice for love and sex. For fantasies it is more complicated. I'm spending really a lot of time (24 h / day) into analysing myself and this situation. Yesterday I've decided to ensure that I will not have the need for such fantasies ever again. I've sworn off porn, I will not masturbate on the fantasy of other women and imagining other women when we are having real sex was already long out of the question. Today I started with analysing my fantasies. I have three main cathegories, which exclude eachother and together form all of my fantasies: - Wild sex: this cathegory consists of: hard sex, multiple women, powerful feelings, dominating the women, (DELETED BY MOD) with them like wild animals, total freedom to do whatever I like - Forbidden sex: very unfree, the risk of getting caught, young gils, not a lot of penetration (more masturbating), voyeurism, masturbating behind the computer on i-porn, sex in forbidden (public) places (where you might get caught) - Loving sex: Very tender, feelings of utmost happyness, becoming one, only my girlfriend and me When I have fantasies about other women and masturbate on that in my bed, that alway has to do with "wild sex". When I am behind the computer it always falls under the cathegory "forbidden sex", you can see it as a form of voyeurism I guess. The pictures and movies I like are naked women, no other man involved (never penetration thereforeeee) and I always feel the risk of getting caught. The fantasies with my ex and the girl I met in a cafe fell under the wild sex with multiple partners cathegory. There was never love involved for them, nor any happy feelings. It was just so that when I imagined other women I found attracktive they came to mind. I also have abstract (non real) girls present sometimes. All of these fantasies have nothing to do with my love for my girlfriend, because there was never loving sex invloved. Still I wish to let go this seperation and bring all together to find all my stimulation in the relationship with my girlfriend (or what's left of it Did she not fulfill my fantasies then? The strange answer is: No, she did! We had a lot of wild sex and sex in forbidden places. Perhaps only not so much when we were separated. Our telephone sex was mainly focussed on the "loving sex" part. I felt the need for wild sex and forbidden sex (nd those fantasies only when we were separated. After this long and deep analysis, I come to the conclusion that there was something missing when we weren't together. Wild sex and to a less extend forbidden sex (we did telephone in secret). I should have taken my pleasure from memories of wild sex with her and the exitement to phone in secret, not from i-porn and imaginations of other women. I think it is something we can work on. For that we need a lot of time, but right now, I'm very tired and sick from the unstoppable thoughts in my head... I have hope though... I don't think there was anything missing in our relationship. I just didn't understand myself too well and thought it was oke to hide those fantasies from her, and also from myself by not thinking about them. I hope I will never feel the need for anything else but her... Furthermore I wish to stretch she was never my "second or third choice". It would be strange to imagine multiple hers in my fantasies. I just needed some images and I picked some I found appealing... Perhaps this desire (of not being monogomous) is the most difficult to shake and I think I'm not there yet. The last days I don't feel any sexual desires at all anymore, but I take it that in the future I will. I hope they will fit in our beautiful image of a perfect relationship again...

I think everybody knows the basics. Don't cheat and be honest to her, but for the rest I have difficulty of finding something universal (it's even debatable if those things are universal, I think they're only shared by a big majoraty nowadays). Everything that people can disagree on, some people do disagreed on. The things most people agree on also aren't the ones causing trouble, so a "guide" to these "general" principals would be totally useless. All interesting things are things that are in the shady area "is it allowed or not?". I don't find it particularly fun to search for the limits of what my girlfriend tolerates. On the contrary: I trie to be as nice to her as possible, being as careful as I can not to break rules. But still I did... Major mistake this time... We have a big problem now. I hope it can be repaired...

What's also important is that you know, agree with and follow the rules your partner has. It is very convenient to even have the same rules, but I think not strictly necessary as long as you follow them. If you break them can get into a lot of trouble.

This is a very difficult, but interesting question... I think it is very personal. Our society is very individualistic, which (apart from other things) means everyone has his own rules, values and moral standards. I broke a few rules of my girlfriend by watching pornography on internet and having fantasies with other women. Because of my own rule of honesty I decieded to be totally honest with her about my sexual fantasies after she found out I searched for porn on Google. I even told her I had a fantasy one year ago about an ex girlfriend of my. I fantasised she was there when we were having sex. That honesty brought us a lot of trouble and unhappyness, but I value truth most often higher than happyness (especially in a relation). She feels the same way about that and respects my honesty and the unhappyness that follows from it... I just hope it won't cost me my relationship with her. More so because se bears my unborn child in her belly... The point in this is that she has very "high" moral standards. I don't really believe in a hierarchy like that (no moral is better or worse than another) so perhaps "strict" would be a better term. I didn't see what was wrong with secretly watching porn and having polygamous thoughts, until now. Now I wish to quit those things and bring some serenity and moral decency in my life. I think it betters me. This is a clear example where different moral standards lead to enormous troubles. Uncentainty to some extend is something we have to deal with in our modern society. No fixed rules, or uncertainty (subjectivity) about what the rules are, you have to make a lot of them yourself. You can do this by ratio: what rules fit to my image of a nice life, my worldview and my values, but you also should concider your emotions on these issues. Much is not pure reason but also a matter of taste and emotions. I personally think you should first have values to give meaning to your life. After that, you need to think of (choose) goals you want to achieve. And finally you need rules (or a moral) to guide your path towards your goals. All of these three tasks you have to fulfill yourself. Our society doesn't give you a simple one way standard set of values, goals and rules (unless you are religious perhaps). It is a very creative task though and the final answers may come only after many many years of thoughts and experience. Also there are no "right" answers. Every (selfconscious) person can end up with different answers in the course of his or her life.

In fact all of our problems have to deal with sexual fantasies of mine that my girlfriend... no, that we BOTH find very disturbing for our relationship. It doesn't happen often that a man and a woman talk about such things especially not if the fantasies are not very nice for the woman. In this case there are a number of difficultating factors... - I imagined my ex to be there while having sex (this stopped over a year ago though). - I search the internet for young women to help me come to orgasm faster when I have sex with myself - I imagine other women, in particular she was upset by my fantasies of having sex with other girls I meet in public places Are those fantasies signs that something is wrong with our sexlife? I don't feel it like that. I can keep those purely lust-based fantasies strictly separate from the love-based sex we have. Only the fantasy "adultory" with my ex might be seen as a real problem. The feelings and fantasies from my previous relationship still echoed in my mind when I started to have a relationship with her, but those fantasies are something of the past. They don't occur anymore...

I am also in a situation where the girl I love intensely is thinking about breaking up with me (not for such severe reasons as your ones). In emotional moments (like just now) I would like to give her a gun to shoot me if she really wants to break up. It would totally destroy me to lose her. She is also baring my unborn child in her belly... In more rational moments I think life doesn't end with endings of such big chapters. I may never love again and remain faithful to her forever, but still have a rewarding life because of other values I hold high. My job for instance. I am a mathematics teacher out of pure idealism. That can give me meaning of life. Also friendship can be a big help and something to live for. Furthermore I have a lot of ideals and values I want to strive for. Family and not wanting to hurt them may keep me from suicide but can never be responsible for me having a rewarding life (but that's just my opinion).