Sadboy75

Doug - you are clearly going through all the thoughts and processes that break-ups involve. Despite the emptiness etc that one feels during this tough period it will get easier even when you do receive mail addressed to her! I went through all this at the same time last year and it was the most difficult thing I have encountered in my short life. I recall a trip I was on in Italy last year and all I could think of was her. I would wake in the morning and think of her, I would be sitting on the most amazing beach and all I could do was think of her, I would be eating my dinner and all I could do was think of her.... it was all about her! Hang on... what about me!?!?!? It was at this point that I started to think about me.... these are a few things I did to counter my situation. 1. Stopped contacting her completely... no emails, no texts, no phone calls... nothing! 2. Dancing - I started dancing classes. It enabled me to meet new people but also enabled me to do something foe 'me' as I love dancing 3. Professional help - I saw a relationship councellor for 8 weeks once a week. This was the best thing I did to get over and accept my situation 4. Mutual friends - any of her friends that I became friends with I decided to cut out of my life. By seeing them it simply reminded me of her. I am now in contact with a few but I let it I didnt for around 3 months 5. Places of Interest - I avoided going to bars etc that we frequented together. This can be difficult but where possible do it 6. Weekends - rather than lying in bed on my own in the mornings I'd get up immediately and get my day underway. Good idea to plan your weekends in advance as they were the most difficult and lonely 7. Friends - hang out with friends as much as possible. We tend to ignore friends during relationships so get back in touch with them. 8. Gym/shopping - do plenty of this. Retail therapy never hurts and you'll get a nice looking set of clothes to boot These are just a few things I tried to follow and it helped me so so much. From the time I did this I was well on my way to recovery. I was then lucky to meet someone very special and, having said that, is way beyond what I could have hoped for. There is no point in comparing my current girlfriend of 7 months to the ex as she wins hands down. Good luck, take care of you, and things will slowly fall into place! It is then that you will look back and appreciate how far you have come, what you have learnt, and very inportantly will know what it is that you are looking for in someone. Cheers

All - I was on this site when I went through one of the most difficult periods of my life... a relatively big break-up! I was so lonely and lost I seriously did no know how I would go on. I tried to keep in touch with the ex and it absolutely killed me doing so and, in hindsight, it simply prolonged the pain. A year down the track I am now with someone else and have been for 3 months and could not be happier. Its weird cos I never thought I would be happy again... it happens and happens for a reason. Cos you are worth it! I know the feelings of 'oh, I am never going to find someone' or 'how can I possibly get through this day without them.' It was paramount in my breakup but things gradually get better. A few lessons I learnt to get over him/her: 1. The 'no contact' rule is a must - you will either learn to get over things quicker or you will simply make them miss you or enable yourself to miss them. It is a fantastic rule. I have not had contact for 4.5 months now. It was only when I finally instigated it (01-Jan-05) that I truly got over things, moved on, and was happy once again. Shortly after I was 'ready' someone literally walked into my life 2. Do 'new' things - take up a hobbie you have been longing to do. Book a trip to a place you have wanted to see. Catch up with friends you have not seen for a while. Go to that restaurant you have wanted to go to for months. Try NOT to go to places you both went to together. Even if its the coffee shop or the supermarket - stay away 3. Surround yourself with friends - this is the one thing I did and I realised how much I had neglected them and missed them. 4. Go to the gym - instill some confidence within yourself 5. Go on a shopping spree - dress to impress... will make you feel good about yourself 6. Be honest with yourself - if you are feeling down then dont try and hide it all the time. Your friends will be there for you to chat about things with. Get it off your chest! One day they may ask for the favour in return so dont be afraid 7. Weekends - this was the hardest part of the week. Lying in bed in the morning and thinking about things that have passed. My advice is to get up first thing as soon as you awake and get your day underway. Try and have things planned for each weekend to keep you busy. However, a bit of quiet time is always good as you need to think on your own. Generally though I would always try and have something to look forward to on the weekend. Anyway, this is how I dealt with things and it finally worked for me. It is a tough period to go through but you will simply become a stronger person when you come out the other end and will be grateful for having gone through it. Sounds odd but its true Remember - the heart never breaks, it just bends a little! Good luck

Well it has been a week and a bit now since we met up. There has been no calling from either side which I am fine with! However, I did invite her to a New Years eve party which she seems very interested in coming too... which is kind of good! Not definite yet but if she does it may be a sign that we can at least be friends.... Will keep you all updated....

We had been in minimal email contact and I had the feeling she was ready to meet up - I shot her a text and she agreed to the meet up! In the past I had tried and she said 'no' each time but for some reason I knew she'd say yes this time - previously she had been seeing people but I think she is currently single, hence, no probs in meeting up! As for the break-up it was mutual as there were so many issues in her life at the time! Not sure of my next step - will send her an Xmas card and leave it at that I think until the New Year... or should I try something else?

Met up with the ex last night after not having spoken or seen eachother for nearly 6 months! I was so nervous it aint even funny but, to my surprise, it went really well. We met up for a quick coffee (45 minutes) and just chatted and had a bit of a laugh... there seemed to be some kind of spark there still which was interesting! She was a few minutes late as she had gone home first and came all freshly done up - then again, anyone would do that I suppose! I decided to make it short and said that I had to go so we said our goodbyes which was nice! It was as if we had not been apart from eachother really... there was some kind of pull there! We broke up initially due to her confusion which resulted in her going back to her ex which didnt work out and now, as far as i know, she is single. I would like to catch up with her again but dont want to seem as though I want anything... I would like to be friends and see where that leads! Not sure what my next step should be! Should I just wait until after Xmas/New Years and ask her for a coffee etc? Or should I wait for her to get in touch? Anyone been through the same thing?[/url]

'Heyguys' - thanks for the advice - much apreciated and it does make a lot of sense! I will certainly enter the catch-up with an open mind and whatever comes of it, if any, I will deal with and assess after the event. I spoke to a close friend of mine about this and he recently cuaght up with his ex of 10 months and they just had a civl chat and got on fine. He had no inclination to go back there at all... and now they have been back on for 2 months and he is so happy! In a nutshell... you cant predict the unpredicatable.... relationships are unpredicatable! I will simply attend, be happy and calm and then walk away with my head up! I will not show any emotion ehatsoever and hopefully she keeps herself in check too... I will let oyu all know how it goes!

Heyguys - Yeah thanks for the response.... sorry it has just ended again... there is a part of me that misses her like no other and would take her back in a flash and then there is another part of me that says dont do it to yourself... it will end in pain again! Probably best I just go in and see how it goes... dont think too much! Then again she may have moved on and has a new bf etc... just may want to see me.. mind you I instigated it but she was rather welcoming of the idea... am not going to contact her until we meet up in 3 weeks.... Things I should/should not do?!

I am in exactly the same boat as you I suppose! Went through a period of no-contact so much so she never wanted to speak to me ever again! I did all the beggin and pleading at the beginning and then she shut me down - understandably so as she had to deal with things. Then it moved to e-mail contact, albeit, rarely months later and now it is more regular (after 5 months). Like you that is where it is at.... and it is hard to move on and be happy all the time as, in the back of your mind, you think that it may lead to something amid an array of other thoughts! It is a confusing stage to be at - I agree! What I did... once I had reached a stage of comfort from her (ie she aint going to shut me down) I made an effort to ask her out for a drink which she has accepted only the other day.... so we have set up a brief time (1.5 hours) in order to have a meal and say hi to eachother... Perhaps you should try this too! Ask her for a drink before Christmas perhaps if you feel comfortable doing so... if she agrees then all you have to do is turn up, look good, act happy, dont talk about 'us' issues and simply enjoy the time... ensure you dont drag it on and pretend you have to head off elsewhere... make it short and sweet! Let her know this beore the night as she may anticipate a long evening.... just give her a snippet of the true you.. the you she fell in love with! Good luck

Have you ever innocently met up with ex and started seeing them again? If so, how did you come to see them again in the first place and what happenned form there? Can you describe how the night went? Appreciated!

Update! We have made a time to meet up in 3 weeks for a bite to eat.... have made it such that I can only see her for max 1.5 hours as I need to be somewhere else later that night! Think this is the best way to do it - for her also! Make it short and sweet making them beg for more... Will let you all know how it goes!

Another question - would you meet up after that much time if you didnt want to? If so, why?

Cecelius - you are very correct in saying she has not taken care of my heart before as she hasnt and I completely understand it! We have now arranged to meet up briefly (hour or so) in three weeks time for a quick bite/drink before she has to head off elsewhere! Actually best that way rather than dragging it out.... have no idea what to expect but will be string and brave for the time I am there! One thing I will not do is put any advances on her! No way! I simply plan on meeting up, being chirpy, not talking about us, not asking questions which may lead her to say she has a boyfriend, I will be cool and funny, I have lost 7kgs since I last saw her and look great - I will leave with my head held high and her wanting more! Simple..... what you think?!

Yeah I think she finally does see it in the same way I do! We are probably both just wanting to have a civil conversation and just see how it goes... In these situations you never know what is going to happen I suppose... it may be great, it may be boring, it may be full of sparks... At the end of the day I think I'll just go in there and be happy, laid back, listen, and will not mention the past at all... Nothing more said

Hi All - I have posted here numerous times over the past 5 months and have not done so for the past few! My ex and I were in a wonderful r'ship which ended due to her confusion about a lot of things! Our break-up was ammicable and, at that point, we still had strong feeling for eachother! I, however, took it badly and said some awful things to the point where she said she never wanted to have anything to do with me ever again! Prior to that I was the guy she could see myself with.... so the months pass.... Just last week I had a spare ticket to a concert and suggested via email (we have not had much contact at all... we have not spoken on the phone since the break-up) that it would be good to have someone next to me... anyway, she responded a few days later that she would have love to have come with me... I was a bit taken aback by this but let it go! Last Friday night, in a state of intoxication, I sent her a text asking her out for a drink.... I awoke the next morning and sent another apologising for the gesture... she promptly responded saying it would be a good idea and that she would like to catch up for a drink.. let me know when! Now, I just want to know if anyone else out there has been through this and how you acted etc... things to say, things not to say! I am looking fwd to it as we have not spoken for so long and it would be nice to see her! The only issue I have is if my feeling re-surface.... and it may set me back! I will go ahead with it but just want to protect myself.... Think I should go for it! Also, why would she want to have a drink with me... I dont know... am just a bit nervous/baffled!

Look I really dont know what she is thinking! All I am saying is that it is very strange (to me) for her to act like this after 3 months of nothing! I said I would post it from the outset..... which is what I am going to still do! Then again, knowing our history and the way she has acted in the past it wuold not surprise me though if she did want to see me! If this is the case then she has to ask.... simple!

Thats actaully a good idea! Think I might just leave it and send it in the post. I am not going to be all walked over again like last time.... if she wants to see me then she has to work at it! Think her pride might take a battering if she admits she'd like to see me.... then again, she may just want the jumper back after all!

Well its been 3 months since our break-up.... mutual due to the fact she had way too many issues to deal with! After the break-up we argued (mind you never did in the r'ship) and quite a bit of hurt was created from both sides. I basically started NC with the odd text re mail etc that needed to be forwarded on. We did not speak nor see eachother at all over this time! During the heat of the arguments she said she never wanted to see me ever again.... or for a very long time at least! So I move on and meet new girls, go on dates, basically better myself... I am 29! Last night I find a jumper of hers at my place... so I text her asking if she would like me to post it to her house! I said nothing more... I get a response saying that 'maybe I can pick it up sometime' in quite a jovial text.... I thought that was strange that she would be willing to see me to pick it up! Anyway, I decide to play a little bit hard ball on this saying that I am fine to post it but if you want to pick it up you can. That is, I did not jump at the chance and look overly keen at seeing her... that would be silly! But i was nice about it! So I figure she will get the picture here.... ie i aint waiting with baited breath to see her or meet up! I get an email this morning from her (she called me by my nick name for the first time since the break-up as in all texts she would call me by my full name...) and said that maybe i could leave the top in a shop bnearby and she would pick it up (with a question mark)... Not sure if i should have suggested we meet up or if i have done the right thing here!?

Things were going along just fine for me. Ex and I borke up nearly three months ago and in that time I have really looked after myself and focussed on me... and in the process have come so far! Have basically been NC apart from the odd and very short correspondence re forwarding mail etc (she used to live with me) Well last night I went to the theatre with a girl (date) and before that I sent the ex a text asking if she could look for some tickets that I have been frantically trying to find... anyway she texts back saying she cant find them! I am obviously thinking where could they be as they cost £70 each. Anyway, I send one back saying thanks bla bla bla.... she repsonds and then I do, and then she does, and then i do, and then she does.... Now we have been in the NC (she wanted nothing to do with me) and all of a sudden I get caught up in this communication. Might not sound like much but it has thrown me a bit.... she is obviously ok with the contact one would think! How can she change from being so strong with 'I dont want to have anything to do with you for a long time' (3 months ago) to seemingly being ok! I thought I was ok and even the other week suggested we could have a coffee at some time but she wasnt ready to do so! I dont know - just feel a bit thrown right now! Thats Life!

Hi There My GF went through exactly what you are going through... she still is! We ended things 2 months ago for the same reasons. The stories are almost identical and we are also from Australia. I found it very difficult and tried contacting her but it pushed her away. She said she never wanted to have anyhting to do with me ever again. I dont believe that actually... she needs her space and I am now giving it to her! I am doinf the NC thing also! As far as I am aware she is still seeing a therapist! It is very difficult being on the receiving end of things as i have found. What do you suggest I do? Sit tight and do nothing. Contact her in a few months. Just to get an understanding what are the thoughts that go through your head at times?

Everybody - just thought of a situation where this happened! Cant believe I had not though of it before! A very good friend of mine was dumped bu his girlfriend 4 years ago as she wasnt sure what she wanted. The whole 'is the grass greener' cliche! Anyway they borke up and he hounded her non stop so much so she turned to him and said we have no hope for the future together. That absolutely crushed him! This was approx 6 months after the break-up. He immediately started NC and went on holidays for 5 weeks and called her upon his return. She simply broke down and confessed her love for him saying she was sorry but she now knows what she wants - him! They are now married! Basically, never give up hope, implement NC, and do not take everything they say to heart! Things can be said on the spur of the moment sometimes which may hurt you, may be true at the time, but can all come out of anger and also as a means of pushing you away! By pushing you away they can then clear their minds and think about what they want without you around... it certianyl worked for my friend! Dont give up - but dont live in false hope either! Move on as if you are never going to get that chance and you may well get a surprise as my friend did!

Just an update! I received an email yesterday saying thankyou! Message was rather short but she was very polite and said she was glad to hear that I am getting back on track! Feel as though she has calmed down substantially (previously she never wanted to have anything to do with me ever again) so it is nice to know that I can move on knowing there isnt the animosity and anger that there once was! If I bump into her down the street at least I know we can be civil and not on edge. That is bound to happen as she lives nearby! Not looking for reconciliaiton but I would like to be civil and catch up once in a while! Maybe, just maybe, that will happen in time!

Satch - Well thats pretty interesting! Ours was amicable, however, she needed time and space and all that Jazz so I simply gave it to her... tried before but she came back on three occasions the same day! This time though she goes and doesnt look back never to want to have anything to do with me again! Dont know how that can be!? Very strange! Nonetheless, just gotta move on! If she decides to come back at any point then it will certianly require a massive chat! o be honest though I do not see that happening though.. hence, I am moving on doing my own thing and feel so much stronger and better for having gone through what I have! I sent my ex some photos the other day (photos she wanted), and she could not even send a text saying 'thanks.' That baffles me... then again, we are doing NC! Still a bit rude though... So I will simply continue on as I have been... If u dont mind me asking - what were your reasons for breaking up?

Wickedbusa/Satch It is very strange the way things pan out sometimes. Stach - that is great that she got back in touch. Who borke it off? Me and my ex had troubles immediately after the break up but I have left her alone now... she has oh so many issues and is messed up in mass confusion about a whole range of things! All I can do is leave her alone... as far as I can see there is no chance of reconciliation but all the wonderful things/times we shared will surely come back in time... I hope! Sit tight and see what happens!

Now I get your point! Perhaps he wants to catch up with you... he may have feelings for you but does not want to openly admit it! It could be bait... but you are not biting at it! The only issue for you I suppose would be to go for the bait to find out he doesnt want anything.... it is a risk! Are you prepared to take that risk? Did u end on good terms? Were there harsh words? Words of getting back? I suppose you must analyse what you want, how things ended, and what you have come to realise since you broke up!

I understand where you are coming from, however, in this case it was simply to send some photos that she really wanted! She knew they were on their way in the post! All I did was send two photos and a short message saying I hope you have a wonderful last nine months here in London and all the best for the years ahead. That was it! It was not threatening or unwelcome whatsoever. Things are over between us, it was a joint decision, so there were no hidden 'i want u back' comments or 'i want u back' by way of providing the photos themselves. To me - it is just plain rude!