Sadboy75

No but I certianly hope so! It is amazing what you can learn after you break up about yourself etc... there are quite a few things that I have discovered that would make a r'ship with my ex better.. The problem is... will that possibility ever arise!? I have decided to move on, keep myself busy, avoid contact unnecessarily, make yourself look great, spend time with friends and meet new ones, be true to yourself, and say to yourself... 'I deserve better.' If, in the meantime, they come back and want to be friends then take it form there. I believe a fresh start would be required - that is, be friends and see if that old spark can be re-kindled... they fall for you once, they go off and clear their heads, they can possibly fall again! Sorry but this didnt answer your question but at least it registeres a response - may get others to do likewise but with a proper response. Cheers

You are right! Why are they so heartless and cold!? A 'thanks' is not difficult... they cut complete contact for a variety of reasons. Maybe they dont want us to hurt and move on, maybe they are trying to block us so they dont get hurt... I just do not know but it is just quite simply wrong! One day she may need sopmething or mail may be delivered to mine and I will simply bin whatever I come accross.... why would i do otherwise if they cant find it within themselves to say 'thanks.'

What is it with x's.... you break up and go your separate ways! There are going to be things that you have left behind (ie clithes) etc that will be passed on... or in my case photos! I came accross a roll of film that ended up having a photo of her and her sporting hero on it together... so i get in touch via text and ask if she would likeit! Yes Please bla bla bla.... got a response! Anyway I send it in the mail and she has definitely received it by now.... I do not even get a Thanks! Sorry but it hurts a bit... I find that to be sorry wrong! Where has the human courtesy gone... you break up and they treat you like you do not exist! All I can say is I can hold my head up as I have been a gentleman... but it still disturbs me!

Well she actually has told me to F*** off to be honest... she went absolutely crazy after the break-up and is finding it hard! Told me she never wants to have anything to do with me for a long time... all this after she needs some space to sort out her issues. I tell her it may be best to have some space and on all three occasions she runs back the same day saying what on earth is she thinking. Last time it happened we decided it be best we break up! So we did... So now I cant call her or anything for the fear she may go nuts again! The only thing I have done is send her some photos I knew she'd want with a little letter wishing her well - nothing lovey dovey... hopefully she can at least accept the photos! Dont think we have a chance of reconciliaiton at all... then again, you never know what people may be thinking... peoples minds can change dramatically when you are not there! She is messed up so figure it is best she sorts out her head! When it si sorted it may be interesting to see what she comes up with!

Stories on how/why you got back! How did it happen from breaking up to re-kindling! Any tips!

Hi All - have written before about my drama's on here... In a nutshella s follows: - break up with gf of 13 month very intense relationship - she needs space and needs to find herself... has difficulty in leaving me as she doesnt want to lose me... says she is still in love with me when we decided to call it a day - post break up - i get accused of stalking etc and she is outrageous.. says she never wants to have anything to do with me ever again.. over reaction i think... she turns 180 degrees - so i do the NC for a while... left her alone and give her space.. - then I contact I contacted her by text saying that I have some photos that she may want to have a copy of... very light hearted... no I miss you or anything like that! Did not think I owuld get a response... but I did. She responds by saying Yes Please - if you could put them through the post that would be great! So I iwll NOW - I will send them next week! What I want to ask is should I put with the letters a short note saying Hi, hope you are well bla bla bla and also apologise to an extent for allowing things to get messy as they did. There was a lot of riff-raff going on and misunderstandings that caused things to get unnecessarily heated... Maybe she has calmed down and is willing to accept the apology. Is it a good idea? If not, what should I write.. should I avoid the topic completely and just say hope you are well... I do not want this girl back but would like to be civil and at least be able to communicate from time to time Your response would be appreciated!

Hi there have postde on this forum before... in a nutshell broke up with the love of my life after a wonderful 13 months together.. she needed to find herself and requested space which i gave her... she anted it before and i gave it to her on 3 occasions but she came back immiediately... she was very confused about a lot of things... so finally i said she needed to go and find herself etc.. Post the break-up things turned nasty.. i found it difficult and did a few things which she ded not like! She responded by saying she never ever wants to have anything to do with me ever again! A bit harsh but thats the way she reacted... I think ti was an over reaction but she said it so i did NC... Whilst doing NC I found it got easier and easier... enabled me to move on a bit and start to see the light! Now yesterday I stupidly sent her a text asking if she would like some photos that we took of her and a celebrity she adored... i said nothing about us, just whether or not she wanted photos. At this point i did not know whether she was still angry and would respond or not. I think i just wanted to test if she would stick to her word and not want to communicate with me at all.. Well she responded saying "Yes please - if u could put them through the post that would be great." Dont know but it has really effected me for some reason... I know it is not a sign of her wanting me back at all but just the fact we have communicated has really set me back! What I would like to say is do not contact your exs for any reason at all as I am now back a few weeks and have to mend myself to the point where i was yesterday! Then again, i also feel as though she has calmed down a bit which is good but id rather not have contacted her at all! Learn from my mistake!

Well well well... I am going through exactly the same thing. My ex says she never wants to have antyhitng to do with me ever again... and all this after the most wonderful year together (both 29). She wanted space, gave it to her, now she has run away and wants nothing to do with me! This hurts as they dont seem to care! But maybe they do! Maybe they will calm donw, clear their minds, and put everything into perspective! For them to be so angry I really think they may have other issues they are dealing with. With ou around they cant deal with this.. It is harsh but it has to be accepted! Really there is no point being with someone like this... better that you find out now than leter on in life when there is marriage, children, etc all involved! Thank your lucky stars.. I know I am trying to! Still hard to deal with and fathom that someone you have shared so many lovely and intimate moments with can just leave (on amicabel terms due to their own confusion) and treat you that way... If so, its not worth it! Their loss

Question : Do some of you feel that anger post a break-up is always anger that is solely related to the ex partner? I am of the belief that it i also a combination of things that have happened in ones past that they are venting here! Has anyone been extremely angry with another to later regret it? Also, have you admitted that maybe it was to do with other things that may have happenned in your life? Your thoughts would be appreciated! Am just trying to understand my ex's anger right now. She came from a very borken background, a 7 yr relationship of hers did no last, and now ours went down the plug hole after a very very promosing beginning! Cheers

Question : Why do relationships, once over, end in anger for? Despite their being amicable reasons for the break-up, very little anger within the relationship itself, and heaps of beautiful moments, why now are my ex and I very angry with eachother. She is so angry she never ever wants to see me again. Does this anger subside? Mind you I am now very angry too! Kind of good in a way as the closure is there and I already feel better! A week ago I was in the depths of despair! Can anger be created in order to enable one to move on. ie can it be false? Will this last though?

Well we are actually broken up and she has gotten very mad for certain reasons. From a loving relationship which was full of admiration for eachother to nothing - she has issues she needs to deal with. Thats why we broke up! No matter who was with her at the time she would have broken up. She needs time to find herself etc. So now she ways I never want to see you in a very long time. Do they really mean this? Surely they must calm down and want to know how you are doing at some time?

Question! Has anyone ever been told in the heat of the moment by their ex that they never want to be seen again or have anyhting to do with them but they end up wanting to catch up? If so, why do they act like this?

Hi There - advice and insight would be great here! I was with my beautiful gf for 13 months.. it moved very fast and we has such a lovely time together. We have very similar interests and cared for each other immensely. It was what I had looked for a very long time... and I finally found it! We were both 29. She had some issues which she could not open up about... she was seeing a therapist to help her but she needed space. I suggested she have space but she could not be apart for more than 1 day. This happened three times in all... it hurt me but we loved each other so much! The last time this happened we thought it best she move out and live nearby which she did. We arranged to see each other a few times a week but this did not work. Going from a full blown relationship to a few times a week just did not work at all. She needed space so I gave it to her. She suggested she have a month but i thought it was best she have as much time as required. Then we have problems! She has her space and she will not have anything to do with me at all. Not even allowed to call each other and say hi... nothing! If I see her in the street I am not allowed to say hi.. this is hard for me! I have supported her so much and I get this! So I send her the odd text etc and she responds but then she stops... NO CONTACT! I don't react to well to this but finally give her NC. Last Monday i go to dancing class thinking she would not be there. Well she is and i don't know what to do so I try and not be noticed. She sees me trying to not be noticed and immediately thinks I am stalking her... of course it looked that way but my intentions were honorable. Next day i receive an email saying I do not want to have anything to do with you fro a very long time. This hurts! Have you come accross this before? If so, have the parties involved communicated after this? I would like to be able to speak to her one day again but not right now! Also, she comes from a very dysfunctional family. Mum divorced twice, grandfather three times, and plenty of other relationship issues within her family! Does this tend to reflect the way the younger generation behave going forward? Your insight would be appreciated!

Hi there Brief: - went out for 13 months.. lived together for four of those - was a lot of love in the relationship, had talked about the future - we were both 29 years old - she needed some 'space' so we broke up... herin lies the problem I miss this girl so much it actually hurts me! I did harass her with texts etc for a few weeks post the break up but then stopped Now last Monday I went to a dancing class thinking she would not be there. She was there so I tried to hide from her not knowing what to do as she had spotted me. She quickly approached me and abused me fro not leaving her alone and stalking her... it was not my intention to do so but it certainly looked like it! And she is absolutely beside herself! I tried to make ammends and make her understand that this was not the case by sending her a text... this only resulted in a cruel email that she sent me saying ' I do not want to have anything to do with you for a very long time.' You have stalked me bla bla bla... and so she went on! Has anybody else been in this situation? If so, how did you feel and did you ever speak to them again. Coming from a whirlwind romanace full of love to this is quite upsetting... I know I can not contact her again and will not! Will she let down her barriers ever? WIll she ever come back to me? Will the lovely thoughts of me fill her mind ever again? So many questions... I did not mean to get myself into the situation but it unfortunately happenned... Stories and comments appreciated!

Hi There My girlfriend has done that to me three times.... it hurts like hell her coming and going all the time... she needs her own time and space to work through her issues... to decide what she really wants in life! She says she loves me and is in love with me, yet, we decided to break up in order for her to sort out the mess in her head! So I am simply giving her the sapce she ever so needs. Maybe thats why your ex is blocking you etc so that, if you do come back, you are coming back for the right reasons! He probably cant afford to have it happen to him again! I am now one week into NC with my ex and it is very hard but it is the way to go. During this time she can sort her head out just like you should. What do you really want? Is it him? Is it comapny? These decision you have to make! It may take you a while but you have to sort yourself out before going back to him and taking him on an emotional roller coaster ride! My advice is - stay away for a short while and gather your thoughts, feelings etc and then you will be in a better position to go back. That way he will know you are coming back for good reasons and will not be defensive. Good Luck

You are correct, however, I have a slightly different view. NC enables you to move forward without them physically in your life so that it gives you an opportunity to heal, reflect, and just get on with things. On the other hand, depending on the circumstances of the break-up, it will give the other party to do the same thing. It may also enable them to reflect on what they had with you and, if possible, make their minds up as to whether or not they have feelings for you. My ex and I are currently in NC and it is hard but it is the only chance for you to heal yourself and also increase the chances of them coming back if that is on the cards. But you will not know that. My ex asked for a month out but I decided to break-up for her to sort out her mind without me being there. I miss her to death but there is nothing at all I can do. If you contact they may resent you for taking away something they have asked for. Some people ask for NC as an easy way ouy, others ask for NC so they can clear their minds and sort out themselves and what they really want in life. It may be you! In the meantime, get on with your own life and remember - if you contact then you are disrespecting their wishes. Your compelte absense form their life may be sincerely missed and they may come back. At this point you will be in a better emotional state to make the correct decision as to whether or not you want them back! Give it a go - it is hard but it is necessary. If you dont, you may jeopardise your own healing and the possibility of re-uniting with loved ones! Good Luck!

Thanks for the response! She hasnt exactly been admitted to a clinic at all... I truly believe she got cold feet and is simply taking a step back to assess what she has, what she wants, and what she needs! If that means me then great. If not, then so be it! I'll just have to move on! I suppose the age thing is also an issue! You get to your late 20's and think... 'Is this the one?'... so perphaps taking a step back, gaining some perspective may be what is required. In the mean time I must give her space and apply the NC rule. If she is ever ready to come back then I may well be here. If not, missed chances. The word Fate comes to mind. If it is meant to be then it is meant to be. Sorry to hear about your situation! Get out there, give it a go and if she is ready at some point and is feeling as though she should be with you then she'll coming knocking on your door! Good luck

Hi There I am 29 years old as is my ex-girlfriend. We were going out and things were quite serious for 13 months. We had such a beautiful relationship and had even discussed the years ahead... things were going along perfectly! We rarely argued and had so many similar interests that it was as though we were meant to be together forever! Come February of this year she moved in. Everything seemed to be going fine.. it was bliss! However, her ex-boyfriend of 6 years did not like the fact she was happily in love and started to harass her week in week out! I took a disliking to this and reacted badly... she still confessed her undying love to me and assured me she never wanted to go back to him whatsoever! That chapter in her life was finished! However, I still feel as though it did impact her somewhat as our relationship started to waiver! She began seeing a Therapist (not b/c of her ex) but for more personal issues. She has issue about her self... ie her need to find herslef, to be able to stand on her own two feet, to be happy with her! Anyway, she had doubts and was somewhat confused so I told her perhaps we should give her time to go away on her own and sort this out! She could not - she did not want to lose me and came back crying like you would not believe! This happened two more times until it was decided by both of us she should move out! This she did... She moved close by so she could be near me... that is, we would see eachother twice a week and take things slowly. After all, she finds herself in a serious relationship yet has confusion and doubt about herself and what she wants. This did not work. All of a sudden we were going back to where it startde but I simply wanted more than a casual relationship... so we had conflicts over this and it was decided that we part! This we did... She has all along said that it is not me and that she loves me very deeply, says that I am the most beatuiful guy, and that I make her feel so special. She says she needs SPACE.. initially she asked for a month but I suggested we break up and she has all the space she needs! At the moment I feel blcked and powerless in this situation. She acknowledged I would feel this way by way of a letter she sent me. This is very very true.. she could not be far more from the truth. Since the break I have harassed her a little and even had it out with her the other night for stuffing me around so much with her waivering emotions. I apologised the next day and now it is NO-CONTACT for some time. I will wait for her to call me... Has anyone experienced a similar thing? If so, how did it turn out? It is very difficult to find the one that you love all of a sudden has life issues! We acknowledge we moved too fast.. we acknowledge we love eachtoher! Just hurting right now... I figure if she loves me then she may realise but the only way is to stay completely away from her.. would you agree?