want her back

So I'm currently trying to get back together with my gf or whatever you want to call her. But in doing so, it seems I'm too needy. Most of my friends in the area are engaged, or in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. While I'm happy for them, hanging out with them is difficult and often like a third wheel. I work with people who are much older than me, and it seems I'm too needy for my gf to do things with. So how, where, would you suggest meeting new people, and making new friends? Are there any previous threads that address this issue?

Let me provide a quick summary: Dated a girl 6+ years, she grew impatient with no ring, I began to neglect her feelings, we grew apart, she asked for some space about 2 months ago. After she took the space, I realized what I had after it was gone...I tried to win her back, but my actions only made her mad. ("Why did I have to break up with you to get what I wanted?" etc.) After 2 months of agony, she began to let me express my feelings for her. I have written her a love poem each day for the past two weeks, we have gone out and seen alot of each other lately (At least compared to the 2 month separation). She still says she loves me, but it seems the tables have turned. All the emotions she had in the past when I neglected her, I have them now. It seems I can't see enough of her, it seems like I'm always the one asking to do stuff, and she is always the one rejecting me "We were together for the past 24 hours". It seems she is interested in me, but not to the extent I am interested in her. I'm ready for marriage now, whereas she was in the past. I'm ready for everything...it seems she is neglecting me now. So, given she just recently allowed me to express myself to her, and the fact we have started going out some, is it too soon to be telling her that I feel like I'm a job to her? I feel her interest in me, but I feel like an obligation to her, like everything is forced, like she only tries when I cry to her or tell her how upset she has made me. Given the circumstances, should I try to suck it up and have fun with her? It seems I am more dependent on her than she on me, and I am getting scared to death anymore to ask her anything b/c I'm afraid of her rejecting me, it seems that is all she does anymore. I want to marry her, and have considered just asking her, I mean there is a chance she would say yes, I am just having a horrible time b/c I love her so much, she loves me, but it just doesn't show. What do I do?

To give you a 2 second recap of my situation....g/f of 6+ years wanted space. Last two months have been hell, living on a string...we still talk everyday, see each other several times a week. Big reason for our space was my not addressing her needs, and her selfishness....I never got her a ring even though we always talked about marriage. My question is for an opinion. I've been considering proposing to her to a) get an answer to my life on a string....it's too difficult to live life in limbo. b) prove my love for her and my willing to make a commitment. and c) My wanting to actually marry this girl I know for a fact she would be slightly upset that my proposal had to come from her breaking up with me. But what do you think about giving someone a ring as a "proof of commitment attitude" a "are you willing to salvage our relationship?" as opposed to the "marry me tomorrow ring". Is it wrong to propose to both prove myself, and see if she is willing to work on us, or should a ring only be boughten when 2 people are in the "height" of their relationship (the happy times).

Here is a suggestion: Go to him! I don't know how far away he is from you for the summer, but just show up there and tell him to his face what you told us. Bring him a small gift, and show up at his doorstep as a surprise. "The only reason I came here was because..." That would certainly show me if a g/f did that for me.

in regards to last post about ring... Yes, I am 100% sure this is the girl I want in mylife. Yes I am 100% sure I woudl be willing to make the commitment and buy the ring, in fact I have been ring shopping over teh past few weeks. My concern is that I have sort of sneakily brought up the fact I would be willing to buy her a ring now, and she gives me the impression that she wished it didn't have to come to this. Would she really want to marry someone who she had to break up with in order to get what she wanted? I am willing and wantign to marry her, and I'm ready now. But the fact I'm ready now bugs her and she wants to know why I ddin't want it a few months/years ago. I tell her I did but just didn't act on it. Buying her a ring is putting my heart on the line, should she say yes good. But what if she says no, that would probably ruin all chances at reconciling ever again. Several people have advised me to just buy the ring, and I want to. But I'm just scared for her reaction, because even if she said yes it wouldn't be the way she always dreamed it would happen.

I know she still loves me. At first (when she first asked for space) my expressing myself upset her and made her mad. Now she likes it, but is confused by me and doesn't understand where this was in the past. I'm under the impression I'm allowed to continue to write her love poems. How else can I prove to her "beyond a shadow of a doubt". How else do you prove someone you love them wiht all of your heart, without scaring them off at the same time?

Dear Toni, I'm in love with a girl that I dated for 6.5 years. We talked about our future together, shared all our dreams. But I think she got tired of waiting, so she asked for a break about 2 months ago. Since then we continue to talk and I'm in the toughest position I've ever been in. I neglected her feelings in teh past, and she had her heart broken by me time and time again when I never bought her a ring. She left me, and now my feelings are 10 fold stronger than ever. (I didn't realize what I had until it was gone) So as evident by my screen name, I want her back. She knows this too. I express my inner most feelings to her time and time again, sometimes it flatters her, others it makes her mad ("where was this when we were together"). I'm sort of pushing her to take me back, telling her over and over I will change let me prove it etc. etc. But she wont budge, she is afraid it will go back to the way it was. For the past week, I have written her a love poem each day and she reads them and tells me she really likes them. I have vowed to her that I will write one everyday for her. She gives me mixed signals, on the phone she invites me over, I get the impression she is willing to work on us, I get over there and she acts weird. She doesn't know what she wants. I do know she still cares about me, in fact I know she still loves me. But still isn't sure about what she wants. So how do I prove to her I am willing to change? I have thought about just asking her for marriage, but in passing discussing that with her she has said things like how could she be happy in a marriage knowing it had to come to her leaving me before I finally bought her the ring. So then how do I prove to her my love, how do I win her back? She has built up a wall around her self. When asked if she wants to see someone else, I know she still has very strong feelings for me, but is afraid I'll return to the old me. When asked about someone else, she said if she wanted to be with someone else she would cut me out of her life completely. She is not treating me fairly (then again, I'm not treating her fairly by pushing her into a relationship) I'm trying be patient and let her come back to me, but how is she going to come back to me when she doesn't know my feelings and only thinks back to my neglecting her. Do I stop pursuing her? Do I continue to get strung along like this and pouring my heart out to her? How do I prove to her I can change? How do I win her back?

I'm in love with a girl that I dated for 6.5 years. We talked about our future together, shared all our dreams. But I think she got tired of waiting, so she asked for a break about 2 months ago. Since then we continue to talk and I'm in the toughest position I've ever been in. I neglected her feelings in teh past, and she had her heart broken by me time and time again when I never bought her a ring. She left me, and now my feelings are 10 fold stronger than ever. (I didn't realize what I had until it was gone) So as evident by my screen name, I want her back. She knows this too. I express my inner most feelings to her time and time again, sometimes it flatters her, others it makes her mad ("where was this when we were together"). I'm sort of pushing her to take me back, telling her over and over I will change let me prove it etc. etc. But she wont budge, she is afraid it will go back to the way it was. For the past week, I have written her a love poem each day and she reads them and tells me she really likes them. I have vowed to her that I will write one everyday for her. She gives me mixed signals, on the phone she invites me over, I get the impression she is willing to work on us, I get over there and she acts weird. She doesn't know what she wants. So how do I prove to her I am willing to change? I have thought about just asking her for marriage, but in passing discussing that with her she has said things like how could she be happy in a marriage knowing it had to come to her leaving me before I finally bought her the ring. So then how do I prove to her my love, how do I win her back? She has built up a wall around her self. When asked if she wants to see someone else, I know she still has very strong feelings for me, but is afraid I'll return to the old me. When asked about someone else, she said if she wanted to be with someone else she would cut me out of her life completely. She is not treating me fairly (then again, I'm not treating her fairly by pushing her into a relationship) I'm trying be patient and let her come back to me, but how is she going to come back to me when she doesn't know my feelings and only thinks back to my neglecting her. Do I stop pursuing her? Do I continue to get strung along like this and pouring my heart out to her? How do I prove to her I can change? How do I win her back?

To spare you from my long story (I have posted a few times)....my g/f of 6+ years recently requested space about 1-2 months ago. The reasons for the space were in a nutshell (my neglecting her for a long time, my not buying ring when she wanted marriage so bad, and her becoming friends with a 3rd party from her work). Since the initial request for space....she has only called me. She calls me nearly everyday now, in repeated discussions she has made it clear she doesn't want any relationship right now. But she gives me mixed signals all the time. She is basically stringing me along. This last weekend she went with me to a wedding, we spent the day together, and at the end of the evening things got a little emotional, and she kissed me. She has expressed numerous times she is afraid to take me back for fear of the things I didn't do in the past, and she is afraid I wont want her back if she takes me back. So, I'm stuck in this position. I have considered trying to win her back with a ring, and I'm still pondering that. I want to be with this girl and work on our problems, but she doesn't right now. This coming weekend, she is making a trip with me to pick up a puppy. We will be with each other for the majority of the weekend. I need advice on how to act, how to treat her. If nothing else is clear, it is clear she doesn't want to talk about our relationship or analyze things, she just wants to have fun. But she is being extremely selfish in not addressing or acknowledging my feelings. IT's so hard to just be with her and be so upbeat and light, b/c I have so many feelings for her. She knows how I feel, and she knows she can have me. I also need advice on what to do when we get back from the trip, I need some sort of decision, b/c being strung along is killing me. thereforeeee, my options I'm thinking is forcing her to talk to me about us (which will likely push her away), buying a ring and proposing (and hoping she says yes), or just flat out ignoring her (in which case she is so stubborn that she will assume I'm over her and will rule out us I know). She has put me between a rock and a hard place, she strings me along just enough to let me know she still has all those feelings for me, yet everything is about her right now. So do I demand a full heartfelt talk? buy her a ring? or start NC when we get back? One other comment, she gets mad and angry when I bring up my feelings. She says part of the reason she sometimes doesn't call me is b/c she doesn't want to be upset and have this "talk" everytime. Yet we don't ever have the talk, I bring it up, she ignores it, and thinks we are talkign about it. If she just has the talk ONCE with me, then I wouldn't bring it up all the time. Not knowing what is going on, the status etc, I don't know what to do? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

I have been reading over and over about the No Contact rule. But I am assuming that applies when a couple breaks up. Well, what about when a couple doesn't necessarily break up, rather they take time apart? I guess my question is, what is the difference between being broken up, and "taking a break"? And would you say NC is appropriate in both cases?

To update situation...I haven't proposed yet. While we dated, we always talked about things like getting a dog, married, a house etc. Well, now that we are on a break, I have pursued getting a dog. Partly b/c I wanted someone around, but also b/c I wanted to prove to her I'm ready for all these things we talked about in the past. This really makes her angry. She is upset b/c I never did this in the past. For this reason, I'm afraid a ring would bring about the wrong emotions. Right now she is angry with me, but claims she still misses me. One minute she makes me feel like I'm just a friend, the next she compliments what she loves about me, and how much she misses me. She give me mixed signals and I don't know what to do. In another 2 weeks we are going to a friends wedding together. We haven't seen each other for aboutu 2 weeks, but we talk to the phone almost every day. So do I step up to the plate and propose, taking the risk that she gets pissed off at me for not doing it in the past...or do I continue to wait in limbo?

So some of you might know my story..... I dated a girl for 6+ years...an amazing relationship. But to make a long story short...I messed up. I began to neglect her and in doing so, she began to distance herself. I think we just became to comfortable in the relationship, it lost some spark, and one day she came to me needing some space. This was about a month ago...I have given her space, we have spoken on the phone a good bit, and seen each other a couple times. A big, BIG reason the relationship is the way it is now is because I didn' buy her a ring. For years and years, she told me how much she wanted to get married...I told her it was coming. But time seemed to have run out on me as I waited too long. I know she still cares about me, and misses me. But I'm not entirely sure she is ready to try again, or believe me when I tell her I will fix my mistakes. My question is: I know in my heart she is the one for me. I've always known it, but its taken this break to realize all the missed opportunities I had, and all the mistakes I made (or actions I didn't take). I have come to realize all my mistakes, and I just want to spend my life with her. So the kicker is.....my heart tells me to buy the ring now, and propose before she distances herself anymore. I have never felt so sure of somethign in my life, that she is truly the one for me. But at the same time, putting my heart on the line like that would be tough to swallow if sheh said "no". So do I follow my heart, and propose to her? Or do I wait and hope she wants to come back to me someday. PArt of me says that since I neglected her in the past, I need to do the chasing, but I don't want to chase her away. And another part of me is afraid she will say no because it will make her upset that after being together so long, it took a break from each otehr for me to finally ask her for marriage. Trust me when I say she makes my world go round, and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life trying to make up for the mistakes I've made in the past. So....should I follow my heart here?

I'm obviously not a psychologist, but my take is that he is 24/25 years old, and one day he woke up (As many that age do, that is my age) anyways he woke up one day and probably was like "I'm only 24, maybe there are things I am missing out in my life etc." I would expect that to be one of the main reasons for his 2 week absense. However, nobody deserves to be treated that way, that is both scary and disrespectful to not call or contact you for that long. I can sort of relate to his position, as I'm also trying to win back a girl, but I will tell you I have done (in my opinion) alot more than what he has. Yes, at first I tried calling her and visiting her, crying to hear, pleading how I can change. I took her out to a really really expensive restaurant on a sort of date, i bought her flowers, I have written her several notes, I have called and expressed my feelings with her mom, and I call her friends on a regular basis to express my feelings to them and get their opinion. I'm not just trying to win her back, I'm also trying to win over everyone in her life. My point of that story is that, I don't see this guy making an extreme amount of effort for you right now. Your email you sent him was good, and I'd be interested to hear what he replies, but as of now he has not proven he is willing to change, and he has also not even made much effort to make up for his hiatus. At this point I caution you, in that I'm not convinced he really knows what he wants. It sounds to me, one day he woke up with cold feet, and after a couple days away realized he was very dependent on you, and was scared to not be with you. At this point, he needs to make it clearer that you are what he wants, and that you are absolutely sure. So I caution you before you jump back in to the relationship, to ask yourself, is he really the one YOU want? And, do you really believe him right now? Should he make a strong effort to chase after you, and shouuld you decide to pick things up together again, I also warn you to not get too comfortable. And to continue to do things for yourself. Guys have a tendency to mess up (as I have), but sometimes you don't realize what you have until you lose it. And perhaps this is what he has realized. My final comment is to recognize that his age I believe is a strong factor in what has happened, for that I think you need to think about if you really want to be with someone his age (someone who is prone to freak out randomly as he has). So, make sure you ask YOURSELF, is he the right one for me?

I didnt send flower still kind of in limbo. I didn't contact her for about 5 days, she then called me yesterday...I invited her our for a night this weekend of fun. I told her no talks, no pouting, just her and I having fun together. She said "well talk about it later" and she was saying stuff like "I didn't know how to call you" and "I feel like I don't deserve to be calling you". At the advice of her friends, when she called, I sounded upbeat, busy, and like I was doing well on my own two feet. She sounded upset on the phone, and didn't really express much feelings other than asking why I never did certain things or listened in the past. I'm still torn on my next move, obviously she will call me something this week, but I'm torn as to whether I should call her or not. I have all these things I wish to say to her, but I'm trying to respect her request for space. She did thank me for that, and her friends keep telling me how much respect they have for me for not contacting her as they know how hard it really is. So I'm torn. Do I pursue her to make up for neglecting in teh past, send her flowers at work, a love poem in email, or something like this? Or do I wait around for her to come back to me? I see where flowers could make her day at work, and I see where it could possibly upset her as well "Why didn't you do this in the past", and perhaps some people like to maintain private lives, and if she gets flowers at work, co-workers might probe her about her personal life something she doesn't need now. So I'm getting mixed thoughts, I have talked each day to either her friends, her mom, or my mom, expressing my love for her and asking what to do. Nobody says there is one right answer, some say go with your heart, others say give her space and let her come to you, and others don't have a suggestion. What would you do? Send something sweet (email, note, flower, teddy bear) if so do I send it to her house, drop it off at her house, send it to her work etc.? Or would you give her the space to let her decide for herself...but going this route she may forget how much she means to me. I really just need to know what she wants.....if she wants me to leave her alone, if she wants me to prove to her my love through actions not words, or what.

Salt - While it is strange my love comes out after the threat of someone else, but I have always felt this way for her...I knew a while back that I needed to express myself at some point, but she kept distancing herself from me to the point it made me depressed and its hard to be glowing and share your love with someone when your depressed (being selfish). Since this incident, I am fully expressive again, and I don't see myself so concerned about some other guy, more trying to fix what I should have fixed a long time ago, and also just truly expressing my feelings for her. So I have written her a couple notes, a poem, and we have talked a bit in person. She is still slightly upset at me for not being there in the past, and she is upset for herself for doing what she did. And now she is saying things to me like "Just let me miss you", and "your not giving me a chance to miss you". So at this point I'm thinking I should just wait for her...I think she knows how I feel. So I'm going to give it a weekend of not calling her, although I will answer if she calls me, and then next week if I haven't heard from her I was thinking about sending her flowers at work (something I have never done but should have in the past). What do you think? I'm trying to surprise her with things that I never did in the past just so she sees how deeply in love with her I am, and just so she knows how much she means to me. Do you think flowers in a few days to her work is a good idea? In response to previous replies, I tend to agree with Salt, our relationship was one in which in time of trouble one person always "chased" after the other. I don't think playing hard to get is the right thing especially when I was the one neglecting her in the past. I am trying to chase after her, and show her how much she means, but at the same time shouldn't I repsect her request for space? She has told me that she could never get mad at me for calling her or visiting her...which makes me think I don't think she would ever tell me to stop calling her. But I do want her to miss me. She is 100% my best friend, and more than anything else I just want my best friend back!

So my girlfriend and I started dating at the age of 18, we have been dating nearly 6 1/2 years. We always talked about marriage and our future plans....well time went on and I didn't ask her to marry her...we both graduated from college and she was expected the question but was hurt day after day that I didn't ask her to marry...the reason I didn't ask was because we were both being selfish. We both only cared about what we each wanted...I wanted her care and love that she always gave to me, and she only wanted me to buy her a ring. I was going to buy her a ring anyways, but we both continued to be selfish, I kept my feelings inside while she cried and nagged me about a ring. Well she began to push me away, and in the process allowed herself to become friends with another guy..never before in our relationship had she ever talked to another guy but now she began to do so... She told me about it, my feelings inside that I had kept inside came pouring out, I was angry, sad, hurt from the past, but the one feeling that came out that dominated my feelings was my love for her, I still had that love I always felt for her. I truly feel like we are meant for each other, but she is so mad at me that it had to come to this (her making a new friend) that she doesn't think my love is sincere. She wants a little space, I just want to go back in time so I can share with her my feelings and fix our past. We both still love each other very much and care about each other a ton. It has only been a few days since she requested her space...I wrote her a nice letter telling her how much I love her but also that I respect her requests as long as they make her happy. I want more than anythign to get her back..I know she doesn't want to date others just wants some space to try to forgive herself for her actions and try to get over the fact our relationship had to come to an extreme in order for me to share my true feelings. I want to win her back..but I don't want to beg to her...I want to talk to her...but I don't feel loved by her anymore. What do I do? Do I ignore her? Do I play hard to get with her back? Do I continue to express my love to her? She claims that it is unhealthy for us to "start over" right now...but how long should I wait? How long does a girl need space? I want her to miss me, I want her to love me again, but I don't want to force it out of her and I don't want to force her to be with me. I want to let her come back to me...because I think if she leaves and comes back then I have her. What do I do, do I ignore her phone calls? Do I completely stop calling her? Should I leave town and visit my family? What makes matters worse is I'm on summer break from school, so I don't have a lot to do. I just want to know if I should stop reaching out to her? Or if I should just limit how much I reach out to her...right now I feel like I'm standing in a hole reaching out for her and she is just dumping dirt on top of me...I don't want to beg for her attention...what do I do?