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Thread: Secret crush on coworker who is leaving the firm. Should I tell her?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do not say or do anything except connect on LinkedIn. This is not a test to prove to yourself that you are not a "nice guy". What you are fantasing about doing will come off as creepy. Or worse, sexual harassment. Date Outside Of Work . The workplace is not a singles club.

  2. #12
    Member Amano Ginji's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Date Outside Of Work . The workplace is not a singles club.
    But she is leaving the firm! We will no longer be working together. Everyone has to work somewhere! Is it still sexual harassment if we no longer work together? I do agree that I should not tell her that I have a crush on her. I clarified in my previous posts that I am going to be telling her is that I would like to catchup some time. Is that still a big no no?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Amano Ginji
    But she is leaving the firm! We will no longer be working together. Everyone has to work somewhere! Is it still sexual harassment if we no longer work together? I do agree that I should not tell her that I have a crush on her. I clarified in my previous posts that I am going to be telling her is that I would like to catchup some time. Is that still a big no no?
    As you yourself said , your culture does not straight up ask someone on a date but merely throw breadcrumbs and see what the response is.
    I think you have thrown breadcrumbs and didnít get a positive response from her.

    You have also said that she does not discuss personal life , so itís quite possible she is in a serious relationship and you wouldnít even know.

    Your idea to create a video of farewells from colleagues is a selfish one. You , yourself have said that you would want her to know itís your idea. So, rather than create it and let her enjoy , your idea is actually to let her know you did it.

    There is nothing to suggest your feelings will be reciprocated at all.

    If you truly want to hear that from her and not us , then ask her on a date.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If it were me, I'd probably give her a farewell card. I'd write, "It's been great working with you. Good luck at your new job. Once you're settled there, I'd love to meet with you to catch up. If you're interested in doing that, here's my contact info."

    I wouldn't ask for her number. That puts her on the spot. With the note and card, it leaves the ball in her court. You did your effort. If she's interested, she will contact you. If not, she will let things fade away.

    If it doesn't work out, you obviously are ready for a gf, so step up your activities to be able to meet single women in your age group.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes all that sounds fine,but not the elaborate farewell where you don't want to been seen as "just a coworker".
    Originally Posted by Amano Ginji
    I am going to be telling her is that I would like to catchup some time. Is that still a big no no?

  7. #16

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    Originally Posted by Amano Ginji
    Some background : How do I go about this? :(
    Although your extensive description may lead to think these circumstances are very specific, this situation is typical of relationships at work.

    I'd just keep work and private life separated. Over the years I observed that this is the best way to keep things good at work and have a happy relationship outside.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Do you even have a life outside of work? You know, friends, date people, etc?

    BTW the collage presentation is a bit overkill for someone who is just leaving....she's not retiring...a goodby/congratz cake would be more appropriate.

  9. #18
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    If it were me, I'd probably give her a farewell card. I'd write, "It's been great working with you. Good luck at your new job. Once you're settled there, I'd love to meet with you to catch up. If you're interested in doing that, here's my contact info."

    I wouldn't ask for her number. That puts her on the spot. With the note and card, it leaves the ball in her court. You did your effort. If she's interested, she will contact you. If not, she will let things fade away.

    If it doesn't work out, you obviously are ready for a gf, so step up your activities to be able to meet single women in your age group
    .
    ^ I second this entire post.

  10. #19
    Member Amano Ginji's Avatar
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    Against popular advice, I still went ahead and shared the video with her. I created a chat group and asked everyone to welcome her as soon as I add her!
    I shared the video on the group and I guess we all started watching it at the same time!

    She just called me 5 mins back on my personal phone number (after watching the video)
    I am paraphrasing what she said but the context of the conversation is intact :

    Her : Thank you soooo much for the video. It was super sweet. You are the first person I am calling after watching it because I am sure it was your idea.
    Me: I am so glad that you liked it. I was consulting <her best friend> every now and then on the content of the video.
    She : I know. She told me that you are very excited about my farewell but she did not tell me anything about a surprise video!!
    Me : Ya I had got in touch with her because I know she is equally enthusiastic like me about all these things.
    She : She did good in hiding it from me.

    Pause..

    Me : I just wanted to make this day special for you.
    She: Oh you most certainly did!

    Pause..

    She : Let's stay in touch and let's meet once this lockdown is over.
    She : I think I will finally be able to be myself around you and pour my heart out.
    Me : Absolutely. But I think we connected all these years as well.
    She : I know we spoke so much in office too but there was always the work aspect attached. I will be able to be more open with you now.
    Me : Ya I agree. Same here.

    Pause for a bit!

    Me: Why don't we pull everyone who participated in the video into this call? (It was just 4 of us who participated in this)
    Me: On second thought, let's do that in a bit.

    Me : You know, in my 10 years in this company, I have seen a lot of people leave and you are just the second person I am feeling sad about.
    Me. The first one was my first manager!. We went out for drinks on his last day and things got really emotional.
    She. Wow! Reaaaaallly??
    Me: Yes absolutely.

    Pause..

    Me : So ya, let's stay in touch!
    She : Yes we have to! We will surely meet soon. We will also be seeing each other often because I am moving into the next building itself!
    Me: That's awesome. Didn't know you were going to be so close by. Looking forward to it!!
    Me: So shall I add the others to this call? (By other's I meant the 4 of us who participated in the video)

    She: Actually, why don't I call them one by one.
    Me : Ya Ya. That works too!
    Me: Soo.. Take care and see you around!
    She: Byeee! Stay in touch!
    Me: Yes we must! Take care.

    I know I am reading too much into this but I am really happy with the outcome! I know when someone else reads the above conversion, it is pretty normal. But for me, I am on cloud 9 for some time!

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok so give her a call and go for coffee, when the lockdown is over.
    Originally Posted by Amano Ginji
    She : Let's stay in touch and let's meet once this lockdown is over.

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