Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 4 of 9 FirstFirst 1234567 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 87

Thread: I lost interest before the 1st date, should I keep my promise and at least go?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    5,031
    Gender
    Female
    I think you should definitely cancel.

    Originally Posted by stuka80
    I've always been the type that feel obligated to do what i say i'm going to do so i feel like i should at least go on that date that i arranged with her and after that just part ways. Or should i just let her know that i've had second thoughts and think its best if we just cut our losses now and just go our separate ways? Responses would be appreciated, thanks in advance.
    If you go on a date with her, it will be a statement that you are interested. And you are no longer interested.

    Originally Posted by stuka80
    let her know that i've had second thoughts and think its best if we just cut our losses now and just go our separate ways?
    I guess so.

    Frankly, whether you cancel the date or not, I don't think there's anything you can say or do that won't make you look like a lunatic.

    You've overreacted to some innocuous human behavior, translating it into some sign of disrespect or personal insult, and have "lost interest" as some form of punishment.

    Originally Posted by stuka80
    I texted her something around 5pm and she didn't get back to me at all until 7am the next morning.
    Originally Posted by stuka80
    I know for a fact she was not busy and was just at home during those hours and the messages showed that they were not read at all. There is no way she did not look at her phone during those 14 hours or at least before she went to bed so i suspect she purposely ignored my messages for whatever reason.

    She replied at 7am saying sorry for the late reply but didn't offer any type of reason and just made a joke about it.

    I dont really care if she was busy, it doesnt take long to at least respond before going to bed. If she actually gave me a reason though, i would've just let it go, but she didn't.

    I knew she was just at home and will be on her phone so as i mentioned i can't help but feel she deliberately ignored my messages for possibly whatever stupid mind games people like to play when they're dating.
    It really doesn't make you look good.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,689
    Gender
    Female
    Sounds like you've got some paranoia or a persecution complex because she didnt reply fast enough. Get over yourself. If you dont want to go out with her, then cancel. Much ado about pretty much nothing.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    23,124
    Gender
    Female
    Why waste her time? I don't personally feel a sense of obligation to meet a stranger. I wouldn't stand anyone up, but I would cancel out of courtesy to them if I'd be wasting their time because I'm no longer interested.

    You're right about your reason being irrelevant. Plenty of people are multi-dating and end up cancelling on strangers in favor of investing their time instead into someone or something that matters to them.

    As for living by a one-strike-you're-out rule, it's not against the law. You can do that if you want, it's just a form of fragility that isn't likely to gain you many reasonably good relationships or any degree of resilience in dealing with perfectly fallible humans.

    If that's okay with you, who are we to argue?

  4. #34
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Age
    40
    Posts
    786
    Originally Posted by limichelle
    I think itís worth checking out, I just suggest you go not to reject but go with an open mind and heart. You may be pleasantly surprised. I mean thereís that off chance she couldnít get back to you right away. Also if the messages showed unread thatís better then showing read and no response.
    I've already rejected but i will go with an open mind depending on the direction of the date as i mentioned previously. This is the course of action i'm planning on taking. I agree with unread message being better than read, however as i mentioned the circumstances was what didnt sit well with me. She had been on her phone and DELIBERATELY didn't read my message was it to deliberately keep me waiting? I dont know since she didn't offer any reasons i'll have to come up with my own conclusions.

  5.  

  6. #35
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Age
    40
    Posts
    786
    Originally Posted by SophiaG
    The alternative (still going on the date but act platonic) sounds disingenuous and just a waste of her time. At least you should let her know that you see this (lunch? coffee? whatever activities) as just friends hanging out. She might as well decide she's not interested in that case.
    You're right it does sound disingenuous, i will probably have to just cancel and let her know i reconsidered.

    If she makes a move during the date and starts chasing you will it change your opinion about her "playing mind games"? If so, it sounds contradictory to your high standards. And chance is, a woman who will tolerate your hot and cold behavior and fall to this push-pull dynamic is likely one that is capable of playing mind games. Yes, going on a "date" with no romantic intentions just waiting to see what the other has to offer sounds like playing mind games to me too.
    i'm already set with no romantic intentions, but i was going to keep an open mind to see if for example, she offers an explanation or shows strong interest. the 2nd part is just a confirmation that she is actually interested and that she wasn't just stringing me along because aside from actually accepting the date, she has been kind of ambiguous, meaning i'm the one always initiating anything so the late reply was a bit of a reinforcement on the "not really into him" side and i wanna see if thats truly the case in the date.

  7. #36
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Age
    40
    Posts
    786
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    You have no evidence she was playing hard to get. She could have had a migraine or the stomach flu and being on her phone would've been the last thing she wanted to do. She could have had a friend come over with a serious problem, and spent hours getting her friend through something, and then dropped into bed, emotionally exhausted. Those are reasons she wouldn't want to burden you with, and that would've been okay. If it were me, I would've gone on to date her and have a wait and see attitude to see what her patterns were, instead of making assumptions and rejecting her outright.
    True, but she gave no explanations, instead made a joke about it so i'll have to come up with my own conclusions. Seeing as its a first impression scenario, I would've at least given the other person a reason why i stopped responding mid conversation. I was even thinking something might've happened to her because it just seemed so out of place to suddenly stop reading my texts and responding for the rest of the day.

    If you can't go on the date without anger and aloofness, speaking as a woman, if I knew what was going on in your mind, I'd rather you cancel the date. You think it's more ethical not to flake. It's not. Don't waste her time. Let her know by a phone call or in person that for personal reasons, you find it best not to date right now.
    I have no anger towards her, I'm just accepting that thats how it is and i'm moving on. after she responded in the morning and i had the time to process what happened thats the only time when i got angry. After that is when my enthusiasm for going out with her completely dropped off and decided i was done. I think you're right though, it seems worse going on the date with each other under different impressions, i will most likely have to cancel it.
    Last edited by stuka80; 05-30-2020 at 11:21 AM.

  8. #37
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Age
    40
    Posts
    786
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Sounds like you've got some paranoia or a persecution complex because she didnt reply fast enough.
    If its just she doesn't reply fast enough, then i'd agree with you, she's taken a couple hours to reply before and it never bothered me, didn't even give it a second thought. however the circumstances this time are different.

  9. #38
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Age
    40
    Posts
    786
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Why waste her time? I don't personally feel a sense of obligation to meet a stranger. I wouldn't stand anyone up, but I would cancel out of courtesy to them if I'd be wasting their time because I'm no longer interested.
    She's not a stranger but yea you're right, i will be cancelling the date and just explain to her i've reconsidered.

    As for living by a one-strike-you're-out rule, it's not against the law. You can do that if you want, it's just a form of fragility that isn't likely to gain you many reasonably good relationships or any degree of resilience in dealing with perfectly fallible humans.

    If that's okay with you, who are we to argue?
    the "one strike you're out" rule only applies to this one incident because we haven't even gone on 1 date yet. and yet i still would've been ok with it if she actually gave me a reason, leaving me hanging mid convo without an explanation given. Does she owe me one? no, but it gave a bad 1st impression. If this happened a few dates in, i would've given her the benefit of the doubt or not even consider it an issue.

  10. #39
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Age
    40
    Posts
    786
    Alot of people here seem to think that i have some type of paranoia or i'm crazy cause i got mad that she didn't respond to my text fast enough. They dont seem to realize it was the circumstances under which it happened. IF we had not texted each other for some hours, then i send a random text and she didn't reply or even look at it for 14 hours I would completely understand and wouldn't cause an issue. Its pretty understandable why she didn't respond for 14 hours. She wasn't expecting a text at the time so didn't check her phone, perfectly reasonable conclusion, one i would completely understand.

    HOWEVER we had already exchanged a few texts back and forth at that moment when the reply or even viewing the message suddenly stopped. Something significant must've happened for her to suddenly be busy enough not to be on her phone at all for the rest of the day right? Thats what my train of thought was at least. after 14 hours i started thinking that maybe there is some kind of issue going on or god forbid she got hurt(not because im arrogantly thinking she would respond to me instantly, but because the situation overall just seemed off, who suddenly stops responding in that type of situation unless the person just doesnt care enough to or is playing games) but the next day, as i was expecting her to tell me something crazy had happened she just said sorry and followed up with a joke....ok... i'll have to just make assumptions.

    Based on people's responses, I've decided to go ahead and cancel the date, i'll just tell her that i reconsidered and i dont think it'll work out between us. thanks for the responses, it was appreciated.
    Last edited by stuka80; 05-30-2020 at 12:00 PM.

  11. #40
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Age
    40
    Posts
    786
    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    I agree with this. There's no reason why you'd take so long to reply if you're actually keen on giving a good impression of yourself.
    thats my thought exactly.

    Yes, some people take ages to reply and others are OK with that, but others do not do that. If you see it as disrespectful you have the right to make the choice for yourself that you'd rather date someone else and you don't need to give an explanation, just as she didn't give one for not replying.
    The thing is i'm perfectly fine when people take ages to responed if thats how they are. but in this situation it seemed she did it deliberately, that is what i take issue with. However, if she does ask why i'm cancelling the date i'll at least tell her.
    Last edited by stuka80; 05-30-2020 at 11:52 AM.

Page 4 of 9 FirstFirst 1234567 ... LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •