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Thread: Really bad ending

  1. #1
    Member
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    Dec 2014
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    Really bad ending

    Hello everyone,

    I have felt madly in love with someone. We have been dating for five months. The beginning was very well.

    I have had a rough time dealing with depression, and other mental issues.

    My ex also.

    He has OCD (where he cleans, keeps every penny in a bag to not contaminate etc). He also cannot tolerate mobile phones, internet, or anything that has blue light. Even 5 minutes would give him a migraine he would say. He one went into a fetus position. And other got really pissed off and treated me badly and angry when I had turn the internet wifi on in my own flat. He thought that I had done this on purpose. That scared me and made me really uncomfortable.

    Meanwhile I kept working.

    My dad got ill the start of our dating.

    I have been dealing with intimacy. He would want see me every day but felt it was a lot. I said yes but meant no.
    The reason was not the lack for him but I was suffering from being tired. When tired I would become irritated quickly. Or snappy. I said sorry and tried explaining to him and have been honest about what I was going through with my depression and the sickness of my dad.

    I noticed getting more often irritated. What happened was that after a while he tells me that I was hostile. I have tried reflecting on why and how I could improve. But later on when I would just be disappointed about something he would walk away and stay away for 24 hours. He would sometimes make really mean comments. And then would gaslight me. He would make racist comments for example and pretend it should not hurt anyone. And then would in turn be offended if I said that I did not appreciate it.
    He would stonewall me, as in saying nothing back and walk away quietly. In the beginning I would let it go. But later I would feel really abandoned. Especially the stonewalling would cause lack of sleep.

    The next day I would want to talk about it, and he would be there for 50 percent. Mainly a lot of communication lack.

    Things would tense up and I've kind of would lose trust and become doubtful because of this. At one point I asked for space. To sort out what happened.

    He would come back to see if we were still ok.

    I would let him in and kind of neglect my need for space.

    After he would continue stonewalling.

    Rewind. At the beginning I would visit him and vice versa. But after him calling me hostile he then told me to not come to his home anymore. I have a dog. And he would do it by saying that the dog is not welcome anymore. Saying that would get dirty. I have a very lovely dog, btw.

    He has OCD. He would tell me that he kept cleaning his carpets of dirt. He did ten times. And they are large. While I am writing this I feel like I met a backstabber.... I realize how I underestimated all of this now……..

    This continued for two months until last week. I was sick of it and realized that my own feelings of feeling save were crumbling being in this relationship.
    I always tried talking. I had my own illnesses and on top my father who nearly died which made my depression worse. But he kept on telling me that I was hostile.

    He then broke up with me. And then a day later felt bad about it.
    He said that he insisted on looking for a way on how to communicate better with each other.
    I offered counseling for both, but he does not believe in counseling, medication or any of that. He is very negative about it. He had asked me before to be kinder to him as I really sometimes snapped. I would apologize immediately.

    I allowed him again.

    The last day we met again.

    The next day we met again. We were relaxing and then he asked if he could come to my place after the picnic outside. I told him that I wanted to go to his place. He smirked and then derived the conversation. He does not show anger overtly but he does it. He then said well we gonna continue having a park relationship. He seemed disappointed but heard anger. But he continued stonewalling me. I felt had no say.

    He looked angry and whole body was. I tried touching him and then he would move his arm.
    He stood up walked away without a hug or anything.

    When I got home he ended the relationship via text. He said that we had tried making something out of the relationship respectably.

    I felt he had put a knife into my back and then I felt really angry and sad. All the emotions together. I packed some of his clothes and other I had in my house and went to his place.

    I confronted him by saying that there was a lack of respect by him and his text. Got more angry and gave him also the ring he had given me as an engagement. I had thrown it. His books etc. When I asked him what I should do about the rings he said. Just keep it. He acted indiffent and cold.

    Then I got even more angry and slapped him two time very hard on his face. I got so hysterical. He then closed the door on me. Then I pulled his shirt and torn it in two almost while he pushed.

    When the door closed I shred his other trouser and put it through his post.

    The end.........

    But then the same night I felt guilty. I sobbed. I felt bad of what I had done. I decided to write a letter.

    I wrote a two pages long 4A with and how I had hurt his feelings. I put it in his postbox and left.

    I am not sure what to do now. Should I send him Hello everyone,

    I have felt madly in love with someone. We have been dating for five months.

    I have had a rough time dealing with depression, and otner mental issues.

    My ex also.

    Meanwhile I kept working.

    My dad got ill the start we dated.

    I have been dealing with intimacy. He would wanne see me everyday but felt it was a lot. I said yes but meant no. The reason was not the lack for him but I was suffering from being tired. When tired I would become irritated quickly. Or snappy. I said sorry and tried explaining to him and have been honest about what I was going through.

    I noticed getting more often irritated. What happend was that after a while he tell me that I was hostile. I have tried reflecting on why and how I could improve. But later on when I would just be dissapointed about something he would walk away and stay away for 24 hours. He would stonewall me, as in saying nothing back and walk away quietly. In the beginning I would let it go. But later I would feel really abandoned. Especially the stonewalling would cause lack of sleep.

    The next day I would want to talk about it, and he would be there for 50 procent. Mainly a lot of communication lack.

    Things would tense up and I've kind of would lose trust and become doubtful because of this. At one point I asked for space. To sort out what happened.

    He would come back to see if we were still ok.

    I would let him in and kind of neglect my need for space.

    After he would continue stonewalling.

    Rewind. At the beginning I would visit him and vice versa. But after him calling me hostile he then told me to not come to his home anymore. I have a dog. And he would do it by saying that the dog is not welcome anymore. He has OCD. He would tell me that he kept cleaning his carpets of dirt. He did ten times. And they are large. While I am writing this I feel like I met a backstabber....

    This continued for two monts until last week. I was sick of it and realized that my own feelings of feeling save were crumbling being in this relationship.
    I always tried talking. I had my own illnesses and on top my father who nearly died which made my depression worse. But he kept on telling me that I was hostile.

    He then broke up with me. And then a day later felt bad about it. He said that he insisted on looking for a way on how to communicate better with each other. He had asked me before to be kinder to him as I really sometimes snapped. I would apologize immediately.

    I allowed him again.

    The last day we met again.

    The next day we met again. We were relaxing and then he asked if he could come to my place after the picnic outside. I told him that I wanted to go to his place. He smirked and then derived the conversation. He does not show anger overtly but he does it. He then said well we gonna continue having a park relationship. He seemed disappointed but heard anger. But he continued stonewalling me. I felt had no say.

    He looked angry and whole body was. I tried touching him and then he would move his arm.
    He stood up walked away without a hug or anything.

    When I got home he ended the relationship via text. He said that we had tried making something out of the relationship respectably.

    I felt he had put a knife into my back and then I felt really angry and sad. All the emotions together. I packed some of his clothes and other I had in my house and went to his place.

    I confronted him by saying that there was a lack of respect by him and his text. Got more angry and gave him also the ring he had given me as an engagement. I had thrown it. His books etc. When I asked him what I should do about the rings he said. Just keep it. He acted indiffent and cold.

    Then I got even more angry and slapped him two time very hard on his face. I got so hysterical. He then closed the door on me. Then I pulled his shirt and torn it in two almost while he pushed.

    When the door closed I shred his other trouser and put it through his post.

    The end.........

    But then the same night I felt guilty. I sobbed. I felt bad of what I had done. I decided to write a letter.

    I wrote a two pages long 4A with and how I had hurt his feelings. I put it in his postbox and left.

    I am not sure what to do now. Should I send him another letter to tell him that I hope he is ok? And to ask if there is anything I can do for him?

    We haven't been talking since. Two weeks now.

    Meanwhile I am thinking about what went wrong. Getting help for my issues. And not sure if to go back. But wanted to know if he is ok.


    another letter to tell him that I hope he is ok? And to ask if there is anything I can do for him?

    We haven't been talking since. Two weeks now.

    Meanwhile I am thinking about what went wrong. Getting help for my issues. And not sure if to go back. But wanted to know if he is ok.




  2. #2
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    Every relationship begins well. If they didn’t there would be no couples lol

    A 20 week “relationship” does not need counselling , it needs ending.

    You do not need to write to him. He is ok. As are you.
    Better off without each other.

    You were incompatible, neither in a position to date anyone given your unresolved issues.

    So focus on getting yourself healthy and happy so you can present your best self when you next consider dating anyone.

    Best of luck!

  3. #3
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    This was an extremely dysfunctional relationship, OP.

    This guy is not well, and it doesn't sound like he has any intention of acknowledging it, much less getting better. You won't get a healthy and stable relationship out of this, especially if you have your own issues to deal with.

    Stop contacting him. This needs to be over. You will never effectively get your own emotional health back on track if you hang on to a guy like this.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You slapped him and shredded his clothing? And now you want him back?

    Please stay far, far away from him and do not contact him. You could end up arrested. And please see a professional if you aren't already.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Assaulting people and destroying property is illegal. You're luck you're not in jail. Hopefully he will get a restraining order and you will get to a doctor for an evaluation .
    Originally Posted by Princess70
    Then I got even more angry and slapped him two time very hard on his face. I got so hysterical. He then closed the door on me. Then I pulled his shirt and torn it in two almost while he pushed. When the door closed I shred his other trouser and put it through his post.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    You both have severe mental health issues that neither is working on. Then physical violence? It is completely over. There is no need for physical violence. He should actually never see you again. Please take accountability for yourself and start seeing a psychologist.

  8. #7
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    All of this is bad.

    Focus on your mental help through a professional, and stay away from this guy.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You both need therapy. You cant force him to get help, but you can help yourself. Find an online counselor and work on getting better. Stay away from this guy, he's got major issues like you do. Block and delete him.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hopefully you are seeing your doctor regularly as a well as getting appropriate supportive therapy. While suffering from mental health issues is tough, it won't help you if you get arrested or start having legal problems.

    You need to leave him alone. Look for online support groups, if the corona situation has left you without appropriate supportive care. But do get to a doctor
    Originally Posted by Princess70
    I am diagnosed with borderline personality, and I had a mild psychosis a couple of times, hence, I have been taking medication.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    4 things that assure failure in a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

    You don't date someone that has mental health issues when you have your own to deal with. It's like an alcoholic working as a bartender, it's a toxic enviroment....it's not going to work. I'm sorry to say this, but this guy is undateable for anyone. He hasn't got a grip on his own issues....he barely can function as a normal person.
    If you want to get healthy, you need to be in a healthy enviroment, exposed to healthy stable positive people. Take care of yourself, physically too. It's tough right now, but you can have access to a therapist online to help out/ get you started.


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