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Thread: Ex reaching out nearly 2 years after

  1. #71
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You are talking to her every day now. It's better to admit that you are attached to her that to have this mental battle within yourself. You are the causality in that battle.

    I'm not anymore. Since she sent that message I've blocked her and completely stopped contact.


    I can openly admit there was/is clearly still some attachment there, but that message completely killed the last bit of belief I had that she was a decent person, which I had been clinging on to.

  2. #72
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    I can openly admit there was/is clearly still some attachment there, but that message completely killed the last bit of belief I had that she was a decent person, which I had been clinging on to.
    Feelings are complicated, beating to their own drum. What I mean? Her message was enough to anger you, hurt you, and right now that anger and hurt provided some power to block, to take the same comfort in labeling her "indecent" as you did "decent." That's a start, but only a start.

    Because a day from now, a week from now? You will be less angry, less hurt, and you'll likely have softer thoughts and feelings about her. Which is a good thing, since anger and hurt are feeling to feel, and let go of, not cling to as a compass. Tricky part is not responding to all these shifts, to just being able to settle on a sad story that this is not a person who serves your present life.

    Very few people on this world are 100 percent decent or 100 percent indecent. But some, thanks to who they are, who we are, and whatever history we have with them, are simply indecent for us. She is one such person, to you, as I think you are to her. Hopefully you can come to just see it like that, so whatever feelings you feel about herórage and disgust today, something gentler down the lineóare just that: feelings to feel, not to react to.

  3. #73
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Feelings are complicated, beating to their own drum. What I mean? Her message was enough to anger you, hurt you, and right now that anger and hurt provided some power to block, to take the same comfort in labeling her "indecent" as you did "decent." That's a start, but only a start.

    Because a day from now, a week from now? You will be less angry, less hurt, and you'll likely have softer thoughts and feelings about her. Which is a good thing, since anger and hurt are feeling to feel, and let go of, not cling to as a compass. Tricky part is not responding to all these shifts, to just being able to settle on a sad story that this is not a person who serves your present life.

    Very few people on this world are 100 percent decent or 100 percent indecent. But some, thanks to who they are, who we are, and whatever history we have with them, are simply indecent for us. She is one such person, to you, as I think you are to her. Hopefully you can come to just see it like that, so whatever feelings you feel about herórage and disgust today, something gentler down the lineóare just that: feelings to feel, not to react to.

    I think in general it's just clear she isn't remotely good to have in my life. Every time she's come back in to it I've had an initial buzz and it's quickly replaced by the reality of what maintaining a relationship with her is like. The previous times I've kind of accepted that but on this occasion she's probably done me a favour by giving me the push I needed.

    Hopefully I won't think too much of her going in to the future. At the moment (as mentioned earlier in the thread) I'm waiting for a new job to start in May, so I have little on and too much time to think, so that hasn't helped. There was a good period between the breakup/recontact where I didn't even think of her at all so the aim is to get back to that as soon as possible, and blocking her helps a lot.

    I don't necessarily feel rage at her, disgust is definitely probably the best way to describe it. Disgust that she would be aware of how I feel about this guy, but would still cross that line anyway. I can't be in her head so have no idea why she said it and never will, but I just can't rationalise it. Ah well..

  4. #74
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    This is one of those things that I think is best reduced to the nitty gritty. As in: she is someone who triggers in you, and probably always will, a mix of disgust and attraction. You kind of can't stand her or who you are when she is near you, but, on the other hand, you kind of want to be naked with her, be wanted by her.

    Happens. Human.

    I want to smoke at least half a pack of cigarettes every day, and I suspect that will be somewhat true for the rest of my life, because I think cigarettes are awesome and delicious: a little dose of death that makes me feel alive. At the same time, I also think cigarettes are disgusting, am very aware that they are very bad for me, and stopped smoking them years ago. I'm at peace with that contradiction. Is what it is.

    This is what it is. Put it in a box, seal the edges, and live your life. Good lesson here? Cultivate some things in your life that deliver a dose of spice and drama and let you itch your obsessive tendencies that have nothing to do with women. Makes these down times, of which there will be millions, much more manageable, even straight up thrilling, but without the whiplash.

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  6. #75
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    This is one of those things that I think is best reduced to the nitty gritty. As in: she is someone who triggers in you, and probably always will, a mix of disgust and attraction. You kind of can't stand her or who you are when she is near you, but, on the other hand, you kind of want to be naked with her, be wanted by her.

    Happens. Human.

    I want to smoke at least half a pack of cigarettes every day, and I suspect that will be somewhat true for the rest of my life, because I think cigarettes are awesome and delicious: a little dose of death that makes me feel alive. At the same time, I also think cigarettes are disgusting, am very aware that they are very bad for me, and stopped smoking them years ago. I'm at peace with that contradiction. Is what it is.

    This is what it is. Put it in a box, seal the edges, and live your life. Good lesson here? Cultivate some things in your life that deliver a dose of spice and drama and let you itch your obsessive tendencies that have nothing to do with women. Makes these down times, of which there will be millions, much more manageable, even straight up thrilling, but without the whiplash.

    Yeah, I think that's all probably true!


    I've got stuff coming up which will help a lot, its just the last couple of weeks that have been real quiet and given me waaayy too much time to obsess/dwell on the past or whatever. I pretty much always get like this when left to this kind of situation.

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