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Thread: I'm too confused. Im unable to understand my ex

  1. #1
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    I'm too confused. Im unable to understand my ex

    hey guys I would like to seek your help regarding my break up.

    I don’t know how to put it .I got dumped by my girl friend a month ago after 2 years of relation ship. I went on no contact and and around the 3rd week she texted asking how I was . I responded I’m trying to be positive and keeping my self busy and working on myself and she got all pissed and started yelling at me etc etc and then she mentioned she misses me and thinking about me but it wouldn’t work between us . And she told she wants to return my gifts and pick her stuff , which she never did

    Then she went on a week of silence , i sent her a gift of one of her favorite books jus to show her i do care, she apologized and told she was emotional because she never got to tell me What she wanted to and again she mentioned it wouldn’t work out .

    Then again latter she brings few things abt past and then suddenly cuts me by saying never talk abt the past .

    And in all this 3 occasions she mentioned she is drinking a lot . She is a social drinker who just drinks beer now she does hard liquor she mentioned and also mentioned she is drinking too much . And she also makes sure to mention it wouldn’t work between me and her .

    And also she keeps mentioning she is hurting and feeling bad as well .

    I did apologize for the mistakes ( there was no cheating involved both sides ) . And in all the occasions I made sure I let her know how things are progressing in my life and how much I’m working hard to fix where ever I was lacking ( not obvious manner ) I’m so confused how and What to do .
    I real don't understand her mind set is she reaching out or is she just trying too hard to get over me. the same person who wanted to return my gifts accepted the gifts two days after she mentioned she wants to return the old gifts

    I really love and care abt her and would be helpful if I could fix this . She does attempt to converse but cuts me off and want to avoid at the same time . and then she goes into silence . And i also came to know she spent a tonne of money on shopping , drinking all the time



    Kindly guide me i really would like to fix this and get back together . she is a very good person there is not much major issues between me and her ,

  2. #2
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    She is upset because you are trying to move on. I think that this is about her ego, and she is upset that you are not staying at home and being miserable. Reminder, she dumped you.

    I would drop her stuff off, and tell her to return your belongings. . She said that she does not want to reconcile and is messing with you. Stop interacting with her, unless she is contacting for a reconciliation.!!

    Why did you break up?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    She seriously needs help with her drinking problem. That's what's causing her to be all mixed up and not knowing what's up or down.

    Until she get's sober and stays sober, she won't know what she wants or be any good for anyone in a relationship.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Your ex contacted you purely looking for an ego boost. That backfired since you told her you were moving on instead of sitting in the corner crying and sobbing helplessly. So she got mad, buuuut that's not about you, that should show you that she is not a good person. Essentially a bullet dodged kind of a situation. What you do with that is you pack up her stuff and return it all to her. Stop buying gifts and stop trying to prove yourself to someone who repeatedly tells you they do not want to be with you and only want an ego boost for contact. Return her stuff, block, delete, heal, move on.

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  6. #5
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    She is an X, which means you don't have to worry what she is doing anymore. You don't have to decode her texts, her words, her actions. Nothing. You don't owe her a single reason, explanation, excuse or anything. You might see your situation as complicated when in fact it isn't. You two are not married to one another, don't have kids, not sharing payments of a car or house together so its really pretty easy.
    If you don't want the drama, then don't talk to her. I know its easier said than done, but if you want to get off the Tea Cups of Drama ride, then get off the ride and tell her to have a great life.
    If you love and care about her, then just let her go. That's the best thing you can do for you and for her.

  7. #6
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    I have to agree with the others that she reached out for validation, and not because she has any serious intention of reconciling.

    Why did you two initially break up? The dynamic between you two sounds rather unhealthy, so I am curious to hear how your relationship was in general prior to the split.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What was the breakup about? You complain about her and make her sound like an unruly drunken monster, yet you buy her gifts and want her back? Do you both drink heavily? Why are you fighting this much?

    Do you communicate when both of you are sober? Let her get her stuff and leave her alone. She is done and has been for a while now. Stop hanging on or playing games.
    Originally Posted by msd23
    And in all this 3 occasions she mentioned she is drinking a lot .
    She is a social drinker who just drinks beer now she does hard liquor she mentioned and also mentioned she is drinking too much .
    i also came to know she spent a tonne of money on shopping , drinking all the time



    i really would like to fix this and get back together

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    She's a train wreck and you're a doormat. After the return of her belongings, go no contact. Work on your self worth or you will keep picking inappropriate women.

  10. #9
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    well she says compatibility issues . she expects me to focus on my career and stabilize my income on side on the other side she feels im not adventurous and stuff , at this moment focusing and fixing my career so i can give a stable life is my priority. and she feels im controlling which im not . asking her to let me know of her whereabouts when she is travelling with her friends are asking her to call up she feels is controlling. which i do sometimes cause i care and dont want her to get into trouble and concerned abt safety etc .. so many small such things led to breakup

  11. #10
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    i felt the same so i reached out to her friends and asked them to put some sense into her head and guide her right so she doesn't do something she regrets latter .

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