needadvisepl Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 So I’ve been with my bf for close to 2yrs now. At the beginning of the relationship (October2017) I was having trouble at home and the relationship was going so fast I think I missed all the red flags. Here where the problem started. 1:The day before my 2018 bday a guy I use to talk send me a snap talk about food I respond and though nothing of it. I got home scrolling throwing me phone my bf saw the sap notification we had a huge fight I spend the whole night before my bday crying 2: I went out with family for me bday he never showed up because of his anxiety. 3: a year into our relationship he haven’t met my family but he’s constantly going through my phone and having me snap him to say where I am. 4: after a year I’ve pretty much had it with his anxiety, him being controlling and everything else. One night I went out with my sister got drunk and text a ex of mine I was a [emoji817] wrong for doing that and i will admit it. 5: months later my email my iCloud and my Facebook got hacked by my bf he found out about the message and we broke up. After we broke I moved out moved in with my mom and stewed they. He wouldn’t stop calling ad text final went over heard we talk and go back together 6:He finally decided to meet my family because of that 7: now he’s constantly checking my phone, checking me to see if I’ve shaved and smelling me when I get to his apartment. Months go by we argue almost ever week. I reach out to a friend of mine male asking for advice. *Here where I ed up I hide it* I just wanted to know from a guys point of view what to do and just someone I could talk and vent to. I was just a breath of fresh air outside my toxic relationship. 8:he broke unto to my phone trying to tell me that I hide my friends because we are sleeping together remind you that’s when I’m not at school,my mother house I’m with him*my bf* he tracks my phone to see where I've parked so there no we I could have and I didn't want to. After we broke again I moved out moved in with my mom and stayed there. He wouldn’t stop calling and text final went over heard we talk and go back together again. Remind you I've been living with him for most of the relationship and I still don't have keys to his apartment so if I leave I can't get back in and I have to wait for him to get home. A year later I'm still dealing with it and it's only getting worst. You can judge me on my bad choices because I know I've screwed up. I'm really looking for advice??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 Move back home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camber 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 You shouldn't have to look too hard for advice... I think anyone who reads your post will say: Leave him, go 100% no contact. Do not tell him where you are staying. File a retraining order if necessary. This guy is a pathetic codependent... he needs major help, or a kick in the a$$. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maew Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 It isn't your fault that your boyfriend is tracking your every move. You may have done some questionable things... that doesn't mean you have to put up with someone reading your messages, tracking your phone, questioning your friends, and berating you when he doesn't like what you do or say. Own your part and forgive yourself, work on the things within you that caused you to seek validation outside your relationship. As for your BF... he thinks what he is doing is totally justified so it's highly unlikely he will ever change. The only way it will stop is if you end the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 I don't know what he is but it's not ok. Get away from him and mind yourself. This is a terrible place to be and you should never allow yourself to sink so low with such a person. Go back and go over all the things you want to accomplish in life and the plans you have for yourself. Start planning a better life. I think you've lost some serious direction. Review, reevaluate, cut out bad influences, reinforce better habits and cleanse yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 You need to move on from this control freak. Block and delete him from your phone and social media, he truly sounds awful. You can also change your phone number. Do this now, you dont want to live like this any longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 You live with your mom currently? Does she know any of this? How old are you? Honestly, I'd be concerned for your safety. Your boyfriend is abusive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 What does your mom think of this insecure d-bag? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyfrank Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 Move back home... Also be strong! He will tell you things to get you back.. Actions speak louder than words. He doesn't love you. People who love you. Don't hurt you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smJackson Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 Please leave him and go no contact. Move back home and take time to heal from this relationship. You can do so much better than him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 I cannot understand why you are with this guy!? And, you return to this controlling manipulative nut. He is abusive! Why do you allow him access to your phone? Get away from him! Block hum! Then, consider some therapy! Change your passwords. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poorlittlefish Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 How come he has had unfettered access to your phone all this time? He broke your trust the first time he went through it and although you chose to stay with him, putting a lock code/fingerprint ID on the phone would have prevented him from doing so again. I'd say enough is enough and it's time to split up, block and delete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needadvisepl Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 You live with your mom currently? Does she know any of this? How old are you? Honestly, I'd be concerned for your safety. Your boyfriend is abusive. Currently still live with him, no she does not and 26 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needadvisepl Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 What does your mom think of this insecure d-bag? She doesn't know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Move out. It will only get worse and you will feel even more like a prisoner. Tell people you can trust what is really going on. Enlist the help of trusted friends and family to help you extricate yourself from this so you don't waste your life being his personal whipping post.Currently still live with him, no she does not and 26 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 She doesn't know So you have been hiding the truth from her? Why? Is it because you know what he's doing is wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Why are you still living with this creep? Do your friends know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Contact one of the Domestic Violence hotlines on the Internet for a referral to a counseling or women's shelter near you.They will help you make a plan to leave the guy safely. Otherwise, you're just relinquishing your control over to him, and there's nothing anyone else can do about that. It's your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Need, he is an abuser! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needadvisepl Posted April 19, 2020 Author Share Posted April 19, 2020 So I’ve been with my bf for close to 2yrs now. At the beginning of the relationship (October2017) I was having trouble at home and the relationship was going so fast I think I missed all the red flags. Here where the problem started. 1:The day before my 2018 bday a guy I use to talk send me a snap talk about food I respond and though nothing of it. I got home scrolling throwing me phone my bf saw the sap notification we had a huge fight I spend the whole night before my bday crying 2: I went out with family for me bday he never showed up because of his anxiety. 3: a year into our relationship he haven’t met my family but he’s constantly going through my phone and having me snap him to say where I am. 4: after a year I’ve pretty much had it with his anxiety, him being controlling and everything else. One night I went out with my sister got drunk and text a ex of mine I was a [emoji817] wrong for doing that and i will admit it. 5: months later my email my iCloud and my Facebook got hacked by my bf he found out about the message and we broke up. After we broke I moved out moved in with my mom and stewed they. He wouldn’t stop calling ad text final went over heard we talk and go back together 6:He finally decided to meet my family because of that 7: now he’s constantly checking my phone, checking me to see if I’ve shaved and smelling me when I get to his apartment. Months go by we argue almost ever week. I reach out to a friend of mine male asking for advice. *Here where I ed up I hide it* I just wanted to know from a guys point of view what to do and just someone I could talk and vent to. I was just a breath of fresh air outside my toxic relationship. 8:he broke unto to my phone trying to tell me that I hide my friends because we are sleeping together remind you that’s when I’m not at school,my mother house I’m with him*my bf* he tracks my phone to see where I've parked so there no we I could have and I didn't want to. After we broke again I moved out moved in with my mom and stayed there. He wouldn’t stop calling and text final went over heard we talk and go back together again. Remind you I've been living with him for most of the relationship and I still don't have keys to his apartment so if I leave I can't get back in and I have to wait for him to get home. A year later I'm still dealing with it and it's only getting worst. You can judge me on my bad choices because I know I've screwed up. I'm really looking for advice??? Update..... It’s over we finally broke and I walk away. I know I should have taken you guys advice sooner but I kept making excuses until I realize that we’re all holding me back and it was just a lie. This week will be rough and maybe the next couple of months but I’ll will get better there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 Excellent. It will be an adjustment, but in the long run you will be a much happier. Use this time to reconnect to friends, family, coworkers, schoolmates, neighbor,s etc. Check in with people, send a quick not ask how people are doing, etc.. It’s over we finally broke and I walk away. This week will be rough and maybe the next couple of months but I’ll will get better there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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