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Thread: Soon to be fiance wearing her ex's wedding band

  1. #11
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    I think it's fine. She bought it herself, after all. And she thinks it's pretty. She's not wearing it on her marriage finger, so that's fine.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    While it doesn't mean that she wants to be with him (like, at all) or that she misses him in any way, it might mean that she isn't quite ready to let go of the past just yet, or it might mean that she really does like it because she picked it out and paid for it herself... there is something very empowering about buying expensive jewelry for yourself, especially for a woman.

    Maybe once you propose she will want to take it off, maybe not, but at the end of the day if she is fully committed to you in every way then perhaps this is something you can let go.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I’m of mixed minds. In some ways it’s like a tattoo of an ex’s name that you give new meaning, and reclaim, by tweaking the tattoo. Her wearing it on a different finger is like that added ink.

    That said, I also understand your feelings, and like others are saying they should be pretty easy to share. Ideally you let her know that, hey, the ring thing suddenly let seems weird now that you’re getting married. And she hears you, listens, tweaks her wardrobe. Or she has an explanation that soothes, though my eyebrow would probably get raised if this was something she wanted to dig in on.

  4. #14
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    I think it's really weird. I have this gorgeous bracelet from an ex that I loved deeply at one stage. I don't have feelings for him but would not wear it cos it's more the meaning attached behind the gift than anything else. The bracelet is beautiful and I would wear it if it wasn't a gift from an ex. If it's perfume of something like that, it's different. Jewelery esp rings are so personal.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    I think it's really weird. I have this gorgeous bracelet from an ex that I loved deeply at one stage. I don't have feelings for him but would not wear it cos it's more the meaning attached behind the gift than anything else. The bracelet is beautiful and I would wear it if it wasn't a gift from an ex. If it's perfume of something like that, it's different. Jewelery esp rings are so personal.
    He did not give the ring to her. She went out and spent her own money and picked out her own ring. This was not a gift from him in any way shape or form.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    As someone who doesn't wear a wedding ring, I wouldn't mind it. But that's precisely because I don't put any stock in the symbolism. It would just be a ring she wants to wear. However, if wedding rings did mean something to me, or perhaps more importantly if they meant something to her, I'd find it perplexing. The ring represents the marriage, not the other way around. So she plans to wear your wedding ring on one hand and her other wedding ring on the other hand? It's just strange.

    But there's not much you can do about it. Only you can determine whether it's the hill you want to die on. It may be kinda petty, but I honestly don't think any more petty than her not seeing where you're coming from yet insisting she keep it on. Even for those of us who don't much care for the symbolism, it's pretty conventionally understandable why someone would be uncomfortable with it. Be that as it may, you've brought it up, she's heard you, and she's going to wear it or she isn't. Not a whole lot you can do. Weigh it against what you two have got.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think it's the representation of a prior marriage that bothers me - that it boils down to what marriage represents to each of us in our lifetime and I do think she should be free to wear it if it's a symbol of her overcoming hardship. There's no rule that should prevent her from doing as she wishes and it's between the both of you.

    I know what my husband's prior marriage meant to him and he would never dream of wearing a piece of jewelry or something of that matter from his prior marriage around me. That's not how we roll. His marriage was for a good long while to someone very special and someone who belonged to a large part of his past but it's not who he is now. Again, that representation and what that part of a person's lifetime means is significant. I think who gave what is only one part of it. It's the representation or symbolism of it that matters a lot.

    I think that it should be left up to her to decide and for you if you have an opinion on it. Not all things will represent or symbolize the same things to others. And again, if it represents overcoming of hardship and her own individual self, a deeply individual reflection and not the marriage itself, that might be an empowering thing for her to wear. I'm sure she has her own reasons and if you trust her, it shouldn't be a problem. If you have even a hint that it's inappropriate, do not marry her.

  9. #18

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    The thing is she is not wearing the ring every day. She only puts it on when we go out and get dressed up.

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by Mobywhale
    The thing is she is not wearing the ring every day. She only puts it on when we go out and get dressed up.
    That tells me it is nothing more than an accessory!

    I wouldn't worry about this...

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mobywhale
    The thing is she is not wearing the ring every day. She only puts it on when we go out and get dressed up.
    Do you still feel a bit ridiculous (your post #1) after reading some of the responses in the thread or are things feeling better for you now?

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