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Thread: I have no idea what to do next.

  1. #1

    I have no idea what to do next.

    **We've been dating since new year, and its been great till 3 weeks ago.**

    I \[25 M\] have been dating Girlfriend \[25 F\] for 8 months

    Well to start off a little recap, im 25 and this is my first serous relationship, because i am a emotional roller coaster since i was little, i always seems to choose the most f...ed up girl and fall in love on the second date and in a month to dump me, and mostly for sometime i kept it casual one- two dates and its over.But this girl had something that kept me interested, at first we were introduced by my friend, and she started talking to me on social media, for two months we just talked and went for coffee after work just friends. On this new years eve we kissed and that's how it startedIt was fun for the first three months we had our both birthdays and had couple of events and its was interesting. May came and somehow we ended up doing the same thing everyday, she will come to my place and chill or go grab coffee after work. She rarely go out with me for drinks or with my friends for drinks, her exuse was i don't want to drink witch is fine i don't argue (she did drink but rarely and not with me, just with her friends...).

    If i dont plan to do something togeather she just will go home and wont say anything, ive tested that a couple of times and it was little wierd. She never showed any emotion to anything, never argued on anything, lets me have everything by my suggetion, witch drove me crazy at times, but even if discus this with her she just says i dont know lets do it your way... She never opened up to me about the problems shes facing and emotions nothing ever...

    3 weeks ago we went on a 4 days techno event to city near us. We stayed at her friends apartment. The guy worked 12 hour shifts witch i barely saw him, he would come home change and go to the event with us. So we had the whole apartment to our self's. She i dont know why got pissed at me from the first day. she was pissed the next morning, also on the beach she was pissed, didnt know why at all. I tried talking but she said she had pain in her legs from the party. She was pissed the whole 4 days, even got me pissed because i didnt know what was happening.

    We came home all pissed at each other, i had no f...ing clue why. The next day i texted her to met me to discus what happened. I started whats up, whats the problem, what did i do wrong to be pissed at me. She just aplied i dont know i'm just pissed and have headaches..After i continue i need to full you up on before one thing. Before going to the event we planed to take vacations from work after one week from the event to go to a vacation, and to start planing where to go after we get back from the event.

    Three days pass by we talk but she kept ignoring me or just replying with yes or no. I insisted on meting at my place, we sit drink coffee and out of nowhere she says you changed somehow i dont know how youre strange i cant deal with this tomorow i will go at my parents for two weeks ( they live 2 hours away). I was like what about our vacation what happend, her response as before i dont know i have lot on my mind youre weird you changed, and she went home..Couple days pass by we texted mostly, because her parents dont know we date!! ( i introduced her to my parents after one month) she ignored my calls. We started arguing one night via text whats wrong with us. Her responce was i didnt do anything interesting anymore, we didnt go anywhere, we went to dinner two times in 5 months, and it all was like a routine.

    This was the first time she expressed her self at me EVER. So i was shocked like ok let me fix this by you coming home, so i can take you to vacation but no, i even expresed to her that i miss her and i really love her ( witch i really do ) i've been losing my mind these past week and a half.

    She will come home this monday i dont know what to expect, how to react when she will come home will i break up with her i dont know, i dont have experience with this.

  2. #2
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    Iím wondering why you left it until after the 4 day event to ask her whatís up?

    Iím also wondering why you have only dated her twice in the past 5 months?

    How about you fill us in on the details rather than us second guessing?

  3. #3
    I tried communicating with her in the 4 day event, but all she awnsered was i dont know, i guess i was still in the illusion that everything was ok and that it all be all right once we get back home that it all was just a phase of some kind.
    But thats when the problems and the balloon poped, and sence shes been home i have thought over every minute of our relationship, and it just struck me that we truely dont know each other, we never opened up eamotionaly, that it was just a performer and audience, where i was the performer i did everything i directed everypart of the relationship. In witch i really hate. From the begining i wanted a independent girl where she knew what she wanted and to involved in the relationship, but over time i guess my exuce was she needs time to open up to me and she needs to know me first to open up to gain her trust. But it ended up being a snowball that recently revealed.

  4. #4
    We see each other after work most of the time, i have a little trubleing time at work (my family bussines is about to close and ive been in some stress lately) in witch i duiscused my problem with her but never made it center of my mood with her, i always try to be happy mode with her so that it dosent make my problems center of the relationship. Ill soon be getting new job ( job that ive studied in college) i think ill have more time free and be little happyer. But she doesnt really bealives that it will change anything. On the dating issue, ive cooked a lot of dinners at my place but most of the she will come from work and say im not hungry i ate at work, dispite that i told her before that i will cook. ( Shes been in some dieting phase with cooworker and they ate togeather) witch is fine but to reject me for a cooworker i dont understand..

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, it sounds like you're incompatible. Are you from different cultures? Why are you a secret? How did you fell into such a boring rut after only a few months?
    Originally Posted by Simpleman101
    her response as before i dont know i have lot on my mind youre weird you changed, and she went home..Couple days pass by we texted mostly, because her parents dont know we date.

    Her responce was i didnt do anything interesting anymore, we didnt go anywhere, we went to dinner two times in 5 months, and it all was like a routine.

  7. #6
    With the frustations at work i have i never really thought about going out on dates, to organize things to do, i was so tired at the end of the day that i just wanted to be with her, ive always asked her what does she want where she want to go, to go to someplace she always wanted to go, but always said i dont know whatever you like well do.dont get me wrong we talk a lot on different things we click on a lot of other things but never emotionaly. This is the first girl i truly care about that ill do everything to save the relationship. And thats the scary part when we see eachother on moday i dont know what to expect, how to tell her to open up to me, how to tell her that is a two man show we both need to participate.

  8. #7
    We are from the same coultures, but here she lives with her aunt and uncle, i never met them eather, just her brother. I guess my excuse was that she doesnt yet trust me, i have been playing that card for the whole time, that if i love her eventualy she will open up and introduce me to her loved ones

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She has opened up to you. She told you that you never plan dates or want to do anything. It seems you're excessively passive and want her to do all the work and planning...and she did open up to you. So asking her repeatedly, what's wrong, open up to me etc is just as passive and annoying.

    Even now it's "tell her to do this more, tell her to do that more". You seem to have a lot of talk and excuses yet you won't step up and do anything about it. When you say "it's a two man show"...That means You as well. The tired/stressed thing only goes so far. You're not compatible. It sounds like you got too comfortable and too lazy.
    Originally Posted by Simpleman101
    With the frustations at work i have i never really thought about going out on dates, to organize things to do, i was so tired at the end of the day that i just wanted to be with her how to tell her to open up to me, how to tell her that is a two man show we both need to participate.

  10. #9
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    English isnít your first language ?
    What is your first language and what is hers?

  11. #10
    I admit i realized that ive been lazy this past 4-5 months and dont know how to continue what to say what to do, i think about her all the time but i dont talk to her much now sence shes been home, i try to not sound that im needy or desperate.

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