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Thread: Dumped for the 3th time, struggling to move on :(

  1. #1
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    Dumped for the 3th time, struggling to move on :(

    Hello,

    Itís been 40 days today since my ex (24F) broke up with me for the 3th time. Yesterday was one of my worst days yet, suddenly I just started crying. It hit me (28M) that this time itís over for good and there is no chance of reconciliation. Four years ago I first joined this forum and I came back here twice, always to recover from heartbreak caused by the same ex.

    ďShortĒ summary of our history:

    In may 2015 she first dumped me to go back to her ex the day after she dumped me. Then in October 2015 we got back together and she promised me I was the love of her life. Although people said it was a bad foundation to start a relationship, I ignored them and got back together almost immediately (I know I should have made her sweat a bit more). We were happy and madly in love for 2 years until she started doubting if she wanted a boyfriend and was obviously lingering for the single life.

    We eventually broke up in august 2018 after a break of a month initiated by her. I was devastated, lost 5 kilograms, couldnít sleep while she went out partying and living the single life right away. During that period she hooked up with a couple of guys. In January 2019 I saw her at a party where she told me that she is very unhappy and missed me and the relationship we had. She wished things could go back to how they once were, but I couldnít do it because she had hurt me too much by dumping me twice.

    Fastforward 2 months, in March 2019 we both got drunk and hooked up and got back together. She once again promised me that she now knew what she lost in the period we were broken up, and that she came back to stay. I told her that my trust in her was gone and that she needed to show me that she really meant it this time. (I know I should took her back, but I just loved her still to muchÖ) Things were going good again and my family took her back in (after some struggling in the beginning because they were convinced she was not good for me, I should have listenedÖ). She insisted on going an a holiday this summer and when she saw I thought it was too soon (we were just back together and given our history..) , she was annoyed. She thought I doubted her intentions, so I give in and we went on a holiday in June 2019. Things went fine and it was the best holiday so far. We did many romantic things and I she told me many times she loved me very deeply. When we got back she even bought tickets for a concert in November 2019, so that wasnít a bad sign that she meant to stay together (but deep down, I still was ďscaredĒ that she would dump me again). Three days after she bought the tickets and after we returned from our holiday we had an argument. While we were back together one of the guys she slept with multiple times (after our last breakup) texted her to hook up again. She ignored it but when I told her I would appreciate it to not talk to that guy again out of respect, she didnít understand me. Out of the blue she told me that I didnít understood her and that she canít be herself in our relationship. She wants to be able to do whatever she wants and be able to talk to whoever she wants. I know I canít forbid her to talk to someone but giving our history (she left me for her ex once) and that she dumped me again in August 2018 and hooked up with multiple guys right after the breakup (including this guy who texted her), I just wanted to get respected a little bit.. She just canít seem to understand my point of view and that it hurts for me. So after that argument, she broke up with me immediately over the phone and when I asked to meet up and talk about things, she said she didnít have the energy for us because she has ďmany personal problemsĒ. She is/was seeing a psychiatrist for 3 months now, but wonít tell me why. I immediately went NC after the breakup, and apparently she went out partying 2 days in a row until 9 oí clock in the morning the days following the breakup.

    So here we are again, heartbroken for the 3th time, for the same ex. I know itís over for good know, I will never be able to trust her again. Because she obviously doesnít love me deeply as she now has walked away 3 times.. The previous times, I still had hope that she would come back, but now thatís gone. And itís much harder this time. The thought that she is going to get together with someone else is killing me inside and I just want to be happy again. But deep down, I still love her and that feeling just wonít go away. Iím afraid I will be stuck in this state forever and wonít be able to find someone else. Yesterdayevening I was feeling very very low, and I canít seem to imagine a future with someone else but her..

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    You were very attached/addicted to this girl. The withdrawals will be harsh.

    That ĎHopeí is what can keep us buoyant yes and once that is gone the true reality sets in and the fire that we kept at bay for so long finally consumes us.

    But yes, you would be a fool (or a masochist) to entertain thoughts of giving this another go.

    I have a friend in a very toxic on/off relationship that has been going on for four years. Today heís one of the most beaten down and depressed people I know.

    Yes youíll eventually heal and move on. Will probably take some time though so be patient with yourself ya. Take good care of your health both physical and mental.

    Sending you strength for the journey ahead and see you on the other side*

    Carus*

  3. #3
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    Reread this the next time she wants to come back.

    Yes, there will be a next time. Except that time it will be even worse.

    Have you blocked her from contacting you?

  4. #4
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    I removed her number and unfollowed her on instagram and facebook, so Iím trying to keep strict NC

  5.  

  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    I removed her number and unfollowed her on instagram and facebook, so Iím trying to keep strict NC
    But if you didn't block her she can still contact you to use you for attention again.

    Are you strong enough to say no? Why not block her? Are you still "hoping"?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    I removed her number and unfollowed her on instagram and Facebook, so Iím trying to keep strict NC

    Why didn't t you block?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    But if you didn't block her she can still contact you to use you for attention again.

    Are you strong enough to say no? Why not block her? Are you still "hoping"?
    I guess if she wants to sent me something she would always find a way.. Letter, email, through a friend.. Maybe I keep it unblocked for an egoboost, so in time I could be the one who turns her down..

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Pikachu, in your last post from July you wrote she broke up with you two times,
    I found it quite curious the title of this post given all your posts are of this subject of moving on...

    Did you go back to her in July?

    If so... pikachu.... you canít just use this forum to soothe your anxiety until she comes back. At some point it becomes a choice, so if you choose to wait with the door open... get better coping skills, take up a hobby to wait her out u til she comes back because if you went back in July which it looks like you did you know full well she will be back again and you know full well youíll take her back...

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    I guess if she wants to sent me something she would always find a way.. Letter, email, through a friend.. Maybe I keep it unblocked for an egoboost, so in time I could be the one who turns her down..
    Do you believe this story you're telling yourself?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    I guess if she wants to sent me something she would always find a way.. Letter, email, through a friend.. Maybe I keep it unblocked for an egoboost, so in time I could be the one who turns her down..
    That's sad, considering that she has treated you like absolute sh*t! She has zero respect, and did/does not love you.

    Where is your self respect! You should not want to have anything to do with her.

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