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Thread: Left for no real reason

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by To nice
    I knows I will but I'm not ready to do that yet. I'm not ready to say it's over
    She has already decided it's over. You can't be in a relationship by yourself.

    You are idealizing this relationship, but things were not as perfect as you claim. You said in your other active thread that she was what you were "waiting" for, so no, you were not happily single. You latched on before you really knew her (telling her "from day one" that your home was her home).

    Rushing into an instant relationship doesn't usually end well.

  2. #42
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    Came home to a empty house. I regretted this day and it's even worse then I thought

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by To nice
    She has been separated for a year and trust me I'm very respectful of kids. I made sure it was 100% before I allowed them to move in. I truly believed this was it and she said the same. I just dont get it. Maybe I never will
    It's not about whether or not you are good with her kids. It's about making sure she is moving into an environment that will be stable for them for a while. I.E. not a new relationship that can go sour at the drop of a hat when she realizes that she was caught up in a rebound and not ready to be with someone in a serious way. She had very poor judgement, and I'm sorry you got caught up in that - with some of your own lacking judgement. I know that doesn't necessarily help. But there probably was no scenario in which you stayed together, as much as it felt like destiny at first. She wasn't who you thought she was.

    Why did it take you 10 years to be able to trust again? Why did you trust someone who you knew so little about? Was there anything that you could have missed to let you know next time how to tell the difference between someone who is trustworthy, and someone who isn't?

    Good luck in this hard time. It will be a period of grief for sure. But you can move on from it. Focus on what you still have and how to improve the life that is in front of you. You don't have to wait another 10 years to heal.

  4. #44
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    going to give you some tough love here, but as long as you don't want to see that it is over, you will continue to do laps in your own pity pool. And Ill be honest with you, this relationship had a whole bunch of baggage working against you. She was married. I know she was separated but still married. She was not 100% completely emotionally available to you. She could not completely devote time or energy to you. The X husband would always be involved in her life even thru divorce. Since they had kids even if she divorced him, he is going to always be there and you will always wonder if they will get back. Here are other items. Again, tough love for you.
    How do you know that this was going to last? She was separated and she could of been using you for survival. If she didn't have you or your place to stay, what were her other options? But you also used her, you needed someone to love and she needed somewhere to stay. In other words, you two got what you needed at the time. But its now over. I cant predict if its over forever, but its over for now. And Ill be honest with you. I personally would never go back to an X who put her life on hold and did nothing to move forward. To me that is a signal that all the problems/issues that caused the break up is still there.
    So the very best thing you can do is admit that it is over and move forward. IF you do, you will give yourself a greater chance of her coming back to you. Its not a guarantee but you will increase your odds. If you don't treat yourself right or make yourself happy, then why would you expect someone else to treat you right? If you don't have the capacity to make you happy, then how would you have the capacity to make others happy? You get where Im going with this?
    You have a choice... swim on your pool or you can get out and stand up and go find that guy who was happy prior to meeting this girl. Choice is yours

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  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by No1
    going to give you some tough love here, but as long as you don't want to see that it is over, you will continue to do laps in your own pity pool. And Ill be honest with you, this relationship had a whole bunch of baggage working against you. She was married. I know she was separated but still married. She was not 100% completely emotionally available to you. She could not completely devote time or energy to you. The X husband would always be involved in her life even thru divorce. Since they had kids even if she divorced him, he is going to always be there and you will always wonder if they will get back. Here are other items. Again, tough love for you.
    How do you know that this was going to last? She was separated and she could of been using you for survival. If she didn't have you or your place to stay, what were her other options? But you also used her, you needed someone to love and she needed somewhere to stay. In other words, you two got what you needed at the time. But its now over. I cant predict if its over forever, but its over for now. And Ill be honest with you. I personally would never go back to an X who put her life on hold and did nothing to move forward. To me that is a signal that all the problems/issues that caused the break up is still there.
    So the very best thing you can do is admit that it is over and move forward. IF you do, you will give yourself a greater chance of her coming back to you. Its not a guarantee but you will increase your odds. If you don't treat yourself right or make yourself happy, then why would you expect someone else to treat you right? If you don't have the capacity to make you happy, then how would you have the capacity to make others happy? You get where Im going with this?
    You have a choice... swim on your pool or you can get out and stand up and go find that guy who was happy prior to meeting this girl. Choice is yours
    A lot of that advice makes sense. The part of needing someone to love is not correct. Yes it was a great feeling but I didnt need her to make myself happy. I've been through this before and I was very happy just doing what I was doing.

    I really am trying to get past this. Lots of times I just post on here to vent or so I dont contact her. Each day I'm getting better. Been out a few times for some fun. I do realize anything I say will not fix things at this point and I don't want to be contacting her. I'm not changing my daily routines just because I might run into her why should I I knows I was in the right and really didnt Do anything wrong.

    It's the disappointment that I trusted her that sucks. But at the same time. Seeing how she treated me. Will help forget this

  7. #46
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    I know it sucks and its hard and its one of the hardest things you will have to go thru. Ive been there and got the T-shirt. And I know that I can give you all the best advice in the world, but none of it matters until you are ready to move on. Everyone is on their own time so I cant tell you when that will be. Some people might take a few hours and some takes a few years to accept it and move on. But I do know that you will move on. I can tell that you will because you want to, but its up to you to let go.
    And letting go doesn't mean that you just forget that the relationship ever happened. Just means you are letting go of the relationship. You can keep the good memories and you let go of the bad. You can accept that she made you a better person and you know you have made her a better person. You can hold your head up high knowing you were the best partner you could be and for that you should be happy in yourself.
    Again, I know how much this hurts. I know that you are not going to wake up tomorrow and be healed. Its going to take time. Step one is to admit that its over. Then you stand up and do what you need to do to live your life and make you happy. One step at a time but you can make it.

  8. #47
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    Originally Posted by No1
    I know it sucks and its hard and its one of the hardest things you will have to go thru. Ive been there and got the T-shirt. And I know that I can give you all the best advice in the world, but none of it matters until you are ready to move on. Everyone is on their own time so I cant tell you when that will be. Some people might take a few hours and some takes a few years to accept it and move on. But I do know that you will move on. I can tell that you will because you want to, but its up to you to let go.
    And letting go doesn't mean that you just forget that the relationship ever happened. Just means you are letting go of the relationship. You can keep the good memories and you let go of the bad. You can accept that she made you a better person and you know you have made her a better person. You can hold your head up high knowing you were the best partner you could be and for that you should be happy in yourself.
    Again, I know how much this hurts. I know that you are not going to wake up tomorrow and be healed. Its going to take time. Step one is to admit that its over. Then you stand up and do what you need to do to live your life and make you happy. One step at a time but you can make it.
    Thank you thanks for understanding. I am trying. If it wasnt the fact she made me out to be a person I'm not in anyway I think it would be a bit easier. I do know I will feel better one day

  9. #48
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    Originally Posted by No1
    I know it sucks and its hard and its one of the hardest things you will have to go thru. Ive been there and got the T-shirt. And I know that I can give you all the best advice in the world, but none of it matters until you are ready to move on. Everyone is on their own time so I cant tell you when that will be. Some people might take a few hours and some takes a few years to accept it and move on. But I do know that you will move on. I can tell that you will because you want to, but its up to you to let go.
    And letting go doesn't mean that you just forget that the relationship ever happened. Just means you are letting go of the relationship. You can keep the good memories and you let go of the bad. You can accept that she made you a better person and you know you have made her a better person. You can hold your head up high knowing you were the best partner you could be and for that you should be happy in yourself.
    Again, I know how much this hurts. I know that you are not going to wake up tomorrow and be healed. Its going to take time. Step one is to admit that its over. Then you stand up and do what you need to do to live your life and make you happy. One step at a time but you can make it.
    So much reminds me of her and the kids. I cherished every moment with her. Going from always talking many times a day morning and night and now its nothing. It's very hard to not text or call but I am doing it. Really felt special being with her.

    I'm not sitting in the house hiding. I really am out trying to do my thing. It's getting better each day

  10. #49
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    Unfortunately many times no one really knows the real reasons behinds breakups. At some point in the future you may come to find out, even if it's a mystery for now.

  11. #50
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately many times no one really knows the real reasons behinds breakups. At some point in the future you may come to find out, even if it's a mystery for now.
    I wish I would have had the real reason. Her reason has done a number on me. Maybe that was her intentions. Its funny because her actions are the same way with her ex. I saw and heard it first hand.

    I can tell you. The last few days we were together. Is giving me the strength to accept this. She was set in her ways to intentionally hurt me.

    I do know I will rise above this. I'm not going to let someone appears to have problems from pervious reaarionships bring me down. I'm not going to let someone change who I am.

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